Fish House Economics: bail-outs and eelpouts

I once lead a group of men up to Lake Mille Lacs for an ice-fishing weekend. Ice-fishing isn’t necessarily a thrill a minute, or even a thrill an hour. To wile away the time when we weren’t clubbing eelpout or steeling ourselves for a trip to the satellite, I devised a poker tournament.

The concept was simple. Each of the ten guys received $2500 in scrip to use for betting. At the end of the weekend we would use the scrip we’d accumulated to bid on prizes that I brought along. Scrip changed hands at a moderate rate for the first hour or so as we played conventional games such as five card draw and seven card stud. Then someone suggested a hand of “in-between”.

For those not familiar with this type of poker, it is a very simple but diabolical game that calls for very little strategy but generates huge pots and sudden betting reversals that deliver the kind of belly laughs that normally accompany watching another guy take an unexpected shot to the – umm – mid-section. The way it works is a player is dealt two cards face up. He then bets any amount up to whatever is in the pot at the time on whether the next card will be “in-between” the two cards (a card the same value as one of the first two dealt counts as a loss). Sometimes a player would get a deuce/king split and brazenly bet the pot, only to see another deuce or an ace turn up (hilarity would ensue). He would then have to pay the amount in the pot, which fattened it up significantly for the next guy who got a wide split and an opportunity to bet on a “sure thing”.

This soon became the game of choice among our group, and it wasn’t long after that before our first guys tapped out. Since it was hours until dawn and the fish were fasting, “loans” were quickly arranged from the people with a big stack to those less fortunate so everyone could continue to play. Soon enough, the once wealthy were borrowing from other players as well so everyone could “stay in the game.” Some effort was made to keep track of who owed what and to who, but it rapidly became so convoluted as to be impossible.

By the time we were ready to leave, even the guy who had the biggest stack at the end still owed many times that to other players, who themselves owed many of their neighbors. As we tried to reconstruct the transactions I got the idea to add up all the “loans” that had been passed around. Even though there was still only $25,000 in actual scrip, the total of all the loans was easily more than ten times that. The only way we could have settled every thing was for me to go back into town and hit the Kinko’s to photocopy more scrip!

I don’t know what made me remember this story.

The Crappe-Whisperer

One of the people I always look forward to seeing at our annual Inside Outfitters men’s fishing weekend is big Don Steele. Don is originally from Jamaica and still has his delightful, lilting accent to go along with being one of the nicest guys you could ever meet. His, “Heeey, Brudder John!” greeting is one of the things that keeps me coming back. Next to God and his own wife and family, Don’s passion is fishing and he appears to have a special gifting for finding and catching messes of crappe. This year was no exception as he caught 20 crappe Friday night, then went out with a fresh stringer Saturday morning and came back with another haul (see photo).

I met Don seven or eight years ago at one of our outings. The first time I saw him he was hauling a long fat stringer full of crappes from the dock to his cabin, looking more than a bit like a Jamaican-piscatorial version of Santa Claus. It later turned out that his cabin was also my cabin, which we were sharing with three or four other guys. I took the couch in the main room/kitchen of the cabin to sleep on, while Don bedded his crappes down — still alive — in several rubber tubs of water in the refrigerator.

I was used to the sounds of snoring, but it was hard for me to tune out the near-constant crappe-flapping coming from the frig 10 feet away. I opened one eye when I heard the slapping sound of Don’s bare feet on the tile floor, in time to see him illuminated in the refrigerator light as he opened the door and leaned in. St. Nick-like he raised his finger to his face, placing it on his lips rather than the side of his nose. “Shhhhh,” he whispered. “Peeple be sleepin’!”

My belly still shakes like a bowl full of jelly when I think of this, in part because of the absurdity of the scene, but also because his admonishment worked!

Hmmm, it’s September 19, I wonder what that means?

Yo-ness, oops, I mean, AAARRRGGGHHHAAA!!!! It’s (argh) National (argh) Talk (argh) Like (argh) A (argh) Pirate (argh) Day!!!!

Batten down the hatches! And yer sister! And any Bens that might happen to be wanderin’ around….

We’re about to go get some grub, and I’m sure there will be an opportunity to make ol’ Peg Leg (my Dad) right proud. Aye!

So go out there and be piratey! Yell ‘Avast!’ at each passing person! Scoff at their weird looks! Buy a sword and swing it about! Sail the seven seas! Don’t get caught by the police! Aah, so many pirate-ish things to do, not enough time.

Remember, people, this only comes around once a year, so make the best of it!

Ciao for now!
Wait…
Argh, do something productive and walk the plank!!!

Experts from afar

I’m still on vacation and resting up right now for the final leg of my break, the weekend fishing trip. I won’t be at Keegan’s for Thursday night trivia, but I’d be remiss not to mention that last Thursday the Women of the Night, Uncle Ben and myself pitted our store of semi-useless knowledge against all comers at Sven & Ole’s weekly trivia competition in Grand Marais. Had Ben and I been able to reach consensus on which U.S. president had the longest retirement (we were going back and forth between Ford and Hoover, we picked Ford and it was Hoover) we’d have likely finished first. Our team, The Out-of-Towners, finished second.

The scoring format was different from Keegan’s, and the questions were pretty arcane (local knowledge would also have been helpful), but the biggest difference between Sven & Ole’s and Keegan’s is that second place is worth a $50 gift certificate! Sure, it’s for Sven & Ole’s which isn’t that handy, but it’s good indefinitely. If we don’t loose the gift certificate in the meantime we’ll use it in our next trip to Grand Marais. Either that or it might make a great White Elephant gift at the holidays, or my wedding present to the Mall Diva and Ben!

The 5-hour tour hike

After logging off at Neptune’s Cyber-cafe in Grand Marais yesterday I walked around the harbor area enjoying the sights and the sunny fall afternoon. I’d have taken some photos but the camera went with the girls and Ben on the hike along the Cascade River and up Moose Mountain. That didn’t keep me from “snapping” some shots into my memory of small boats bobbing on the water and the slower pace of commerce during an weekday in the off-season. At one point, however, I looked out to the lake and suddenly realized that fog had arrived, not on little cat’s feet, but like an invading continent about half-a-mile out and moving steadily inland. Other than knowing that Lake Superior weather can change quickly and dramatically, I wasn’t sure what a sudden fog might entail, but I thought I might soon have some wet hikers on my hands so I headed out to the rendezvous a little ahead of schedule.

All was well, however, as their six-mile, five-hour hike up the mountain hadn’t taken as long as they expected. They, too, had seen the fog move in and climb up through the forest. Rather than wait for me at the pick-up spot they had gone to the restaurant at Cascade Lodge, about 100 yards from where I was waiting for them. We eventually hooked up, and they showed me photos from their hike.

The terrain around Lake Superior is rugged and dramatic, as the rocks try to stand against the combined forces of water and gravity.

Apparently there was lots of lovely scenery as well.

Girls in the trees.

Hey, that’s an interesting mushroom. I wonder what it might taste like.

Mmmm. Tastes interesting, too. Oh, calm down…what’s the worst that can happen?

Hey! (Photos by Uncle Ben.)

Sisters.

The Reverend Mother on the rocks.

Mall Diva and What’s-His-Name.

This fog comes in on moose feet.

Home safely in time to view Superior by moonlight. (photo by Tiger Lilly)

Vacation photos, greetings from Duluth

Friday morning, Grand Marias. The Reverend Mother, Tiger Lilly, Mall Diva and Ben have set off on a five-hour hike. There’s no wi-fi on the Cascade Trail, however, so I can’t “live-blog” the hike. Therefore I left them at the trailhead and “hiked” myself to the cyber-cafe. Having hiked with this group before, however, here’s a sample of the conversation:

Tiger Lilly: There’s a boulder!
Mall Diva: That’s a niiice boulder.
Rev. Mum: I need to find a potty.
Ben: Take your pick of any tree.

Personally, I don’t do five-hour hikes unless there’s a golfball involved. You’d think the girls would have figured this out by now, and brought golf balls along. Then they could just throw a golf ball out ahead and I’d take off after it like a Labrador. Don’t tell them.

Anyway, I have an opportunity to upload some photos of our vacation so far. After a late getaway Wednesday afternoon (when you’ve borrowed a minivan you simply can’t leave until every available inch of space has been filled with indispensable supplies) we were as far as Duluth by dinner-time. That’s okay, Duluth is one of our favorite places, especially around Canal Park. Evening light is also great for taking photos. The hikers have the digital camera today, so photos from Grand Marias and vicinity are yet to come.

A couple shots of the Duluth canal lighthouses.

The Mall Diva and Ben gaze out over Lake Superior, perhaps wondering if it’s even as big as their future together.

Hmmm. Birds are flying south, leaves are beginning to turn, there’s a nip in the air. That can only mean…it’s wrist-sweater season!

A meditative moose.

A couple of years ago the ACLU threatened to sue Duluth because there was a 10 Commandments monument in front of the courthouse (donated by the Fraternal Order of Eagles back in the 1950s) on public land. The monument was then purchased by private interests and now sits on private land — where you can still visit them and, perhaps, even read them! Living by them is still up to you.

On vacation


Photo: My World of Postcards

The family, including Ben, is heading up to Grand Marais for our “summer” vacation. This is the scene of last year’s vacation, and the setting for Mall Diva’s mortification at the Crooked Spoon. We may have to do to our dining at Sven & Ole’s this year, or maybe the Angry Trout Cafe.

We’ll be in Grand Marais the rest of the week and then I’m heading to Missouri Sunday night for the Chuck Stewart Memorial Golf Tourney benefiting the Shrine Hospitals. After the golf tournament it’s back to Cold Spring, MN for the annual Inside Outfitters’ men’s weekend. Whew! I’ll need to get back to work so I can rest! I’ll likely start posting again once I get to Missouri.

Behind Police Lines at the RNC

Last Saturday we shut down our super secret chaplain headquarters in downtown St. Paul. I’ve been asked not to name the location, but I can tell what we did. Police chaplains from around the state got together and set up a haven for any and all law enforcement personnel. We provided hot food, a place to sit and eat, bunks, showers, an area to relax with a TV, and most important of all, appreciation and encouragement for men and women doing a tough job. We had cops from Cedar Rapids, IA, Chicago, Tucson, Arlington, TX, and New Jersy, not to mention from all over MN. And those are just the ones I either saw for myself, or heard were here.

Each of the about 50 chaplains who made it through the vetting process were asked to work at least one 4-hour shift during the Republican National Convention (RNC). The shifts were from 2-6 and 6-10 every day, however, after day one, it became apparent that we needed to be there much longer than those hours. There were also many people from local churches who volunteered to work in our impromptu kitchen and mess hall.

We had a huge grill set up in back of our building and 15 or so tables inside. We set up two buffet lines: One for burgers, brats, dogs, and sometimes steaks, and one for desserts, mostly homemade. Everything was provided and paid for by the chaplains and their ‘faith-based organizations’, or by people and companies with which they were affiliated. Nothing we provided was paid for by the RNC or local police departments.

As chaplains, it was our job to connect with the law enforcement personnel and let them know what we had available for them and that we were praying for them. Monday, I worked the first shift with about 18 -20 chaplains from various cities. That day I chose to work the ‘outside’ perimeter which is anywhere on the street. The ‘inside’ perimeter being actually inside the X. We had been encouraged to take care of our own cops first, so I wanted to head to Fleming Field, So. St. Paul’s airport, where I knew one of ours was stationed. Since we were required to use the buddy system I went with Clyde, who is with the same department as I am. We took bottles of water and candy bars along to distribute. When we got there, we saw the police car out in the middle of the field and we couldn’t get to it because it’s completely fenced and locked. So Clyde called dispatcher and asked them to radio the car and have them meet us at the terminal. It turned out to be a lady who I know pretty well, and with whom I have done ride-alongs. We chatted with her for awhile. She had been on since 11:30am and was scheduled to work until 12:30am. Ugh. The St. Paul and So St. Paul airports were closed down for the duration of the RNC, so this was a pretty boring assignment. While we were talking two air marshalls arrived and we passed out water and candy. They seemed happy to have a break as well.

Clyde and I then made our way back downtown and began stopping on any corner where we saw cops gathered and handing them water and candy. That was just about every corner. We informed them of the super secret chaplain headquarters and mess hall available only to law enforcement. This was the only time it got scary for us. I turned left onto old 7th Street, which is a very narrow one-way. There was a police car ahead of us and ahead of it was a group of protesters in the street, some of whom were wearing black scarves over the bottom of their faces. This group looked like they might cozy up to a touch of anarchy. Clyde and I agreed this would be a good place to leave, but we were blocked in and had to wait til the protesters cleared the street. It was a very weird feeling watching these people whose intentions were unclear and maybe less then pleasant. Two of them stopped in the middle of the street and just stood there. This couldn’t be good. Then I realized they were posing for their friend who had a camera. Somehow that made them seem a lot more human. Hey, they just want to get their picture taken protesting in St. Paul. Who wouldn’t?

We eventually made it back to HQ and decided to walk around town and talk with cops we ran into. They were everywhere. We saw some making arrests and I got the strange sense from the arrestees that they were satisfied with whatever it was they had done — as if being arrested proved that they had succeeded in their protestations!

We spoke with one cop, stationed on the street, who told us they were happy to see chaplains around offering them food and water because they knew they could trust whatever we gave them.

That was Monday.

I worked the first shift again on Thursday and during our briefing, our head chaplain told us that the protesters planning a real ruckus, since it was the last day. He said the cops would be using ammo like paintballs, only larger, to mark protesters to be arrested. He warned us that if we got caught in the middle of something and ended up getting painted, we should just lie down, otherwise we might get a cracked skull. Thursday seemed like a good day for me to stay and work food service at HQ. I spent my time cleaning tables, wrapping sandwiches, and serving food to law enforcement, who were unfailingly grateful for what we were doing for them. I greeted a cop who had ‘Arlington’ on his arm patch. I have friends who live in Arlington, (MN). When I heard his voice I knew he wasn’t from around here. “You’re not from Arlington, MN, are you?” I said. He said “I thought I was doing such a good job not sounding like a Texan. I’ve only said ‘Y’all’ once.”

Altogether, the leader of our group estimated that the chaplains served more than 10,000 meals (in the land of 10,000 lakes) to the police during the four days of the convention and Saturday morning’s clean-up. It was interesting being behind the scenes of something like this. I really had the feeling, any time I drove downtown, that there were just a lot of people who didn’t look as if they belonged in St. Paul. The police had a tough job trying maintain order and protect property and people (including those protesting) in a high pressure situation while under a lot of scrutiny. They really were a long-suffering group. In the end, I’m very happy to have been able to encourage some men and women with peace and kinder words than they were hearing on the streets and I hope our prayers and presence helped create a more positive outcome for everyone who was downtown last week.

Lazarus Shrugged

Something kept tickling the back of my mind and memory this week, and then it came to me. The following excerpt is from “The Notebooks of Lazarus Long”, a kind of intermission section in Robert Heinlein’s sci-fi classic, “Time Enough For Love”, which detailed the adventures of the oldest living (2,000 years+) human, the afore-mentioned Lazarus.

Those who refuse to support and defend a state have no claim to protection by that state. Killing an anarchist or a pacifist should not be defined as “murder” in a legalistic sense. The offense against the state, if any, should be “Using deadly weapons inside city limits,” or “Creating a traffic hazard,” or “Endangering bystanders,” or other misdemeanor. However, the state may reasonably place a closed season on these exotic asocial animals whenever they are in danger of becoming extinct. An authentic buck pacifist has rarely been seen off Earth, and it is doubtful that any have survived the trouble there…regrettable, as they had the biggest mouths and the smallest brains of any of the primates. The small-mouthed variety of anarchist has spread through the Galaxy at the very wave front of the Diaspora; there is no need to protect them. But they often shoot back.

Not that I agree completely, but it did make me smile. I get the sense that those willing to resort to violence to protest the state are not much different from those who say they read Playboy for the articles.

The St. Paul 396

396 people involved in Thursday’s Anti-War Committee protest were arrested after the group’s protest turned into an attempted march on the Xcel Energy Center when the group’s permit expired. A heavy, and highly-organized tactical police response anticipated the protesters, perhaps as a result of a press conference last July where Katrina Plotz of the AWC promised a more militant, less family-friendly protest for September 4. Strangely enough, Plotz also had a speaking part in the Strib’s account of yesterday’s action:

“They’re trying to steal our protest — we have to ignore the police intimidation,” Katrina Plotz, an organizer with the Anti-War Committee, hollered from a stage in front of the Capitol steps.

The AWC came to St. Paul in the grandiose hopes of stealing or shutting down the RNC through violence and intimidation, only to be out-maneuvered and out-intimidated. How did that song go a few years back — “Isn’t it ironic?”