Threesies meme

Here’s the “Threesies” meme I’ve seen at a few places lately, most recently at Mitch’s place.

Three Things I Do Not Understand:

  1. Women’s shoes
  2. The appeal of cats
  3. Putting politics ahead of principle

Three Things On My Desk (Work edition):

  1. Several piles of paper
  2. Several piles of magazines
  3. A notice from the Fire Marshall

Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:

  1. Uh…writing
  2. Thinking about what I’ll write about tomorrow
  3. Laundry

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

  1. Win my fantasy football league
  2. Meet Mark Kennedy (see here)
  3. Make amends to somebody I once hurt badly

Three Things I Can Do:

  1. Write faster than anyone who can write better
  2. Write better than anyone who can write faster
  3. Rip-0ff A.J. Liebling

Three Ways To Describe My Personality:

  1. Droll
  2. Mellowing
  3. An acquired taste

Three Things I Can’t Do:

  1. Algebra
  2. Sing
  3. Ignore memes

Three Things I Don’t Think You Should Listen To, Ever:

  1. A once in a lifetime opportunity
  2. Me, when I’m not fully awake
  3. Any stories people from my college days want to tell about me

Three Things I Say:

  1. What?
  2. Rat farts
  3. Neee!

Three Things I’d Like To Learn:

  1. Woodworking
  2. To play guitar
  3. A second language

Three Beverages I Drink Regularly:

  1. Coffee
  2. RC cola
  3. Aquafina (and absolutely no Dasani – it tastes to me as if it has been collected from an oily puddle on an asphalt driveway)

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:

  1. Batman
  2. The Green Hornet
  3. Laugh-In

Three Things I Wish People Would Learn To Do:

  1. Drive at normal speed in a light rain
  2. Dress appropriately for the occasion
  3. Realize that it’s not all about them

Some game

Note: The following blog is a teensy bit late, due to the author being unavoidably detained by her various endeavors. If you are reading this, please pretend that it is Friday. Thank You!

I just learned something new about myself Wednesday. I like hockey. A lot.

Wednesday night I went to my very first Wild game. It was so exciting! You can just feel all the adrenaline pulsing in that ginormous place. It is sooo much more interesting than golf. You get to scream for your team when they score a goal, and you get to scream at the other team no matter what they do! And if that wasn’t enough to scream about, Bertuzzi was playing on the opposing team which got everyone even more riled up!

It was an awesome game. 6-zip? Oh, yeah, we beat their butts into the ice. And Bouchard’s penalty shot? Cloutier didn’t even see it coming. Sieve! Sieve! Sieve! What a way to kill their confidence! I wish that it could’ve lasted.

Let’s see… Wednesday’s game, I was there, and they won. Tonight, I wasn’t there, and they lost.

Am I the only one who sees a pattern here?

Anyway, I can’t wait to be able to go again. Screaming is way fun!

On Target

Last spring I described the plans the United Food and Commercial Workers Local 789 were hoping to implement in their effort to unionize the new Target store then being built in West St. Paul. The strategy called for a “groundswell of opposition,” as reported in the StarTribune at the time.

The goal is to create a groundswell of opposition to Target before the West St. Paul store reopens this fall as a SuperTarget, said Bernie Hesse, a union organizer with Local 789 of St. Paul, which represents 7,500 workers in the Twin Cities area.

“We want to have people in those stores, organizing, on the day it opens and we want the [West St. Paul] community to support us,” he said.

The new SuperTarget opened last week and it appears there has been a groundswell, though perhaps not what the UFCW was hoping for. I’ve been to the new store three times so far. It may be more precise to say I’ve been on the premises three times because once the parking lot was so full that I couldn’t find a place to park for my quick errand so I whipped over to the neighboring WalMart store. On the two occasions I actually made it indoors the store was teeming with folks, none of whom appeared to be carrying picket signs. Meanwhile the staff, though a little harried, did not appear to be straining against the cruel oppression of management.

Perhaps the Mall Diva, a former employee in the store’s previous incarnation on this site, will go undercover for us and talk to some of her friends who have returned to work at the new store and report what, if anything, is happening.

Meanwhile, there are just 71 shopping days until Christmas.

Oh, those three little words

I mentioned the other day that my wife and I just celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary. Yay! Now, I might be biased but I think this has been a spectacularly successful collaboration and I hope that my wife would agree. I do know that one time she told me that she thought we were doing so well because “we say those three little words to one another.”

“Oh, you mean, ‘I love you,'” I replied, while my mental computer started frantically searching for the last time I had told her that (I knew her mental computer could spit out time, date, ambient temperature and what she was wearing).

“No,” she said, “not those three words. I mean the three words, ‘I was wrong.’ It’s because we’ve been, if not exactly willing, at least able to come to each other and say that when necessary.”

Now, it could be my wife gives me more credit — or grace — in this area than I deserve (I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken), but I have learned how important our words are to our marriage; especially the right words. I’m reminded of something that comedian Rob Becker said in his “Defending the Caveman” monologue: “It’s been reported that the typical woman speaks 5,000 words a day, but the average man speaks only about 2,000. So when a husband comes home and doesn’t have anything to say to his wife it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her; it just means he’s out of words.”

I don’t know that I’ve ever quite run out of words, but they may come to me easier than for other men. As a public service to the guys, then, here are some more three-word sentences you can use to say important things our wives need to hear without going into verb debt. Starting with the basics:

  1. I love you.
  2. I was wrong.
  3. Please forgive me.
  4. You look great!
  5. Let me help.
  6. I’ll clean up.
  7. That was delicious!
  8. That was incredible!
  9. You deserve it.
  10. Don’t get up.
  11. Let’s eat out.

I’ve found it is also useful if I start as many sentences as possible with the three words, “I really appreciate…”

One thing about words, however, is that they can knock down just as easily as they can build up (sometimes even easier). Therefore, here’s a list of three word sentences you shouldn’t say:

  1. You did what?
  2. Not my job.
  3. I told you.
  4. What, meatloaf again?
  5. I give up.
  6. What’s wrong now?
  7. You ready yet?
  8. You blew it.
  9. Don’t wait up.
  10. Where’s my dinner?
  11. Where’s the remote?

I’d also advise that you try to eliminate any sentences from your life that begin with the three words: “If only you’d…” or “My mother always…”

It’s been my experience that working on the first list, while avoiding the second, is bound to have a positive effect on your marriage without blowing your word count. In fact, the more we can work the first list into our regular conversation, the more likely it is for us to hear our wives say three-word sentences such as, “What a guy!” and “Come her, Bubba!” and the less likely we are to hear, “Hit the road!”

Update:

On a related note, Joatmoaf at I Love Jet Noise promotes a series of helpful classes for men and a glossary of words that have different meanings depending on whether you are a man or a woman.

Shock and awful

I go to school in Hastings, where there has recently been much talk about the murders of a couple: Peter and Patricia Niedere. Initially, I was a little curious; I mean, c’mon. It’s Hastings for crying out loud!

So, I knew that a couple was murdered by their son and one of his friends.

This morning when I came downstairs for breakfast, my dad slides the Strib over to me and asks me if I know that they arrested another kid involved with the murder; which in itself was strange because he didn’t know that I knew anything about it.

So I looked. The headline said “3rd teen is held in Hastings slayings”; and there were the pictures of three teenage boys.

The third face was familiar.

Oh, yeah, I recognized it. It was a face of a boy I had gone to kindergarten and 1st grade with. I checked the name to be sure. Jamie Patton? Yup. I practically had a fit on my dad, who was still a little skeptical. *sigh*. Okay. Turn the page. Skim through it a little ways. Here we go, the proof I was looking for: “…attended Calvin Christian School…” The school I went to in said grades. Oh. My. God.

How would it feel to wake up one morning to find that a little boy that you had ridden to school with, played games with, went to Dairy Queen with, that you haven’t heard from ever since you switched schools — is involved in a murder conspiracy? It would feel like a little piece of your world had just crumbled and hit the ground. Sheol! The year our school had Noah and the Ark as the school play, he and I were the two zebras together!! We were pretty close, especially considering that boys have cooties!

I know I’m not very closely connected at all, but at one time, he was a part of my life. I kinda wish I could’ve talked to him before this whole situation ever took place, if only just to find out what he’d been doing with his life before he basically chucked it out the window. I guess I’m a little confused but no one’s going to give me an explanation. Not that I really need one, money was involved, after all. Would he even remember me?

Today I dug out my sheet of kindergarten pictures, and there’s his picture, right next to mine.

Murderer? You wouldn’t think so.

Dead ship floating

I’d heard a couple of comments at work today about an incident last week where some Vikings players had acted in an unsavory manner on some charter boats on Lake Minnetonka. In this community we’re all too used to reports of drunken driving, assaults and unruly behavior in public with this club so the context of the comments today were along the lines of what “our” chuckleheads had gotten themselves into now.

Driving home from work, however, I heard for the first time details of what allegedly had happened as KFAN host Dan Barreiro interviewed an attorney representing the charter boat service. This was much more detailed and explicit than what had been reported so far. The gist of it was that Viking players (not necessarily the team itself) had chartered two boats and arrived at the dock in a parade of limos. A number of women accompanied the players and once out on the lake there was some disrobing and lap dancing. This evolved into several of the players engaging in sex acts with the women in the public areas of the boat and in view of other players and the crew of the boats. Money was seen changing hands. The crew included young waitresses who were themselves accosted, offered money to participate and teased by these players and their “dates”. The situation was reportedly very frightening to the crew, staff and captains who consulted with ownership on the radio and decided to return to shore. They were concerned with having to deal with many large, unhappy men so they didn’t tell the group they were returning. Because several of the players were also in the control rooms of the boats the captains (young men between 25 and 30 years old) were afraid to give too many details to ownership about what was going on. The limos had remained at the dock so the charter boat owners organized these for a quick pick up and there weren’t any reported incidents when the boats returned. Some of the players apologized for their teammates actions.

There’s certainly a lot to be outraged about in the world today (especially considering the Mall Diva’s post above this one), but for some reason this situation especially turned my crank. That maybe doesn’t say a lot about my priorities when there are so many things of national and international importance to comment on, but I’ve just got to let it fly on this incident.

It may be because I can picture myself being the father of one of those waitresses (hmmm, but not of the other “ladies”) and I can imagine how scary it could be to be trapped in that charged atmosphere. I can also easily imagine the concerns of the captains knowing they were navigating at night on deep water with a group of very large, very strong and unruly men who might not be in a mood to be reasonable. The possibility that they were overreacting – and that the attorney was overplaying the scenario – exists, but it doesn’t sound that far-fetched to me. And I think this behavior has reached a tipping point – for the franchise and possibly for sports in general as this becomes (I predict) a national story in the coming days.

New Vikings owner Zygi Wilf has to take immediate and dramatic action — not to save this season, but to save this franchise and his investment. The players — whether on an officially sanctioned team event or not — have shown no accountability or concern for the public. A public, by the way, that they are expecting to come up with tons of money to build them a new stadium. (Perhaps we ought to consider building another prison instead.) Given this team’s history, ranging from Tommy Kramer and other drunks terrorizing the 494 strip in the 80s up through the infamous Artic Blast event and including the domestic incidents and street-fighting of even more recent vintage, Mr. Wilf needs to put a strong and undeniable stamp on his professed committment to making this a class organization.

There were reportedly as many as 17 of the players involved in this incredibly inappropriate public display. There are 12 weeks left in this season. Mr. Wilf needs to announce that beginning this week two or three players from this group will begin serving two-game suspensions without pay for conduct detrimental to the team and the entire organization, and that these rolling suspensions will continue until every player involved has been suspended. Forget whether or not any of these actions can be proved to be criminal; this isn’t a time for technicalities. These actions in and of themselves have a negative impact on a multi-million dollar operation and its standing and goodwill in the community, and this is the perfect opportunity to demand accountability and establish that things are going to be different. If the team loses, so be it. Mr. Wilf has indicated that his is a long-term view and he wants to operate it in a way that makes his family proud.

Do it, Mr. Wilf, and make us proud at the same time.

Me used to be angry young man

18 years ago today I woke up alone. Even my dog, faithful companion of 11 years, was already encamped at someone else’s house and I had the misty, overcast morning entirely to myself. I took a few moments to listen to the familiar sounds of my house that I knew could never again sound quite the same. I knew there was activity already set in motion in homes and hotel rooms around the city as those near and dear to me took on their assigned tasks or chosen activities. I had a list of my own, but took the time to reflect on what was also being set in motion in the spirit. In a few more short hours I would be married.

The past 18 months had been a time of constant changes for me in almost every area; emotionally, occupationally, spiritually. Some of these steps I had (I thought) initiated myself in deciding how I wanted to live. My noble selfishness wouldn’t have taken me very far, however, and then this other person came into my life. I had a job where I could buy graphic design services. Unknown to me, a lovely woman was just getting started in her own graphic design business. Her pastor asked another member of their congregation, a man who sold high-end commercial printing, to give this young lady a list of names of prospective clients. Though I had never met this man, or even purchased printing from his company, my name was at the top of the list of ten people that he gave to the woman. Of those, I was the only person she called who agreed to meet with her. And my motive was more to pick the brain of someone starting a business since I was considering doing that myself. The rest, as they say, is history – and her story, too (which would make for some damn funny reading) – and the details of a very unlikely courtship which would take several postings to explain, but I’m not going to do that now.

That gray morning, however, I found it easy to imagine myself on a distant mountain top, standing under the interested eye of a watchful God, for the last time being scrutinized as an individual entity, my past packed lumpy and heavy into an ungainly backpack that constantly threatened my balance. By God’s grace I had made it that far, in that moment realizing that my position was only a vantage point and not the end of a climb.

I breathed deep of the rarefied air, heady with the scent of the unknown. Did something, perhaps, stir in that backpack as I slowly lowered it from my shoulders? Did a plaintive voice mew a last appeal? I cannot say, for my spirit leapt away like a balloon no longer tethered as the pack crunched into the dirt behind me.

My spirit free, and of my free will, I left that place to go to where the people who loved me, and whom I loved, waited. The long drive down from the north to the church put miles between me and what once was.

In the last 18 years I have lived in the bounty of a loving God, manifested in a loving wife and every miracle of life supplied in abundance. Never has an hour passed that I have wished for it to be any other way.

Happy anniversary, my love.

Fozzie and Harriet

When I heard the news of President Bush’s latest nominee for the Supreme Court the other day my initial reaction was much like Fozzie Bear’s famous “AAH-ah” of discovery: surprised, interested and a bit uncertain. I’ve sat back and tried to process my thoughts and predictions as just about every other blog I’ve read has jumped on one side or the other as to whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. Even after a few days of this I’m still, like Fozzie, a bit wide-eyed.

Here’s the thing for me: I’m politically and socially conservative, and most of my close friends and family vote the Constitution Party. Having been quite involved in Minnesota Republican politics some years ago, I have long since overcome any illusion that there was any real difference between Republicans and Democrats when it came to fiscal sanity. For all the supposed rhetorical differences, each party in practice is pretty much the same when you look at the results. Socially there was a big difference between Bush and Kerry, but I probably would have gone ahead and cast a protest vote for the Constitution Party candidate, Michael Peroutka, but for one, over-riding reason: the Supreme Court.

Given Bush’s track record of judicial nominees in his first term, I really wanted him – and our country – to have a chance to put conservative constructionists on the Supreme Court for the next 30 years. When the first opening arrived and he nominated John Roberts I was almost giddy – something I haven’t felt when it comes to politics in a long time. I was blown away at Bush’s political masterstroke in distracting his opposition while coming up with, almost out of the blue, a bulletproof heavyweight. The Dems knew they couldn’t touch him, but it was fun to watch clowns like Joe Biden blunt their pointy little heads on Roberts’ Kevlar fashioned from experience, scholarship and gravitas.

I thought the only question with the second nomination would be whether Bush choose to go into battle with one of the leading candidates already out there drawing fire, or whether his team had another overwhelming powerhouse like Roberts waiting in the wings to wheel onto the field.

Consider me underwhelmed.

There are definitely things about Harriet Miers that I like and make me feel hopeful, and I can’t – as you may have noticed over the past few days – work up the righteous indignation of so many other bloggers and pundits regarding her nomination. At the same time I can’t help but feel more than a bit wistful at an opportunity lost.

It was kind of like waiting for the NFL draft when your favorite team has a top pick. You spend months reading scouting reports, listening to Mel Kiper and the wannabees, imaging this blue-chip player or that coming in to plug a hole on your team. Then, on draft day, Paul Tagliabue steps up when it’s your team’s turn and says, “From Slippery Rock State …”

Hey, maybe the kid has 4.2 speed in the 40, great hands and eats linebackers for lunch, but you still don’t know if he can play in NFL. Someone high up must have seen something in him, but you can’t help yourself from thinking, “Is that the best we could do with that pick right now? Maybe he would have been available next round after you’ve already drafted the stud from the national championship team.”

Blogfather Hugh couldn’t ease my concerns completely, and the President’s “Trust me” statement wasn’t what I was hoping to hear, either. While he hasn’t inspired my confidence in areas such as immigration and spending (where I had low expectations going in anyway), I will say that his judicial appointments throughout his time in office have been more than solid.

So, back to my Muppet analogy, perhaps my hopes have been abused and my support manipulated by unseen hands. My options are limited, however. It’s not going to do any good for me to go all Animal right now or to act like the karate-chopping Miss Piggy – or even to heckle from the balcony like Waldorf and Astoria. I’ll just be Fozzie; a bit dim, I guess, but always optimistic that things are going to turn out alright. I just hope that this isn’t a re-run.

Trust and bipartisanship

Here’s an old joke:

A Protestant pastor is attending a conference in Ireland when he decides to use some free time to drive through the countryside. It’s a lovely day and he’s enjoying the beautiful scenery and accidentally drifts over the center line and strikes an oncoming car.

The pastor is shaken but okay, and is surprised to see that the driver getting out of the other car is a Catholic priest. The priest says, “Faith and begorrah, are you all right, Reverend?” (What’s a joke without a little stereotyping?)

“Why, thank the Lord, yes I am,” said the pastor. “Are you all right, Father?”

“Yes, quite,” said the priest, “but looking into your eyes it seems you are still a bit shaken.”

“I suppose I am,” admitted the pastor.

“I have just the thing,” said the priest, returning to his car and bringing a flask out of his glove compartment. He gives it to the pastor who sips it appreciatively.

“I’m so sorry,” says the pastor. “I was enjoying your lovely countryside and I must not have been paying attention. I’m so glad you’re not hurt.”

“It’s quite all right,” said the priest. “It is a lovely view, and I often find my own mind wandering when I drive past here. The cars can both be repaired, the important thing is we’re both unhurt.”

“Well said, Father,” said the pastor, taking another sip from the flask. “Isn’t it amazing, here we are two members of different religions, sitting here on the side of the road after an accident, peacefully considering each other’s health instead of fighting. In fact,” he said, “here’s to your health!” taking another sip and passing the flask back to the priest. “Won’t you join me?”

“Oh, no thank you, Reverend,” the priest said. “I think I’ll wait until after the police arrive.”

George Bush says to trust him regarding Harriet Miers. Ehhh, maybe. But trust Harry Reid?

Some progress with avian flu; and an “Uff da!” projection for Minnesota

I’ve posted several times with updates on the risk of an avian flu pandemic. My goal has been to promote awareness, not panic, and I hope regular readers have found these to be informative. I know my efforts have had nothing to do with it, but the MSM is starting to pay more attention to a possible avian flu outbreak. Today’s StarTribune picked up an article from the New York Times reporting that scientists have reconstructed the 1918 Spanish Flu virus and determined that it was a bird flu strain. Experts have long thought this to be the case, but this finding confirms that and will help in the process of developing an effective vaccine.