Our trip to the toplesstapas bar

Saturday night the Reverend Mother and I found ourselves kid-free so we decided to go let it all hang out at our favorite tapas bar. Trust me, we usually get funny looks when we actually say that as opposed to typing it out.

Tapas are small plates of hot or cold Spanish appetizers that you typically order in a series. We like Solera in downtown Minneapolis because the tapas are a creative treat both in flavor and in presentation. While portions are small they are packed with flavor and interesting combinations of meats, vegetables and spices. Generally you choose several from the menu and they are delivered one or two at a time so you can fully appreciate each plate. One time when my wife and I went there we played a little game: she took the cold menu and I took the hot and then we’d each order something without telling the other what was coming. We went three or four rounds like that, sharing each dish as it came and deciding who had made the best choice (believe me, there were no losers).

We didn’t get the inspiration to go to Solera this time until late in the day so when we called there was no way to get a table in the restaurant. But, we were told, there was plenty of non-reserved seating on the rooftop patio. Since it was a very pleasant evening we decided to leave our cozy little suburb to go downtown and dine al fresco. Of course, you’ve first got to change clothes to go downtown, especially on Saturday night. I don’t have much that will pass for urban cool, but I put on some khakis, a blue silk camp shirt (untucked, natch) and my Margaritaville loafers — sans socks! The Mall Diva had given me some “Joe” pomade for the new ‘do but I already had a stylish head of hat-hair going on from mowing the lawn earlier in the day and I didn’t want to become too irresistible since the restaurant is directly across the street from The Amsterdam Hotel, the mecca of gay hospitality in Minneapolis (perhaps “Mecca” and “gay” shouldn’t be linked like that). The Reverend Mother did her part to save some souls, wearing those snug jeans I like that could make Elton John look twice. Also, since it was less than 85 degrees, she wore a jacket.

When we got up to the patio there were only a few tables already occupied so we had no trouble finding a place to sit. Despite being on the roof the view isn’t much to write about, but I will anyway. The four or five foot wall blocks any sight-lines to the street if you’re sitting down, but you can see the top of the Target Center, a parking ramp, some duct-work for the restaurant and the big white screen on the patio where Solera shows movies after dark. You also can’t see the two-story billboard for the Amsterdam that features four cute guys cuddling; I guess it’s up to you whether that’s a positive or a negative. Regardless, it ain’t Applebee’s.

We decided on the $25 “Tapas for Two” combination from the menu; six different appetizers thoughtfully portioned into even numbers so that you don’t have that awkward, “No, dear, you take the last shrimp” moment. The first plate was some barbequed potatoes, very tasty and tangy. Then our black-clad waitress brought us some small grilled sausages and grilled chicken strips in a green chipotle sauce, all on skewers and served on a bed of rice with raisins and mint. The chicken was especially delicious; I told my wife that the chicken was too spicy for her and she wouldn’t like it, but somehow she was onto me and didn’t fall for it. Next up was a plate of lightly-battered, skewered shrimp the size of small bananas and a bowl of what I think was either acini or risoni pasta and cucumber in a minty sauce. I’m not much of a cucumber fan, but I surprised my wife by eating and enjoying this as well.

I looked around right about then and saw a waitress bringing a plate of what looked like miniature hamburgers to another table. “Oooh, those look good,” I remarked to my wife, so I was delighted when our waitress appeared with a similar plate as part of our course. These were actually chorizo sausage patties with a nice cut of roasted red pepper on top, served on mini-buns. Very tasty indeed, and my puppy-eyes prevailed on my wife to give up half of her sandwich, for which I ceded the remainder of the cous-cous and cucumber dish. The finale was a plate of seared tuna slices. They looked rather raw in the middle, but smelled and tasted great and we’ve since had no ill effects.

We were too full for dessert, but still had a fun evening of great food and better companionship. If you’re looking for something to spice up your dining out experience, go “tapas”!

My apologies…

…to the person who ran the red light right in front of me at the Hennepin and Central Avenues intersection at 6:08 p.m. last night. I regret if the prolonged honking of my horn made it hard to hear whoever it was you were talking to on your cell phone or otherwise distracted you from the task at hand.

Chat room

We (Rev. Mother, MD, and Tiger Lilly) have decided to live co-blog.
RM: Do you have any chocolate left?
MD: None that you can have.
RM: Why am I asking you? I got chocolate for Mother’s Day!
MD: Do you have any chocolate that I can have?
RM takes computer because she types faster than the other two put together.
MD: I need to paint my nails.
RM: Why?
MD: Cause they’re naked.
TL: LOL
MD: You have a fleur de lis on your butt.
TL: Thanks.
MD: Look, my legs are the same color as the sheet.
TL: You have to put exclamation points there.
RM: No I don’t.
TL: Yes, you do.
RM: Hey! No co-typing.
MD: So today we were going to go to Target and buy a wading pool. One of those little toddler pools.
TL: Yeah, it was so hot.
DM: But we didn’t, it was kind of anticlimactic.
MD leaves the chat room to go wash her hands so she can paint her nails.
MD: I’m back, what color? Tropical Punch. ChaChing Cherry. Las Vegas Strip Poker. (RM looks askance) Taupe-less Showgirls. Opus in Amber. Symphony in Gold. Malaysian Mist. Dinner for Two. Love Letter. Osaka to me Orange. Arctic Glacier. Vintage. I’m not Really a Waitress. Mrs. O’Leary’s Barbecue. And Plum.
General laughter.
MD: What do you think?
RM: mmmm, what are you going to wear?
MD: I don’t know.
RM: That red one, that shiny red one.
MD: I just did that one.
RM: Don’t do orange, it’s ugly.
TL & MD: It is not!
MD: It goes with my shirt.
MD: How about Tropical Punch. It’s pretty, it’s summery.
TL: Can you drink it?
MD: No, but you can try.
MD: I bet Dad never asks us to blog again.
LOL
TL: More like never lets us.
OHHHH, we should talk about Judy who’s getting married in the salon.
TL: What about her?
MD: Uh..she’s getting married in the salon
MD: Are you going to ask me some questions so it’s more like a discussion, instead of a monologue?
RM: Where’s the reception?
MD: At the salon. I get to be the cake server!
RM: That sounds like a very inexpensive way to get married. I mean, she’s not paying any rental on the ‘hall’ right?
MD: Not that I know of.
TL: She’s crazy.
MD: Yeah, she kind of is. No, she’s eccentric.
RM: I think you should consider getting married there.
MD: I’d get the employee discount! Her wedding’s on Saturday.
RM: How old is she?
MD: In her early sixties. This is her second marriage.
RM: How old is the groom?
MD: I think they’re about the same age. It was his idea.
RM: Really?
MD: Yeah, Judy and Frank were out to dinner with Judy’s friend Evelyn, and they were talking about where they could get married on short notice, and Frank said, “Why not the beauty shop”?
RM: So, I assume they’re not having a sit down dinner.
MD: No, champaigne and cake and choc. dipped strawberries. The shampoo bowls are going to be filled with ice and they are going to be the coolers for the champaigne bottles. And my boss bought 30 yards of tulle to hang from the ceiling and drape everywhere. We’re also going to have entertainment.
TL: So, are you going to be the entertainment?
MD: Not this time.
RM: What’s the entertainment?
MD: It’s this lady who the bride knows who’s a professional jazz singer and she’s bringing along a piano player.
RM: And a piano?
MD: Yeah.
TL: I think my bruise is fading.
RM: Do you want us to fix that for you?
TL: Not really.
RM: I’m hungry.
MD: Yeah, me too, I want ice cream.
TL: Let’s go to DQ.
RM: No.
MD: I want cake.
MD: And how much did you pay for the rock and roll t-shirt/that proves you were there, that you heard of them first?
RM looks confused
MD: That’s cake.
TL: Cake should be capitalized in that area.
RM: You’re right.
RM leaves the room to get a snack.

MD: Well, that was fun. Join us next time for the wild and crazy randomness of the Night-Women.

TL: Ciao for now!

Update:

For more “team” blogging from two-thirds of this trio, check out this post.

My best round ever

I love golf and have certain positive (and selective) memories I like to share with others. What I’m about to relate, however, details one outing where I never took a swing or even saw a club swung.

I was fully intending to play, however, when I drove out to Minneapolis’ F.A. Gross public course a few years ago to play in my company league. I wheeled my pullcart and clubs up to the clubhouse door and went inside to pay my greens fee and change into a pair of shorts. It took me five minutes, max. When I came outside my clubs were gone. Since it was a company league, I looked around to see if one of my “friends” might be playing a joke on me. There was no one I recognized or who even seemed to be paying attention to me. Certainly, if you were playing a prank on someone, you’d want to be where you could see the look on that person’s face, right? After double-checking the immediate area to be sure my clubs hadn’t been moved out of the way I went back inside and asked the guy at the counter and the ranger standing nearby if anyone had found it necessary to move my clubs.

The guy at the counter said that none of the staff would have moved my clubs, but suggested that someone might have taken them and he asked the ranger to drive me through the parking lot to see if we could spot the clubs or anything suspicious. We jumped into a golf cart and began a circuit through the lot.

I had a strange feeling as we patrolled; normally I might be more than a touch upset by the situation, especially since I had just bought new irons a few weeks before that and I knew my wife, The Finance Minister, was unlikely to authorize another disbursement of that sort. Instead, I felt calm and had a little talk with God. My point, essentially, was that He knew I tithed and that I expected him to kind of keep an eye on my things and finances. I stayed calm and when the parking lot search turned up nothing I headed back to the clubhouse where a thought came to me: if my clubs were stolen it certainly wouldn’t be because another golfer coveted them (new irons or not); therefore the culprit’s objective would be to sell the clubs. I believe that if I had let myself get angry my blood would have been pounding so hard in my head that I wouldn’t have heard that little thought, or wouldn’t have paid attention to it until much later.

I didn’t have a cell phone then (and if I did, it probably would have been in my golf bag anyway), so I got a bunch of change at the counter and went over to the pay phone and Yellow Pages and started calling atll the Play It Again Sports and SecondSwing stores in the metro (after I called the police, that is). I started with the ones closest to the golf course and worked out to the ‘burbs in case the thief was clever enough to try to put some distance between the scene and the sale. With each call I described my clubs and golf bag in detail and then moved on to the next store on the list.

After about 30 minutes of this I was talking to a store out in Burnsville when a police officer walked into the clubhouse and was pointed in my direction. He approached and I hung up. “You might want to hear this, ” he said, pointing toward the radio on his belt. He spoke into his microphone and said, “I’m with the guy now.”

Someone on the other end of the radio said, “Ok. The suspects are still in the store. We’ve got a unit out back, and we’re about to pull up in front and hit the lights.” A few minutes later we got another word: “We’ve got ’em. You want to bring the guy over to identify the items?”

Great! I got to ride in the police car (front seat) over to the Play It Again store in Roseville, the closest such store to the golf course and the first place I had called. Apparently the thief and his buddy had stopped off to pick up a girlfriend and then went to the nearest Play It Again (no one has ever suggested thieves are smart). In the interim the manager had received my call, took my club description and probably thought to himself, “Fat chance.” Lo and behold, a few minutes later these three teenagers had come into the store wanting to sell a set of golf clubs. The manager later told me his heart started pounding when he saw the bag (a distinctive one).

He decided to stall the kids, so he said he had to go look up the putter in his books to determine it’s value. He went back to his office and once out of sight had someone on his staff call the police. He then went back out and started vigorously negotiating with the kids, club by club, trying to stall. He was wondering where the police were and concerned that the kids would get frustrated and leave, when a squad car pulled up to the front door.

When I arrived on the scene the kids were sitting in separate squad cars and my golf bag and clubs were laid out on the asphalt parking lot, along with everything else that was in the suspects’ car. One of the cops was taking inventory and needed me to help place a value on everything. He pointed to my driver; “What’s that worth?” A few negative thoughts came to my mind, but I said, “Hard to say. My brother built that for me.”

“Oh,” said the officer. “Custom-made. That’s gotta be $300 at least!” On we went through the contents. We got to the putter. “Now that,” I said, “Is a known offender. Better take it in for questioning.”

“Yeah,” the cop said. “I had one like that.”

When all was said and done I got my clubs back on the spot and had a chance to talk to the store manager and the officers from St. Anthony (where the theft occurred) and Roseville (where the arrest was made). Everyone, even the police, was charged up about being in on busting a case. I then got to ride in the police car again back to golf course, where it was much too late to get my round in. I went back to the Play It Again and bought pizza for the crew. (The criminal masterminds were all under 18 and were later shunted into an “alernative justice” program).

When I got home my wife asked how everything went. “Great,” I said, “Wait until you hear this….”

My kind of folks

Buffy brings the beau home

Girl brings home suitor. Father tries to frighten suitor. For real or for jest. With harsh words. An intimidating stare.

Pa used arms the size of tree trunks and a highly arched brow. A friend’s dad employed over the counter drug tests. “Here. Pee in the cup.” The old codgers from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers used guns. Lined up the boys and whipped out the rifles.

Mine used dynamite.

T was the first and last guy I ever brought home to meet the family. I was 25. We’d been together for two years and it was his first visit to Appalachia. I should have been shocked by it all. I wasn’t. Not that I expected my father and his pack of dark-eyed brothers to blow up the mountain, close down the only road out and block any chance of escape for a good portion of the day. But I didn’t not expect it either.

For Mother’s Day

Closest to the Heart

When the dust had settled,
He took it in His mighty hand,
and squeezed it close together,
and then breathed life into a man.
He saw that one was not enough,
that man alone was just a part,
so God fashioned woman from a rib,
closest to the heart.

That’s why she knows the rhythm,
of the Spirit’s inner work;
her ears hear its direction,
and to its voice she is alert.
Some call it intution,
when she perceives what God imparts,
but she’s only taken her position,
closest to His heart.

And now each life beginning,
grows from a tiny seed within,
nurtured by her body,
and all the hope that’s placed therein.
For God chose her to be the one,
to give this gift its start,
and to hold it safe against her breast,
closest to the heart.

With Godly counsel and support,
she helps her mate contend,
for by himself he’d be just one,
but she adds the strength of ten.
He’ll love her as he loves himself,
(at least he will if he is smart),
and exalt her second only unto God,
and closest to the heart.

And when her days are golden,
and she’s given all that she’s possessed,
many are the ones,
who’ll rise up and call her blessed.
And when she passes through that gate,
into the place that’s just like home,
they’ll clear a path before her,
and she’ll kneel before His throne.
“Arise my precious daughter,
for I’ve loved you from the start;
come now to the place I’ve made for you,
closest to my heart.”

– John Stewart

Chirp! Chirp!

Judging by the title, you might have guessed what has happened. We have a new birdy in the household!

We are keeping the newbie for a few days to see if she (he? It’s only 8 months old, not old enough to tell what gender it is) and Birdy-wirdy are compatible.

The sad part of the story is: my friend (Angelina) called me up and said that another of my friends (Olivia) had a bird that had died, so they were going to give away their remaining bird because it never got any attention, and it had bonded with the late birdy. So my mom called Olivia’s mom, and last night I came home from Tae Kwon Do and walked into the living room. There was a white bird cage sitting next to the cage that Birdy-wirdy was in.

“Oh,” I said. “New bird cage?” I went closer. AACCKK!! An adorable yellow face was looking at me. The new parakeet has bright yellow and green plumage (can you hear my dad in the background saying “Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue. Lovely plumage!”) with black on it’s back and tail. Mom said it’s name is Chiquita, and Olivia’s family thought that it was a girl. But I think it might be a boy, because it’s cere (the area above its beak that’s pink for a girl and blue for a boy) has a little bit of blue.

And mom said no more pets!

Ciao for now!

Hair today

In my life I’ve had maybe five hairstyles. When I was a tyke my father bought some electric hair clippers, but the only style he ever learned was a buzz cut, which was what I had until about first grade (and for a short, traumatic time in 8th grade).

In first grade I made a stylish leap forward — a “regular boy” cut, parted on the left with a slap of Brylcream to make a debonair wave back from my forehead. Eventually I ditched the Brylcream and let the hair fall over my forehead, permitting the classic head-snap, shoulder-shrug move to clear it out of my eyes. By the time I got to college (and out of my father’s sight) I let my hair grow out to about shoulder-length and even tried the part-in-the-middle thing. My hair was naturally wavy and drove the girls mad with jealousy but not much else.

I’d grown out of that by the time I went corporate and was back to the low -maintenance, part-on-the-left, just-over-the-ears-and-collar look. It was pretty much wash-and-wear, with no mousse or gel (or moose-and-squirrel) and definitely no Brylcream. It must have been ok because I was able to induce the not-yet-Reverend Mother to marry me. When I went to get my hair cut on the morning of my wedding day the stylist (perhaps at the behest of my bride) suggested I try something different.

Sure, on the single-most important day of my life, let’s take a flyer — maybe it’ll keep people from paying too much attention to the rented tux. On that day I converted to a no-part, combed straight back and moussed look, and I stuck with that for the next 19 and a half years. It may have even been stylish for a year or two of that period, but it was always neat and tidy and responded well to my comb. My hair was so used to that grooming that even if I skipped a day without the gel it would still go back that way; my wife called it “memory hair.”

Naturally, life with a hair-stylist in the family brings a certain dynamism to the home that means change is inevitable. Last week I sat down in the Mall Diva’s styling chair for a cut and mused that maybe I should try something a little diff- … well that was about all I needed to get out before the she went into a blur of hands, clippers and scissors. Fortunately she knows a few more tricks than my father, but I ended up with short hair on the sides and a little bit longer than that on top. Instead of moussing it straight back however, I was told to put the gel on my finger tips and poke it into my hair, then tousle everything back and forth once or twice, leaving it standing up and pointing in every direction.

Wow. I figured people would think I’d either paid $90 to have my hair professionally zhooshed — or they’d think I’d just gotten out of bed. It’s kind of hip, kind of now…and by the end of the day it’s a little droopy. My daughter says that is because I’m just using styling gel; I need to switch to pomade. Pomade? I could see myself going into the drug store: “I’m a Dapper Dan man, I don’t want Fop, I want Dapper Dan!”

It also feels kind of funny, especially when the breeze blows. When I catch sight of my shadow or my reflection I reflexively reach for my comb to get the strays back in formation before I remember there are supposed to be strays; if I’ve done it right I’m supposed to look like a durian fruit, or Sonic the Hedgehog. I leave my comb in my pocket, though truth be told I could probably just leave it at home.

I’m getting used to it, though, and no one’s said anything to me about it. They probably figure it’s just some mid-life crisis and they don’t want to get involved.

Eye-opener

For my wife’s last birthday someone gave her a large coffee-mug printed with a collection of insults from Shakespeare — barbs from the bard, if you will. These colorful jibes are epically epithetical. Some examples:

  • beetle-headed, flap-ear’d knave
  • quintessence of dust
  • canker-blossom
  • poisonous bunch-back’d toad
  • a fusty nut with no kernel
  • clod of wayward marl
  • roast-meat for worms
  • infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise-breaker
  • anointed sovereign of sighs and groans
  • foot-licker
  • lump of foul deformity
  • highly fed and lowly taught
  • all eyes and no sight
  • all the infections the sun sucks up
  • elvish-mark’d abortive, rooting hog
  • veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth
  • mountain of mad flesh
  • light of brain
  • bolting-hutch of beastliness
  • not so much brain as ear-wax
  • long-tongu’d babbling gossip
  • thou are a boil, a plague sore
  • I do desire that we may be better strangers

As I said, the mug was given to her. Yet she serves me my coffee in it. Methinks she’s trying to tell me something.