Regarding Kevin

by the Night Hens

Regarding Kevin

RM’s friend from the blog Zumbro Falls Impressionist is with us today.

RM: We need to start being funny pretty quick here.
MD: I think we used up all our funny last night
RM: That’s inappropriate funny for the blog.
ZFI: How would you define what is appropriate for the blog?
MD: Hmm…anything that Kevin would comment on saying, ‘I really want to comment on this, but if I do, I’ll get killed’ would be inappropriate, I think.
ZFI: Who’s Kevin?
TL: Oh, Kevin’s always saying, ‘I’m going to buy you a beer to tick off your dad.’
MD: Because we’re underage.
RM: He’s interested in guns, and MN Militia…
MD: And hunting.
ZFI: Oh my.
TL: He was threatening Ben with a harpoon when he and MD were courting, because, you know, ‘decapitate the first boyfriend’ and everything. He didn’t end up stabbing him though, much to the chagrin of me and most likely the unending joy and gratitude of MD.
RM: He ended up giving the harpoon to them when they got engaged.
ZFI: Wow! He’s probably got some story about having that!
RM: No, he just bought it online someplace.
*much laughter*
RM: Last year I saw this sign at Micheal’s Craft Store that said, ‘No Trespassing. Violators will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.’ I picked it up and showed it to MD and TL and said, ‘Who does this remind you of?’
TL: No, I showed you it and said that!
RM: Oh, did you? Whatever. Anyway, I gave it to Kevin, and he got a big charge out of that.
TL: Although he said it was an insult.
MD: Yeah! ‘So you’re implying that I wouldn’t kill them the first time?’
ZFI: So you think that when people drive by his house and they see the sign, they think, ‘Oh, who lives there?’
RM: He said he would hang it on his door. But that would be pretty un-neighborly, and from what I’ve read on his blog, it sounds like he has some sort of connection with his neighbors. He probably hung it in his garage someplace.
MD: There was that time when we opened the can of whoop-dance because of that dare…
ZFI: How’d it go? Who won?
RM: Faith won… no question about it.
MD: Kevin was like, ‘I don’t want to do that.’ And I said, ‘You’re doing it, Kevin!!!’ and he was like, ‘Okay…’ and Ben said, ‘You know, MD, I’m gonna beat you because even though I’m a white Lutheran boy, I got rhythm!’ And I said, ‘Yeah right, Ben!!!’ And I kicked their butts!
ZFI: So he may be good at hot dish…
RM: And lutefisk…
ZFI: And lutefisk!!! But he’s not good at dancing. Neither of them are.
TL: And should we talk about his girlfriend?
ZFI: Kevin has a girlfriend?
RM: So what about that lovely young lady? Why does she hang around him?
MD: Oh you know Kevin is a ladies man.
RM: So if he’s a ladies man, why does she hang around him? She must see right through him!
MD: It’s because he’s a ladies man and she sees right through him!
MD: And why didn’t they come to the Superbowl party?
RM: *dramatic gasp* They spurned us!!!
MD: So now we’re gonna talk smack about him on the blog, because he spurned us!
ZFI: And you know he’ll love it!
RM: Oh yeah, he’ll be all over this.

RM: So do we have anything else to say about Kevin? He is someone of such great depth…
MD: He is an enigma.
RM: Kevin is an enigma!
ZFI: So is this a long blog post?
TL: Not really.
ZFI: No? You should do a part two!
RM: Kevin Revisited!

*We’ve segued back into inappropriate topics that will not be posted.*

6 thoughts on “Regarding Kevin

  1. LOL!! I knew there was a reason my ears were burning.

    Unfortunately, I really want to comment on this, but if I do, I’ll get killed

  2. Oh well, I’ll risk it…

    To answer your question though, yes I have the sign hanging up in my garage right by the door between the garage and the house. I figured hanging it up on the outside of the house might get me in trouble. Besides, nobody uses my front door.

    Why does my girlfriend hang out with me?? Good question. I’m still a little puzzled why she puts up with me.

    And we didn’t really spurn you for the SuperBowl party. We were coming back from Duluth and wouldn’t have made it in time. As it was we pulled up to my house right when the Superbowl was starting. Plus we wanted to get cleaned up before we hung out with other people.

    I promise we’ll attend the next event.

    And I really have to wonder what ZFI thinks about me at this point! 🙂

  3. Kevin tells nothing but lies… He knows why his his girlfriend hangs out with him; its an effort to get to his friends (we are far more fun than one can imagine) and people do use his front door… at least I do, and I’m somebody… no really I am… And he promises to make the next event; yeah, we’ll see if that really happens…

  4. I’ve got more rhythm than you can fit on a jumbo piece of lefse. If I was the lefse and rhythm was the sugar, then I’d have about a cup of sugar/rhythm spilling out all over the place. Yeah.

    As for Kevin? No rhythm. But he is white. And violent sometimes. But accurate!

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