The Barnacle Boys have been bugging me.

So, let’s set the record straight, shall we? I’ll even start at the beginning. Here we go:

The crud has been going around at my work for practically a month now, and a lot of the ladies I work with have been coming down with it. I swear I had already gotten it back in February, and I wouldn’t get it again, but noooo, of course I got it. And it was worse this time.

On Monday I was feeling fine, my throat was just feeling kind of tickly, but as the day went on I began to feel worse. I had to work from six to close. I ended up going home at a quarter to eight.

Tuesday I woke up bright and early at six and spent, like, an hour in the bathroom being violently ill. After that I was so weak I could barely drag myself the three feet back to my bedroom. I spent the rest of the day sleeping and being extremely sore all over. I didn’t stand up for fear of falling over.

(By the way, Tiger Lilly is very good at taking care of people when they’re sick so you can keep in mind that if she beats you up. If you hurry and get on her good side, she might nurse you back to health.)

Wednesday was a little better. I actually went down the stairs with out falling, and I ate a pieace of toast. That wore me out. Going back up the stairs was scary. I stayed in bed.

Thursday, I actually went to work. I worked with my boss, and we were both sick. She thought it was kind of funny. I could hardly lift dresses to put them away. It was hard to breathe. I went home. We went to Keegan’s and kicked butt, the highlight of my day. Ben! Stop making faces at me!

Today I feel better, though this cold is trying to take me down and I’m still sore. But I’m going shopping! Yay!

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I’m sorry I didn’t post randomness last week, I know you were all sorely disappointed. I hope you weren’t too disappointed, though, or I might have to tell you to get a life.

Okay, here’s a quote for ya:

“There are three times when I laugh at a joke,
once when I hear it, again when I tell it,
and then when I get it.” -Tom Johnson

And in the light of that wisdom, I have a joke for you. Ahem:

What did the hotdog say when he crossed the finish line?*

(Wait for it…)

*For best results, tell this joke at around 2 or 3 a.m.*

Dad, do I get to go to Keegan’s now?

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I have some big news. Ready? Here goes:

I’ve got a new cowboy hat. I know! Isn’t it exciting? Here are some a pictures of it.

By the way, I am not deathly afraid of graven images. They just make me nervous sometimes.

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by the Mall Diva

The beauty school that I went to was supposedly haunted. The story that I heard was that it actually used to be a morgue, and my instructors had occasionally had ‘creepy experiences’. The building was pretty old, the beauty school had been there for about 30 years. The upstairs was used for the offices, the classroom, and the lunchroom.

Anyway, one time, just after my class had learned how to foil, my friend Renae and I were upstairs in the classroom practicing with one of the mannequin heads (of which there was a closet-full, talk about freaky).

We were the only ones up there, and we were foiling and talking, but I kept hearing this noise — kind of a soft pounding.

I asked Renae if she heard it, and we listened. We heard it again.

We were a little freaked out, we both knew the stories. I told her that maybe it was a pipe or something.

We decided that it was coming from the closet full of heads.

Of course I was the one that had to go and see.

I walked over to the closet and started to pull open the door, meanwhile I kept hearing the pounding, and was that scratching?

I hadn’t gotten the door all the open when out popped my friend Pearl, and Renae and I both screamed as Pearl laughed at us. We started laughing, too.

Then we heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and we told Pearl to hurry and get back in the closet, so she did.

Into the classroom walked my good friend, Kerry. We all talked for a while, and Renae and I told her that we kept hearing this pounding noise and we didn’t know what it was. She was getting kind of weirded out when all of a sudden a mannequin head came flying out of the closet!

She screamed and ran out of the room and down the stairs while Pearl, Renae and I yucked it up. When we went downstairs, we had some ‘splainin’ to do, but the girls thought it was pretty funny, and Kerry forgave us.

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I work at a store that sells formal dresses; and yes, it is located in a mall. While working Saturday, I had my .15 sec brush with fame.



A TV network began filming this show called “Instant Beauty Pageant” today. The idea was that a camera crew would go around the mall and ambush people to be in this pageant, give them money and send them to certain stores in search of a dress, swimsuit, whatever. They would only have two and a half hours to find everything, and the actual pageant would be the next day.



All the girls I work with and I knew that this was going to take place, and we thought we we’re ready. We weren’t.



I was straightening dresses, and I turned around and BOOM! there they were. A couple of girls and a camera crew (like, three cameras) were invading my space. Being camera-shy, I retreated to a corner of the store I reckoned they wouldn’t really be interested in, but nooOOoo, they came right at me with all the cameras pointed at my face, which I’m sure looked exactly like a deer’s, caught in the headlights.



After they left (just as quickly as they came, actually), we all took a deep breath and tried to calm ourselves. I told them that we were going to be discovered, and that they would want me to be in a horror movie for them, because I’m so good at facial expressions. Scary Movie: DiVa, anyone?

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

I’ve always liked Valentine’s Day.

In school (when I actually went to school) we would always have what we called “Love Week”. Each day would have a different theme, e.g. Dress-up Day, 70s Day, Western Day, Clash Day. There would be a contest for the best costume, and I (Me! The Mall Diva!) actually won clash day one year.

You can keep your snide comments to yourselves.

During the week sometime, we would take a field trip to the bowling alley and spend the afternoon there in our crazy get-ups, which got us some strange looks.

Today, my girl-friends and I went bowling to keep the old tradition alive. It was pretty fun, and apparently it’s pretty amusing to watch me bowl, according to my cousin. Pssh. What-ever.

Anyway, I betcha can’t guess who my Valentine is.

Random Thought of the Week:

Lucky Charms-“They’re Magically Delicious!”

Hmmmm….

Because they’re not delicious on their own, so they have to be magically enhanced? They also cause thieving behavior in small children, just ask Lucky.

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I love to go mudding.

My cousin’s family has a cabin in the Crosby-Ironton area, and sometimes I go up there with them for the weekend. They have two ATV’s and access to lots of trails. Once when I was up there for the fourth of July weekend, the weather was really lame. It was around 55-60 degrees and gray and rainy.

It was gross.

So my uncle and I and another friend we brought along decided it was perfect conditions to go mudding. I put on my favorite mudding jeans(Calvins), a couple of t-shirts and a couple sweatshirts.

We were the only people on the trails that day. I rode with my uncle on the 500, and Adam rode the 250. There were the most awesome puddles(read: ponds, small lakes) and it didn’t take long for us to get soaked.

On the way back, I switched spots with Adam on the smaller four-wheeler, and the guys ended up getting way ahead of me. I came to this one puddle that was huge and kinda freaked me out, but I just gunned it.

Then, right in middle of the nastiest, muddiest quagmire we had been through all day, the ATV died on me. I had no choice but to step off up to my thighs in the puddle to start it back up and push it out. It was awesome!

When I finally caught up with the guys they had been wondering where I was, but I doubt that it was hard to figure out after looking at me.

The muddier you are, the more fun you have had. ‘Member that.

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Okay, okay. Before we start a blood feud or anything like that:

The Mall Diva realizes Kevin’s relatively innocent role in all of the recent events, and hereby lets him off the hook (though I will keep the hook handy).

If Cathy the Volunteer Maternal Protector (VMP) in the Wright still wants to kick his butt, that’s between them (but probably time well spent).

As Princess FlickerFeather stated, DDR does rock, but the dance-off will have to wait for another time.

As for Uncle Ben, the Mall Diva charges him as being the instigator, and therefore will decide if he should be let off the hook or not. This statement, however, does not mean that he is barred from getting a good (and safe) haircut. Time and place, man.

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