Night Hens: Reloaded

The Night Hens are out for coffee at La Patisserie on Randolph Ave. in St. Paul.
The baked goods are yummy. The coffee is mediocre.

TL: Look, fishnet.
RM: That’s chicken wire.
MD: There’s a big difference between fishnet and chicken wire. Have you ever heard of chicken wire stockings?

TL: Look, a pair of flip flops.

TL: Since you each had a bite of my hard roll that means I get a bite of both of yours.
MD hands over a piece of cinnamon roll.
TL: See, she gives willingly. You take but you don’t give back.
MD: She gave you life.
TL: I didn’t ask for it.
TL: There’s a book over there called “God knows You’re Stressed”. It’s like “Elmo watches you when you sleep”. It’s like “They Found Nemo”. Yeah, his head was sticking out of a piece of Sushi.

TL: Life would be boring if there were no crazy people.
MD: It would be a lot calmer.

TL: I hate it when the red haired clowns come up to me and say “You must be a relative, you have red hair.” And I’m like: (she leans away with a horrified look on her face), and if you come any closer I’ll spray you with pepper spray.”
TL: Sort of like, ‘You wouldn’t be caught dead in my shoes!’
MD: Oh, yeah, ‘You don’t want to wear my shoes. You don’t like my shoes! You wouldn’t be caught dead in my shoes!!!’ *Said with rising impatience*
RM: Um…what?
TL: I said that yesterday when Faith and I were going for a walk.
RM: I’m confused.

MD: I need to practice my singing.
RM: Practice right now.
MD: Not here. I need my piano.
TL: You just need to practice singing in the privacy of your own home.
MD: Until I sing opera.
RM: So, you really are going to be a Diva?
MD: I’ve always been a Diva.
RM: You know, I knew you when you were really young.

TL: You know, without my input this whole thing would be so boring.
MD: It would be so much funnier, just on a different level.

Join us at some future time when TL says “Look, a giant chicken.”

Guess who it is!

The Nighthens are out for coffee at Cupcake on University W. in Minneapolis.
The coffee is a little bitter, and could be smoother, but its drinkable. According to TL the hot chocolate is watery.
RM: How’s your cupcake?
TL: It’s nutty and coconutty.
MD I think I want some of those baby cakes.
TL: Hmmmmm. One out of four stars for Speedracer.
MD: All that movie is is special effects.
TL: Well, yeah, but the only reason Angelina and I want to see it is because there is a cute guy with white hair in it. She and I have a thing for cute guys with white hair.

RM: I like that distressed wall. Maybe I should distress the front entry that way.
TL: You just like distressed walls. “Oh, I like that wall, its distressed.” You’re kind of sick that way.

RM (referring to pastries): This is too rich, I cant eat it all.
MD: Oooo, I’ll have another bite.
MD: I want to try every single cupcake.
(going off on a completely different tangent) Actually, I think I’m the best typer.
RM: Of course, we all think we’re the best typer, but I’m the only one who actually knows how to type.
MD: Oh, and the rest of us are just banging with our elbows.
TL: Yeah, are we just monkeys with typewriters?
RM: Basically

RM leaves for bathroom.
TL: steals computer.
RM comes back from bathroom
RM: Hey! Give that back!
TL: No!

MD: They don’t like our kind here.
RM: Who doesn’t like us?
MD: The servers and everyone.
RM: You can tell?
MD: Yeah, by the merchandise.

RM: Tell us about Molly.
MD: Um, yesterday I was telling one of my clients about Benny and how we were going to get married in about 2 1/2 years when he gets done with school. And Molly was saying how I was going to be a pastor’s wife and have my little church cookbook and be on Oprah with it. And I told Molly how I want to be a rock star and she said they would have me sing and everyone would be screaming. And then Louise, my client said “You can sing? You can come and sing a song at my funeral.” And I asked her how she would be able to enjoy it.

TL: I need money for a swimsuit.
MD: Well, if you’d do your job Mom would pay you for it.
TL: I need the chemical.
MD: Mom, you’re not providing her with the chemical? What kind of enabler are you?

TL: Can you imagine someone walking into a room and saying, ‘it smells like a laptop in here?’
RM: No, I can’t actually imagine that.

MD: Even though, I’m only doing updos today I still wish I didn’t have to go to work. It just puts a big wrinkle in my day.
TL: Are you getting points?
MD: Yup, I’m getting 8 points today.
TL: Are you beating Molly?
MD: Yup, beating her like a rented mule.

MD: Look at my long nail, look at my other one. Look at my worst one.
RM: Aaaaaaah!
TL: Look at my long nails. I’m beating you.
MD: Are you beating me like a redheaded stepchild?
TL: Yeah.

TL: So far there’s been no need for my knife.
RM: You’re just waiting for someone to walk up and attack you so that you can knife them?
TL: Yeah, but you know I’d only use the flat of the blade.Thankfully my knife matches my shirt. It’s a grave thing when your knife doesn’t match your shirt.
RM: I don’t think the world is violent enough for you.
TL: Alas, I fear I shall never reach my violence quota.

RM: Oh my God. Look at that torso hanging from the ceiling.
TL: I saw that. It looks like a Halloween decoration. Why do all the scary words start with M? Macabre, morose.
RM: How about Mom?
MD: Morose isn’t scary.
TL: What’s it mean?
RM: Sad.

RM grabs newspaper, unaware of cup sitting on top of it. Cup falls over. Hot chocolate spills out on MD’s purse
MD: Shi…Mom!
RM: Oops.
Much hastened evacuation of the purse’s contents.
MD: Okay, time to go so I can wash my purse.

The Night Hens! DUN dun DUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!

At the Harvest Moon Coffee House on Mtka. Blvd. in Mpls
Coffee: Good, not as good as Black Sheep
Pastries: WONDERFUL!!!!
4 out of 5 stars.

Skinny girl walks by.
TL: That girl is tiny.
RM: She looks like she’s 6.
TL: A very tiny 6 year old.
MD: That girl who just walked by? She’s not 6.
RM: I was actually joking.

TL: Can I have a bite of your cinnamin roll?
RM: No. There’s not enough.
TL: You know how much you ate last night?
RM: I ate half of a dinner. I also walked 7 miles.
TL: I’ll give you a bite of my banana choclate muffin.
RM: It’s too good. How ’bout if I take the bite, and if I think it’s worth a bite of this, I’ll give a bite to you.
TL concedes.
RM: Mmmm… All right, fine. *tears off a tiny bite*.
TL: splits puny bite with MD
MD: Thanks!
RM: You’re so nice.
TL: I know.

RM: Can I have a sip of your mango smoothie?
TL: No. It’s too good.
RM: I paid for it.
TL: takes mango smoothie and sucks on it endlessly.
MD: *laughs*
RM: *sighs*
TL finally hands over smoothie.

MD: Mom, did you see Hannah’s braces?
RM: Hannah who?
MD: Hannah Gullickson. (With a roll of the eyes.)
RM: We know 16 Hannahs, I’m supposed to know which one you’re talking about.
MD: She’s so sad, she can’t chew gum anymore.
RM: Did she chew gum a lot?
MD: She did the last two weeks before she got her braces on. If she wasn’t addicted already, that was a good way to become addicted, and then she had to stop cold turkey!

TL: C’mon! We have to think of something really funny and witty to say!
RM: Yeah.

MD: So Jackie had like 13 of her girlfriends go to Florida with her for her birthday last year.
RM: Wow, 13? I don’t know if I could list 13 women I would consider my girlfriends. (Starts making a list and gets up to 9).
MD:…I think that Princess Flickerfeather and Anna are my closest girlfriends…The Queen of Inver Grove Heights, Anna, Ruth, PFF,…Julie, definitely….
TL: Yeah, I’ve got maybe 5… Angelina, Hannah, Hannah Gullickson, Jessica, Haylee….

TL: So, we’re going to Oppitz Outlet for $10 prom dresses! I’m excited.
RM: You just bought a dress.
TL: You can never have enough dresses, Mom. You never know when you might need them.
RM: Yeah, some guy might call you up and say, ‘Hey, tonight, formal party! Bring your prom desses!'”
TL: That’d be the day.


The Night Hens & a Mystery Guest!

The NightHens are out for coffee at Overflow Espresso Coffee Cafe on University Ave. in St. Paul. We have with us a Mystery Guest (MG). Dun Dun Dunnnnnn.

RM: Ooooooh this tastes penuche-like.
MG: I don’t know about anyone else, but for me that was really ambiguous. It’s like saying “that tastes really glodfarbian”.

TL: So, “Mr. X.” Now people will think it’s one of mom’s exes.
RM: They don’t know I have exes. Besides, everyone has exes, except Mall Diva and you.
TL: Well I have one, remember in first grade?
RM: You were in love with that Merker kid. You wanted to marry him.
MD: Yeah, Charlie Merker. He had red hair.

MD: Do all your exes live in Texas?
RM: No, I think they all live here in the Twin Cities.
TL: Nice.

MD: I know, you can talk about what it takes to become a mystery guest on our blog.
You have to buy us all coffee.

MG: Let me say something.

RM: So, are you going to say something, or what?
MG: I’m just waiting for you to finish all your mollycoddling.
MD: Now everyone’s going to know who he is.
RM: Well, at least his parents will.

MG: So, anyway, I’ve been contrigued for months about this Night-Hens thing and I thought buying coffee would be a small price to pay. Plus I wanted to see who was doing the typing.

TL: Do you want me to type now?
RM: No.
TL: Well then, can I drool on your roll?
RM: No, but you can have a bite of it if that’s what will stop you.
MG: I think you won’t want to eat that, she’s been drooling on it for a few minutes now. There’s a large pool of…stuff…right on top of the penuche frosting.
RM: See, you knew it was the frosting.
MD: Mmm, extra frothy…

MG: (Staring into his coffee cup.) Ahhh yes, as I look into it’s umbery goodness.
RM: Umber is kind of a gold color. Can you tell the future if you look deep into your coffee?
MG: Uh, yes.

TL: Stay tuned for next week when the Night-Hens go to a strip club.

RM: Lets see if we can make the mystery guest cry.
MD: Nope, that’s all the time we have for today.

Guess Who’s Coming to Coffee?

The NightHens are at home, but preparing to go to coffee with RM’s sister and her daughter, Miss Inver Grove Heights.
RM: We’ll call them Her Majesty The Queen and what’ll we call Sandi?
Sandi: I’m the Queen Mother.
RM: You can’t be. That sounds like you were once the queen.
Sandi: Well I’m the queen’s mother. I can be the queen mother.
RM: Hey we’re all about accuracy here.
NW: Yeah, that’s why we use aliases.

The NightHens are out for coffee at the Boiler Room in the Union Depot downtown St. Paul. Joining us are The Queen (TQ ) and the queen’s mother (QM).
The Night Hens, the Queen Mother, and the Queen

QM: That’s not a cookie, that’s a plate.
MD: It’s as big as my face, I’m going to eat it. I had three cookies for dinner last night. Mom, is your necklace on backwards?
RM checks her necklace and switches it around.
MD: That is so gauche.
RM: Are you on a diet Lindsay?
TQ: No, I just don’t care for coffee cake.
TL: You’re weird.
TQ: I can’t believe I was born into this family.
MD: Yeah, how did that happen? Well, . . . . Sandi and Ken loved each other very much . . . .
RM: That’s enough.
A bunch of off the record conversation.

By the way Nicole is our barista today and is listening in to our conversation.
Nicole, our Barista

RM: You have way more coffee cake there than you need.
MD: Nuh-uh, I only have half.
RM: Who ate the other half?
MD:uhhm.. what shall we talk about?

TQ: Let’s talk about how I turned 20 years old!
TL: You’re old. Embrace old age!
TQ: I need a hip replacement.
QM: You’re 20 and you need a hip replacement?
TQ: Yeah, I’ll be racing the old ladies at the nursing home with my walker!

TQ: Did you write about how I need a hip replacement?
MD nods.
TQ: Well, let me read it!
MD: Oh, you’ll be able to read it, and so will everyone else!
TQ: Oh great! I am never coming here again!
RM: It’s not the place, its the company.

TL: It tastes shiny.
QM: It tastes shiny. What tastes shiny?
TL holds up the camera.
QM: You licked it.
MD: Well, no one’s taking pictures with it.
QM: You don’t know where that’s been.

MD: Nicole, will you take our picture?
Nicole: For sure.
TL: And then can we take yours as our barista?
QM: Yeah, do you want to be famous?
Nicole: It’s bound to happen sooner or later.
QM: Oooooh, good answer.
MD: You’re just working here till they discover you, anyways.

RM: The queen can sit here.
TQ: Yeah, if I can squeeze my big queen butt in there.
RM is typing and TL keeps giving her “advice”.
MD (to TL) : Maybe you should go take a turn about the room, you’re annoying your mother.
TL stares evil at MD. MD seems unphased.

RM: She (TL) just likes to make up new words.
TL: Oh yeah, like rebellity and literalistic.
MD: And perspicacity. What does perspicacity mean? It sounds like perspiration.
RM: It means keen insight.
MD: Oh yeah, Dan Stover is just the picture of perspicacity.
RM: Don’t be mean.
MD: I’m not!
QM: Faith is showing her rebellity.

TL: Look mom, a napkin in a bottle.
RM: You should have written a note on it.
TL: Okay!
QM: What does it say? ‘Help! A mad scientist is trying to turn me into a little person’? And then the writing gets smaller and smaller.
TL: Okay.

A man walks up and asks if anyone has change.
RM: (about MD) She has change.
MD gets out her wad and makes change for the guy.
MD: I am everyone’s personal bank today. Just call me ATM!
Nicole: But you’re better because your friendly and you don’t charge a two dollar fee.
MD: And I’m cuter too.
TL: Okay, can I have 20 bucks?
MD: No, you can’t withdraw, you can only exchange. And you can deposit if you want to.

RM: Our meter is out. Let’s get out of here.

The Night Hens are at it again.

The Reverend Mother (RM), Mall Diva (MD) and Tiger Lilly (TL) are live-blogging another out-for-coffee expedition.

In the car:
MD: You’re cute, Patience.
TL: Thanks, you’re cute, too.
RM gazes at her daughter in the rear view mirror (menacingly, according to TL)
TL: Oh, okay, mom, you’re cute, too.
RM: Thanks.

At Panera in Eagan:
MD: Is it yummy?
RM nods.
RM: What’s in that bag?
MD: That pineapple thing.
MD: I love lemon poppyseed bundt cake. I hope I don’t have a drug test this afternoon.
RM: The bump, I mean bundt, cake isn’t as good as the pumpkin muffie.
RM: That guy behind you is on his laptop while his wife knits.
MD: Yep, that’ll be me and my husband someday.
RM: He’ll be knitting?
MD: Totally! I can’t knit.
TL: Argh! I’m having thumb cramps again! I almost killed a man with this thumb!
RM: You have crumbs all over you. You’re crummy!
TL: Thanks, mom.
RM: I woke up in a bad mood this morning…
TL: You woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
RM: No, I woke up on the right side of the bed.
MD: Nuh-uh! You woke up on the left side of the bed!
TL: So what happened when you got up on the wrong side of the bed?
RM: That’s what I need you guys to help me remember. What do you think I had you for?
TL: I don’t know! I was under the impression that you didn’t want us! …So, are you out of your bad mood yet?
RM: He** no, leave me alone!
MD & TL: *Gaaaasp!!!!*
MD: I need another cup of coffee.
RM: I need another pair of blue jeans.
TL: I need a video camera.
RM: I don’t think a video camera is a need.
TL: Yeah it is!
RM: It’s a luxury.
MD: My need is the most easily fulfilled.
RM: Coffee?
MD nods
TL: Not after I break your cup.
MD: That would be stupid.
TL: I think a scar in the eyebrow is the most dashing kind of scar.
RM: Where did that word “dashing” come from? It must be ‘cuz they dash about town.

The conversation deteriorates to ladies’ men and hunter-gatherers and how they differ…

MD goes to get more coffee. When she comes back RM and TL are giggling uncontrollably.

MD: What are you laughing at? I don’t trust you.
RM reading what had been written.
RM: This is so dumb!
RM: You know, I don’t feel like Christmas shopping this year, you guys.
MD: So? It doesn’t matter how you feel!
TL: Coal for you, Faith!
RM: Yeah…that coal is starting to look better and better!
MD: Noooo!
TL: Well, you get enough of it and you can make diamonds! Take a 10,000 lb weight and crush the coal with it!
RM: No, I don’t think that’s how diamonds are made. I think they just made that up because of a lack of information. I believe that God made all the diamonds and put them where they are.
TL: In rings?
RM: No!! In the ground!
RM is looking at a hair that was stuck to TL.
RM: Where did this come from? Its not one of yours! It’s black!
TL: Don’t you remember when MD dyed my hair black?
RM: Well, when was that? It has to have been 2 years, it’s all grown out.
MD: Yup, it was when I was in beauty school. ’05. Two years.
TL: Wow. Faith is gettin’ old.
RM: Yeah! She’s going to be 20!
TL looks horrified.
TL: She’s going to have wrinkles!
TL: So how’s that bad mood coming along?
RM: What?
TL: That bad mood.
RM gazes into the middle distance.
MD: I wanted to tell you something. This won’t be interesting to people.

RM laughs

[Crashing sound in the kitchen.]

TL: That wasn’t very much of a crash. That was more of a clang.
MD: A crash is more like something broke.
TL: Like if I dropped your cup. I have this vendetta aginst your coffee cup, I don’t know why.
MD: Maybe my cup has a vendetta against you. You better watch your butt, man.
TL: Dude! There is no way a guy can watch his own butt.
(What movie is that from?)

RM: So, what do you want for Christmas?
MD: Shoes! And purses! And diamonds are a girl’s best friend!!!
RM: Tell me things that are less than 30 dollars.
Silence ensues.


Commando with Confidence

Here are the Night-hens, sort of live blogging at Panera in SE Mpls., while having coffee.
MD: Instead of raisins, this should have currants in it.
TL: It should have chocolate chips.
TL: Why does my back always hurt?
MD: Because you kick people all night.
TL: I don’t kick people all night.
MD: Then you kick them for two hours.
TL: I didn’t kick people for two hours.
MD: Then you slapped, or punched, or whacked them with your bow staff when you’re not kicking them.
TL: And it’s only for an hour.
TL: Mom it’s b-o, not bow.
MD: Ha Ha your staff has BO.
TL: Handy, isn’t it?
TL: The Toga party was fun. (Referencing an event at the Nightwriter’s work, yesterday)
MD: Did you have to wear a toga? I don’t have a toga, I’m over-dressed.
TL: I saw a whole bunch of ladies walking past wearing togas and I said “What’s with all the togas?” and they said, “Oh, were having a toga party, feel free to come over.” Then I went, and chugged apple cider.
TL: There was a ring toss there with all the bottles stacked right next to each other and a sign that said ‘Spin the Bottle’ and I gasped. And then I saw a sign underneath it that said ‘(Just Kidding), Ring Toss’. There was a parade with a bunch of cross-dressing, ugly, old guys. Because the woman they chose as home-coming queen didn’t want to do it, so they chose the next best person and it was a guy. The homecoming queen was wearing a white frilly dress and had a cigar in his mouth. He also had a mustache.
Hey, There goes the gym shorts and loafers guy.
MD: He’s just wandering around.
RM: He’s loafing.
TL: Go commando with confidence.
RM: Why did you say that?
MD: She’s just into that kind of thing. Tell us, how does it feel?
TL: (With hand raised) It feels, it feels . . . . sigh.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (angels singing)

A woman walking by whispers in RMs ear.
RM: (to lady) Well, thank you, bless your heart.
TL: What did she say?
RM: She said “You’re a very attractive lady.”
TL: You know this picture is going to ruin any credibility I have on the internet.
MD: You think you have credibility?
TL gives MD the evil eye.
RM: Oh, we need to go.
MD: Barnacles.
MD: That ends this session of whatever this is.

The Rediculous Meanderings of Two Chicks in a Bistro

Co-blogging: Reverend Mother and Mall Diva

Setting: Panera Bread in MPLS

MD: Mmmm! These are like muffin cookies!
RM: Yeah, but not like meat cookies.
MD: The lightbulb goes on…That must be why they’re called “Muffies”!
RM: So what are we going to talk about? Steals some of MD’s Carrot Walnut Mini Bundt cake.
MD: Hey! Mine!
RM: Why are you eating all this? Aren’t you looking too good in your fat jeans? Are you writing this down?
MD: I don’t need to worry about that if you’re eating all my food.
RM: You could do what that guy is doing- Stand on the corner and jog in place.
MD: I’m wearing the wrong shoes. Takes a bite of RM’s Pumpkin Muffie…
RM: Hey!
MD: You offered it to me.
RM: Oooh, there’s a cool looking dude.
MD: Gags. He’s wearing a tye-dye shirt that doesn’t even meet his pants!
RM pokes MD and points out the window at a VW Bug
MD: Ooh! It’s a convertible! Look at the guy driving-
RM: Yeah, in his white shirt and black tie. I bet if you went out there and batted your eyelashes at him, he’d give you a ride.
MD: Most guys that drive Bugs are gay. If I went out there and batted my eyelashes at him, he’d probably throw up.
RM: Not all guys are. I think your father should get one and throw off the whole paradigm. Pokes MD again.
MD: Can you imagine dad driving a Bug?
RM thinks for a second and bursts out laughing: No!
MD: This cake is so good.
RM: It’s somewhat good.
MD: Better than yours.
RM: Not better than the Pumpkin Muffie.
MD: Well I like it better.
RM: I’m thinking about trying oatmeal.
MD: Trying oatmeal? Haven’t you had oatmeal before?
RM: Not since I was under 5. Oh, I remember one time I was at an aunt’s house and she served it for breakfast, and I ate it until someone mentioned that I didn’t like it.
MD: So it sounds like you stopped eating it because someone said you didn’t like it. The power of suggestion.
RM: No, when my Aunt found out I didn’t like it, she said I could have something else. I don’t remember what I had, though. Maybe Bourbon.
MD: What, vermin?
RM: No! Bourbon.
MD: Oh. For breakfast?
RM: I haven’t had oatmeal since I was very young and I’ve never had Bourbon.
MD: Well it’s not too late to start.
RM laughs.
RM: Look! A truck full of motorcycles!
MD: Cool! Snugglebug! There’s a guy wearing a Hawaiian shirt. I wonder if he’s going to the MOB party tomorrow?
RM: He probably won’t be wearing it until then. Pokes MD. Look! There’s Surdyk’s cheese shop! We could go get some double Gloucester!
MD: Or some liquor.
RM: Is that a guy? He’s wearing a dress! He’s doing his Jesus imitation. He needs an intervention.
MD: He’s drinking out of a mason jar.
MD: I think it’s Health Inspector day. You know, we’re way funnier when Tiger Lilly isn’t around.
RM nods.
RM: I want a motorcycle. That girl has one. Let’s go test drive some motorcycles today.
MD: Ok. Can you test drive a motorcycle if you don’t have a motorcycle license?
RM: No, you can’t! You’ll have to ride behind me. Dad bought a flat screen TV. I should be able to buy a motorcycle.
MD: Do you know how hard it is to type “motorcycle” over and over?
RM: You need to cut and paste.


When the Rooster’s Away…

The Nightwriter’s at a company function and the ‘Hens’ have hit the town to paint it light red.
Right now we’re at Cafe Latte having dinner. Salads, sandwiches, and of course, ridiculously caloric desserts.
TL: Can I have a bite of your foccacia?
MD: If I can have a bite of your cake.
TL: I am not a ‘Hen’.
MD: We’re still chicks. I’m having technical difficulties. (trying to cut her tomato)
Lots of munching.
TL: You’re not putting down all of our dialogue.
RM: That’s because it’s lame. I’m only writing the cute stuff.
MD: We can make eyes at cute boys, like that one right there. (points to a four year old)
I have a lemon shrimp pasta salad, balsamic vegetable salad and chicken ceaser pasta salad and the chicken ceaser is the best.
RM: MMMMM, that is good. What else can I have?
MD: You can have my balsamic tomatoes.
TL: (sarcastically) MMMMM, I wish I had some balsamic tomatoes.
RM: Eat your potato chips. I paid good money for those.
TL: No, I want to eat my cake.
RM: I want to eat your cake, too.
TL: Apparently my cake is in hostile territory, with predators on all sides.
TL: I was looking at Faith’s baby pictures today. You were so cuuuute.
MD: I’m still cute. Watchoo talkin’ bout?
TL: But I didn’t come across the picture of you in the bathtub with Lindsay.
RM: Let me clean your plate for you.
TL: Wanna lick it?
RM: Ummmm, no.
MD: That lady down there is carrying a lamp shade.
TL: I think she’s gonna take it to a party and when she comes home, she’s gonna put it on her head. Then her boyfriend is going to see her and say, “Hey! Why didn’t you invite me?”
RM: I’m going to have a cucumber-potato chip sandwich.
MD:That’s weird.
RM: We’ll see.
*Chews thoughtfully*
MD: That’s more than weird.
RM: You’re right. It wasn’t the taste sensation I was expecting.
MD: Haha! The taste sensation of the century!… Aargh! My wrist is itchy!
RM: Well, take one of those ice cubes and rub it on there.
TL: Or, do you have a stick of deodorant? If you rub it with that it’ll stop itching.
RM stares.
RM: You think she just carries a stick of deodorant in her purse?
TL: I don’t know what she carries in her purse! If somebody she knew walked up and said to her “You stink!”, she might want to have it!
MD: Mimes putting on deodorant in the restaurant.
TL: I’m serious, I read it in a book!
RM: Oh, then it must be true.
TL: I think it was a Southern remedy or something.
RM: Yeah, the air is different down there.
RM: I’m hot.
MD: Me, too.
TL: So am I.
RM: Alright, time to go.

That concludes this section of the Night Hens Chatroom. Do we know how to have fun or what?

Chat room

We (Rev. Mother, MD, and Tiger Lilly) have decided to live co-blog.
RM: Do you have any chocolate left?
MD: None that you can have.
RM: Why am I asking you? I got chocolate for Mother’s Day!
MD: Do you have any chocolate that I can have?
RM takes computer because she types faster than the other two put together.
MD: I need to paint my nails.
RM: Why?
MD: Cause they’re naked.
MD: You have a fleur de lis on your butt.
TL: Thanks.
MD: Look, my legs are the same color as the sheet.
TL: You have to put exclamation points there.
RM: No I don’t.
TL: Yes, you do.
RM: Hey! No co-typing.
MD: So today we were going to go to Target and buy a wading pool. One of those little toddler pools.
TL: Yeah, it was so hot.
DM: But we didn’t, it was kind of anticlimactic.
MD leaves the chat room to go wash her hands so she can paint her nails.
MD: I’m back, what color? Tropical Punch. ChaChing Cherry. Las Vegas Strip Poker. (RM looks askance) Taupe-less Showgirls. Opus in Amber. Symphony in Gold. Malaysian Mist. Dinner for Two. Love Letter. Osaka to me Orange. Arctic Glacier. Vintage. I’m not Really a Waitress. Mrs. O’Leary’s Barbecue. And Plum.
General laughter.
MD: What do you think?
RM: mmmm, what are you going to wear?
MD: I don’t know.
RM: That red one, that shiny red one.
MD: I just did that one.
RM: Don’t do orange, it’s ugly.
TL & MD: It is not!
MD: It goes with my shirt.
MD: How about Tropical Punch. It’s pretty, it’s summery.
TL: Can you drink it?
MD: No, but you can try.
MD: I bet Dad never asks us to blog again.
TL: More like never lets us.
OHHHH, we should talk about Judy who’s getting married in the salon.
TL: What about her?
MD: Uh..she’s getting married in the salon
MD: Are you going to ask me some questions so it’s more like a discussion, instead of a monologue?
RM: Where’s the reception?
MD: At the salon. I get to be the cake server!
RM: That sounds like a very inexpensive way to get married. I mean, she’s not paying any rental on the ‘hall’ right?
MD: Not that I know of.
TL: She’s crazy.
MD: Yeah, she kind of is. No, she’s eccentric.
RM: I think you should consider getting married there.
MD: I’d get the employee discount! Her wedding’s on Saturday.
RM: How old is she?
MD: In her early sixties. This is her second marriage.
RM: How old is the groom?
MD: I think they’re about the same age. It was his idea.
RM: Really?
MD: Yeah, Judy and Frank were out to dinner with Judy’s friend Evelyn, and they were talking about where they could get married on short notice, and Frank said, “Why not the beauty shop”?
RM: So, I assume they’re not having a sit down dinner.
MD: No, champaigne and cake and choc. dipped strawberries. The shampoo bowls are going to be filled with ice and they are going to be the coolers for the champaigne bottles. And my boss bought 30 yards of tulle to hang from the ceiling and drape everywhere. We’re also going to have entertainment.
TL: So, are you going to be the entertainment?
MD: Not this time.
RM: What’s the entertainment?
MD: It’s this lady who the bride knows who’s a professional jazz singer and she’s bringing along a piano player.
RM: And a piano?
MD: Yeah.
TL: I think my bruise is fading.
RM: Do you want us to fix that for you?
TL: Not really.
RM: I’m hungry.
MD: Yeah, me too, I want ice cream.
TL: Let’s go to DQ.
RM: No.
MD: I want cake.
MD: And how much did you pay for the rock and roll t-shirt/that proves you were there, that you heard of them first?
RM looks confused
MD: That’s cake.
TL: Cake should be capitalized in that area.
RM: You’re right.
RM leaves the room to get a snack.

MD: Well, that was fun. Join us next time for the wild and crazy randomness of the Night-Women.

TL: Ciao for now!


For more “team” blogging from two-thirds of this trio, check out this post.