Turning toward the mourning

Turning Toward the Morning
by Gordon Bok

When the deer has bedded down
And the bear has gone to ground,
And the northern goose has wandered off
To warmer bay and sound,
It’s so easy in the cold to feel
The darkness of the year
And the heart is growing lonely
For the morning

Oh, my Joanie, don’t you know
That the stars are swinging slow,
And the seas are rolling easy
As they did so long ago?
If I had a thing to give you,
I would tell you one more time
That the world is always turning
Toward the morning.

Now October’s growing thin
And November’s coming home;
You’ll be thinking of the season
And the sad things that you’ve seen,
And you hear that old wind walking,
Hear him singing high and thin,
You could swear he’s out there singing
Of your sorrow.

When the darkness falls around you
And the Northwind comes to blow,
And you hear him call your name out
As he walks the brittle snow:
That old wind don’t mean you trouble,
He don’t care or even know,
He’s just walking down the darkness
Toward the morning.

It’s a pity we don’t know
What the little flowers know.
They can’t face the cold November
They can’t take the wind and snow:
They put their glories all behind them,
Bow their heads and let it go,
But you know they’ll be there shining
In the morning.

Now, my Joanie, don’t you know
That the days are rolling slow,
And the winter’s walking easy,
As he did so long ago?
And, if that wind would come and ask you,
“Why’s my Joanie weeping so?”
Wont you tell him that you’re weeping
For the morning?

Now October’s growing thin and November’s coming home. I’m thinking of the season and the sad things that I’ve seen.

In the morning I’ll be turning south, toward what was my father’s house…

What you realize

What You Realize When Cancer Comes

You will not live forever—No
you will not, for a ceiling of clouds
hovers in the sky.

You are not as brave
as you once thought.
Sounds of death
echo in your chest.

You feel the bite of pain,
the taste of it running
through you.

Following the telling to friends
comes a silence of
felt goodbyes. You come to know
the welling of tears.

Your children are stronger
than you thought and
closer to your skin.

The beauty of animals
birds on telephone lines,
dogs who look into your eyes,
all bring you peace.

You want no more confusion
than what already rises
in your head and heart.

You watch television less,
will never read all those books,
much less the ones
you have.

Songs can move you now, so that
you want to hold onto the words
like the hands of children.

Your own hands look good to you.
old and familiar
as water.

You read your lover’s skin
like a road map
into yourself.

All touch is precious now.

There are echoes

in the words thrown
before you.

When they take your picture now
you wet your lips, swallow once
and truly smile.

Talk of your lost parents
pulls you out, and
brings you home again.

You are in a river
flowing in and through you.
Take a breath. Reach out your arms.
You can survive.

A river is flowing
flowing in and through you.
Take a breath. Reach out your arms
.

“What You Realize When Cancer Comes” by Larry Smith, from A River Remains. © WordTech Editions.

Six years

Night Writer 

For the Falling Man
by Annie Farnsworth

I see you again and again
tumbling out of the sky,
in your slate-grey suit and pressed white shirt.
At first I thought you were debris
from the explosion, maybe gray plaster wall
or fuselage but then I realized
that people were leaping.
I know who you are, I know
there’s more to you than just this image
on the news, this ragdoll plummeting—
I know you were someone’s lover, husband,
daddy. Last night you read stories
to your children, tucked them in, then curled into sleep
next to your wife. Perhaps there was small
sleepy talk of the future. Then,
before your morning coffee had cooled
you’d come to this; a choice between fire
or falling.
How feeble these words, billowing
in this aftermath, how ineffectual
this utterance of sorrow. We can see plainly
it’s hopeless, even as the words trail from our mouths
—but we can’t help ourselves—how I wish
we could trade them for something
that could really have caught you.

“For the Falling Man” by Annie Farnsworth from Bodies of Water, Bodies of Light. © Annie Farnsworth.

On his last (stubby) legs

No, this isn’t a post about Strommie the would-be polygamist who may or may not be being hunted by Kevin, but about another member of the family — our failing guinea pig, Piggy-Wiggy.

He’s not eating which, given his normal appetite, is either a sign of the apocalypse or of ill health. He’s not taken a morsel for two days, even when enticed with succulent dandelion stems, the crispiest greenbeans or even his favorite treat — a Tic-Tac (the sound of a shaken plastic dispenser half-full of mints usually brings him storming eagerly to the bars of his cage). I suppose if eating your own excrement was a regular part of your diet you might look forward to a Tic-Tac or two as well.

Don’t misunderstand — this has been a well-fed piggy-wiggy. He recently finished chewing his way through an entire bale of Timothy Hay, and the Reverend Mother has always prepared him a lovely breakfast salad of fresh greens and cucumber, meanwhile our yard has never wanted for dandelions, which I think he liked because the little fuzzy seeds tickled his nose.

He’s at least seven years old, which we’ve learned is a ripe old age for a guinea pig. We’ve had him for four years or so, and rescued him from a home with heavy smokers. The white parts of his fur were yellow when we got him and it took a couple of shampoos to restore his natural tones. He was especially lethargic this morning, which the Reverend Mother noticed and reported to the girls, along with the warning to prepare themselves. The Mall Diva and Tiger Lilly were distraught, and took turns sitting with him in their laps for over an hour this morning, working their way through a box of Kleenex in much the same way he used to work his way through a bag of baby carrots.

He’s always been a paranoid guinea pig, convinced that everything wanted to eat him, dashing into his plastic pigloo at the slightest disturbance and acting as if a warm bath was in reality some kind of sinister marinade. This may have been hard-wired into his genes. My sister-in-law, who is from Ecuador, was bemused to find we had a guinea pig for a pet. She said her grandmother, who raised guinea pigs, would have thought we were as strange as someone who kept, say, a rooster for a pet. That’s because her grandmother raised GPs for food, not companionship.

This morning, however, our pig seemed resigned and rested quietly with the girls, making an occasional grunt of contentment as they stroked his fur. They eventually had to put him back in his cage as they prepared for their expedition today, and I’ve been monitoring him since then; this is more of a hospice, not a hospital — I’ll be sure he’s as comfortable as can be, but there’ll be no heroic life-preserving interventions.

Then again, he might just pull out of it, declare that he’s feeling better and that he thinks he’ll go for a walk. If he should, however, expire today it will be an odd Memorial Day coincidence to go along with our last cat dying on Valentine’s Day earlier this year.

I’ll leave it to the Diva or Tiger Lilly to provide updates, if they’re able. No one likes to see his children cry, and I feel sadder for them than for Piggy-Wiggy, who – face it – has had a good run. Right now I’m reminded of a poem I came across and saved a couple of years ago right about the time our hamster took his last spin around the exercise wheel.

Forty-One, Alone, No Gerbil
In the strange quiet, I realize
there’s no one else in the house.
No bucktooth mouth pulls at a stainless-steel teat, no
hairy mammal runs on a treadmill—
Charlie is dead, the last of our children’s half-children.
When our daughter found him lying in the shavings,
trans-mogrified backwards from a living body into a bolt of rodent bread
she turned her back on early motherhood
and went on single, with nothing. Crackers, Fluffy, Pretzel, Biscuit, Charlie,
buried on the old farm we bought
where she could know nature. Well, now she knows it and it sucks.
Creatures she loved, mobile and needy, have gone down stiff and indifferent,
she will not adopt again
though she cannot have children yet,
her body like a blueprint
of the understructure for a woman’s body,
so now everything stops for a while,
now I must wait many years
to hear in this house again the faint
powerful call of a young animal.
by Sharon Olds, from The Wellspring © Alfred A. Knopf.

Update:

Our beloved Piggy-wiggy died last night after a few seizures. I miss him so much right now. I feel really bad that he had to die alone in the dark. He was my baby, and if love could have saved him, he would have lived forever. Same goes for the cat.
TL.

Of the veterans

A couple of thoughts on this Veteran’s Day. A little while back I heard a song on The Current that haunted the back of my mind. I heard it again this last week and it’s hold grew on me so that I downloaded it from iTunes. The song is by Eliza Gilkyson, from her Paradise Hotel album, and the lyrics are taken from letters written by her ancestor, Jedidiah Huntington, who commanded troops in the Revolutionary War and fought beside George Washington. While I don’t think I share many political views with Ms. Gilkyson, Jedidiah’s words from the past moved me much as they must have moved her. Here are the lyrics:

Jedidiah 1777
(Eliza Gilkyson)

Jedidiah out in the snow
Walkin’ the frozen trenchlines
Wet boots and his wool coat comin’ apart at the seams.
Rations of hard-baked dough,
Handfuls of melting snow
What else can a man live on but his dreams?

Not twenty miles away,
in the mansions of Philadelphia,
Loyalists lay their money down on the king.
We’ve provision enough for the day,
but if victory were just for the wealthy
Our noble cause wouldn’t be worth the hardship we’re suffering.

Send the cloth for a good waistcoat,
I dream of your hearth and the fields of oat.
I awake to the drum and the trembling note of the piper.
May it please God in His great mercy,
To shelter our friends and our family.
I remain your son most faithfully,
Jedidiah

I have seen a man, who has seen a man
who has heard the king,
Tell of his intention our independence to declare.
The peace will undoubtedly bring
A great revolution in commerce;
May it be our rightful fortune to come in for a share.

My regards to a certain Miss Moore,
I’ve stated my honorable intentions for her;
That upon my return from this necessary war she’ll be my wife.
May it please God in His great mercy
to restore the joys of domesticity.
Salutations to the family,
Jedidiah

I rejoice that the cause we’re engaged in
is in the hands of an Almighty Sovereign;
Who I doubt not is accomplishing the ends of His desire.
My love to you and the fair Miss Moore;
Spare me a bottle from the cellar store,
and in my name let the contents pour,
Jedidiah

I’m moved by the sacrifice and spirit that runs through the song. Jedidiah survived the war and married Miss Moore and led a very distinguished life as the biographical link describes.

Also, just in time for Veteran’s Day, I’m very happy to announce that the Gary Cooper classic “Sergeant York” became available at last on DVD this week. This is an amazing (and almost entirely true) story that is seldom remembered. I’ve shown the movie twice to teenage boys as part of my Fundamentals in Film series (most recently last night) and it’s hard to believe the reaction it gets. Even though the movie is set in World War I, filmed in black and white and the Tennessee accents are a little thick for northern ears, the boys embraced this movie. They’ve laughed out loud at the many humorous scenes, grown thoughtful as the main character, Alvin York, wrestles with his faith and his duty, and rolled their eyes a bit at the love story. The discussion after the movie last night was one of our best I’ve had with this present group of boys.

If you’ve never seen this movie, or haven’t watched it in a long time, you definitely need to check it out (it’s available on Netflix, btw, which mailed it to me the day before it was officially released). Though it might appear at first as a rather simple story, it’s an excellent tonic for our age that will encourage your faith, stimulate your thinking and deepen your appreciation for what our veterans have endured for our country.

All too familiar

The Writer’s Almanac had this poem today by Linda Pastan from her book, Queen of a Rainy Country. It’s an apt description of the way I often feel about blogging.

Rereading Frost

Sometimes I think all the best poems
have been written already,
and no one has time to read them,
so why try to write more?

At other times though,
I remember how one flower
in a meadow already full of flowers
somehow adds to the general fireworks effect

as you get to the top of a hill
in Colorado, say, in high summer
and just look down at all that brimming color.
I also try to convince myself

that the smallest note of the smallest
instrument in the band,
the triangle for instance,
is important to the conductor

who stands there, pointing his finger
in the direction of the percussions,
demanding that one silvery ping.
And I decide not to stop trying,

at least not for a while, though in truth
I’d rather just sit here reading
how someone else has been acquainted
with the night already, and perfectly.
— Linda Pastan

New: 10 to remember



Lists can be hard things to keep straight; the names of the seven dwarfs, each of the 12 days of Christmas (or all the 12 steps), eight wonders of the world without a catchy rhyme or jingle (I bet you can rattle off the seven ingredients of a Big Mac).



Here’s a handy rhyme in the public domain that appeared over the weekedn in The Writer’s Almanac:



The Ten Commandments



I. -Have thou no other gods but me,

II. -And to no image bow thy knee.

III. -Take not the name of God in vain:

IV. -The sabbath day do not profane.

V. -Honour thy father and mother too;

VI. -And see that thou no murder do.

VII. -Abstain from words and deeds unclean;

VIII. -Nor steal, though thou art poor and mean.

IX. -Bear not false witness, shun that blot;

X. -What is thy neighbor’s covet not.



-These laws, O Lord, write in my heart, that I,

-May in thy faithful service live and die.




Hail the longly-weds

I’m leaving for Missouri tomorrow so I can celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of my Uncle Bob and Aunt Joyce with the rest of my family. I’ve got a lot to do today before I leave however, including finishing tomorrow’s Fundamentals in Film offering, so this may be my only post today.

My kids call Uncle Bob “Uncle Bubba” and they love visiting Aunt Joyce because they get to make homemade doughnuts and other treats. To me though they don’t seem old enough to fit the picture I have in my mind of what people married 50 years look like; they’re just people I’ve known, literally, all my life. If I do the math however it adds up irrefutably and reminds me that my own parents will hit their golden anniversary at the end of this year as well. No doubt there are a lot of profound things to say about the times and seasons that go into this accomplishment, and no doubt these will all occur to me over the next couple of days. For now, though, I’m simply reminded of a poem by Leah Furnas that I came across last year and set aside.

The Longly-Weds Know
That it isn’t about the Golden Anniversary at all,
But about all the unremarkable years
that Hallmark doesn’t even make a card for.

It’s about the 2nd anniversary when they were surprised to find they cared for each other more than last year

And the 4th when both kids had chickenpox
and she threw her shoe at him for no real reason

And the 6th when he accidentally got drunk on the way home from work because being a husband and father was so damn hard

It’s about the 11th and 12th and 13th years when
they discovered they could survive crisis

And the 22nd anniversary when they looked
at each other across the empty nest, and found it good.

It’s about the 37th year when she finally
decided she could never change him

And the 38th when he decided a little change wasn’t that bad

It’s about the 46th anniversary when they both
bought cards, and forgot to give them to each other

But most of all it’s about the end of the 49th year
when they discovered you don’t have to be old to have your 50th anniversary!!!!

“The Longly-Weds Know” by Leah Furnas, from To Love One Another © Grayson Books.

Bob and Joyce also made an appearance in this post from last spring.

One Answer



The Answer
by Rudyard Kipling

A Rose, in tatters on the garden path,

Cried out to God and murmured ‘gainst His Wrath,

Because a sudden wind at twilight’s hush

Had snapped her stem alone of all the bush.

And God, Who hears both sun-dried dust and sun,

Had pity, whispering to that luckless one,

“Sister, in that thou sayest We did not well —

What voices heardst thou when thy petals fell?”

And the Rose answered, “In that evil hour

A voice said, ‘Father, wherefore falls the flower?

For lo, the very gossamers are still.’

And a voice answered, ‘Son, by Allah’s will!'”


Then softly as a rain-mist on the sward,

Came to the Rose the Answer of the Lord:

“Sister, before We smote the dark in twain,

Ere yet the stars saw one another plain,

Time, Tide, and Space, We bound unto the task

That thou shouldst fall, and such an one should ask.”

Whereat the withered flower, all content,

Died as they die whose days are innocent;

While he who questioned why the flower fell

Caught hold of God and saved his soul from Hell.


Thanks, I Needed That

I saw this posted by Aelfheld over at Gall & Wormwood, who originally received it from Dan Howell. It made for a good ending to a long day.

The young mother set her foot on the path of life. “Is this the long way?” she asked. And the guide said “Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning.”

But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, she fed them and bathed them, and taught them how to tie their shoes and ride a bike and reminded them to feed the dog, and do their homework and brush their teeth. The sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, “Nothing will ever be lovelier than this.”

Then the nights came, and the storms, and the path was sometimes dark,and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her arms, and the children said, “Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come.”

And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children, “A little patience and we are there.”

So the children climbed, and as they climbed they learned to weather the storms. And with this, she gave them strength to face the world. Year after year, she showed them compassion, understanding, hope, but most of all…..unconditional love. And when they reached the top they said, “Mother, we would not have done it without you.”

The days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she became little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And the mother, when she lay down at night, looked up at the stars and said, “This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned so much and are now passing these traits on to their children.”

And when the way became rough for her, they lifted her, and gave her their strength, just as she had given them hers. One day they came to a hill, and beyond the hill, they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said: “I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk with dignity and pride, with their heads held high, and so can their children after them.”

And the children said, “You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates.” And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: “We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence.”

Your Mother is always with you. She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and perfume that she wore, she’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well, she’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, she is Christmas morning. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she’s crystallized in every tear drop. A mother shows every emotion …….. happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, helpless-ness, excitement, joy, sorrow…..and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good feelings in life.

She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space…….not even death!