By the time I get to Phoenix

by the Night Writer

So, last July I started the planning for my company’s semi-annual conference for our key clients. We were in the middle of the heat of summer, and our minds were full of sun and sand as we selected a resort in the desert near Scottsdale, AZ for our February conference. I didn’t imagine that I’d have to escape a blizzard in order to get there, though.

Right from the beginning there’s a lot that goes into preparing for an event of this magnitude (our guests represent about a third of our total annualized premium) and the pace gets even faster as you get near the actual date. The last couple of weeks I’ve had several late nights at work as we counted down to yesterday’s departure. I was so wrapped up in it all that I scarcely noticed the Minneapolis weather forecast until Friday. Here we had several days in a row of temps in the 40s and NOW they want to tell me that 18 inches of snow are heading our way, with the thick of it hitting at almost the same time as my departure flight Sunday afternoon.

Sunday morning dawned gray and cold, but dry. By the time we went to church, though, the snow was coming down in those tiny little flakes that typically presage a major dumping. After church I checked on my flight status; it had been moved back from 4:15 to 4:45 but was still expected to take off. The airline in question, Sun Country, doesn’t cancel fllights unless the airport itself closes, unlike the other “hometown” airline. They merely keep pushing them back until they can take off.

It looked like whiteout conditions outside the big windows in the Humphrey terminal but our white jet eventually nosed up to the jetway like a glacier sneaking up on Minnesota, but it wasn’t ready to board until 5:20. Nevertheless, we were soon in motion shortly thereafter and I began to think we were actually going to get-away. We taxied for awhile as the engines wound up, and then were stopped because the runway needed to be plowed. After the runway was plowed, we needed another de-icing. Then we taxied some more and stopped while the runway was plowed again. Then we were told that we were finally all set to go — except that one of the airport’s ground vehicles had gotten itself stuck on the side of the runway and needed to be towed. Finally, about 7:30, we were at last airborne.

The delays were bad enough, but inside the jet it was also getting warm and muggy. Yeah, it’s a nice contrast to what’s going on outside, but not what you want as visions of jets being stranded on the tarmac for 14 hours dance through your head. Additionally, even though I had paid for the full use of my aisle seat, I was only getting about 80% of it because the large guy in the center seat next to me was spilling into my space. Now, being a kind of beefy guy myself, I tried to stay mellow about it, but being a beefy guy I really need 100% of my space and wouldn’t dream of taking 120%.

The arrangement was causing me to hangd out a bit into the aisle, which was also a problem because it was only about 18″ wide itself. Once we finally got into the air after the long delay and the seatbelt sign was turned off, half the passengers got up to get in line for the bathroom, and about half of them bumped into me on their way. Later, when I tightroped down the aisle myself to the bathroom I had to do a series of reverse-lambada moves with people heading the other direction because the aisle wasn’t big enough for two people to pass without getting more intimate than you’d typically care to do (perhaps this is where the TSA got the idea).

Earlier in the day we had prayed earnestly for favor in getting out of Minneapolis and to this conference; since I’m running it, it would be bad to miss it. The picture in my mind was the weather holding off, or opening up, so that we could get away cleanly. That wasn’t looking like the case, but I had put myself into a more laid-back frame of mind and decided not to let the situation ruin my day, and place my confidence in God that things would work out. I stayed mellow throughout, even as I literally made allowances for my seat-mate who certainly wasn’t deliberately trying to be huge. Once we got airborn we suddenly picked up a huge tailwind that knocked our flying time down to 2:23 instead of the usual 3 hours and 15 minutes. As I waited at the baggage carousel with a woman from our flight she told me that she’d just received a text from her friend saying that our flight was the last one to get out before they closed the runways last night.

God is good!

You may ask yourself, “How do I work this?”

by the Night Writer

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
wife
And you may ask yourself-Well…How did I get here?

Well, more than six years ago my beautiful wife suggested to me that I ought to look into this new thing called blogging. And then six years ago on Feb. 15 I actually launched this site, thinking I’d give it six months. And now, six years.

I suppose I could recount the number of posts, the number of visitors, the number of comments, etc., but more dear to me is the number of friends I’ve met, the thoughts shared, and the encouragement I’ve received. Not to mention, a son-in-law and a grandson!

It has also been a thrill to have used this blog to launch Tiger Lilly’s novel-writing career, and to see her win a prize (and $1,000) from the Writer’s Digest for best self-published on-line novel.

While I haven’t been as prolific here as I was six years – or even one year – ago, I have no plans to retire this site or disappear. In fact, even when I’m not writing here, I’m thinking about it, and I like the fact that I have a place here to post some of my deeper thoughts. It is good exercise for considering my words, examining my reasoning and challenging myself to communicate something that will either resonate or draw a laugh or – ideally – both. Over the years, this exercise has brought me to the point of a new venture and I’d like to take this opportunity to share this with you.

For some time I’ve been fiddling with a book in fits and starts. Some times the inspiration is there and more often there is doubt, but I believe the vision is there and it is valid and I will complete this at some point. Events in recent months, however, have galvanized me with an idea for a different book; one that I’ve already started. In fact, I started it nearly six years ago when I wrote my first post about my kids.

I am going through the old posts, collecting the ones that in one way or another reflected our family life and my wife’s and my philosophy of child-rearing. Now I am moved to organize these into a more cohesive and accessible on-line book. My objective isn’t to produce a how-to manual; there are a lot of those out there and I can’t say that my ideas are particularly original. Instead, I want this to be an exhortation, an encouragement that it is possible — against all the obstacles and distractions in the world around us — to raise godly children and to see them grow and flower in the nurture of their own convictions, becoming full-blooded, creative and inspirational adults in their own rights.

I’m doing a lot of my Night-Writing in this cause right now, as well as editing the sequel to Tiger Lilly’s first book. My expectation is that both of these will be brought out into the light this year. I will still be writing here at about my present pace, a post very week or so.

The fact is, I would never have thought such a thing was possible if I hadn’t been plugging away here all this time, and I know I would never have kept at this if it weren’t for the friendship and support of the readers (and writers) I’ve met as a result. Thank you for being there, and I’ll be seeing you.

Anorex[st]ics Inaneymous 123

Anorex[st]ics Inaneymous 123

Stick figure skirts! Haven’t done one of those for a while.

So I had a different idea in mind for today (one that didn’t really have anything to do with V-day), but once I created the comic, I decided it wasn’t nearly as funny as I thought it was. Therefore I came up with a different one (at great expense and at the last minute!), just for you. I love you guys.

Also, violence solves everything.

Ciao for now!

All our best

by the Night Writer

As with Job, that which I have feared came upon me.

Today was the day that had long been foretold and expected; my oldest daughter’s last day in our church. I had originally had a vision of this day coming about 11 years ago, and 18 months ago we had had a preview of this as the Mall Diva and Son@Night prepared to begin his pastoral internship (see the link for details) at a church in Savage, MN, but today was the real thing. S@N was officially ordained last weekend in a ceremony in his home church in Alexandria and they are leaving on Tuesday for their new ministry in Iowa. Today was the day our church finally laid our hands on them to impart our blessing in sending them on their way, hopefully lacking in nothing.

Despite the ample warning I was having trouble this week preparing for the inevitable. It began at last week’s ordination service as I met a group from the Iowa congregation that had come to Alex for the ceremony. Given the way I feel about my daughters, I started to say to the leader of the group, “We are giving you our best” but my throat got too tight. Perhaps it’s better for them to come to this revelation for themselves. A couple of times at work this week I was nearly overcome as I thought about today, but fortunately no one came into my office at those times and my phone didn’t ring. My wife and I have always tried to have the perspective that our parenting is a stewardship of what God has given us, knowing that we’d have to pass them on at some point. It’s a worthy objective, but when you start to get close to that time the mix gets lean on theory and long on reality and sometimes your thoughts close in on yourself.

This morning I was thinking about all of this and asking for strength for the service when I felt God say to me, “Your problem is you are looking at this in terms of what you are losing, when you should be looking at it as what you are giving.”

Of course. Ah, of course.

I’ve experienced the spiritual phenomenon — so contrary to the “natural” way of the world — of giving time and money and seeing these multiplied back to me so often in so many ways that there’s almost never a second thought now when an opportunity to do one or the other arises. But Matthew 6:21 also tells us that “where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Time and money are one thing, but perhaps now we were getting down to the treasure closest to the heart and hardest to part with. But truly, I could no more withhold this than any of the other, nor expect any less to come back to me in return. In truth, I had given this long ago when we had set our feet on this path, putting in motion the desire of our heart to see God glorified and his plan come to pass; a path that also included my daughter making her own choices and embracing her destiny. And all of this in the realization of how much we had already received even before we had given a thing.

Night Hens – The End of Days

Before we leave the house:

MD: Where’s my lip stuff. Oh, it’s in another pocket, that’s why I didn’t find it.
TL: Oh! It’s in another dimension, that’s why I didn’t find it.

At Espresso Royale in St. Paul:

MD slops her coffee on the table.
MD: Weren’t me.
TL: Actually it was my dear sweet sister who’s done nothing but good for me my whole life.
MD: I kind of like the sound of that.
MD: Mom, how is your danish?
RM closes her eyes and nods reverently.
MD: Are you going to share a bite with me?
RM passes the danish. MD takes bite(s), passes it back.
RM: How many bites did you take??
TL holds up three fingers.
MD gives TL a hit: One and a half!
TL: She hit me! She’s leaving in three days and she hit me!
MD: Aren’t you glad I’m leaving so I don’t hit you anymore?
TL: If it meant you would stay…
MD: You wouldn’t care if I hit you as long as I stay?

RM tries TL’s cocoa royale: That’s really good.
MD tries it: That’s spicy!
TL: It is?
MD: Don’t you feel it burning the back of your throat?
TL: Not really. I mean, I pop habaneros on a daily basis, so….

RM: [leans forward and peers at something over TL’s head] Yerba… latte?
TL: You know, I don’t really like it when you lean forward and focus on things behind and slightly above me… [imitates RM] Oh, is that a hammer? Why, yes, I believe it is! How wonderful! [humming Maxwell’s Silver Hammer]

RM: You know, I don’t think we really fit the demographic here…
TL: Why not? We’re all artists.
RM: I don’t think these people are artists… [lowers her voice dramatically] they’re more of the liberal type, I think.
MD: Well, I don’t think you can get away from that, that’s what most coffee shops are usually filled with.
TL: What is the world coming to?

MD trots off to the bathroom.
TL: [to RM] Ninja staring contest! [leans forward with wide eyes]
RM: [leans forward with wide eyes]
TL: This should be easy. You blink a lot.
RM: [blinks] … [defensively] My eyes are dry.

MD: [to TL, about hair] Let me see your purple.
RM: It’s fading into a not so nice color.
MD: We’ll have to dye it again.
TL: Can we blue it?
RM: [horrified] “Can we GLUE it?”!
TL: Bluueeee.
MD: Yeah, we could put blue in it..
RM: You should put true red in it.
MD: Oooh, you know what we could do is put some true red here, then there’s her orange, and then put in some blond! It’s be a gradation!
TL: I’m not comfortable with the direction of this conversation…
MD: OR, to make the purple go away real fast, we could just shave off that triangle of hair right there!
RM: [blanches] [to TL] You’re pretty, but I’m not sure it could survive that…
MD: Your prettiness would die!
TL: T.T

This is the end of an era. Final Night Hens post before MD and Uncle Ben take the baby moose and flee to Iowa.

Challenger

by the Night Writer

It was 25 years ago today when the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded on live TV shortly after take-off, killing the seven astronauts (including a civilian schoolteacher who was part of the mission) while the nation watched in horror. I was at work that day and I don’t recall how we first heard the news. Nobody had internet access in the office in those days and few listened to the radio in our office. Someone probably got a call from outside, but the news spread quickly. One of my co-workers had a computer monitor that could pick up TV signals, so we gathered around that constantly, hoping minute by minute for more news or an explanation. After about an hour my boss came over and told us all, gently, that we needed to get back to work.

I felt depressed and almost ill all day after that and that night at home I got one of those junk calls – someone selling siding or something. Rather than hang up or ream him out or play with his mind as I typically did back then I said, “You know, I really just don’t feel like getting into this right now.” The caller responded, “Yeah, I know what you mean.” We then spent the next five or ten minutes talking about the Challenger and the astronauts, their families and what the President had said and then we hung up.

In those few minutes, in that most unlikely situation, and in that shared tragedy we, too, “slipped the surly bonds of earth” and our isolated lives to become part of something much greater.

Fun stuff!

by Tiger Lilly

Over the weekend, I received a piece of mail from Writer’s Digest (waaayyyyy back in October, I found out that I had won their Self-published Book Awards contest). It included some of the prizes that I had won, such as:
WDvert_bw

It also included a judge’s commentary, which I want to share with you today. Here is what it said:

On a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 meaning “poor” and 5 meaning “excellent,” please evaluate the following:

Plot: 4 1/2
Grammar: 5
Character Development: 5
Production quality and cover design: 5

Needless to say, I was quite ecstatic (especially about the character development part, since that’s something I tend to worry about). But that wasn’t all…

What did you like best about this book?
Congratulations on writing and publishing your book! Excellent cover design and great title! You have a very marketable book to the young adult readership. Great characterization and good dialogue. Good attention to grammar, proofreading, and formatting of the book.

How can the author improve this book?
Try not to start with a Prologue if at all possible. The font used for the chapter titles is a little hard to read.

Again, needless to say there was some jumping up and down and chocolate nomming. I did wish that the commentary was a little more in-depth, but that’s what the Midwest Book review (also guaranteed in my prize package) is for!

Ciao for now, and thanks for sticking with me!

Anorex[st]ics Inaneymous 120

Anorex[st]ics Inaneymous 120

Hey, look, I actually got an on-time scheduled midnight update for once (what’s the future like, guys?). Instead of many much several hours later. Hell must have frozen over (so that explains the freezing cold weather).

In other news, I got my permit last Friday (you all can keep your snide remarks to yourselves), and some other news which I promise I will share with you when I am less tired and can think beyond, ‘finger to keyboard zzzzzzzz’. I’ll try to post it tomorrow (er, later today).

Ciao for now!