The Reverend Mother, A to Z (with pictures)

Princess Flickerfeather tagged me for this meme, so here goes.

Wash my eyes

Thursday night I was giving Uncle Ben a ride home to the monastery after a fairly successful trivia challenge evening at Keegan’s (one first-place victory and a finish just one point out of the money in another). We drove past a night club that had a huge line of young people waiting to get inside. Suddenly, we were assaulted.

Standing in one group was a blonde Valkyrie with her back toward us. Ben estimated her at 240 pounds. She was “clad” in a plaid mini-skirt that might have been modest on Renee Zellweger, but was more of a sash on Brunhilde as it did an inadequate job of covering her thong – or anything else. Ben was thinking cottage cheese, but I think a more apt description would be a topographical map of the, er, moon.

Now I know the proper response to such an exposure is to look away, and believe me, we did. We looked away so firmly that I think my car almost jumped the curb and hit a streetlight. I also know there are many forms of beauty and appreciation for such (when in the proper context), and I try hard to refrain from making judgments about people based on their physical appearance (comely or otherwise), but such a deliberate “in-your-face” display suggests a certain aggressive, anti-social attitude. I don’t know what she was thinking, but I don’t imagine it was nice.

I’m telling you, the streets aren’t safe.

At home in the Dome

I’ve made passing mention here a couple of times that I used to be a scoreboard operator at the Metrodome, working games for the Twins, Vikings and Gophers as well as working the odd (some odder than others) concert, tractor-pull or pro-wrasslin’ match. I only mentioned it before to add context to whatever else I was writing about at the time, figuring some time I’d get around to dedicating a post to the experience and offering a glimpse of what goes on behind the scenes at major sporting events. I don’t know that there’s ever a perfect time to write something like that, but an e-mailer did ask for more Dome details the other day, so here goes.

Back in early 1982 I was an over-extended single guy looking for a part-time job to supplement my income, but I didn’t want to work at McDonald’s or someplace where someone I knew might see me. Perusing the want ads one day I saw an ad that went something like this: “Part-time opportunity, evenings and week-ends. Must be knowledgeable about football and baseball, able to type 50+ wpm and not afraid to perform in front of large crowds. For more info contact…” There was no mention of what the job was, and I almost dismissed it. The more I thought about it, though, I realized that there wasn’t anything in the ad that didn’t apply to me…even the large crowds thing. I applied, was interviewed, given a typing test and, obviously, hired.

There were 8 scoreboard operators plus Dick Davis from the Metropolitan Sports Commission who was in charge of the scoreboard and us. We were divided into two four-person teams and I was the only person who wasn’t a school teacher; six of the others, in fact, where coaches or had experience coaching as well. The system was all computer operated (though our first computers were very large and almost primitive) and there was a minor stink in the Strib before the season started because the new computerized system meant replacing the old groundskeepers from the Met who had been hanging the signs for the old board. Whatever.

The two crews alternated games, and within the crews we rotated through the four scoreboard positions on a game-by-game basis. Originally the job required someone to register balls, strikes, runs and the line score; someone to type in and display advertising and other messages during the course of the game; someone to keep track of and update out of town games; and someone to operate the sole video camera, perched on the second-deck fascia above third base. Unless the game was televised (and a lot of Twins games then weren’t) this was the stadium’s replay camera, beaming images to the black and white (black and yellow, actually) board, to be displayed through thousands of lightbulbs (“fuzz-dots” we called ’em). Resolution wasn’t very good, but you could see things well enough to recognize yourself if a crowd shot was put on the board.

The first balls & strikes console was a twitchy piece of dreck that didn’t have all the bugs worked out. Often you’d push the button for a ball or strike and it would delay the display long enough that you’d think it hadn’t registered the input, so you’d push again – only to see double strikes or balls suddenly go up. Push the button too hard to ensure it was registered and the same thing could happen. This was very frustrating to the operators and to the people in the press box, who were always looking for something to criticize.

Sid Hartman, the grand old man of Minnesota sportswriting, was especially incensed by this type of malfunction. The press box was immediately outside the door of our room and any time a “double-clutch” occurred he’d jump up and storm in to announce that the count was wrong, as if we didn’t know it. I was working the out-of-town board one evening when Sid made about six trips into our “office”. When another glitch occurred he was on his way in again. I happened to be standing by the door, however, so I innocently turned my back to it as if to look over the shoulder of the guy working the message board, while casually flipping the door lock into place. There was much door rattling and cursing; muffled as it was by our air-conditioned booth, but I think I did hear mentions of my parentage and my own capability to ever father children, but he finally went away and didn’t come back the rest of the game.

That was actually kind of a fun memory. One of my worst moments, however, came before a game against the Blue Jays. Tony Kubek had recently been demoted from the “Game of the Week” and was working the back-up GOTW. He was also the main broadcaster for the Jays, which I didn’t know at the time. Anyway, I’m walking through the press box and here comes Tony Kubek! I say, with some amazement, “Hey, Tony Kubek!” He smiles. I then blurt, “Are we the back-up game today?” I wasn’t trying to bust his chops; I was just surprised that the Twins of that era might be considered for a national broadcast (even if as a back-up). Mr. Kubek was not pleased. Dick Davis, however, witnessed the scene and thought it was one of the funniest things he’d ever seen and would never let me forget it, especially any time Kubek returned to the Dome.

There were other hero-sightings as well. In the early days we actually had to go down to the locker rooms to get the lineups, which were posted on a corkboard in the home and visitor clubhouses. I remember that Reggie Jackson, in boxers, tank-top and beat-up flip-flops, looked really old and that his calves seemed impossibly skinny. Ted Simmons wearing nothing but a jock is not a sight I’d wish on anyone. Another time I was writing down the visiting lineup, my piece of paper pressed against the wall under the corkboard. I finished and turned around to leave – and almost hit Sparky Anderson in the nose with my elbow. He’d walked up behind me and was eating a bowl of vegetable soup and watching me write down the lineup, or was perhaps just pondering making a change, and I’d never heard him approach. At least he laughed about it.

Another time I got the hairy eyeball from Don Drysdale when the White Sox were in town. He was standing in the back of the press box eating a hot dog when I came out of the scoreboard room about 20 feet from him. All of a sudden a fan in the row in front of the press box reached over the divider and grabbed my shoulder, shoved a baseball at me and said, “Hey, buddy – get Drysdale’s autograph for me.” It happened so quickly that I just obeyed, somewhat stupefied. I approached DD with the ball (he was close enough to hear what was going on) and he glared at me but took the ball and signed it (later I’d hear from others what a tough autograph he was). I barely got a “thanks” from the guy who gave me the ball. I should have kept it.

In addition to working World Series and ALCS games and an All Star game I also had the privilege of working Scott Erickson’s no-hitter and I got paid to see Dave Winfield’s and Eddie Murray’s 3,000th hits. I was also there the night Dave Kingman hit a monstrous foul ball straight up that never came down. The ball went into one of the holes stitched into the underlining of the Dome roof and disappeared. The funniest thing was all the Twins infielders (including shortstop Houston Jiminez – all 5′ 3″ inches of him) gathered in the middle of the infield, looking up at the roof in the hopes of fielding the pop-up. As the seconds went by, though, they started to get really nervous. All of a sudden they all simultaneously ducked and scattered in different directions expecting to be struck by the phantom ball that was never there. The next day someone in the Twins front office got the bright idea that before the first pitch of the game they’d have someone drop a ball from the ceiling and Mickey Hatcher would catch it and the umpire would call “Out”. Someone got up on the catwalk, Mickey and the ump positioned themselves near home plate, and the ball was dropped – by the guy above and by the guy with the glove.

One of my all-time favorite memories, however, came when I was working the camera back in the fuzz-dot days and doing crowd shots between innings. As I panned over a boy that was about 10 years old he saw he was on the board and then thought it would be funny to flip me off. Dick was in my headset saying, “Get off him! Get off him!” but I said, “No, just stick with me here” and I zoomed in on the kid, who immediately got very shy and embarrassed. He walked over a few seats and sat down low, trying to get out of sight. He looked up at the board and saw he was still up there. He slunk down even further and moved over several more seats, and I again followed him. By this time the crowd was laughing so the kid got up and ran up the stairs to the concourse. About that time the inning was beginning and Dick said, “OK, back to the game” but I suggested he take the camera shot off the board but to stay with me. He agreed and sure enough, a few minutes later the kid stuck his head back in from the concourse and looked to see if the coast was clear. Seeing the line score on the board he stepped back into the aisle. “Now!” I said and Dick immediately put the camera shot back on the board — the crowd roared, the players on the field (I was told) started turning around trying to figure out what was going on, and the kid high-tailed it back out to the concourse and has probably never gone to a ballgame since.

The camera also helped me get published in Sports Illustrated! Back in the day when Bob Uecker was doing his “I must be in the front rooow” commercials for Miller Lite, the Brewers came to the Dome for a series. Ueck’s commercials, if you recall, ended with him way out by himself in center field, hollering to the nearest guy, “Great seats, eh, buddy?” As the game went on I saw some guy sitting in the upper deck, center field, all by himself. I zoomed in on him (showing plenty of empty seats) and asked Dick through the headset, “Is that Bob Uecker?” He thought that was pretty funny so he told the guy working the message board to create a 1/3 board message with the words “Is that Bob Uecker?” to go alongside my camera shot. A couple of weeks later SI came out with a story about Ueck and the article started off by referring to my caption and camera shot from the Dome.

Well, those are some of the baseball memories. There’s more I could write about some of the amazing things I did and saw at football games, tractor-pulls and the Pink Floyd and Rolling Stones concerts, but I’ll save those for another time.

Thinking blogger

Leo at Pscymeistr’s Ice Palace bestowed upon me a Thinking Blogger award last week, and since I’ve been so busy thinking and working (and only lightly blogging) I haven’t had a chance to acknowledge his kind honor or carry on the meme by naming five other bloggers who’s work makes me think. I think, therefore, it’s high time to say “thanks” and “aw, shucks” to Leo. Your blog also makes me think — and usually my thoughts are “Amen!” You are both passionate and prolific and those are admirable qualities in a blogger.

Naming five other bloggers that make me think is kind of hard, not because there aren’t worthy ones out there, but because so many of my favorite thinking blogs such as Port McClellan, Portia Rediscovered and Surly’s Soap Box have all shut down recently. Like shark’s teeth, however, when some wear out there are others ready to move up — and they’re just as sharp. I have a comparatively short blogroll but everyone on it is well worth reading and have moved me on a regular basis with their wit, analysis or writing skill. In particular, though, I will point out five that are especially thoughtful or thought-provoking.

  1. Jay Reding. I first stumbled onto Jay’s blog shortly after I began blogging. If I had read him before then I may have been totally discouraged in my own abilities and never started. Jay provides articulate but concise analysis of the political and legal (funny how much those two intertwine) news of the day. I kind of miss the often intriguing Point/Counterpoint of his Comments section (and participated a few times) now that he’s all but eliminated it, but like bugs to a zapper on a summer night, he was attracting too many insects driven by mindless instinct rather than intellect. Good move, Jay. That kind of thing can be amusing and even satisfying for a little while, but there are far too many other interesting things to do on a summer night than fry insects’ brains.
  2. Over at the Wide Awake Cafe, it’s usually time to wake up and smell the coffee as proprietor Laura Lee Donoho serves up a stimulating blog. Her background in a military family and as an officer’s wife brings a certain clarity and perspective, while her artistic skills and sensibility add cream and sugar. It’s a great place to sit a spell and enjoy the genteel southern charm — but sometimes the crockery does fly!
  3. Fireworks are usually on the agenda over at Amy Ridenour’s National Center Blog. Crisp and to the point, Amy and her contributors hold forth on politics, global warming, the free market, individual liberty and personal responsibility. This site is a great source for blogging ideas and useful facts when you’re feeling a little stale. Currently I’m appreciating the excerpts Amy is putting up from the National Center for Public Policy Research’s book, Shattered Dreams: One Hundred Stories of Government Abuse.
  4. Uncorrelated is a blog I discovered a few months ago and keeps me coming back to read Mick, Mark and Dave’s take on national and international news and events — often from stories you’re not seeing in the MSM. Their blog was about the only reliable source for details of the Trolley Square shooting in Salt Lake City last February (where an armed citizen an off-duty policeman, stopped a maniac who had already killed six people and was gunning for more). The guys have an ambitious and wide-ranging Categories list in the left sidebar that also makes for interesting browsing.
  5. Half a World Away. As much as I like staying informed and reading good, witty analysis, my greatest joy in the blogosphere is coming across great writers, regardless of what they’re writing about. Peter Kelley toiled for a number of years in high-powered business but has recently experienced a huge shift in his life, moving his young family to Amsterdam where he gets to share their discoveries and his own eye for detail and description with readers. This blog really makes me think … about how much I wish I could have the experiences Peter is having!

One thing I’ve just realized about each of the blogs I’ve listed is that they’re not really the kind of blogs given to memes such as this. If they want to participate, however, the rules are simple:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think; 2. Link to The Thinking Blog so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme; 3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ graphic!

Keep on a-rocking me

One day last week a co-worker on maternity leave brought her new little daughter to the office for show and tell. There’s a distinctive commotion when someone brings a baby into the workplace, marked by multiple, high-pitched cooings and cluckings. It’s completely different from the sound of someone bringing doughnuts, for example.

Nevertheless, I looked out over the cubicle walls anyway and saw about a dozen female heads clustered together focusing on something in the midst of them, and I figured they weren’t watching a football game. I walked over in time to see the mother hand the infant off to one of her friends who, within moments, began the distinctive side-to-side rocking motion adults do when holding a child. Not only that, but within minutes the entire cluster was swaying sympathetically as well, including myself. I’m sure it’s a phenomenon we’re all familiar with.

I remembered this little scene again on Sunday morning at church. After we began with praise and worship there was truly a sense of the presence of God in our midst and as I stood in the moment I found myself gently swaying side to side in the exact same way I had earlier in the week, and the recognition of that kind of startled me. I looked around the room and easily two-thirds of the congregation were also quietly swaying in the same way.

Something in us or passed on to us naturally makes us adults rock to comfort a baby that’s hungry, scared or has made a mess. Just as naturally, something in us or passed on to us draws us, even as adults, when we are hungry, scared or have made a mess of things. Then God takes us in his arms, and the breath of His spirit goes “Shhh-shh-shhh, it’s going to be all right.” And it is.

Father of the Year Moment

Even though we were born on the same day in the same year, I don’t have much interest in Alec Baldwin or his views. Hence I enjoyed a mild schadenfreude last Friday when I saw headlines about him leaving an angry voicemail for his 11-year-old daughter. It was kind of funny for him to find himself the target of all the Tsk-Tsking for a change.

I didn’t have time to read the articles, though, so it wasn’t until I was driving home and listening to Jason Lewis that I heard the recording of the conversation as well as the background that explained that Baldwin was upset because his daughter, who doesn’t live with him, had developed the habit of not answering her phone for the pre-appointed phone calls that are part of his visitation rights and his efforts to parent from across the country. Given that understanding, I was more sympathetic to him as I listened to the tape and heard him venting the frustration, hurt and humiliation he was experiencing because of his daughter’s behavior and thought that it didn’t reflect well on her that she’d act that way and then even turn over the recording to the media.

“That’s a child,” I thought, “with issues.” Not the least of which is being called a “selfish pig” by your father. I couldn’t help but think about tape and the relationship after I got out of the car and it suddenly occurred to me that Baldwin’s outburst, while initiated by his daughter, was all about how she had made him feel, what he had to put up, what efforts he had made and what he wasn’t going to put with. In short, it was all about HIM, and I thought that selfishness perhaps runs in the family.

Not that my children haven’t been the catalysts for some of my own tirades and that my own rants are known for their flawless reason and selfless eloquence, but it occurred to me that the things that have most upset me (and let me emphasize that there have been very few of these occasions) are times when they were inconsiderate of others or short-sighted in their actions. My concerns then were not in the offense that they may have done to me or to others (even if inadvertent) but in terms of the quality of their character and the potentially negative consequences they could experience as they grew up if their offense wasn’t recognized and dealt with. Part and parcel of that has been to inculcate in them a second-nature awareness of how their words and actions affect others and how empathy is better than sympathy.

Last week the Fundamentals in Film class that I teach to teenage boys watched To Kill a Mockingbird, and our discussion during and after the movie was about courage, commitment to do what is right and the part that prejudice and preconceptions plays even today in events such as the Duke lacrosse case or even the shootings at Virginia Tech. Perhaps the greatest lesson, however, is Atticus’ belief that you can’t really know a person until you’ve walked around in his skin for a little bit; i.e., put yourself in that person’s shoes and go for a little walk. Sociopaths like the Virginia Tech shooter (I won’t even use his name, given his desire for notoriety) are completely wrapped up in themselves and their feelings and have not a whit’s worth of concern or empathy for their victims and their families. Mass murder takes it to the extreme, but our own lack of awareness can also be devastating to others and (to be selfish) a source of great regret for ourselves later.

Empathy doesn’t automatically excuse or justify another’s actions, especially if they are heinous, but it can help us to understand them and to ponder our own shortcomings in a beneficial, not abusive, way. I empathize with Alec Baldwin, but I hope this experience and lesson (painful as it may be) ultimately has a positive effect on him and his daughter.

More from the Greatest Generation

Miss America 1944, Venus Ramey, used her .38 pistol to shoot out the tires of a would-be thief trying to steal equipment from her Kentucky farm last week — even though she had to steady herself in her walker while doing so.

“I didn’t even think twice. I just went and did it,” she said. “If they’d even dared come close to me, they’d be 6 feet under by now.”

Ramey was the first red-head to win the Miss America title and sold war bonds during World War II, and even had her image painted on the side of a B-17.

I think it might be interesting if Sen. Harry Reid were to explain himself to Ms. Ramey.

Somebody’s Trying to Make Me Blog…

…Thank you very much for the meme, Mr. Carlson.

A- Available or Single?
Single, but if you ask my dad, I’m not available.

B- Best Friend.
Princess FlickerFeather

C- Cake or Pie.
Both.

D- Drink of Choice.
A medium light roast with a shot of vanilla.

E- Essential Item.
Umm.. All my beauty stuff. And my shoes.

F- Favorite Color.
I don’t have one. I mean *just* one.

G- Gummi Bears or Worms.
Gummi candy? Give me chocolate!

H- Hometown.
S. St. Paul

I- Indulgence.
Bet you can’t guess.

J- January or February.
February. Birthday parties and Valentine’s Day! Oh wait, never mind.

K- Kids.
Hmmm…About kids. I generally like them, and I want my own, but I can’t stand other people’s ill-behaved little monsters.

L- Life is incomplete without…
God. And music. And chocolate. And shoes.

M- Marriage Date.
Who’s marriage date? Next question.

N- Number of Siblings?
One crazy sister.

O- Oranges or Apples?
Pineapple.

P- Phobias/Fears.
Clowns. Graven images. And heights freak me out a little bit.

Q- Favorite Quote.
“True beauty lies within- But a little lipstick doesn’t hurt, and you may as well put on some powder, stand up straight, and dazzle ’em while you’re at it.” ~Lillian Berg

R- Reasons to smile.
When I just cooked the best food ever and everybody liked it!!! Go, me!

S- Season.
Spring and Fall.

T- Tag Three.
Tiger Lilly, Princess FlickerFeather, and Strommie.

U- Unknown Fact About Me.
I’ve got a boyfriend….don’t tell my dad (or Kevin!).

V– Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals.
Oppressor. And I’m not sorry.

W- Worst Habit.
Bad habit? Me?

X– X-rays or Ultrasounds.
What kind of question is that?

Y- Your Favorite Foods.
I love Indian, Italian, Mexican, Chinese…etc..etc…

Z- Zodiac.
You’re asking me my sign? Does that line really work?

Dying easy, II

A few days ago I put up a post referencing how safe our lives have become and suggesting that we had to go looking to find things to kill us, and usually found them embedded in the things we’ve used to make our lives easier.

Our desire for easy and convenient kills us with useless calories, toxic drink dispensers and mutated nutrients while we celebrate progress and our exceeding cleverness. Why, to do without these fruits would be regressive, even primitive.

Morally we also like things easier, and we don’t like to put the hard work in to examine ourselves and cut the slack out of our lives, thinking that as long as everything “looks good” then we must not be too bad. We certainly don’t want to be bothered with the work of taking a stand in the hopes of changing others (unless we’re one of those who can’t wait to change everyone but themselves), so we watch that video, play that game, revel in those lyrics. Why, to do without our rationalizations, to be willing to say something is actually evil, would be regressive, even primitive.

It’s far easier to act as if the “science” of our morality has all been settled, that evil has been driven from our land along with the wild, man-eating animals, leaving us this convenient, easy life where we assume everyone’s just naturally got it all figured out and evil is merely a quaint concept to be manipulated for power and ratings, or to describe how someone else votes. Or else a venial sin is blown up into a huge paper dragon so that certain warriors can similarly puff themselves up to do battle with it. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

And then someone shoots up a school, pours acid on a playground slide or opportunistically twists another person’s name and reputation for personal gain on a national stage and we gape in horror and wonder how anyone could do such a thing even though it happens in one form or another every day. Meanwhile, the TV networks that won’t show a fan running out onto an athletic field because it gives the yahoo the exposure he’s looking for and only encourages others, trip all over each other to broadcast the addled rantings of a self-absorbed maniac.

A friend who is a carpenter recently opined, after touring several million-dollar homes, how disappointing the workmanship was in these beautiful and expensive abodes. Things certainly looked nice, but to a practiced eye the mistakes and cover-ups for the mistakes were jarring. Something might look right, but if it’s not properly squared up it’s eventually going to sag and crumble, no matter how expensive and modern it is.

I can’t imagine the architect is too pleased.

Taxiing at the airport

Now even a half-dressed Paris Hilton, carrying a bottle of Grey Goose and a chihuahua while eating a ham sandwich will be able to get a cab at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport.

In a rare display of Minnesota resolve the Metropolitan Airports Commission (MAC) voted unanimously to take a hard line in imposing stricter sanctions on cab drivers who refuse to accept fares from passengers carrying alcohol. While the policy calls for penalties for any driver refusing a fare unless the would-be passenger is drunk or disorderly, it was enacted in response to some Muslim cabbies refusing, on the basis of their religious beliefs, to transport passengers carrying alcohol. A first offense calls for a 30-day license suspension and a second requires a two-year suspension (the previous penalty was that the driver had to go back to the end of the cab-line, which might be as much as a two-hour wait for another fare).

While this policy was written primarily in response to refusals to transport passengers carrying booze —more than 4800 “refusals of service” in the last five years — there have also been incidences of Muslim cabdrivers refusing passengers with service dogs (service pigs would be right out). I think it’s likely the MAC was also concerned that if it permitted refusals-of-service based on alcohol and dogs that it might next be dealing with religious refusals to transport unescorted women, Jewish passengers and arbitragers dealing in pork-belly futures. Therefore the line was drawn, and it’s a hard one.

It’s not clear to me whether the MAC has the authority to keep a cabbie from plying his trade anywhere other than at the airport. There is also the usual talk about this decision being challenged to the Minnesota Supreme Court on the basis of the MAC, being a government organization, is required to make “reasonable accomodation” for religious beliefs. I’m not a lawyer, but I think they have to take it to court first before a case can go to the Supreme Court. Also, the MAC is a customer, not an employer, of the cabbies; don’t know if that makes a difference.

If it goes to court it might make for an interesting ruling that could affect policies such as other governmental organizations (e.g., cities) being able to set terms for prospective vendors on the paying a “livable” wage or having a certain percentage of minority employees and/or owners in order to receive contracts.

As I’ve written before, I have a certain admiration for people sticking to their religious principles on the job, especially if they are prepared to pay the “market price” for their choices. Ultimately if a cabdriver perceives permitting alcohol inside his cab to be on par with, say, selling booze then it might be time to prayerfully consider another career.