Night Hens – The End of Days

Before we leave the house:

MD: Where’s my lip stuff. Oh, it’s in another pocket, that’s why I didn’t find it.
TL: Oh! It’s in another dimension, that’s why I didn’t find it.

At Espresso Royale in St. Paul:

MD slops her coffee on the table.
MD: Weren’t me.
TL: Actually it was my dear sweet sister who’s done nothing but good for me my whole life.
MD: I kind of like the sound of that.
MD: Mom, how is your danish?
RM closes her eyes and nods reverently.
MD: Are you going to share a bite with me?
RM passes the danish. MD takes bite(s), passes it back.
RM: How many bites did you take??
TL holds up three fingers.
MD gives TL a hit: One and a half!
TL: She hit me! She’s leaving in three days and she hit me!
MD: Aren’t you glad I’m leaving so I don’t hit you anymore?
TL: If it meant you would stay…
MD: You wouldn’t care if I hit you as long as I stay?

RM tries TL’s cocoa royale: That’s really good.
MD tries it: That’s spicy!
TL: It is?
MD: Don’t you feel it burning the back of your throat?
TL: Not really. I mean, I pop habaneros on a daily basis, so….

RM: [leans forward and peers at something over TL’s head] Yerba… latte?
TL: You know, I don’t really like it when you lean forward and focus on things behind and slightly above me… [imitates RM] Oh, is that a hammer? Why, yes, I believe it is! How wonderful! [humming Maxwell’s Silver Hammer]

RM: You know, I don’t think we really fit the demographic here…
TL: Why not? We’re all artists.
RM: I don’t think these people are artists… [lowers her voice dramatically] they’re more of the liberal type, I think.
MD: Well, I don’t think you can get away from that, that’s what most coffee shops are usually filled with.
TL: What is the world coming to?

MD trots off to the bathroom.
TL: [to RM] Ninja staring contest! [leans forward with wide eyes]
RM: [leans forward with wide eyes]
TL: This should be easy. You blink a lot.
RM: [blinks] … [defensively] My eyes are dry.

MD: [to TL, about hair] Let me see your purple.
RM: It’s fading into a not so nice color.
MD: We’ll have to dye it again.
TL: Can we blue it?
RM: [horrified] “Can we GLUE it?”!
TL: Bluueeee.
MD: Yeah, we could put blue in it..
RM: You should put true red in it.
MD: Oooh, you know what we could do is put some true red here, then there’s her orange, and then put in some blond! It’s be a gradation!
TL: I’m not comfortable with the direction of this conversation…
MD: OR, to make the purple go away real fast, we could just shave off that triangle of hair right there!
RM: [blanches] [to TL] You’re pretty, but I’m not sure it could survive that…
MD: Your prettiness would die!

This is the end of an era. Final Night Hens post before MD and Uncle Ben take the baby moose and flee to Iowa.

Night Hens Daycare Center

[at home]

TL: Did I NEED to steal an attack walrus in order to win my freedom from that government research facility?
But at some point we all must choose between what is right… and what is awesome. (This quote belongs to Rock Paper Cynic,

RM: Hm.

MD: Why didn’t you just steal one of the attack gorillas, if you were in a gorilla facility?

TL: …what? I said government research facility!

MD: Well, it sounded like gorilla!

TL: You know, that saying, “Renewed youth like the eagles” doesn’t make any sense. Eagles don’t magically turn back into chicks when it’s time for them to die.

RM: They go through a molting process that, when it finishes, makes them like new birds.

TL: I think phoenixes are better.

RM: Yeah. Except they’re mythical.

TL: They might not have been at one point! Sort of like dragons!

RM: Slug dragons?

MD: What?

TL: What?! I said ‘sort of like dragons’!

RM: Well, it sounded like you said slug dragons! You talk so fast, it’s hard to understand what you say sometimes.

TL: >:|

MD: I think we need a speech therapist.

TL: I dosh not need a shpeech therapisht!

RM: Well, it’s not that she talks incorrectly, it’s that she talks to fast for the rest of us to understand!

MD: She talks like a drunk person.

TL: D:

[in the car, with NW joining us for breakfast]

TL: Awwww, look at NightLight! He’s so cute!

MD: Don’t look at him! He’s mine!

You know, I think morning time is when he’s the most smiley and talkative.

NW: Like me.

RM: [laughs]

MD: Right.

TL: I’m not going to say anything right now… I want to live.

TL: Hey look, Mom, Portland Avenue! It’s a sign.

RM: [laughs]

MD: That wasn’t funny! Where did you get that?!

TL: Why did I have to get it from somewhere other than my head? It’s a double entendre. Go away.

RM: Isn’t it only a double entendre if it has sexual implications?

TL and MD: No!

MD: You’re thinking innuendo.

RM: I’m down with that… hip with that?

MD: Yo, diggy-dog!

TL: So, Faith, do you want to send Mom to Oregon for her birthday?

MD: … Do I look like I’m making money right now?

TL: Yes.

NW: In the basement.

MD: Are you still taking stuff down? We’re still being funny now.

[in the restaurant]

MD: We want a sleeping baby.

RM: [to NightLight] Your mother wants a sleeping baby.

NightLight: Ehhh!!!

TL: He adds an element to the conversation that we could not have possibly achieved ourselves.

MD: Yes, that fine edge of sophistication…

[now talking about the state fair]

NW: Let’s discuss flip flops in the swine barns.

MD: And constipated cows.

RM: I touched a cow.

And a sheep.

NW: And she terrorized the bunnies.

RM: Yes, I also touched a bunny.

We also saw the 1450 pound pig.

After this, the food came, and conversation resorted to, “OM NOM NOM NOM nom nom nom nom nom.”

Night Hens, Diva + 1 with 100% less Moose. Now with Video

The Night Hens: the Mall Diva (plus the “half-baked cupcake” but no Moose), Tiger Lilly and Reverend Mother (plus special guest, the Night Writer (the Rooster), heading to breakfast along with RM’s new Macbook with webcam.

RM: I have a bone to pick with you, Mall Diva. When you come in you just leave your shoes right where you stood, in the middle of the rug, like you’re the only one who lives here. You don’t even leave a path for me to walk on. You’re going to find your shoes in the snow bank next time.

MD: Not just kicked downstairs?

RM: Nope. In a snowbank. And full of snow.

TL: [says something provoking]

MD: [to TL] You’re a dork.

TL: Hey! I’m not a dork, I have an excess of personality!

MD: [scoffs]

TL: Mom! Mall Diva’s being intolerant of my personality!

MD: Mom! Tiger Lilly’s being intolerant if my intolerance!

The Rooster: The road to hell is paved with tolerance.

RM: Ooooh, that’s good.

Half-baked Cupcake: [punch]

MD: Now you settle down in there!

TL: I’m watching you, baby.

HBCC: [kick]

MD: Stop provoking it!

At the Bad Waitress cafe in Minneapolis. The group fills out their own orders on the order pad and NW takes it to the counter.

Rooster: The other night we ate at the Melting Pot where they charge you big bucks … and you cook your own food in the fondue. Now we come here at we have to be our own waitress? Hey, do you think there’s a bar somewhere where you can be your own bartender?

MD: We’re hungry! We want pancakes, now!!! Let’s do the pancake dance!!!

TL: Is it working?

MD: Nope….

TL: Then I guess we’ll just have to resort to… THIS!!!


TL: Back to what we were doing — the boss monologue from Portal!

Technical difficulties, please stand by.


MD: Hey! When you come out of there, I’m washing your mouth out with soap! No more reading Eckernet for you!

HBCC: [meek silence] …

MD: I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous!

TL: I’d give my left arm, but I need my right one!

Rooster: Here comes the Bad Bouncer. Time to go.

The Night Hens: Kevin Revisited

by the Night Hens

I hope you all remember a couple months ago when we did a Night Hens about Kevin. Here’s part 2:

Kevin Revisited
The sequel to Regarding Kevin.

RM: (referring to the cold coffee) This is good, but I don’t find it quite as satisfying as the hot coffee.
TL: I hope that semi-cute guy in the white shirt doesn’t think we’re stalking him or something, cuz we have to keep an eye on the bikes that just happen to be behind him.
RM: It’s funny to watch this guy’s facial expressions who’s sitting right outside the window. He laughs to himself and yawns a lot.
TL: He must be plotting world domination.
RM: I don’t think so. I think he’s a terrorist.
TL: World domination. Is he a terrifying terrorist?
RM: He’s not too terrifying, he has a purse. Oh, and now he has a waffle with whipped cream and a strawberry on top!
TL: The horror!! The horror!!! It’s too much for my delicate sensibilities.
RM: He looks rather self satisfied, though.
My legs are cold. Don’t your long jeans get caught in your bike chain?
TL: *shakes head, mouth full of banana chocolate chip muffin* That was delicious.
RM: Cold press coffee is good, but it makes me cold.
TL: Really?
RM: Yeah.
TL: Did you expect anything different?
RM: I didn’t know that cold-press coffee was cold coffee. I’m going to the bathroom.
TL: Amazing. That is superbly extraordinary. *plays Solitaire*

RM: Did anything funny happen while I was gone?
TL: Nope.
RM: I think the terrorist is taking a personality quiz.
TL: What makes you think that?
RM: He’s scratching his head and writing things — well, maybe he’s just taking a test. There’s a piece of paper with questions on it. He writes things down and grins. It’s making me a little nervous.
Now he’s on the phone with his leader in the Taliban.
He keeps calling people and then writing down answers! He’s saying, ‘Do you think I’m really like this?’ and they say, ‘No, you’re actually like this.’ He’s going through a period of self examination. Really intense self examination.
I ate that whole gosh darn muffin. Probably had a thousand calories. It’s the last thing I can eat today.
TL: The terrorist influenced you to eat it.
RM: Probably. He wouldn’t be nearly as interesting if his back was facing us.
TL: I wonder if he’s in league with the ninja cows.
RM: It doesn’t look like he’s been up close and personal with a cow. Ninja or otherwise. After all, he’s got a black leather bag. I don’t think the cows would appreciate that.
TL: It must be his cover.
RM: So he’s pretending to be something he’s not. Ooh! He just took a huge bite of waffle!
TL: He’s so dastardly!
RM: Yeah, he looks really dastardly with his purse and the way he has his napkin tucked into his shirt.
TL: He’s so uncivilized.
RM: I’d love to know what he’s reading.
TL: Probably “World Domination For Dummies”.
RM: He’s nodding like he’s agreeing with whatever it is he’s reading. The poor guy.
TL: Why do you say that?
RM: Well, he’s the victim of our intense scrutiny and presuppositions.
TL: Whatever he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
RM: Unless he reads this post.
TL: He wouldn’t know that it’s him.
RM: Mr Dark and Curly Haired Man Who Has A Purse And A Fake Fountain Pen. I could take his picture with my phone.
TL: Yeah, like he wouldn’t notice that.
RM: *snaps a casual picture while looking like she is adjusting the settings*
TL: Very covert.
RM: He got up and left as soon as I took his picture.
TL: Toldja.
RM: He left his waffle and his paper here. I could grab them both, eat his waffle, and read his paper!
TL: ‘Where’s my stuff?!?!’ *mimes eating waffle secretly*
I just won at Solitaire with 520 points.
RM: He just held the door open for somebody who was coming in. I guess he can’t be all bad. Even terrorists can be polite.
TL: ‘I’m sorry, but I feel I must terrorize you. Is that alright with you?’
RM: He’s in here getting coffee. He left his purse on the table. Tsk tsk.
Wanna try some cold coffee?
TL: Nope.
RM: He’s reading his paper and giggling to himself now!
Okay, we should go.

Night Hens: the non-blushing bride

A special Night Hens breakfast: the last outing before the Mall Diva is married. The Hens are at Keys in downtown St. Paul with special guest, the Rooster!

MD: (recounting her last visit to the chiropractor) Dr. Gina went on maternity leave on Tuesday and had her baby Wednesday morning at 4 a.m. Now there’s Dr. Gilmore, a young, good looking chiropractor with an earring. Casii only gets to see him once because she only goes once a month now.

NW: What does Casii need a chiropractor for? She’s such a well adjusted girl.

RM: Not like our daughters.

MD: I’m so excited to go on vacation. Jackie’s driving me crazy.

NW: Is that the only reason?

MD: No.

MD: *Takes a call from Benny, answers:* “8 days.” (Brief logistical discussion ensues).

RM: Is he going to start moving stuff into our house today?

MD: Yes.

RM: When he moves a load in, you move a load into storage.

(TV news has something about a person getting a face transplant).

RM: What? . . .Somebody had a face transplant? Who had an extra face?

NW: Obama, he had two of them.

MD: But he’s using them.

RM: When I went and visited the tulips today, another one that I planted this spring is coming up.

NW: Do you talk to the tulips when you visit?

RM: Only the ones I planted. I also go out in the morning and spray the thistles and the grasses with Roundup and discourage them greatly.

MD: So last night at Anna’s house, they finished playing poker, and Anna grabbed the paper and started doing the crossword! So of course, I’m getting all the answers, and Anna’s like, ‘How do you know all this?’ and I said, ‘I told you, we do this all the time, I know all the ‘rules’ of the crossword’.

*waitress comes*

WA: Wow look at this, you bring her *referring to RM* along, and you get clean plates!

RM: Yeah, I just eat whatever they don’t.

TL: *to NW*: Your keyboard is reeeaaally nice. *strokes keys*

NW: Really? It’s mean to me. I think it’s got an attitude.

TL: *happily stroking soft niiiiice keys…*

MD: Lindsay got our bridesmaid dresses yesterday! They weren’t supposed to come until June! She’s also bringing a crinoline…

RM: Dad’s crinoline? You said ‘your crinoline’, and you were looking at Dad…

MD: I said ‘a crinoline’.

NW: Me and crinoline don’t agree.

MD: It would make your kilt look foofier, though.

NW: I don’t need my kilt any foofier. Get me some taffeta, though…

RM: SO, since three of us had dreams about going to Italy, I should talk to my brother David, because they were talking about going to Italy. Did anyone else dream of a specific place? I dreamed of Naples, maybe we’re supposed to go there.

NW: Maybe you dreamed we were just supposed to go to Café di Napoli.

RM: No, yuck. I’ve been there.

NW: I just wanted to consider the possibility of the least expensive interpretation.

TL: If we did that after we went to Spain, would we still get to Barcelona?

RM: Probably not, but I really want to go…

NW: It’s beautiful, up by the coast…

MD: Lots of beaches… Nude beaches?

RM: We’ll stay away from those.

TL: Aww… I mean *clears throat* good!

RM: o.O.O.O.o.

*Leaving Keys, RM buys MD a small pin that says “Blushing Bride.”*

MD: I don’t blush that much, I don’t have that great a circulation. Benny blushes a lot, though.

RM: What do you say that makes him blush?

MD: I don’t really say anything. I just notice every now and then that he’s blushing.

RM: Why isn’t there a blushing groom pin?

TL: It shouldn’t be a blushing groom, it should be a … never mind.

RM: I don’t know what you’re thinking, but stop it.

NW: I don’t know what you’re thinking, but you’re grounded.

Night Hens Caught on Camera

The Night Hens at The Black Sheep Coffee Shop. This was transcribed from a series of phone videos.

MD: I’m going to name my son Pandora, so I can always talk about Pandora’s Boxers.
TL: You’re terrible!!!
RM: What if he wants to wear… briefs?
MD: I won’t allow it.
RM: What about……. … …
MD: NO! Remember in Shrek 3?
TL: That was Shrek 2. It’s a THONG!
MD: And his nose goes woooooooooopp *mimes a growing nose*
RM: What if he wants to wear a loincloth?
TL: Oh yes, a manly… manly… *recording ends*

RM: *saying a crossword clue* Slice of cake.
MD: Yummy!
TL: Dericious.
MD: I looooove cake. I loooove wedding cake.
RM: You love your own wedding cake.
MD: I love cheesecake… for breakfast!
TL: *wiggling the camera* I like bread and butter… I like toast and jam. *turns camera upside down*
MD: *bounces from side to side*
RM: Are you taking a video of us? Upside down? *recording ends*

TL: *Turns camera upside down*
RM and MD: Aaaahhhh!!! *waving arms in the air*
RM: Help! Heeeelp!!!
TL: *turns camera right side up*
RM: Oh, I feel better.
TL: *turns camera to the side*
RM: I’m feeling sick. Eehllllaaaaahh….
MD: This is the best ride ever!
TL: *once again, upside down*
MD: We’re upside down!
RM: Are we? Oh. I hadn’t noticed.
MD: Okay, that’s enough.
TL: Oh, fine. *recording ends*

TL: *recording secretly*
TL: *turns camera upside down… again*
MD: *noticing* ahhh!!!
TL: *right side up*
MD: I… I was upside down… but now I’m better…
TL: She turned me into a newt!!!
MD: *looks aghast* A newt– *recording ends*

RM: What’s an unstressed vowel?
MD: *looks aghast* Regular?
RM: Silent?
TL: Relaxed?
MD: I am silent like the ninja!!!
RM: Relaxed? A relaxed vowel…
TL: Oh… that might not be good…
RM: Drugged? Groggy? Napping! A napping vowel!
MD: Wait… did you say vowel?
RM: Vowel! Yeah! What did you think I said?
MD and TL: *laughing uncontrollably*
TL: *breathlessly* Bowel!
RM: Bowel?! An unstressed bowel… *laughing uncontrollably*
*recording ends*

The Night Hens apologize if your delicate sensibilities were offended in the transcribing of these videos.

Regarding Kevin

by the Night Hens

Regarding Kevin

RM’s friend from the blog Zumbro Falls Impressionist is with us today.

RM: We need to start being funny pretty quick here.
MD: I think we used up all our funny last night
RM: That’s inappropriate funny for the blog.
ZFI: How would you define what is appropriate for the blog?
MD: Hmm…anything that Kevin would comment on saying, ‘I really want to comment on this, but if I do, I’ll get killed’ would be inappropriate, I think.
ZFI: Who’s Kevin?
TL: Oh, Kevin’s always saying, ‘I’m going to buy you a beer to tick off your dad.’
MD: Because we’re underage.
RM: He’s interested in guns, and MN Militia…
MD: And hunting.
ZFI: Oh my.
TL: He was threatening Ben with a harpoon when he and MD were courting, because, you know, ‘decapitate the first boyfriend’ and everything. He didn’t end up stabbing him though, much to the chagrin of me and most likely the unending joy and gratitude of MD.
RM: He ended up giving the harpoon to them when they got engaged.
ZFI: Wow! He’s probably got some story about having that!
RM: No, he just bought it online someplace.
*much laughter*
RM: Last year I saw this sign at Micheal’s Craft Store that said, ‘No Trespassing. Violators will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.’ I picked it up and showed it to MD and TL and said, ‘Who does this remind you of?’
TL: No, I showed you it and said that!
RM: Oh, did you? Whatever. Anyway, I gave it to Kevin, and he got a big charge out of that.
TL: Although he said it was an insult.
MD: Yeah! ‘So you’re implying that I wouldn’t kill them the first time?’
ZFI: So you think that when people drive by his house and they see the sign, they think, ‘Oh, who lives there?’
RM: He said he would hang it on his door. But that would be pretty un-neighborly, and from what I’ve read on his blog, it sounds like he has some sort of connection with his neighbors. He probably hung it in his garage someplace.
MD: There was that time when we opened the can of whoop-dance because of that dare…
ZFI: How’d it go? Who won?
RM: Faith won… no question about it.
MD: Kevin was like, ‘I don’t want to do that.’ And I said, ‘You’re doing it, Kevin!!!’ and he was like, ‘Okay…’ and Ben said, ‘You know, MD, I’m gonna beat you because even though I’m a white Lutheran boy, I got rhythm!’ And I said, ‘Yeah right, Ben!!!’ And I kicked their butts!
ZFI: So he may be good at hot dish…
RM: And lutefisk…
ZFI: And lutefisk!!! But he’s not good at dancing. Neither of them are.
TL: And should we talk about his girlfriend?
ZFI: Kevin has a girlfriend?
RM: So what about that lovely young lady? Why does she hang around him?
MD: Oh you know Kevin is a ladies man.
RM: So if he’s a ladies man, why does she hang around him? She must see right through him!
MD: It’s because he’s a ladies man and she sees right through him!
MD: And why didn’t they come to the Superbowl party?
RM: *dramatic gasp* They spurned us!!!
MD: So now we’re gonna talk smack about him on the blog, because he spurned us!
ZFI: And you know he’ll love it!
RM: Oh yeah, he’ll be all over this.

RM: So do we have anything else to say about Kevin? He is someone of such great depth…
MD: He is an enigma.
RM: Kevin is an enigma!
ZFI: So is this a long blog post?
TL: Not really.
ZFI: No? You should do a part two!
RM: Kevin Revisited!

*We’ve segued back into inappropriate topics that will not be posted.*

Night Chicks at the Diner

The Night Chicks, without the mother hen, but with special guest, the top rooster! At The Copper Dome on Randolf and Hamline:

NW: Brrr. I wish I had worn my fleecy vest
MD: I know, it’s cold.
TL: Really? I’m hot.
NW: Just slurp away at the hot coffee…ahh, the mug feels good in my hands.

NW and MD are mesmerized by the tv, which is positioned above and behind TL. It is tuned to FOX News.

TL: You’re so lame, just watching the tv with that glazed expression on your face.
NW: Mmm, glazed. Makes you think of having a glazed donut…
TL: Should I get peaches or blackberries on my waffle?
NW: You could ask the guy, I bet he knows.
MD: They won’t let me get any kids portions, would they?
NW: Ask the guy, and bat your eyelashes.
TL: Bludgeon him with your eyelashes!
NW: The tv’s talking about the Coleman-Franken race, and here I haven’t had my breakfast yet. Oh, the inhumanity!!
TL: What’s so important on that tv that’s more important than me and Faith?
NW: Well now they just had video of wildfires in California, and then they put Bill Ayers’ photo on the screen. I think the story is that Ayers is responsible.
TL: That explains it.
NW: Obama came in here (Copper Dome) when he was in town and had blueberry pancakes.
MD: I’m glad I’m not getting the blueberry pancakes.
TL: Is that why there’s not very many people in here?
NW: In this neighborhood? I think they’re having his booth bronzed.

MD: (looking at TV) Ooh, it’s the Ashton Kutcher commercial.
NW (Talking to tv): Get a shave, kid.
*Waiter thinks NW is talking to him*
NW (muttering): Was talking to tv, never mind…

NW: So where’re the mounds of hilarity? You guys are a lot funnier when you’re with your mother.
MD: It’s not sunny enough.
TL: Plus the tv’s on.
MD: As you can see, our hilarity depends on our surroundings.
NW: Well, I know it’s not me.

Optimus Prime has a Stop Sign Except it Says . . .

The Nighthens attempt to bailout the Nightwriter who is defaulting on blogging for more serious pursuits.

Before leaving the house for coffee:

MD: Mom, are you drinking coffee?
RM: Yes, I have some coffee on Friday before we leave.
MD: Then you have another cup later?
RM: I regularly have two cups of coffee in the morning. It’s not like I can’t stop anytime.

Here we are at Moose and Sadie’s, downtown Mpls. having coffee and other things, which are delicious. It’s lovely sitting outside on the deck, watching the world go by.
MD: I can’t believe it, you’re eating like a European.
RM: Eating with the fork in her left hand and and pushing it around with the knife in her right?
MD: Yeah.

MD: Mom, It’s less than eight months til I get married. Isn’t that amazing? This time last year I thought it was going to be 4 years.

TL: I was practicing the dance moves last night.
RM: The christmas program dance moves?
MD: Yeah. I’m so bored with everything I come up with for dance moves.
TL: You need to do lots of spins and kicks.
MD: That’s what we always do. And lots of crazy arm-waving.
TL: That’s because its cool! And when I do the dance moves, then my hair flies in my face.
MD: So you just do dance moves because it makes your hair look cool?

MD: Mom it’s your birthday on Monday.
TL: Holy cow, it is.
TL and MD in unison: What do you want for your birthday?
TL: You might get 80 degrees for your birthday. Heck, that would be great for my birthday. But I had to born in Feb.

A strange man approaches: Are you all going to be here a few minutes? Could you make sure no one walks off with my laptop, I have to go plug the meter.
RM: Sure.
MD to TL: You should be in position to chase after anyone who takes his laptop.
RM: Yeah, you can do that head/neck separation thingy.

MD: We need something exciting to happen around here.
TL mumbles.
RM: Someone to raise our taxes?
TL: No someone to attack us.
MD: Attack us, raise our taxes. They’re not much different.

TL: Look there’s an airline pilot over there.
MD: Maybe he’s a stewardess and not a pilot.
Hey, look at that. It’s like a poop sign, except it says stop!

MD: Did you hear me give Kevi my verbal ‘save the date’ last night?
TL: Doesn’t he want to come to the wedding?
MD: He usually goes camping with a bunch of his hunting dude buddies on Memorial weekend. But he told me he’d try to make it. I said I would hang onto that.
RM: It would really ruin it if Kevi weren’t there.

TL bothers MD, like she’s going to poke her in the nose.
MD: Get away from me you crazy argonaut!!!
TL: Hey don’t sneeze on my notebook.
It’s like a blank page, except it has ‘snot’ on it.

MD: That guy has a transformer’s messenger bag. That is so cool.
TL: I wonder what it turns into. (High pitched voice): Optimus Prime, I knew you were real. They all laughed at me, they didn’t believe me and they put me into the fun house.
I mean funny farm. But I knew you were real! I’ll show them! Let’s go tear up this stupid, un-believing city! Shun the non-believer! Shhhuuuuuuunnnnnnaaa!

We’d better get her home. Bye.

Night Hens- Comprehensive Version!

by the Night Hens

So the Hens are in Minneapolis this morning, sitting on the patio outside Panera Bread. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and the vehicles are LOUD, pretty much drowning out the birds who hop around us excitedly and expentantly. If you feed them, they will come. In flocks. It’s scary!!!

MD and TL go inside and order while RM saves a table outside, though there is hardly a rush of people to claim them, as its 10 o’ clock. Yes, a.m.

The guy behind the counter (codename: Eric) is very personable. TL orders a frozen lemonade, which, apparently, is a lemonade slushy.
Eric: Do you want whipped cream on that?
TL: Yep.
MD: Whipped cream????
TL:Yeah, it’s good!
Eric: She knows what she’s talking about.
MD: I don’t think it sounds gross, I’m just jealous!
Eric asks MD iff she wants whipped cream.
MD: But I’m just getting a regular coffee.
Eric: I know.
MD: Sure!
Eric makes another frozen lemonade and hands it to MD. “Now you don’t have to be jealous.”
MD: Thanks!

So now we’re all outside, feeding the birds (or at least, TL is. Just call her the bird lady.). A kid rides up on his bycycle, parks it and chains it to a lamppost. I can tell that he works at Panera. He goes inside.
MD: Nice apron!

RM: goes inside to go to the powder room and grab a sample out of the sample case to feed to the birds. They were using the almonds from my pastry, but those are gone. Their favorite bird is a little one-legged black-capped chickadee (codename: That Little Parapolegic Bird)
MD: Do they like frosting?
TL:: I think that its probably not good for them. I’m feeding them cinnamon bread. Do you want a bite
RM: No! she doesn’t need that! Think of the bird.
MD: Oh, nice.

MD: I’m engaged!
RM: Ok, one week and I want that to stop.
MD: And then in about 5 months I’ll just say it out of the blue.

A big truck rolls by and makes a very unladylike noise.
RM:That thing farted!
More funny noises are heard, but this time from our table.
MD: What happened?
RM: TL blubbered lemonade all over my arm.
TL: It’s not called blubbering, it’s called bubbling! Blubbering is crying.
RM: She burbled it.

TL: So we found out who Doomtree is. (Referring to the paper- entertainment section) One of the guys names is Turbo Nemesis.
RM: Do you think that’s his real name?
TL: No.

RM: You know, we keep hanging out here, and I keep expecting to see Jesus, but he hasn’t come back.
MD: Like as in: the second coming?
TL: The second coming to Panera.
RM giggles.

TL wonders why people randomly wear dresses instead of pants and shirts.
RM: Didn’t you see dad’s post about men in skirts?
TL: What about it?
RM: Well, I guess it didn’t really explain why, just that they do.
TL: But not in this country.
RM: Well, maybe in New York. Or Paduka, Idaho.
MD laughs.
RM: Is Paduka in Idaho?
MD: I think its in Kentucky.
RM: Ok, I drank too much of that lemonade thing, and now I’ve got a sugar high. There’s a cute car!

RM: So what’s going to happen after you get married, are you going to snub us?
MD, laughing: Yup.
TL: NOOOOOOOOOoooooooo…..
RM: What’s wrong with you?
TL: Can I borrow some of that?
RM: My lipstick?
TL: Yep.
RM: MD, TL want’s to borrow some of your lipstick.
MD: Get your own.

RM: So one day are we going to go to McDonald’s to get cappuccinos?
MD: Nope.

TL: So, if MD snubs us after she gets married, it’ll just be me and you. Like it was when she was in beauty school.
RM: Oh, yeah. Did we miss her?
MD: yep.
TL:Only in her mind.
RM: Yeah, in her little fevered imagination.
TL: We could kidnap her.

RM: What should we do today? Go test drive motorcycles?
TL: We should go shopping.


RM: we need to get into our car before we get ticketed.