Super glue

I’ve been doing a bit of father-daughter bonding lately with Tiger Lilly via one of the Xbox games I received for my birthday: Justice League Heroes. In it mixed duos of superheroes fly and fight their way through a less-bloody version of the Baldur’s Gate II universe (the games were designed by the same people). Though you can play individually, the game works best with a real partner and Tiger Lilly’s just the person you want to take with you into a dark Gotham or Metropolis alley – fast thumbs, sharp eyes and a diabolical “heh, heh” when she unleashes a devastating A-B-A combo on a pitiable robot or para-demon, or — if she’s playing as Zatanna, Mistress of Magic — when she turns them into white rabbits.

You start out with your basic A-list of superheroes: Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Zatanna, the Martian Manhunter, the Flash and the guy I’m kind of partial to — Green Lantern (who’s secret identity is John Stewart). As you go along you can earn shields (points) that allow you to unlock more characters such as Aquaman, Hawkgirl, and the Huntress. On some levels you get to pick your character from the entire roster, but most of the time the duo is predetermined (to fit the cut-scene segues) and you only get to pick between the two — which means I sometimes get the opportunity to explore my inner Wonder Woman (laugh and I’ll bounce a tiara-boomerang off your head so fast you’ll feel like Jimmy Olson).

Each character has a different set of super powers and it’s fun learning how to best apply them. Superman, for example, has a super-assortment that includes heat vision, freezing breath, a high-speed flying strike and the Super-Punch, which takes a moment to load up but does tremendous damage. Still, he can be a bit of an oaf. On one level where I’m playing as Superman and Tiger Lilly is Wonder Woman, TL takes great delight in letting me fly out to punch a laser-shooting creature…and then using her lasso to snatch the villain right from under my nose (or fist) so she can deliver a knock-out kick. The best part though, in my opinion, is the job the artists and writers did in getting the personalities of the characters into the game. Superman and Batman, for instance, don’t really like each other (well, to tell the truth, Batman doesn’t really like anyone) and trash-talk each other throughout the game and there’s girl-talk between Zatanna and Wonder Woman (Z: “Just between us girls, don’t you ever get cold in that outfit?”).

As in Baldur’s Gate, if you let your characters stand still too long they get antsy and let you know about it in ways generally true to their character. Zatanna, for instance, will say, “Hey! Pay attention to me!” or “Want to see a real magic trick? Pull my finger!” Her friend Wonder Woman will say, “You can tell that a man designed this costume,” or, “If only I could remember where I parked the invisible plane.” Superman, always the Boy Scout, will finally say, “I don’t mean to be pushy, but ‘places to go, people to save,’ you know?” or “Have you ever noticed there always seems to be a lot of kryptonite lying around? Really, what’s up with that?” My favorite, though, is the Batman: “Robin used to make me wait; ever wonder what happened to him?” — or the all-time winner, “What’s the matter, Precious? Your mother kick you out of the basement?”

Besides having fun, I’ve even developed some super-powers of my own. For instance, Tiger Lilly can have her nose buried in a book, or be heading for a cuddle with Mom and all I have to do is interlock my fingers, raise my thumbs and twiddle them and she jumps up and runs at super-speed to the television. Now if I can only get that to work when it comes to mowing the lawn…SHAZAM!

Whatever a spider man can

Davin Arul has a great piece today about Spiderman – the superhero most like us and, perhaps, the one we’d most like to be like, doing battle both against evil-doers and our own personal weaknesses. Arul looks at the decisions that make a superhero:

You can’t quit now: Every fibre of your being hurts: from the pain of those broken ribs, to the strain of holding up that collapsing ceiling while flood waters swirl about your waist, rising with each second.

You want to just give in, submit to the blackness that’s hovering at the edge of your vision. But Aunt May will die, because she’ll never receive the medicine that’s in your belt if you give up. And so you resolve not to.

No odds are impossible: The Sinister Six, a collection of your worst enemies, have beaten you down and they’re now set to carry out their diabolical plans. Thousands could die if they aren’t stopped. You’re the only hero present, so it’s all up to you. Individually, they’re tough to handle – let alone all at once.

So you put that genius intellect of yours to work. You prioritise your targets, you formulate a strategy, you determine which enemy’s strength you can turn against him. And then you get to work.

If about to crack … just crack wise: The enemy you face is implacable, and has every desire to do you harm. Reasoning with him hasn’t helped, and you feel little tendrils of panic tickle the back of your brain. So … you let loose a stream of banter and wisecracks, and it keeps your mind off the seriousness of the situation.

Your foe scoffs at first, but then the banter gets under his skin. He starts to get careless, while your resolve grows and you can sense that you’ve won. Levity over gravity, my man.

You think you’ve got problems: Sure, the rent is overdue, Aunt May’s medical bills are piling up, and that tightwad boss of yours is threatening to cut your photo rates. But that family you saved from a fire last week has to live in a community hall for the next six months.

And that elderly guy you grabbed just before a bus hit him – your keen senses picked up the rattle in his breathing that told you he was really sick. But he was genuinely happy to be alive.

Think you’ve got problems, hero? They don’t add up to a hill of beans next to some other folks’ troubles. And if they can cope – then maybe you can, too.

Do the right thing: Even if it means admitting an earlier “thing” was wrong…

…When “moral” and “legal” decided on one of their frequent trial separations, you chose the former, determined to correct your mistakes and honour the sacrifices of your comrades.

With great power: And now we stand at your beginning. Something has changed inside you. Where you were once weak and reticent, you’re suddenly brimming with vigour and confidence.

You’re standing on a ledge, considering your future. It really isn’t that far to the next rooftop, but it seems like a mile away. Just one step back and you’ll be on familiar ground again, on firm footing, and life will go on as it always has.

One step forward, one leap of faith, and everything changes forever. Your life will never be the same, and neither will the lives of those dear to you. Yes, change can be disruptive, but it isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

You hesitate because you are, after all, only human. You’re standing on a ledge, considering your future.

And just like that, you go for it.

Great stuff. Of course, that all just applies to superheroes and comic books, right? Go read the whole thing.

What are you looking at?

I’ve noticed something unusual in my blog traffic the last month or so: I’ve been getting a lot of http://images.google.com referrals. Unlike the Google-search links I used to get where certain word-searches brought readers, these are driven by photos.

Ok, I’ve posted quite a few photos here in the last 2+ years, so that image searches shouldn’t be too unusual — except there appears to be a certain pattern to the images being viewed: they’re either people who want to view the “Loch Ness Monster Truck” evidence photo from last May…or people who want to see a picture of the Mall Diva in a prom dress.

It’s hard to keep a thorough list since my Sitemeter account only registers the last 100 visits, but as of 15 minutes ago 77 of the last 100 visitors to this blog had come from image searches; 18 of these were Loch Ness Monster Truck driven and 16 were led to see a photo of the Diva and her cousin in their formal gowns. Another half-dozen or so wanted to see the photo of the bruise on MD’s knee from last fall’s Paintball outing. That’s actually a significant decrease for that particular photo; one month recently my Powerblogs tracking tool showed more than 800 referrals to that image from a website in Taiwan!

Are there not enough lovely things to look at on the internet that people have to come looking for an oversized tire in a loch, a couple of well-dressed girls or a close-up of a naked, discolored knee? Are there that many fetishists out there living in their mom’s garage, surfing the internet so they can ogle and drool over a photo: “Ooooh, it’s a B.F. Goodrich!”

I know I should be glad for the traffic, but frankly it’s beginning to creep me out.

“Religion” is Good for Kids

I just read an article about a study that shows religion is good for kids:

“John Bartkowski, a Mississippi State University sociologist, and his colleagues asked parents and teachers of more than 16,000 kids, most of them first-graders, to rate how much self-control they believed the kids had, how often they exhibited poor or unhappy behavior and how well they respected and worked with their peers.”

I stopped reading after a couple of paragraphs just to throw in my un-biased 2 cents worth of pre-conceived notions. First of all, I think that the word “religion” is sort of a cop-out for people who don’t feel that they need The Relationship. Religion is just the kind of nicey-nice safe sounding generalization that one can throw into a conversation to make themselves feel like a good person while sneakily getting away with not really beieving in anything. It’s also kind of similar to how people use the word “spiritual” or “spirituality”. Sure, one can claim an experience as “religious” or “spiritual” and then write it off, thinking that they’ve done their duty or filled their goodness quota; but if it never reached their heart or renewed their mind or made them strive after reconciliation with the One who gave them life- what is it good for? That’s right- absolutely nothing. Onward…

“The researchers compared these scores to how frequently the children’s parents said they attended worship services, talked about religion with their child and argued about religion in the home. The kids whose parents regualarly attended religious services — especially when both parents did so frequently — and talked with their kids about religion were rated by both parents and teachers as having better self-control, social skills and approaches to learning than kids with non-religious parents.”

I think it comes down to faith. The “religious” parents believe in something, and put that faith into action by going to church with their families (and hopefully not just attending, but actually getting involved somehow) and also discussing what it is that they’re learning, and how it applies to their lives.

These parents realize that there is something bigger than themselves in this world, that they are not the be all and end all, that they are being held responsible for their actions, and that they had better live accordingly. If this is indeed what they believe, than a big part of the actions they are responsible for are their children. In the case of my own parents with me and my sister, they are responsible to “raise us up in the way we should go…”, ultimately teaching us that there is Someone bigger than us, that we are not our own, that we are on this earth for a purpose (not our own purposes), and that we, too, are being held responsible for our actions. We are ultimately here to glorify the Lord, not ourselves. It might not sound appealing, but I have seen examples of both, and I know Who I would rather glorify.

Are the non-religious parents giving their kids anything to live for — besides themselves? I’m not saying they don’t want what’s best for their kids, but what do they really have that they can give them? Money can’t buy love or salvation. Maybe they let their kids do anything they want. Sure, it sounds like more fun — and it probably is; but only for a little while. There is nothing fulfilling or satisfying about living for yourself. I know that lots of people trick themselves into thinking there is, while turning a blind eye to the wretched emptiness of their own soul.

At this point you might be wondering what this has to do with the study at all. Actually, it’s everything. What I believe in has an effect on every single thing in my life, from my attitude and my friends to my grades and habits. I am definitely not perfect in any way, shape or form; but why try for something impossible? I would rather strive for excellence — which I know is attainable — in my job, in school, and in my life.

Another slice of Night life

This morning I trimmed my beard, and apparently some of the hairs escaped both the newspaper I placed over the sink and notice by my presbyopic eyes. A short while later the Reverend Mother gently chided me for leaving a hairy sink. “Face it,” she said good-naturedly, “you’re a slob.”

“Be precise,” I said. “I’m a hairy slob.”

“Ok,” she said, “to be precise, you’re a big, hairy slob.”

“Still not quite there,” I said. “I’m your big, hairy slob.”

“Yes, you’re my big, hairy slob.”

And what can be better than that?

The Reverend Mother, A to Z (with pictures)

Princess Flickerfeather tagged me for this meme, so here goes.

Wash my eyes

Thursday night I was giving Uncle Ben a ride home to the monastery after a fairly successful trivia challenge evening at Keegan’s (one first-place victory and a finish just one point out of the money in another). We drove past a night club that had a huge line of young people waiting to get inside. Suddenly, we were assaulted.

Standing in one group was a blonde Valkyrie with her back toward us. Ben estimated her at 240 pounds. She was “clad” in a plaid mini-skirt that might have been modest on Renee Zellweger, but was more of a sash on Brunhilde as it did an inadequate job of covering her thong – or anything else. Ben was thinking cottage cheese, but I think a more apt description would be a topographical map of the, er, moon.

Now I know the proper response to such an exposure is to look away, and believe me, we did. We looked away so firmly that I think my car almost jumped the curb and hit a streetlight. I also know there are many forms of beauty and appreciation for such (when in the proper context), and I try hard to refrain from making judgments about people based on their physical appearance (comely or otherwise), but such a deliberate “in-your-face” display suggests a certain aggressive, anti-social attitude. I don’t know what she was thinking, but I don’t imagine it was nice.

I’m telling you, the streets aren’t safe.

At home in the Dome

I’ve made passing mention here a couple of times that I used to be a scoreboard operator at the Metrodome, working games for the Twins, Vikings and Gophers as well as working the odd (some odder than others) concert, tractor-pull or pro-wrasslin’ match. I only mentioned it before to add context to whatever else I was writing about at the time, figuring some time I’d get around to dedicating a post to the experience and offering a glimpse of what goes on behind the scenes at major sporting events. I don’t know that there’s ever a perfect time to write something like that, but an e-mailer did ask for more Dome details the other day, so here goes.

Back in early 1982 I was an over-extended single guy looking for a part-time job to supplement my income, but I didn’t want to work at McDonald’s or someplace where someone I knew might see me. Perusing the want ads one day I saw an ad that went something like this: “Part-time opportunity, evenings and week-ends. Must be knowledgeable about football and baseball, able to type 50+ wpm and not afraid to perform in front of large crowds. For more info contact…” There was no mention of what the job was, and I almost dismissed it. The more I thought about it, though, I realized that there wasn’t anything in the ad that didn’t apply to me…even the large crowds thing. I applied, was interviewed, given a typing test and, obviously, hired.

There were 8 scoreboard operators plus Dick Davis from the Metropolitan Sports Commission who was in charge of the scoreboard and us. We were divided into two four-person teams and I was the only person who wasn’t a school teacher; six of the others, in fact, where coaches or had experience coaching as well. The system was all computer operated (though our first computers were very large and almost primitive) and there was a minor stink in the Strib before the season started because the new computerized system meant replacing the old groundskeepers from the Met who had been hanging the signs for the old board. Whatever.

The two crews alternated games, and within the crews we rotated through the four scoreboard positions on a game-by-game basis. Originally the job required someone to register balls, strikes, runs and the line score; someone to type in and display advertising and other messages during the course of the game; someone to keep track of and update out of town games; and someone to operate the sole video camera, perched on the second-deck fascia above third base. Unless the game was televised (and a lot of Twins games then weren’t) this was the stadium’s replay camera, beaming images to the black and white (black and yellow, actually) board, to be displayed through thousands of lightbulbs (“fuzz-dots” we called ’em). Resolution wasn’t very good, but you could see things well enough to recognize yourself if a crowd shot was put on the board.

The first balls & strikes console was a twitchy piece of dreck that didn’t have all the bugs worked out. Often you’d push the button for a ball or strike and it would delay the display long enough that you’d think it hadn’t registered the input, so you’d push again – only to see double strikes or balls suddenly go up. Push the button too hard to ensure it was registered and the same thing could happen. This was very frustrating to the operators and to the people in the press box, who were always looking for something to criticize.

Sid Hartman, the grand old man of Minnesota sportswriting, was especially incensed by this type of malfunction. The press box was immediately outside the door of our room and any time a “double-clutch” occurred he’d jump up and storm in to announce that the count was wrong, as if we didn’t know it. I was working the out-of-town board one evening when Sid made about six trips into our “office”. When another glitch occurred he was on his way in again. I happened to be standing by the door, however, so I innocently turned my back to it as if to look over the shoulder of the guy working the message board, while casually flipping the door lock into place. There was much door rattling and cursing; muffled as it was by our air-conditioned booth, but I think I did hear mentions of my parentage and my own capability to ever father children, but he finally went away and didn’t come back the rest of the game.

That was actually kind of a fun memory. One of my worst moments, however, came before a game against the Blue Jays. Tony Kubek had recently been demoted from the “Game of the Week” and was working the back-up GOTW. He was also the main broadcaster for the Jays, which I didn’t know at the time. Anyway, I’m walking through the press box and here comes Tony Kubek! I say, with some amazement, “Hey, Tony Kubek!” He smiles. I then blurt, “Are we the back-up game today?” I wasn’t trying to bust his chops; I was just surprised that the Twins of that era might be considered for a national broadcast (even if as a back-up). Mr. Kubek was not pleased. Dick Davis, however, witnessed the scene and thought it was one of the funniest things he’d ever seen and would never let me forget it, especially any time Kubek returned to the Dome.

There were other hero-sightings as well. In the early days we actually had to go down to the locker rooms to get the lineups, which were posted on a corkboard in the home and visitor clubhouses. I remember that Reggie Jackson, in boxers, tank-top and beat-up flip-flops, looked really old and that his calves seemed impossibly skinny. Ted Simmons wearing nothing but a jock is not a sight I’d wish on anyone. Another time I was writing down the visiting lineup, my piece of paper pressed against the wall under the corkboard. I finished and turned around to leave – and almost hit Sparky Anderson in the nose with my elbow. He’d walked up behind me and was eating a bowl of vegetable soup and watching me write down the lineup, or was perhaps just pondering making a change, and I’d never heard him approach. At least he laughed about it.

Another time I got the hairy eyeball from Don Drysdale when the White Sox were in town. He was standing in the back of the press box eating a hot dog when I came out of the scoreboard room about 20 feet from him. All of a sudden a fan in the row in front of the press box reached over the divider and grabbed my shoulder, shoved a baseball at me and said, “Hey, buddy – get Drysdale’s autograph for me.” It happened so quickly that I just obeyed, somewhat stupefied. I approached DD with the ball (he was close enough to hear what was going on) and he glared at me but took the ball and signed it (later I’d hear from others what a tough autograph he was). I barely got a “thanks” from the guy who gave me the ball. I should have kept it.

In addition to working World Series and ALCS games and an All Star game I also had the privilege of working Scott Erickson’s no-hitter and I got paid to see Dave Winfield’s and Eddie Murray’s 3,000th hits. I was also there the night Dave Kingman hit a monstrous foul ball straight up that never came down. The ball went into one of the holes stitched into the underlining of the Dome roof and disappeared. The funniest thing was all the Twins infielders (including shortstop Houston Jiminez – all 5′ 3″ inches of him) gathered in the middle of the infield, looking up at the roof in the hopes of fielding the pop-up. As the seconds went by, though, they started to get really nervous. All of a sudden they all simultaneously ducked and scattered in different directions expecting to be struck by the phantom ball that was never there. The next day someone in the Twins front office got the bright idea that before the first pitch of the game they’d have someone drop a ball from the ceiling and Mickey Hatcher would catch it and the umpire would call “Out”. Someone got up on the catwalk, Mickey and the ump positioned themselves near home plate, and the ball was dropped – by the guy above and by the guy with the glove.

One of my all-time favorite memories, however, came when I was working the camera back in the fuzz-dot days and doing crowd shots between innings. As I panned over a boy that was about 10 years old he saw he was on the board and then thought it would be funny to flip me off. Dick was in my headset saying, “Get off him! Get off him!” but I said, “No, just stick with me here” and I zoomed in on the kid, who immediately got very shy and embarrassed. He walked over a few seats and sat down low, trying to get out of sight. He looked up at the board and saw he was still up there. He slunk down even further and moved over several more seats, and I again followed him. By this time the crowd was laughing so the kid got up and ran up the stairs to the concourse. About that time the inning was beginning and Dick said, “OK, back to the game” but I suggested he take the camera shot off the board but to stay with me. He agreed and sure enough, a few minutes later the kid stuck his head back in from the concourse and looked to see if the coast was clear. Seeing the line score on the board he stepped back into the aisle. “Now!” I said and Dick immediately put the camera shot back on the board — the crowd roared, the players on the field (I was told) started turning around trying to figure out what was going on, and the kid high-tailed it back out to the concourse and has probably never gone to a ballgame since.

The camera also helped me get published in Sports Illustrated! Back in the day when Bob Uecker was doing his “I must be in the front rooow” commercials for Miller Lite, the Brewers came to the Dome for a series. Ueck’s commercials, if you recall, ended with him way out by himself in center field, hollering to the nearest guy, “Great seats, eh, buddy?” As the game went on I saw some guy sitting in the upper deck, center field, all by himself. I zoomed in on him (showing plenty of empty seats) and asked Dick through the headset, “Is that Bob Uecker?” He thought that was pretty funny so he told the guy working the message board to create a 1/3 board message with the words “Is that Bob Uecker?” to go alongside my camera shot. A couple of weeks later SI came out with a story about Ueck and the article started off by referring to my caption and camera shot from the Dome.

Well, those are some of the baseball memories. There’s more I could write about some of the amazing things I did and saw at football games, tractor-pulls and the Pink Floyd and Rolling Stones concerts, but I’ll save those for another time.

Let’s Talk About Me(me)

You all should be ashamed of yourselves. The Mall Diva comes out of blogging semi-seclusion to respond to a meme and then sits back in expectation of getting her customary 20+ comments…and gets just two. Now she’s refusing to come out of the bathroom. Thanks a lot!

At least two of the people she tagged in the meme have responded: her sister, Tiger Lilly, and her best friend, Princess FlickerFeather. Their responses to the “All About Me, A to Z” meme are below under their names; click to open the results for each.