I see Badmoud rising

We had our annual fantasy football draft last night and despite having a bad draft position I think my team, Badmoud Ahmadinutjob, came out of it in pretty good shape. I chose that team name, by the way, for a couple of reasons: 1) most of the teams in my league don’t even bother to come up with a team name and just go by the name of the team owner (boring) so maybe I’ll just go by a first and last name as well, and 2) team names typically imply fierceness and intimidation and I thought this was a great way to keep my opponents off-balance and ineffective while I went about achieving my own objectives. Right now I’d have to say my strategy worked (and Mike Wallace assures us that the real Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is really a wonderful guy and probably won’t be offended).

Of course my strategy wasn’t as simple as selecting a team name. I also kept buying beers for the hot-head owner in our league who was sitting next to me, while I whispered to him some of the things a couple of the other owners across the table from him were saying about his draft. Believe me, the ensuing tensions distracted at least three teams while I scored scud, I mean, stud after stud for my team (which I formerly named “Weapons of Mass Distraction”). Whenever someone thought he knew what I was up to and called me on it I just said, “Who, me?” as innocently as I could muster. Then I’d turn around and proclaim death for the (Detroit) Lionists at the table (which didn’t stop me from drafting Roy Williams, however).

Oh sure, there was the usual ineffectual talk about “league sanctions” but I knew no one was going to do anything as long as I had control of the plate of chicken wings. Whenever things got too dicey I’d suggest that I might be willing to discuss passing a few wings around the table. Even at that things did finally begin to get a little rowdy and the bar owner threatened to call the police to act as a peace-keepers, but I know half those guys on the force and they’re not going to hassle me.

All in all it was a great night and an important step as we make our way toward the main event — the play-offs. I can’t wait!

Btw, here’s my lineup for you fantasy football fans out there (I know the non-fans quit reading this post a couple of paragraphs ago). In a 10-team league I picked, in order of selection:

Peyton Manning, IND
Willie Parker, PIT
Anquan Boldin, AZ
Roy Williams, DET
Thomas Jones, CHI
Tatum Bell, DEN
Javon Walker, DEN
Laurence Maroney, NE
Brandon Jacobs, NYG
Greg Jennings, NYG
Cedric Benson, CHI
Reggie Brown, PHI
Josh Brown, SEA

I know, by picking Tatum Bell and Laurence Maroney I’ve subjected myself to a season’s worth of mind-games from their coaches, Mike Shanahan and Bill Belichek, but what can I say? Bill and Mike are the masters of misdirection, and the official heroes of Badmoud Ahmadinutjob! Game on!

Who’s next — Ron Dayne?

I’m not officially back from my August vacation from blogging until next Tuesday, but I had to post a quick take on the Vikings and their new West Coast Offense — or is that the Wisconsin Cast-off Offense?

I can understand a football coach wanting to bring in guys who already know his offense and/or are people he knows pretty well. Some of the moves by the Brad Childress/Darrell Bevell brain trust make me wonder whatever happened to the idea that familiarity breeds contempt? I mean, trading an undrafted free agent for the underwhelming Billy McMullen didn’t concern me too much; after all, someone’s got to be your fifth receiver. I tried to stay calm with the Mike McMahon signing, hoping that Childress had to know something more about the guy than what anyone watching him play on television the last three years could see.

After McMahon’s pre-season floppage I started to get nervous when Koy Detmer and Todd Pinkston were released by the Eagles this week. I mean, as bad as McMahon has been, why pick up the guy who was behind him on the Eagles quarterback depth chart last year? Detmer’s such a useless bottom-feeder I think he should change the spelling of his first name to “Koi”. As for Pinkston — or “Stinkston” as he known in my fantasy football league — the guy is around 6′ 5″ which is good, but he weights as much as the Mall Diva and he gets off the line with the same ease as a ’74 Pacer.

At least the trade for Brooks Bollinger, who Childress and Bevell know from their Wisconsin days, eliminates any concern that Detmer is on the way (and Bollinger actually showed brief flashes of competence last year playing for a horrible team). With Ron Dayne expected to be released this weekend by the Broncos, however, the threat level is still at Badger-Red. With Dayne’s size you might think he’d be a good goal-line back, but his career has demonstrated that the only line he has a nose for is the one at the post-game buffet. It’s going to be a long weekend.

Update:

Aaarrgh!

Report from the front lines at the Millard Fillmore Open Championship

Given the stereotype of bloggers as basement-dwelling cave fish, you might be surprised to learn that a goodly number of us emerged, blinking, into the light for an afternoon of golf Friday at Valleywood Golf Course in Apple Valley. The event was the second annual Millard Fillmore Open Championship (which goes by an abbreviation that I won’t use here to avoid attracting the porn-crazed), hosted by Learned Foot.

When you realize that golf is nearly “blog” spelled backwards, however, our interest in the grand sport is more logical. Actually, perhaps “golb” is a better description of the game my threesome played. There are good reasons, for example, why I am known to the golfing Jedi as “O.B. Juan”. My teammates, Triple-A and Surly Dave, meanwhile, can be compared to Jack Nicklaus (as in Bobby Jones saying of Nicklaus, “He plays a game with which I am not familiar.”) Triple-A’s readers won’t be surprised to learn that his tee-shots veer strongly to the right. Dave’s political leanings are harder to discern from his golf game since he seemed to favor left and right equally. His performance around water hazards, however, could be described as “Kennedy-esque”, so we may have to keep an eye on him.

Despite our adventures, we found ourselves on most holes waiting for the walking two-some in front of us to move out of range (vertically and laterally). Nevertheless, somebody two or three groups behind us called the clubhouse to complain about slow play and the ranger paid us a visit. The ranger thought it was somebody two groups behind us who had complained, which would mean it was Foot’s group, and it was Foot, therefore, that Triple-A assigned the blame. Up to that point Triple-A had been content to write the initials of the golf tournament into every sandtrap he encountered; now angered, at the next tee-box he used the seed/fertilizer mixture provided for filling divots to pour out a rude message for LF. And it was perfectly spelled.

I didn’t see enough of anyone else’s game to offer a comment, but I will note that Nihilist-in-Golf-Short-Pants showed up at the course wearing the same outfit as I: navy blue shorts and a white golf shirt. It was hard to tell us apart at a glance; the telling clue was that he was the one wearing dark socks. Meanwhile Bogus Doug, looking for a hobby to replace blogging, showed up looking like a contender for “Whitest Person in America”, but as he forgot his sunblock, was well out of the running by the 18th hole.

Afterwards we caravaned over to Foot’s house for German and Italian sausages and fireworks. Like Foot’s blog, the evening was explosive, highlighted by shrieking outbursts, fiery retorts (and reports), dramatic fizzles and nervous neighbors. Oh, and of course, there were the fireworks, too.

I can’t wait for next year!

Take me in to the ballgame

Today my work unit had a scheduled outing to watch the Twins play the Dodgers at the Dome, so I woke up this morning looking forward to seeing Johan Santana pitch. This was probably the exact opposite of what the Dodgers were feeling when they woke up.

When the time came our little group strolled the seven or eight blocks to the Dome for the 12:05 start, enjoying the lovely summer weather. There was an impressive crowd of all ages swarming around in the plaza and around the Dome, jostling through the gates. It was a very festive atmosphere and one you’d have thought impossible a month ago. One we got inside the lower bowl was almost completely filled between the foul poles with healthy representation in left field and the upper deck (we would have an announced crowd of 34,157). There were a number of banners and hand-held signs cheering on different players or begging Twins’ announcer Bert Blyleven to “circle me,” as in, “Circle me, Bert, I’m an illegal alien!” (They’re not quite that bold, yet.)

We found our way to our seats in rows 13 and 14 of Section 114, which turns out to be a funky little cul de sac with only one way in. Does the Fire Marshall know about this place? The section angles toward home plate immediately behind the visitor bullpen along the right field line, and is a great place to see the game, or to get your grill rearranged when Justin Morneau gets out ahead of an off-speed pitch. Our seats were all the way across from the one, narrow entrance to the section, against the far wall. Once I realized the lay of the land I knew getting out for concessions was going to be difficult and the alternative was to have my food and beverage passed hand-to-hand by 20 people. I like to leave the food-handling to the trained professionals, so I pivoted and made for the concession stand even though it cost me seeing the Dodgers first three futile efforts against Johan.

Nevertheless I was in place in time to see the Twins load the bases with two outs in the bottom of the first. This brought Torii Hunter to the plate, which caused some minor groaning in our section. “Don’t worry,” I said to my friends. “There’s already two outs, so he can’t hit into a double-play.” Sure enough, this time Torii laid off the eye-high fastball and eventually deposited one over the fence for a grand slam. Yes! In one inning Johan has gotten more run support than he received in a typical three-game stretch last year.

With the game already well in-hand, the rest of my group decided to try to make their way to the concession stands, sidling the length of the row and snaking their along a smaller aisle to get to the main aisle and out to the concourse. They missed a Morneau double and a great play by Jason Bartlett who made a running, diving stop to his left and came up with a smoking throw to first to beat the runner by a step. When our snackers got back two innings later the woman sitting next to me opened her container to reveal — a salad.

“Salad?” I asked, incredulously, channeling Tom Hanks. “There’s no salad in baseball!”

“Well, the line was short,” she said, by way of a weak explanation.

“Yeah, go figure,” I said. By then my attention was distracted by my boss returning with a jumbo, half-pound Dome Dog. Gawd, the thing looked like it ought to have come with an NC-17 rating. I wanted to take a picture of it with my camera-phone, but my boss wouldn’t let me because he was beginning to feel self-conscious by the uproar it was causing.

Winning makes everything look better. Once between innings they drove a cream-colored Dodge Ram 1500 extended cab truck out into right field in front of us and I actually found myself thinking, “Dang, that’s a mighty nice lookin’ truck!” There are limits to this aura, however. A little while later a beer vendor finally made his way down to our little section. I think he may have made a wrong turn and was trying to get back on the main thoroughfare. I thought we might make it worth his while, but then I saw the buttons he was wearing promoting the beer and the price. “$6 for a Miller Lite,” I said to my boss, with more than a little wonder.

“It’s better than waiting in line forever,” he said.

“No, no,” I said. “Say it slowly and out-loud: ‘$6 for a Miller Lite.'” He did.

“Hey, that’s only $72 for a 12-pack!”

The rich truly are different from you and me.

Meanwhile, back at the game, Morneau had hit a pair of doubles and the Twins had added two more runs. Santana had only given up one hit through six innings and was throwing a shut-out but had began to struggle a little bit, going deep into the count and even walking a couple of guys. In the seventh, Olmedo Saenz led off for the Dodgers with a strong double and there was concern that perhaps Johan was beginning to tire as he was up to about 90 pitches. If the Dodgers were thinking or hoping that, however, they were soon disappointed as Johan struck out the next two batters in a row and then said, “Say hello to my leetle friend,” striking out an overwhelmed Cesar Izturis on three pitches of 92, 92 and 93-mph.

Gardy had the lad take a seat to begin the 8th, but we were still feeling pretty safe because Kyle Lohse had already pitched last night. In came Juan Rincon, but this had the effect of making the game more interesting as he allowed three runs before getting out of the inning. But just to show you that everything is going the Twins way right now, the only thing this did was to turn the 9th inning into a save situation for Joe Nathan. Nathan has been so seldom needed of late that he has had to look into Tai Chi classes in order to get in the stretching and twisting that he normally puts himself through when he takes the mound. He was plenty loose today, however, greeting the first batter with a 93-mph first-pitch strike and getting faster from there, punching out the last batter of the game with a 96-mph blazer.

Oh, and Joe Mauer went a ho-hum 2-for-3 with a walk and double, raising his season batting average to .392 after going a mere 11-for-13 for the three-game series against the Dodgers. I don’t think I ever went 11-for-13 in a softball tournament, and this guy is smoking major league pitching.

Darn, let’s play two!

Watch out for sharks and lip-sticked pigs

Just when you think it’s safe to tune in to the ballpark, there’s blood in the water. I’ve been encouraged by the young, re-made Twins squad and their recent streak of competency and even excellence. Watching the extra-inning victory over the Astros Tuesday was the most fun I’d had watching a Twins game in I don’t know how long. But you might as well have cued the throbbing cellos and shark’s-eye POV as the door to the bullpen opened last night (dunh dunh dunh dunh dunh dunh duh) and out stepped Kyle Lohse, with the same look on his face as if he were being asked to test out the new shark cage. “Fare well and adieu, you fine Spanish ladies…”

Or as Goober, pinch-hitting for Batgirl, wrote

And that was that. The game was over, of course, from the second Kyle walked onto the field. The sucking followed him like a giant cloud; you could barely see him through the plumes of sucking. Viewers throughout the five state area were slapping the sides of their TVs trying to clear up the sucking on their sets. And the problem is especially bad in Houston — a town that knows how to work with sucking. They know that if you paint lipstick on a pig, there are some who might say, “that’s a dang attractive pig. Turns out I enjoy seeing lipstick on a pig. Indeed, I might like to put the innovators who lipsticked that pig up on the front page of my magazine. And perhaps those very same innovators might like to contribute to my opera hall and planetarium.”

Great Houston/Enron tie-in there, Goober, though in fairness to Lohse, he hasn’t stolen nearly as much money from the Twins as Kenneth Lay, et al, took from their former employees and stockholders. That is, however, the last bit of grace I’m going to extend to Kyle Lohse. I’ve had my fingers crossed for so long regarding him that they’re numb and gangrenous. The Twins are going to have to put a lot of lipstick on Lohse now to find someone who will take him off their hands.

“H” stands for heart; something he’s distinctly lacking. Drop that letter from Kyle’s last name and what does it spell?

Lose.

New: Vikings sack latest scrambler named Fran

Much abuse is being heaped on the Vikings today for firing their just-hired VP of Player Personnel, Fran Foley, citing it as another example of an apparently clueless organization stumbling its way through a purple haze. Rumors are that the dismissal is due to Foley’s a) lying on his resume, b) his abrasive personality, c) his perceived failures (including wearing that ugly sweater) at the just-completed draft, or d) any and all of the above.

Personally, it was a decision I was hoping to see and I’m pleasantly surprised at the timing.

A little more than a week ago when Foley and the team had to announce not once, but twice, that there were discrepancies and clerical errors in his resume I rolled my eyes (my daughter showed me how). I thought then that if owner Zygi Wilf really meant it about running a first-class operation he’d fire Fran’s (it that’s his real name) butt, regardless of the short-term embarrassment it would cause. My next thought was that it wouldn’t happen because it was too close to the draft. The team wouldn’t want to create an extra level of chaos, and after the draft was over the issue would have dropped from consciousness (it was surprising how little was being made of the story) and the team and Foley would just continue on. In my mind, though, if that happened they could never be taken seriously when trying to hold up a higher standard of behavior for the players.

Maybe the dismissal was more about b, c and/or d above or something else we don’t know about, but as for me I’m encouraged that maybe, just maybe, Wilf means what he says about creating a high-character organization and is willing to take the short-term hit for the long-term benefit. Perhaps the off-season moves and kiss-offs to certain coaches and players do have more to them than just on-field performance issues. It will be an interesting to see if a these few reference points turn into an indentifiable trend in coming years.

One last point: whether Foley was hard to get along with was no concern of mine because it wasn’t my problem. I simply didn’t like his fabrications on his resume in the first place, or his later rationalizations and obfuscations. I definitely laughed at his sweater. As for the quality of the draft I have no opinion because it’s ridiculous at this stage to have one. We simply don’t know how good or bad it was until the players get onto the field (or not) in the next few seasons.

Everyone treats Mel Kiper’s opinions on players as if they were gospel, yet no one ever holds him accountable for his projections afterward. He’ll get paid just as much, or more, next year regardless of how guys turn out. On the other hand, the team executives who do the scouting, evaluating and selecting are putting their reputations and their jobs on the line. Of course they’re going to say they’re happy with their picks but I don’t think they’re any more self-serving than Kiper when they do, and I’m far more likely to trust their evaluations because they know that no amount of hair-gel will save them if they’re wrong.

Rounding third, and heading for home, it’s a brown-eyed handsome man


I loved Kirby Puckett the way most of us come to love anyone or anything: for what I saw, and for the way he made me feel. I loved the energy, the enthusiasm, the apparent happy-go-lucky, irrepressible bouncing Superball of a player, the way it seemed that he made everyone around him better, or at least happier.

I suppose by now I’ve learned there are a lot of things you shouldn’t trust. Politicians. The media. Hollywood. Agendas. Maybe even your eyes.

It’s been a long day with some lingering projects that have kept me from posting on Puck until now. I suspect there has been a lot said elsewhere already (yep – I didn’t have to look very far; a quick check and Doug has thoughtfully provided a list). Truth be told, part of the reason it has taken me awhile to get to this is I’ve been wondering what to write. Not if I should write, but what.

The first time I saw him in person was when he debuted at the Metrodome in ’84. He’d been called up from the minors and joined the team on a West Coast road trip and had been an immediate sensation. I was working as a scoreboard operator at the Dome then and it was my luck to draw the new kid’s first home game. As a kid I’d been at Busch stadium when Bake McBride made his debut as a late-season call-up with my Cards and always remembered the stadium announcer informing us of the fact as I watched McBride’s solid career go on. I remember thinking of that when Puck was introduced and went out to centerfield. Could he be something special, too?

It wasn’t long before a ball was lined into center and the unlikely looking kid, knees and elbows pumping, came charging in to field it on the hop. We all watched with interest as he snatched and threw … and saw the ball bounce eight times before it got to the cut-off man. Even at that, though, there was something likeable about seeing a guy so excited to be getting a chance. Of course, it soon became clear that he was the real deal. As he motored around the outfield and the basepaths as improbably as a turbo-charged bumblebee in flight he always seemed to be to be a size larger than life. I grieved the sudden glaucoma that ended his career not just because it robbed me of the chance to keep watching a once-in-a-generation player but because I knew it hurt him even more. Even then, going out, he was Puck; upbeat, smiling, saying don’t be sad for me, I’ve had the greatest opportunity a guy can have, be sad for the ones who never got a chance.

Next it was on to the Hall of Fame, and shortly after that it was the Hall of Funhouse Mirrors – twisted, distorted images at once familiar and bizarre. The stories, the allegations, the time when “touch ’em all” went from being a celebration to being an accusation, to the trial, to the acquittal and to the bitterness, and now he was larger and larger, and ultimately larger than life, or what life could sustain.

At the time of the trial, I wanted some assurances, some opportunity to say, “Say it ain’t so, Joe” to Puck. Strangely enough, the article that stuck with me, the one that touched me, was by Ralph Wiley, then writing for ESPN’s Page 2. Ironically R-Dub, too, would be another great talent taken too suddenly and too soon from us. Wiley didn’t even like Puck that much, but offered a piercing, bittersweet turn on the whole affair. I went to ESPN earlier this evening to search the archives so I could read it again and I didn’t have to dig; it had already been re-posted.

Another fair writer, William Shakespeare, had Julius Caesar say that a brave man dies only once, but a coward dies a thousand times. There’s got to be another category for superstars, though, where even the greatest leaves the field at an age where everyone else in the real world is still trying to prove themselves. For some of these there are more deaths to come: of reputation, of respect. I wasn’t quite sure of what to make of the things that happened and were said about Puck. I was sure of what I’d seen on the field but then I didn’t need a sportswriter to tell me what happened, or to create the drama. Later there was too much drama, and too many opinions, and apparently no arguing with the Umpire of Society when you get tossed.

If you sit still, however, and listen, you might be able to hear the echoes all the way from Baseball Heaven as the late Bob Casey leans into the mike and says, “Now entering, KIR-beeeeeeeeee PUCK-it!”

Gemini rising

The Minnesota Twins, like their spiritual counterparts Faith and Hope, opened training camp today as pitchers and catchers reported. Of course it is all just so much wasted effort according to the team’s own Cassandra, Strib columnist Patrick Ruesse, has read the augers and pronounced doom for the lads this season.

This is not unusual for Reusse except that the prophecy comes so early. Usually his storm crow warnings don’t begin until around Memorial Day and then hit full-caw around the All-Star break. It seems that the earlier he can make his pronouncement, though, the better he likes it. Last year there was a note of pent-up triumph in his mid-summer requiem, stemming from his failed predictions of the 2004 and 2005 seasons. Fortune-telling is a difficult business, however, and typically an unwelcome one so I won’t heap further coals on Patrick’s head, especially since he typically produces a good column as often as Nick Coleman produces a bad one.

There is something about baseball however that often leads writers toward the mystical. It’s a game of innumerable numbers that somehow still defies statistical prediction, opening the door to divination and talk of curses, hexes and can’t miss phenoms. The facts, however, do appear grim for the Twins at this stage.

Their division has gotten better, at least on paper (but we know what happens when that paper gets wet with tears). They had definite, well-known needs coming out of last season and seemingly little to show for the off-season machinations. Where is the power-hitter the team has needed since Kent Hrbek traded his cleats for bowling shoes and fly balls for fly rods? Where is the reliable, cool-headed hand for the hot corner who can both make plays at third and get runners home from there as well? How can the offense strike fear in the hearts of pitchers not already on its own team?

Ah, but faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen (see Hebrews 11:1), and we’re certainly hoping for a lot and seeing little at this stage so maybe that’s a good sign. Rondell White should replaced Jacque Jones’ numbers for less than half the price and may act as if he’s actually seen a strike zone and not just heard about it. Tony Batista might have the range of a fireplug at third base, but the durability of one as well – something missing from Corey Koskie’s resume. A Kyle Lohse for Hank Blaylock trade was very intriguing to me, but Lohse, for all his maddening inconsistency, is still young and has both experience and upside. With this presumably being Radke’s last year the Twins had to think long and hard about parting with such a commodity even with guys like Scott Baker and Francisco Liriano breathing fire and throwing smoke in the wings.

As others have said, the key to the Twins improvement this year will be the improvement of it’s existing young core. Guys like Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau and Jason Bartlett have to improve but part of baseball’s allure for me is that it is a game where you can see steady improvement. This might be the year that power springs from Mauer’s bat the way it suddenly burst from Kirby Puckett’s after his first couple of slap-hitting years. As for Morneau, baseball has definitely become a year-round game and a healthy and active off-season should serve him better than his ill-fated and illness-plagued 05 off-season. Bartlett is still an unknown quantity but he reminds me a little of the way Greg Gagne played when he got his first opportunities with the team and perhaps he’ll emerge as a confident and capable player. Jason Kubel is intriguing but I don’t expect much from him this year. He may have recovered from the knee surgery but he can’t get back the at-bats he missed last year and with few exceptions you have to have hundreds of these to become a factor.

But, as the poem says, “somewhere the sun is shining…” and right now that is Florida. Baseball season is coming, and I can’t wait.

Ow! That’s funny!

The thing that makes the Super Bowl one of the biggest social events of the year are the commercials. Yeah, a championship football game is a big deal and but it is the commercials that attracts the non-football fan to the party, or at least gives them a way to participate in the day if they’ve been dragged along. Plus we all know the big bucks that get lavished on these ads so we hope to see something really distinctive: either super funny or ground-breaking…or spectacularly bad so we can feel smarter than the people who just threw promising careers out the window.

Humor has the biggest appeal and there were several ads that were laugh outloud funny this year, but after awhile I started to notice a common thread to gags that got the biggest reaction. I’ll list these, and you see if you can pick it out:

  • FedEx Caveman
  • Hidden Bud Lights
  • Bud Light Grizzly (save yourself)
  • Michelob Ultra touch football
  • Kick Ass Scarecrow (Coke)

The pay-off on all of these is something violent happening to someone (or something). The Sierra Mist airport metal detector ad was funny, too, while merely implying an unfortunate event about to happen.I know, people have been slipping on banana peels since the days of Vaudeville, and in these commercials the gags are well set up, but it just seems as if the advertising pendulum has swung from bouncing breasts to bouncing people off of things. Chalk it up to Terry Tate, office linebacker, I suppose and a certain amount of boob saturation. That’s not necessarily a bad thing but it does make you kind of wonder why these got such big laughs (or maybe it was just the group I was with). Of this group, my favorites were the FedEx and Bud Light grizzly ads.

Best ads
The ads I thought were the best overall, however, include the commercials from CareerBuilder (chimps and jackasses) and the Ameriquest “Don’t judge too quickly” ads, one featuring a fly and a fibrillator and the other dealing with unfortunate airplane turbulence. The humor in both the Ameriquest ads revolves around social awkwardness instead of outright pain and destruction – but again we’re laughing at someone else’s discomfort. Both actually made me think of the Southwest airlines “Want to get away?” series that has been running for the past few years. My favorite ad of the day, however, was the Budweiser Clydesdale football game, this year with a “streaker” (though, like the cowboy said, “I didn’t need to see that.”)

Worst ads
I’ve been in and around the advertising business for many years, so I know that you don’t get asked to do a Super Bowl commercial unless you’ve demonstrated some serious chops. Still, I’ve got to wonder what was going through people’s heads when they approved some of these ads for this year’s game. For one, I can’t stand the weird King in the Burger King ads, probably in the same way some people are freaked out by clowns. This particular ad, with the Whopperettes dressed as Whopper ingredients was jaw-droppingly bad. Par for the course for BK, however, as they have historically had some of the worst commercials in history (anyone remember Herb?).

Likewise the Diet Pepsi can ads were overblown productions of very thin concepts. Maybe if you’re already a Diet Pepsi drinker you might enjoy seeing your little buddy mixing with celebrities, but nothing in these efforts gave me any reason to try the beverage. And don’t get me started on “brown and bubbly” – what’s the product benefit of that? Maybe if you’re selling laxitives (I told you not to get me started).

Oh well, you can review all of these ads for yourself here. Which did you like best, or hate the most?

Super Sunday report

[Updated with photos! Scroll down.]

The Super Bowl has been a part of my life since I started playing organized sports. I missed the first two editions of the game because I didn’t know much about it. I do, however, remember my Dad delaying going out with my mother for New Year’s Eve in order to watch the end of the famous Packers “Ice Bowl” NFL Championship game against Dallas in ’67 prior to Super Bowl II. The next year I was playing youth football in the local Optimists’ league – for a team named the mini-Packers.

I watched in dismay that year as Joe Namath and the Jets dismantled the Colts in III, and lost my first sports wager the next year when my Uncle Carl bet me the Vikings wouldn’t beat the Chiefs. Since then I’ve missed watching only two Super Bowls: 1971 when my parents made me go with a church group to tour the local police stations (I was plenty upset, but it turned out to be no great loss as it was the awful Baltimore 16, Dallas 13 game) and 1979 when I was in England (even if there had been something called a “sports bar” back then they wouldn’t have been open at that hour). I also remember having friends sleeping over before VI and us calling a late-night talk show to confidently predict Dallas crushing the Dolphins (correct) — and then laughing our adolescent butts off when a later caller angrily suggested that kids shouldn’t be up at that hour calling radio programs.

I’m sure there are other memories I could dig up with a little more thought, but most of the games kind of slide through my mind in a slurry. The last 10 years or so, while I love the game, it’s been more about the people I spend it with than the teams that are playing — especially if it’s with a group of fans who know when to pay attention. Yesterday we were pleased to have a convivial and well-trained bunch over, consisting of a few friends from church and some new friends from the blogging world who I never knew existed at this time last year.

I moved the TV into the living room because it had the most sitting space and because it was handy to the kitchen and dining room where the food was laid out and the people who only wanted to see the commercials hung out. It was easy for us veteran football watchers to alert the other group to impending commercial breaks, usually setting off a mini-stampede that turned into a threat to smaller and larger children also on the premises. It was a rowdy time that left me feeling a little hungover this morning, and I wasn’t even drinking yesterday (except for about a liter and a half of Coke to chase Kevin’s salsa).

Steeler fans Policy Guy and Gal were there to discuss a fisking of Sid Hartman’s column about the wonders of all the new stadiums Michigan has paid for. I fixed a smoked brisket, while Surly and Sweeter brought a salmon log and a blue cheese mousse. There was also an abundance of bruschetta, brownies, taquitos and all manner of chips and some guacamole. (Speaking of guac, wouldn’t it have been fun if Kermit, riding his bike down the road to promote Ford’s hybrid SUV, had been run over by the Hummer H3 from the monsters-in-love commercial?)

Oh, and Uncle Ben dutifully brought his behind (and salsa) over so it could be stomped by the Mall Diva at Dance Dance Revolution. At least he did get a free haircut for his pain (from the dancing, not the haircut, that is).

First, the haircut. No blood or brain damage was seen.

Then, on to the Dance Dance showdown. At no time did their toes ever leave their feet, but the Mall Diva had an extra leg available as a back-up (one of the advantages of being the “home team”).

By the way, the Steelers won.