“All men must make their way come Independence Day…”

There’ll be light blogging here during the holiday weekend as most of what I’ll be doing that is blog-related will be behind the scenes. There’s plenty for you to read, however, in The Manival #10 (The Independence Day Edition) hosted this week by Brett at The Art of Manliness.

There are several posts from regular Manival contributors, plus a lot of material from others who are new to the fraternity. This week guy’s are trying to answer questions such as “What Does Religion Mean to Your Marriage?”, “Why Doesn’t She Want Sex Like I Do?”, “Is Chivalry Dead?” and whether it’s okay for a man to wear Crocs or clogs.

There are also posts on how a man can be a lighthouse for his children, how to help your kids develop decision-making skills and a humorous look at how one guy is trying to establish family traditions. There’s a lot more than that as well, so celebrate your independence from the man-numbing popular culture by going to the Manival link above seeing what these guys (and a gal) have to say!

Whoa-ooh here it comes: The Manival #9

Wouldn’t you just know it, it’s the shortest night of the year and I’m hosting Manival #9. What does the summer solstice have to do with anything? Well, since I’m the Night Writer, that means this is the shortest window of opportunity for me all year — and there were 36 entries into this week’s carnival to be read, reviewed, accepted or rejected!

I’ve tried to make it easier for readers to sort through these by organizing the posts into categories and providing a brief description of each article (or maybe just to prove that I read them all). There are 22 linked here; the ones that were excluded were also interesting and well-written but were eliminated for one of two reasons. 1) Multiple submissions from the same blogger (I didn’t know until I hosted that the Manival limits you to one post per person per week). 2) The topic was interesting, but not “manly” enough; that is, the topic was general enough to be relevant for a large audience, but not specifically geared toward men. That sounds arbitrary (because it is), but hey — my week, my call.

EDITOR’S CHOICE
I was having a tough time picking a favorite from so many worthy entries but, wouldn’t you know, the last entry under the wire blew me away. Man Up: Power by Corey at The Simple Marriage Project. Read it first, or read it last, and see if you don’t agree.

PARENTING
On the parenting front, David B. Bohl examines The Difference Between a Dad and a Father on his Slow Down Fast blog.

Tony Chen gets “in the zone” with Tiger Woods and I are Pretty Similar over at SavvyDaddy.

Charlie Kondek goes from Thomas the Tank Engine to “Infinity and Beyond” in examining how his son is learning to distinguish good and evil in Daddy, What Does Evil Mean? at Virile Lit.

Totally Consumed is totally touching in Father to Son: an open letter on leadership.

Dad of Divas offers the thoughtful post Time In a Bottle, reminding us that no one has yet figured out how to get that time to stay in the bottle.

Babbo examines the dark twists on the path to enlightenment in his post Was Buddha a Schmuck? over at Daddy Brain.

Oh boy, just in time for the Solstice, Derek offers 10 Things To Do With Your Kids This Summer from the Man Page. (The article link works fine, just don’t try to go directly to his blog’s home page because the stupid Bill Engvall audio file will crash your browser – or at least it did to mine, repeatedly. But I’m not bitter. Update: Derek fixed the site, click away).

Inspired by these, I’ll link to one of my older posts about a painful, but valuable, lesson my daughters and I learned in Duty is Ours. Results are God’s.

GUY STUFF & MANLINESS
Looking to beat a manly retreat from the hustle and bustle of daily life? James Hills has a series of posts on “Man Trips” or “mancations”, including a review and interview regarding a Stogies and Sticks golf package at the Arizona Biltmore, on his Man Tripping blog.

Dr. Awesome keeps the Male Bag, I mean, Mail Bag, open with another advice column, this time on the topic of what qualify as manly Careers. (Advance warning, male hairdressers may want to start calling themselves “hair wranglers”.) You can check it out on To Every Man a Manswer.

I think you can expect Russ to fully accept any bouquets or brickbats that might come his way from his Accepting Responsibility post over on Escaping Enlightenment.

Doug Rutter asks a question: do you want to “have” kids or “raise” kids in his post Koke has Man Shoes on his self-named blog.

Kevin submitted a couple of good selections for this week’s Manival, but I chose his tribute to Tim Russert, not because of it’s timeliness but because the inspiration Kevin received is timeless. (While you’re on the Return to Manliness blog you might want to look around for his “Top 10 First Date Conversations.”)

With a blog named Stormbringer’s Thunder, and his own straight-forward manly name, you can be sure Bob has little time for sissies in his post What About the Guys? (Bob seems like the kind of guy who never got in touch with his feminine side, probably because of a restraining order it took out on him).

Dustin at dBlogit gave me two posts to choose from and I selected Why Men Hate Chick Flicks And How to Avoid Watching Them. Though some of his criticisms of chick-flick cliches could also apply to more manly buddy-type action flicks, the clincher is he also offers great escapes for when a chick-flick appears inevitable.

There’s a reason the classic TV show Home Improvement featured tools prominently: tools are manly. Andrew from Primer magazine submits a list of the 10 Tools Every Man Should Have, so make sure you’ve got what it takes.

MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIPS
The Manival has a fine tradition of including “How To” posts. This week Cory Huff has some great advice on “how to shoot yourself in the foot” with The Ultimate Guide To Winning An Argument With Your Spouse at A Good Husband.

A wise man I know often says, “You can be happy, or you can be right.” Hayden Tompkins carves a trail for you over similar ground in How to De-Escalate Your Marriage at Persistent Illusion.

I beg your pardon; may I suggest you read Use Your Manners by A Husband on the I Am Husband blog? Thank you.

OTHERS
Andrew Scotchmer has to literally walk the talk (or talk the walk) as he uncovers the benefits of becoming bilingual in Do You, Parlez-Vous? at Complete Kaizen. (And no, GSL – Grunting as a Second Language – doesn’t count).

GP offers a great photo and a reflection that dreams — and grace — do come true in a post entitled Zen of the West.

If you’d like to be part of Manival #10 submit your blog article using the Manival submission form.

The zero lottery

by the Night Writer

A few weeks ago my wife and I were playing golf with some folks from New Jersey, lifelong East-coasters enjoying a little of the Midwestern experience. During the round a tornado siren went off, startling and somewhat confusing our guests, who wanted to know what the siren was for.

“It’s either a tornado warning or lightening in the vicinity,” I said, as I matter-of-factly dialed the clubhouse on my cellphone to get more details since the day was still clear and sunny. Ultimately it turned out that this warning was related to the storm that delivered a deadly tornado on the town of Hugo, MN, a dozen miles away from where we were. As we played golf we saw the skies darken and the ominous clouds coming, remarkably, from opposite directions. It was pretty much standard summer fare for my wife and I (we didn’t know until later that evening of the net effects of the storm), but our friends from Jersey seemed to find it rather amazing that people live in a place where deadly storms are a routine part of your existence.

Of course, Nature (as far as we know) hasn’t sworn to wipe us out.

I thought of this example the other day as I read Yaacov Ben Moshe’s post from Breath of the Beast entitled Welcome to Sderot.

Sderot is an Israeli town within range of Hamas rockets and the victim of the leadership policies of both the Israeli government and that of Hamas that requires a macabre calculus of acceptable losses that keeps both groups of leaders in power … while killing Jewish civilians. Hamas knows that launching rockets on a slow but steady basis, but killing only a few at a time will maintain its political power base with the jihadis, satisfy its foreign sponsors, while not seriously exposing itself to all out countermeasures from Israel.

Simultaneously, Israel’s government tacitly accepts a handful of deaths as being below the threshold of requiring dramatic and deadly response, knowing that it will be pilloried by foreign public opinion and seen as the aggressor if it does so. Ben Moshe cites JINSA (Jewish Institute for National Security Affairs) Report 781:

“For Hamas, the key is to keep the rocket attacks below an understood threshold and Israel’s response will be tolerable, precise and produce minimal collateral (Palestinian) damage. The Hamas pattern is to fire one, two or three rockets at Sderot. Wait a few days and do it again. Injure two, three, four Israelis. Kill one or two, but not more than that – this week. Increase the range and accuracy of the rockets incrementally. Hit Ashkelon, but just once. Then wait. Hit a shopping center, but if no one is killed, the Israeli response is unlikely to threaten Hamas rule. If Israel does retaliate, the world will probably be more annoyed by the “disproportionate response” than the original rocket attack.”

Ben Moshe continues:

As I was reading, though, something was bothering me. I was still stuck on the seemingly more limited issue of the terror involved. Who are these people who are being killed by the rockets? How do they live knowing that, only if some, unspecified number of them of them are killed and maimed, will their government be moved to do something about the terror under which they live? This dangerous and painful situation is only partially a product of the Arab/Islamist dream of annihilation of Israel. It is made possible by a combination of ruthless internal enemies (e.g. the far left peace movement), clueless dupes (e.g. Olmert, Livni, et al) and shortsighted erstwhile foreign “friends” who do not understand the reality of the threat. This motley assortment of fools and instigators hold Israel’s defense establishment, her regard for her own citizens and, indeed, her very moral, civic, ethical and intellectual integrity hostage.

His point, or part of it, is that the Israeli government has decided that the greater good for the country, or for itself, is to sacrifice a few for the perceived benefit of the many. Ben Moshe’s thoughts as he dwelt on this lead to a chilling analogy:

When Shirley Jackson’s famous short story The Lottery was first published sixty years ago in the June 26, 1948 edition of The New Yorker magazine, it set off the most violent reaction the magazine had ever experienced. In the story, the reader is gradually drawn into a nightmare- as what seems to be a “normal” American farming village gathers for some sort of annual community gathering. There is a lottery involved and little by little it becomes apparent that it is a “selection process”. The reader’s curiosity gives way to bemusement as the author quietly seeds in ominous details that build a sense of foreboding. Then, near the end of the story there is a sudden shift to horror when we realize that the “slightly too” nonchalant dialogue and mysterious references have been leading up to the revelation of a sacrificial rite. One person in the community is chosen by lottery to be stoned to death- sacrificed for “the good of all”.

It is little wonder that the story caused the explosion of controversy that it did. A scant three years after World War II, the cataclysmic battle against totalitarianism, here was a story that hinted that the enemy was not dead, but could lie ever so close beneath the surface in the most unlikely of places. Is this lottery totalitarianism? I think it is. It is a society that holds itself hostage in a suicide pact. The eerily believable rationalization that the lottery must be carried out because the welfare of the group is everything- the individual is nothing- is the brutal signature of fascism.

The weird, unconvincing quality of the “reason” that stoning one member of the community to death is “for the good of all” is also a dead giveaway. It is true that an oblique reference to the sacrifice having a good effect on the corn is made but there is a dispiriting vagueness about it and nobody seems to endorse it convincingly. In fact, the agricultural pretext is really irrelevant. The central drama of The Lottery is the absence of individual human value. In my post about Islamofascism, I quoted Louis Menand (ironically, writing in the New Yorker), “official ideology can be, and usually is, absurd on its face, and known to be absurd by the leaders who preach it.” This is another hallmark of totalitarian systems. These lottery victims are the moral equivalent of suicide bombers, human shields and hostages. They have no power to achieve anything. Their own genuine emotions and aspirations are anathema to the system in which they live. Only their annihilation is of value. Every one of them is a martyr- most of them just aren’t dead yet. They are, in every sense imaginable, dead men walking.

…The people of Sderot listen for the sirens all day and all night 365 days a year and all must wonder if today is the day that a rocket will come through the ceiling in a busy dining hall or a kindergarten classroom or a high school auditorium and finally be “enough” to force the government to use the power it has always had- but may not always retain- to eliminate the threat. They wait for the government to act. They pray for the rest of the world to recoil in horror. They face each day with bravery and hope. Just like the people in Jackson’s story, they are hostages.

Ben Moshe goes on to remark on Muslim mathematicians having developed the concept of zero, observing with grim irony that, “…at least under the most fundamental application of their religion-as-political-system, zero is the human condition.”

If there was outrage in 1948 over the publication of that short story, how could there not be outrage today when an Israeli government dares Hamas to kill one more Israeli and see what happens and when they do, dares them to kill another one. Over and over again the children of Sderot draw lots and when one of them is torn apart by ball bearings or has a leg blown off, what happens? Is it somehow “for the good of all” that they suffer?

Is it too far a leap to suggest that, of all the grim ironies, the most insidious is that of the West’s blindness to its own willingness to trade blood for peace, to cutting off fingers and feeding them to dogs under the table so as not to upset the place-settings?

Do you believe that it is about The Nakba or The Occupation or The Settlements? Do you allow yourself the fantasy that there is a way to stop the madness- a sacrifice big enough to satisfy this ravenous cult?

Then what did the innocent victims die for on 9/11- or Madrid- or London- the Darfur? This is part of the same grotesque lottery that has been going on for 1500 years. In spite of the sacrifice of the innocent victims of 9/11, it is all too easy for us to deny that we are hostages too, but those “zero beings” from the Islamist void will not be happy to delete only Israel. They have “selected” them for annihilation first but it is nothing personal, you understand, just a sacrifice to prove there is no value to human life. There is no value to anything that does not affirm the spiritual vacuum of Islamism. It is not because they worship Allah, nor is it is that they believe Mohammed was a prophet. It is that they believe that he was the only prophet, that they know the absolute truth and that it is their mission to ignore (and destroy) all evidence to the contrary. If you believe in life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, they will not rest until they destroy you too.

The Jihadists are not interested in cease-fires or peace. They are happy to tell you what they want. They want the world to live under Shari’a law. They believe that anyone that doesn’t want that is sub-human and deserves to be killed. This is nothing less than another confrontation with the evil of fascist, totalitarianism, and that is a beast whose hunger cannot be sated with souls, nor can its thirst be slaked with blood. The lottery they are holding is to determine not if you will be destroyed but when you will be destroyed. We are all citizens of Sderot- its just that most of us don’t know it yet.

This type of post is hardly my forte. Grasping the political, economic and military realities of this situation is something my friend Jeff Kouba does much better than I. I know, however, that Yaacov Ben Moshe is hardly an unbiased observer, or without his own agenda. Even discounting for his perspective, I still finding myself counting my fingers.

Something Manly This Way Comes

I’ve been asked to play host to Manival #9 next week. Use the link here if you have a post from your blog that you’d like to share that has insight, humor or edification (or all three!) on the ways of men. You need to send these to me by Monday, as the Manival rides on Tuesday!

I’ve found a lot of new and interesting blogs by participating in this carnival. It’s been surprising and encouraging to see how many men are using their talents and keyboards to inform, entertain and encourage other men and women. Apparently I’m not the only one that has noticed. The Pioneer Press ran an article this week about The Art of Manliness
Dad Gone Mad
Gunfighter: A Modern Warrior’s Life
A Good Husband
The Man Page
The Simple Marriage Project
DaddyBrain
To Every Man a Manswer
I Am Husband
Stormbringer’s Thunder
Manmail

Can I get an Amen?

I’m teaching this weekend at Inside Outfitters, so I’ve got to do some work on my message. As such, no posting tonight other than to let you know that Manival #8 is up and running over at The Man Page.

Some of this week’s contributions include a post on How to Have Toe-Curling Sex; Decreasing Your Likelihood of Being Hit by a Meteor; Golfing Your Way to a Promotion; and What Parenting Has Taught Me About Copywriting. There’s also a post from a blog called “Dad of Divas” that you just know I’m going to have to check out.

You should, too.

A real “man’s lady”

You may have heard a guy being described as a real “man’s man”, but a regular and insightful contributor — wise in the ways of manliness — to the weekly Manivals is actually a woman. Hayden Tompkins at Persistent Illusion lays things out in a direct and refreshing manner. As to why she spends so much time on this particular topic, well, I think I’ll let her explain it:

People wonder why, as a woman, I am so dedicated to topics of ‘manliness’ and being a man.

Chances are if you aren’t a man, then your life partner is a man. Whether you want to be a better man – a more inspired husband, an involved father, a successful businessman – or be with a better man, you are probably aware that there is a lack in this country of material on what it means to be a man.

As being a 50’s era breadwinner and head of household is no longer what it means to be a man, so too is retreating from responsibilities and letting the woman of your life handle everything. Being a man today means strength coupled with flexibility; self-knowledge, without ‘forcing’ this self on others or sacrificing it for the sake of your partnership; and fully experiencing life with an open heart, authentically, without cutting your beloved out.

Support of the ‘menaissance’ is critical in creating the breathing room needed for men to take chances and transform their lives and their relationships.

And with better men come better women and with better women come better men and with better men come better women and with better women…

Amen.

Manival #7 is up

The 7th Manival is up and running this week at The Simple Marriage Project. There are four categories this week, and there are several very interesting sounding posts under each. The categories are Fatherhood/Parenting (which includes my own “Dad to the Bone” post), Marriage/Relationship, Recreation, and How-to Guides for Men.

I haven’t followed any of the links yet, but how can you resist titles such as “You Don’t Mess Around with Dad”, “The ‘I Don’t Want To’ Trap”, “Things You Don’t Scrimp On” and “7 Vital Characteristics of a Man”?

These past seven weeks have been very encouraging and enlightening for me as I’ve seen the depth and wisdom of men are pouring into the blogosphere. Just when you think the culture, and perhaps even yourself, have become totally self-indulgent and gratuitous you discover that there is a well-spring of wisdom, humor and a desire to serve if only you know where to look. I suggest you go take a look at the Manival series.

The previous Manivals can be found at the following links:

#1 @ The Art of Manliness
#2 @ A Good Husband
#3 @ Schaefer’s Blog
#4 @ The Art Of Manliness
#5 @ The Care & Feeding Of Man
#6 @ Building Camelot

A sign of the Apocalypse?

“I’d feel like a caveman, if they existed … and they didn’t.”
— Ned Flanders

A Boston University sociologist is undertaking a study to learn more about the “evangelical intelligentsia”.

Study to crack evangelical stereotypes
BOSTON, Massachusetts (AP) — For decades, Boston University sociologist Peter Berger says, American intellectuals have looked down on evangelicals.

Educated people have the notion that evangelicals are “barefoot people of Tobacco Road who, I don’t know, sleep with their sisters or something,” Berger says.

It’s time that attitude changed, he says.

“That was probably never correct, but it’s totally false now and I think the image should be corrected,” Berger said in a recent interview.

Now, his university’s Institute on Culture, Religion and World Affairs is leading a two-year project that explores an “evangelical intelligentsia” which Berger says is growing and needs to be better understood, given the large numbers of evangelicals and their influence.

“It’s not good if a prejudiced view of this community prevails in the elite circles of society,” said Berger, a self-described liberal Lutheran. “It’s bad for democracy and it’s wrong.”

My heavens, “…barefoot people of Tobacco Road who, I don’t know, sleep with their sisters or something…”?

“That was probably never correct…”?

Gee, Mr. Berger, did somebody beat you to the studies of Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster? Oh well, I suppose that wasn’t very Christian of me. Perhaps it makes me appear as sensitive as those cavemen in the Geico spots. After all, it’s not as if anyone’s ever done a commercial saying, “It’s so simple, even an Evangelical can do it.” So, okily-dokily, I’ll just bite my tongue and be happy that someone is taking an interest.

If you need me, I’ll be studying my the(ist)saurus, working on them big words. You know, just in case.

American congregations giving record amounts to poor countries

American church congregations of all denominations — Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim and Hindu — gave $8.8 billion in private relief and assistance to the developing world in 2006 according to a recent study by the University of Notre Dame’s Center for the Study of Religion and Society and the Hudson Institute’s Center for Global Prosperity (CGP). According to the Institute, that amount from religious congregations was more than one-third of the official U.S. government aid of $23.5 billion.

“The study examines religious and development giving that goes directly to orphanages and schools and other efforts in areas such as Mexico and Haiti, as well as monies given directly to U.S.-based organizations such as the Red Cross and Catholic Relief Services,” said David H. Sikkink, associate professor of sociology and the Center’s director.

More than 50 percent of the congregations gave an average of $10,500 to U.S.-based organizations that are involved in relief and development efforts and more than 30 percent made donations directly to programs in developing countries. More than 30 percent conducted short-term mission or service trips.

Sikkink also pointed out that while congregations consider evangelism and service to both be part of a holistic ministry, the survey measured only expenditures for items such as food, clothing and medicines and excluded financial support for evangelism.

“The sample was randomly selected: it was diverse and in addition to mainline and conservative Protestant congregations, it included Catholic parishes, synagogues and Muslim and Hindu congregations,” Sikkink said. “It was also more ethnically diverse than earlier surveys, which had difficulty surveying low-income and African-American congregations.”

Among the findings from the study is that Catholics tend to work with U.S.-based aid agencies, while Protestants (particularly conservative Protestant organizations) work more directly with overseas programs.

Interestingly enough, a recent article (with a great graph) in The Economist about this high level of American private giving cites “An established culture of philanthropy and charity contributes to direct aid-giving, as does a generous tax regime.” (Emphasis mine). Aside from the inference that the U.S. government is “generous” in the amount of their own money it allows its citizens to keep, it belies the notion that Americans who think they can do better things with their money than the government can are “greedy.”

Are you marriageable?

Last week Brett at The Art of Manliness had a post about how to tell if the woman you’re interested in is “the one” to marry. They were good questions but they made me think that there should be some good questions a guy should be asking about himself first to see if he, too is marriage material. I’ve also been thinking lately of developing some discussion topics and exercises for some young men I know on how to become marriageable. My outline for that covers six to eight weeks of classes and exercises, but here are some of the highlights.

A lot of guys hope or assume that they’ll be able to sense when it’s time to marry, either because they’ll find someone they feel they can’t live without or they feel it’s time to settle down. Both of those feelings are important, and feelings provide valuable momentum, but they don’t necessarily indicate that you have the proper outlook or skills to marry. Yes, of course, people do get married in the throes of passion and somehow manage to develop the proper survival skills on the fly when reality sets in. Then again, many people try it this way and fail spectacularly. Ask yourself, would you rather learn to swim by being thrown into the deep end to see if you’ll go up or go down, or after you’ve been able to rehearse a few techniques while still at the side of the pool? Here are a few questions to try out on yourself.

How’s your conditioning?
Marriage is a marathon, but most of us spent our single days as sprinters, chasing women and running away from commitment. You get yourself into a distance race, though, and you’ll find you may look good for the first couple hundred yards and then you start to seize up. Blisters form from the friction, and just about every part of your body screams, “What were you thinking?” Now I’m not saying that you prepare for marriage by a series of progressively longer relationships; that may “condition” you, but not for marriage. What I am suggesting is that if your objective is to get married that you look to the condition of other things (ideally before you even meet the woman you’d like to marry). For example: