Monthly Archives: July 2007

“No controlling legal authority…”

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Well, that’s a relief. It turns out that the endangered Chilean sea bass that Al Gore and others dined on during the rehearsal dinner for his daughter’s wedding were not so endangered after all (though the particular entrees in question might choose to quibble). While the Chilean sea bass (aka Patagonian toothfish) species as a whole is clinging to survival as desperately as the McCain campaign, it turns out that the ones invited to the Gore table were special:

But the fish enjoyed by the Gores were not endangered or illegally caught.

Rather, the restaurant later confirmed, they had come from one of the world’s few well-managed, sustainable populations of toothfish, and caught and documented in compliance with Marine Stewardship Council regulations. The Gores’ spokesman, Kalee Kreider, admitted that the fish has been on the menu, but said: “The Gores absolutely agree with this humane society and the rest of the environmental community about illegally caught Chilean sea bass.

(HT: The Far Wright)

I’m sure that further investigation will show that the Marine Stewardship Council regulations also require that the fish enjoy government-funded universal health and dental benefits, lifetime education in government schools, and are harvested only by electric hybrid and bio-diesel equipped trawlers. Though not native to the U.S., the toothfish were here as “guest workers” and were happy to pay for a better wedding after Gore personally assured them that there was no “controlling legal authority” and that it “was for the (my) children.”

I also look for the Gores to announce they are purchasing “tarpon offsets” to counter their conspicuous consumption.

Leaving on a business trip

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“Missions trip” has a certain connotation in religious circles, denoting a special status for what really should be viewed as an every day outlook on life. (Our pastor has said, “God will send you across the world, but He also wants to send you across the street.”) I suppose you could say Jesus went on the ultimate “missions trip” when He was sent to us. At one point during this mission He said, “I must be about my Father’s business.”

Later this week Tiger Lilly and the Reverend Mother will therefore be leaving on their own business trip to Romania, with a stop in Texas for some training and orientation on the way. It’s a trip that was researched and instigated about a year ago by Tiger Lilly through Global Expeditions. Some time after she had committed to go her mother was also led to join the group. TL was ready and willing to go it on her own with the Global Expeditions team, but is glad to have her favorite mom along. Despite being “just” 13, this is her second overseas trip, having gone with her mother to China for three weeks the summer before last. (Details here, here and here).

I hope Tiger Lilly will have time before they leave to put up a post on how and why she chose this trip and how she was able to raise enough money not only for this trip but to also set some aside for the next one, whenever or wherever that may be. She and the Reverend Mother are taking a wireless laptop along and the digital camera and should have relatively good access for posting as the trip goes on. Stay tuned.


Last Sunday our church prayed for our latest missionaries.

MOB Action

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The whole family made it over to Keegan’s Saturday night for a lovely evening with many of our fellow bloggers from the Minnesota Organization of Bloggers. I didn’t wear a Hawaiian shirt, despite Kevin and Ben’s attempts at peer pressure which didn’t work because, well, they’d have to be my peers. Anyway, since a picture is worth a thousand words, here’s about a month’s worth (at my recent pace) of blogging:


Surly Dave rode his new Moto Guzzi to the event and was “Kindly Dave” enough to let a long-time biker,
the Reverend Mother, take it for a spin.


Mocha Momma and Kingdavid from The Far Wright joined the festivities. (That’s Dan Stover, the Northern Alliance Wannabe in the background.)


Jennifer and Brad Carlson made their debut at one of our official MOB functions.


I think Learned Foot is beckoning the photographer to come closer. Either that or he’s ordering a beer and a shot, hold the beer.


After two years of trying, Kevin finally snuck a beer past me to the Mall Diva. (Don’t worry, Mr. Keegan, she gave it back.)


The Reverend Mother spent part of the evening eavesdropping on Mitch Berg. “He’s really interesting,” she said. “Is there anything he doesn’t have an opinion on?” If so, we haven’t found it. I do know he likes Springsteen and, along with Strommie, the Mall Diva.


Diamond Dog (Scott Brooks) from Freedom Dogs and King Banaian from SCSU Scholars.

While this post might give you the impression that all I did all evening was run around and take pictures, that would not be correct. I spent the evening talking with the folks shown above and many others, including John and his wife from Roosh Five and Jeff Kouba from Peace Like a River and Truth vs. the Machine. The photos were taken by Ben from Hammerswing with my camera, however. I’ve emailed a lot of the images to him for him to post so you might want to check over at his blog in the next couple of days to see what he has added.

The Rediculous Meanderings of Two Chicks in a Bistro

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Co-blogging: Reverend Mother and Mall Diva

Setting: Panera Bread in MPLS

MD: Mmmm! These are like muffin cookies!
RM: Yeah, but not like meat cookies.
MD: The lightbulb goes on…That must be why they’re called “Muffies”!
RM: So what are we going to talk about? Steals some of MD’s Carrot Walnut Mini Bundt cake.
MD: Hey! Mine!
RM: Why are you eating all this? Aren’t you looking too good in your fat jeans? Are you writing this down?
MD: I don’t need to worry about that if you’re eating all my food.
RM: You could do what that guy is doing- Stand on the corner and jog in place.
MD: I’m wearing the wrong shoes. Takes a bite of RM’s Pumpkin Muffie…
RM: Hey!
MD: You offered it to me.
RM: Oooh, there’s a cool looking dude.
MD: Gags. He’s wearing a tye-dye shirt that doesn’t even meet his pants!
RM pokes MD and points out the window at a VW Bug
MD: Ooh! It’s a convertible! Look at the guy driving-
RM: Yeah, in his white shirt and black tie. I bet if you went out there and batted your eyelashes at him, he’d give you a ride.
MD: Most guys that drive Bugs are gay. If I went out there and batted my eyelashes at him, he’d probably throw up.
RM: Not all guys are. I think your father should get one and throw off the whole paradigm. Pokes MD again.
MD: Can you imagine dad driving a Bug?
RM thinks for a second and bursts out laughing: No!
MD: This cake is so good.
RM: It’s somewhat good.
MD: Better than yours.
RM: Not better than the Pumpkin Muffie.
MD: Well I like it better.
RM: I’m thinking about trying oatmeal.
MD: Trying oatmeal? Haven’t you had oatmeal before?
RM: Not since I was under 5. Oh, I remember one time I was at an aunt’s house and she served it for breakfast, and I ate it until someone mentioned that I didn’t like it.
MD: So it sounds like you stopped eating it because someone said you didn’t like it. The power of suggestion.
RM: No, when my Aunt found out I didn’t like it, she said I could have something else. I don’t remember what I had, though. Maybe Bourbon.
MD: What, vermin?
RM: No! Bourbon.
MD: Oh. For breakfast?
RM: I haven’t had oatmeal since I was very young and I’ve never had Bourbon.
MD: Well it’s not too late to start.
RM laughs.
RM: Look! A truck full of motorcycles!
MD: Cool! Snugglebug! There’s a guy wearing a Hawaiian shirt. I wonder if he’s going to the MOB party tomorrow?
RM: He probably won’t be wearing it until then. Pokes MD. Look! There’s Surdyk’s cheese shop! We could go get some double Gloucester!
MD: Or some liquor.
RM: Is that a guy? He’s wearing a dress! He’s doing his Jesus imitation. He needs an intervention.
MD: He’s drinking out of a mason jar.
MD: I think it’s Health Inspector day. You know, we’re way funnier when Tiger Lilly isn’t around.
RM nods.
RM: I want a motorcycle. That girl has one. Let’s go test drive some motorcycles today.
MD: Ok. Can you test drive a motorcycle if you don’t have a motorcycle license?
RM: No, you can’t! You’ll have to ride behind me. Dad bought a flat screen TV. I should be able to buy a motorcycle.
MD: Do you know how hard it is to type “motorcycle” over and over?
RM: You need to cut and paste.

End.

Saturday night’s the night I like

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Tonight normally would have been my night for going to Keegan’s for trivia, but I’m holding off on that (and the delicious cheeseburger and potato wedges) until Saturday night and the MOB’s grand summer event.

I expect the entire Night Writer blogging consortium (Reverend Mother, Mall Diva and Tiger Lilly) to be there as well so I’ll be easy to spot. Not because I’ll be wearing a Hawaiian shirt, but because I’ll be the guy surrounded by beautiful women. Unless, of course, I actually do wear a Hawaiian shirt, in which case my wife will come nowhere near me and the Mall Diva will likely just stay in the car. Tiger Lilly would probably come in, but mainly for the possibility of carrot cake.

See you there!

Pull the plug, pull the plug, Buddy gonna shut you down…

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Not too many people were shocked when Al Gore III was pulled over last week for speeding, drug possession and having a trunkload of counterfeit carbon credits. What was surprising was that he was clocked at more than 100 mph in a Prius! I’m not a motor-head like Jroosh, but that’s a speed I thought was approachable only if the car were dropped very high from a crane at the Sturgis Bike Rally.

Obviously there are a lot of easy jokes that can be (and were) made. I appreciate it when someone works a little harder for the humor, which is why I especially liked Nancy’s musical treatment at Away With Words:

I feel a song coming on (in the spirit of the Beachboys, the Daytonas, and Jan and Dean):

Hybrid Synergy Racin’ Machine

I was cruisin’ downtown in my Toyota Prius
– Cruise, little Prius! Whoosh! Whoosh!
Doing 50 mpg, just like they guarantee us.
– Conserve, little Prius! Whoosh! Whoosh!
When a big bad Hummer came up alongside
Said, “Hey, Granola–ready to ride?”

I said, I know what you’re thinking–I’m an herbal-tea wuss.
– Rev, little Prius! Shush! Shush!
And I’ll never catch up in my Toyota Prius
– Glide, little Prius! Shush! Shush!
Yeah, my engine is silent–but it’s deadly, too
So buckle up, baby, ’cause I’m gunnin’ for you.

Girl’s voice: “No, Al! No, Al! No, Al! Nooooooo!”

[refrain]
Well, I run on electric and I run on gas
Ain’t nobody here gonna kick my ass.
Prius is green–yeah!–but Prius is mean,
It’s a hybrid synergy racin’ machine.

I push-button-started and began to roll
– Go, little Prius! Zip! Zip!
Passed the Hummer, a Porsche, and the Highway Patrol.
– Fight, little Prius! Zip! Zip!
I was doin’ a hundred on the southbound 5
Lost the Hummer on a curve, more dead than alive.

[refrain]
Well, I run on electric and I run on gas
Ain’t nobody here gonna kick my ass!
Prius is green–yeah!–but Prius is mean,
It’s a hybrid synergy racin’ machine.

Whoa – talk about your little juiced coupe! I wonder if there’s any coming back from Dead Man’s Surge? Oh well, I guess Al III will have fun, fun, fun ’til Daddy takes the Prius away!

There oughta be a law?

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The Sunday before the 4th the Mall Diva joined her cousin’s family up at their cabin near Crosby, MN. The plan was to spend a couple of days on ATVs, dirt bikes and paddle boats and then come back on the 4th so MD could be at work on the 5th. Her cousin drove.

Late Wednesday afternoon I got a message that the Diva and cousin were going to stay up in Crosby to watch the fireworks and then drive home — a 3-hour drive. Well, they missed a very fine fireworks display right in my living room when I got that word. Even without all the teenage drivers slaughtering themselves or being slaughtered by others on the roads at night lately, the thought of these youths driving home after midnight following a day of fun in the sun — and sharing the road with a bunch of other yahoos who had been enjoying fun in the sun and drinking — seemed like a spectacularly bad idea, especially with Al Gore’s kid on the loose.

Fortunately I had the numbers for just about every cell-phone up at that cabin and I left messages on a couple before I got through to the cousin, who just so happened to be right next to my daughter. My message was direct and well-received by MD; unfortunately she wasn’t the one with the car. No matter: “I will come and get you if you don’t have a ride,” I said, figuring I had enough time to get up there and back before midnight and I was well rested. A few minutes later she called back, letting me know they’d be heading home shortly. As it turned out, she was home by 11:00 without incident, though her cousin wasn’t especially pleased that my parental grappling hooks had so much reach. Believe me, I can live with it. I’m not afraid to be the bad guy for a good cause.

As much as MD and her cousin may have rolled their eyes at me, however, it cannot compare to how much I rolled my eyes at those clamoring for Minnesota to pass more laws restricting teen drivers, even though doing so put me – for probably the first and last time – on the same side as Minnesota legislator Tom Rukavina, though probably not for the same reasons. While the article I just linked to strongly suggests a correlation between Minnesota’s “scofflaw” (compared to other states) approach to driver restrictions and the amount of teenage carnage on our roads, I reject the knee-jerk reaction that three or four more laws are the best way to “do something.” That is precisely the type of useless do-goodism and deep-as-a-dogdish thinking that lets people feel good about themselves without addressing the underlying issues of personal and parental responsibility while at the same time promoting the all-caring, ever-expanding nanny state mentality.

That’s not to say that I don’t think teen drivers don’t need guidance and restrictions. Teens are not inherently bad drivers; they are, inescapably, less-experienced drivers. I agree, something must be done — and my wife and I did it. When the Mall Diva first started driving we placed our own “laws” on hours and passengers which were gradually reduced over the past two and a half years. Other expectations have also been communicated and she has demonstrated that she is a responsible and effective driver. And, as indicated above, we continue to take an active and involved interest in her driving (and riding) career, even if it’s wildly inconvenient. (We also put her in 3,000-pounds of sheet metal and we pray a lot). I know MD totally believed me when I said I would come and get her, and not out of reproach but from commitment.

I recognize that that isn’t always enough to keep our children safe, and my heart goes out the the parents who have suffered these wracking losses this year. More laws, however, aren’t a guarantee either. One of the legislators in favor of more laws framed it in terms of “giving parents better tools.” Well, thank you very much, but my tools work just fine, especially when I use them. (I wonder how many of those legislators that want to “help parents” by restricting teens who want to drive are just as adamant about there not being any parental involvement or restrictions on teens that want abortions.) I suppose some parents might feel their position is strengthened if they can cite the law as if the matter was out of their hands. If your children aren’t going to listen to you (who they have to face every day), however, I don’t know if they’ll adhere to a law.

Idyll of idleness

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In the last five days I’ve accomplished the following:

  • Mowed the grass

  • Did laundry

  • Shaved twice

Oh, and I moved the piano out four feet from the wall and later moved it back again so my wife could paint the music room, an enterprise for which my main contribution, besides moving the piano, was to say, “It looks lovely, dear.” I’ve also read most of Steven Pressfield’s “The Afghan Campaign” and two comic books that Tiger Lilly checked out of the library. All in all I’m feeling pretty good about myself.

The last four months have been very busy at work and at home. Well, home has been about normal, but I’ve been arriving there so late most evenings and working so much over the weekends that it seemed as if there wasn’t much time to do anything. I love those mid-week holidays, though, especially when I can extend the time off through the weekend with a couple of vacation days. I promised myself that I’d simply veg on the 4th and then maybe just check office emails on Thursday and Friday; as it turned out, vegging out felt so good that I never got around to the emails until earlier today. I know, I’m a slug.

I also got in some golf one day and this afternoon the family went out for a movie and pizza. We saw “Transformers” which was a high-octane, super-frenetic film perfect for getting my heart-rate back up to work-speed. The previews before the movie, however, suggested to me that Hollywood is even lazier than I am. I’m not sure I even remember the names of the coming attractions, but they all struck me as formulaic rehashes of other movies.

Let’s see, there was a “Napoleon Dynamite” rip-off called “Hot Rod”, and what looked like another by-the-numbers movie starring The Rock and an impossibly cute and precocious little girl about a pro football player who discovers he’s a dad when the said little girl shows up unexpectedly at his door. Comedy presumably ensues but I didn’t even bother to remember the name of that film. Next was a Will Smith vehicle that looked like a cross between “War of the Worlds” and the old Charlton Heston flick, “The Omega Man”; I think they’re calling this one “I am Legend.” This preview was followed by one for another apocalyptic “thriller” that may have been the same movie except it didn’t show any scenes with Will Smith. As either an oversight or a bold marketing ploy, they never gave the name of the movie. Ooh! Ooh! I’m intrigued — not!

As for “Transformers,” it was pretty good overall even though there were logic gaps large enough to drive a Decepticon through. The best part of all, though, was that I didn’t have to think or work too hard in order to enjoy it, which fit perfectly with my holiday weekend strategy.

Now it’s back to work tomorrow and, perhaps, more regular blogging.

Tag! I’m It!!! …Wait

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Kingdavid has tagged me with a meme:
“Songs that I’ve made a happy fool of myself singing along to.”

This is going to be hard, because I pretty much sing along with any song I know the words to, and quite a few songs I don’t really know the words to. How long can my list be? And where do I begin?

I’ll start with a classic:

1~ “The Hampsterdance” by Hampton the Hampster
Yes, I spelled that right. This is one you really need to crank up, let loose and rock out to. Especially in public. It even instructs you on how to do the Hampsterdance! And by the time you’re done with that, this song will come in really handy:

2~ “Dancing With Myself” by Billy Idol
Oh oh ohoh!! Need I say more?

Oh oh, I know!
3~ “Believe” by Cher
I confess I’ve always liked this song, though I thought it was sung by a dude until someone told me otherwise.

And now for something completely different!
4~ “Witness” by Nicole C. Mullen
Ooooh yeeeah. I betcha didn’t know I could rap, didja?
Holla!

And speaking of rapping:
5~ Every song on my Group 1 Crew cd. They are brand spankin’ new (pretty much) and absolutely kick butt. Even live! I saw them at Club 3 degrees with Princess Flickerfeather and her cousins.
Holla again!

6~ “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” by Big and Rich
Yup, I’ve made a happy fool of myself singing along to this and the parody my sister made up. She likes to do that.

Speaking of parodies…
7~ “Oh! Gravity” by Switchfoot
This cd rocks, and both the original version and the Tiger Lilly version are fun to sing and head-bang to.

8~ “Man, I Feel Like A Woman” by Shania Twain
Of course.

9~ “Such Great Heights” by The Postal Service
One of my absolute favorite songs, along with:

10~ “Far Away” by Nickelback
So beautiful! *sniff*…

Here’s one for my dad:
11~ “Lawyers, Guns, and Money” by Warren Zevon
Ha ha!

And here’s one for my mom:
12~ “Nothing Compares 2 U” by Sinead O’Connor

Here’s a fun one!
13~ “Beyond the Sea” by Bobby Darin

14~ “Flower Duet” by Charlotte Church
Almost everybody who tries to sing along with this will make a fool of themself.

15~ “Wordy Rappinghood” by Tom Tom Club
Yes…I’ve sung along to this.

Ok, just one more:
16~ “Sly” by the Cat Empire
Super fun!!!

Anyway, there’s a list for ya. It’s in no way an exhaustive list, but it’s cool.

Peace out, homeslices!

Famous last words

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Most folks can recall the references to God in the opening paragraph of the Declaration of Independence; you know the parts about “the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them” and all men being “endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights.” You might be surprised, however, to know that this wasn’t the last reference — in what some today would have you believe is a “secular” document — to a Divine interest in the affairs at hand. The last paragraph also establishes a spiritual foundation:

We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.