Monthly Archives: October 2006

What in the Samhain is going on around here?

Posted on by
2

It’s “All Hallow’s Eve”, or Halloween, and I’m manning the door with treats and hot cider. Since 2001 I’ve set up a fire pit in my front yard and served hot cider along with the treats to warm the kids and their parents that come by. Tonight however it’s cold and very windy, and while the idea of a fire sounds good in concept I know that in practice it would be colder than a witch’s mittens.

This year then I’ve set up in the house, but I’m still offering hot cider, which has been enthusiastically received for the most part. A couple of people have looked at me like I was some kind of weirdo for offering a hot drink, as if it might be spiked or something. Well, I guess if you have a holiday that revels in the scary and even demonic then people are right to be a little paranoid.

We didn’t have a lot to do with Halloween when our girls were little because of the occultic overtones, especially since these have seemed, to my eye, to be even more pronounced in later years. More recently however I’ve come to the conclusion that what is really being celebrated is the profit motive as Halloween has become one of the most lucrative merchandising opportunities in our culture. I’m not sure how it ranks in comparison to another emerging holiday — Super Bowl Sunday — but I know they sell more Halloween paraphernalia than they do for Thanksgiving. And at that some part of me takes a certain satisfaction in knowing that those who take the Samhain traditions and meanings seriously can now be just as offended at the commercialization of their holiday as I may be during Christmas.

For the most part, then, I’m not as concerned that people are being lured to the dark side by Trick or Treat. At least, I’m sure it doesn’t happen any more often than somebody becomes a Christian by watching “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” I know there is real darkness out there, however, even more chilling than tonight’s wind and much more destructive. I also know darkness hates the light, so I’m not going to lock the doors and turn the outside lights off while hiding in my basement tending my own little beacon. No, the darkness likes to be where the people are, and that’s where I need to be as well. I am not willing to cede an inch of ground.

So, while the girls are at Hallelujah Night at church I’ve spent the last few years stoking the fire and heating the cider and smiling at and making eye contact with each visitor, complimenting their costumes, and dispensing goodies with a liberal hand — and no one leaves without hearing a heartfelt, “God bless you.”

Update:

Hey, I even got a couple of “God bless you’s” tonight in return! A couple of people have even said they miss the fire and hope I’ll have it back next year.

We haven’t had much traffic for 30 minutes or so, and it’s been a pretty slow evening. I didn’t think a little thing like the weather could slow kids down from the annual candy crawl, but maybe people really are getting smarter. I think I can turn off the porch lights and settle down to some real work on the laptop. I know, of course, that just as soon as I get everything just so, the doorbell will ring (lights on or not).

A day in our life, the life in our day

Posted on by
3

What a great day we had yesterday. We didn’t start with the usual smush of mother and daughters on the Big Comfy Chair for breakfast and the comics since the Mall Diva had to leave for church early to rehearse with the band, but I did get the joy of opening my eyes to the smells of fresh bread and hot coffee. That, plus being fortified with an extra hour of sleep after “falling back” to Standard Time was a good head start on a lovely autumn day.

We got ourselves organized and off to church (sans Bonita, who was spending the day with her friends and youth group) to hear the Reverend Mother preach for the first time since being ordained late last year (ministry is so much more than preaching and teaching). With her at the lectern, the Mall Diva singing during Praise & Worship, Tiger Lilly working the slides with the song lyrics and me ushering it might seem as if the church couldn’t survive without us, when in actuality just the opposite is true. Afterwards we went over to our friends’ house for brunch where we were gloriously overserved with pumpkin pancakes hot off the griddle with spiced butter and real maple syrup, sausage and egg casserole, croissants, lox and bagels and more coffee in cups as big as our heads. “Uncle” Ben accompanied us, learning that membership does have its privileges (sorry, inside joke), and it was tremendous fun to sit around the table afterwards as the conversation seamlessly wove between the Bible and Monty Python (yes, it can be done).

When we at last took our leave it was then time to head over to St. Paul to hear Ben’s sister play in a wind ensemble. It was a delightful and stirring musical performance that caused me to remember my own school days of playing tenor saxophone in school bands and the satisfaction, and even the thrill, of being part of a large group of people all playing in perfect rhythm and synchronization (well, maybe less than perfect in my case). The best part, however, was meeting Ben’s parents for the first time — and *blush* then hearing how much they had been looking forward to meeting us (and how much they already knew about us). After Marjorie and I were introduced to Ben’s dad, Chris, I started to introduce my daughters but there was no need. Chris turned immediately to the red head and enthusiastically said, “You must be Tiger Lilly!” Then, turning to my other daughter, “And the Mall Diva, of course — and are those wrist sweaters you’re wearing?” I’m used to being addressed in blogging circles by my blog-handle, but it is kind of a strange sensation to hear your children recognized by their aliases, especially by non-bloggers. Maybe it’s just one of those little things that sneak up on parents from time to time to tell you that your children are on about the business of making their way.

Events up to this point would have made for a full and memorable day, but there was still more to come. After the concert and a brief visit with Ben’s folks it was time to head over to Minneapolis for a costume party with Surly and Sweeter Half. Since the Reverend Mother is on-call as a police chaplain this week, that became her “costume” (if she received a call it might be less than effective to arrive on the scene in her official capacity but wearing a fright wig or bunny ears.) The Mall Diva easily reprised her birthday gown and tiara into “Ice Princess” regalia, and Tiger Lilly enthusiastically donned pirate garb with a plastic sword being a satisfactory, temporary trade-off for her new nunchaku which otherwise seldom leave her hands of late (believe me, it pays to keep your eyes open when walking around my house). I went as the unoriginal guy-too-busy-to-create-a-costume, but this was remedied upon my entrance to the party when I was presented with a rakish musketeer hat that I was later loathe to part with.

We met some more new, fun people and had more great food and the Rev. Mother even found the desire of her heart — a baby to hold. This one in particular was special because, even though he was a male infant, his long, dark hair and round cheeks bore a strong resemblance to the very young Diva. I double-clutched when I came into the room and saw the baby cradled in her lap; it was like looking through a rip in the time-space continuum. As discombobulating as it was for me, I think it’s more of a challenge for the Diva, who, beneath the pointed, longing, “When are you going to give me grandchildren” looks of her mother, usually responds with something along the lines of, “What are you looking at me for? You don’t even let me date!”

It was a very pleasant evening and then we had to leave early because it occurred to us that no one had told Bonita the security code for getting back into the house. Later, when Bonita arrived she curled up with the Rev. Mum to download the events of her weekend as well. When it was my turn to bid Marjorie good night we talked about what a fun and full day it had been, but how, strangely, it hadn’t felt stressed or hurried. We decided that it was because other people had done all the work and all we had to do every step of the way was just show up!

I could almost get used to that!

Say what?

Posted on by
4

A commenter here (with whom I share a close blood relation) introduced a word to this blog the other day that, while very familiar to the two of us, may befuddle some readers. Here’s the word:

Pee-wadding.

That’s probably the proper grammatical spelling of the construction, but in its actual use it comes off as a single word, peewaddin (pee’ wad din, noun). You’d be hard-pressed to find an actual definition of it anywhere, but it is one of those special words that when you hear it in context you are immediately able to understand the meaning, if not the definition — even if you’re very young when you first hear it.

When I was a kid and we got together with all of our cousins we’d often end up with five boys within about three years of age of each other. This was an invariably loud and often quite physical conglomeration. One time when we were creating a cloud of dust in my aunt’s front yard she flung the front door open and silenced the assembly by threatening to “slap the peewaddin out” of us if we didn’t knock it off. This was also the aunt that frequently vowed to “snatch a knot” in us, so we took her seriously. (She was much more likely, however, to make us home-made doughnuts or cake.)

Even though I was only seven or eight at that time, I knew instantly that my peewaddin was something I definitely wanted to hold onto.

Identity Crisis

Posted on by
8

Hi guys. How’s it going? Guess what? I got my hair colored today. Just thought y’all would like to know what’s going on in my little world.

There’s a question that’s been burning in my mind for a week or two, and I’d like to know what you guys think.

What (or who) should I be for Halloween? I’ve had a couple of suggestions already, like Cleopatra or a hockey player (so’s I can whack people who don’t behave with my hockey stick). Those are pretty good ideas, but I want to know what else you would come up with. And no, don’t tell me to go as myself because I’m scary enough, or you’re going the right way for a finger-wag.

Here’s a super-interesting useless fact about me: I’ve never been trick-or-treating. Nope, never. Every Halloween our church has a big party with games and candy and costume contests and candy and prizes. And candy. They call it “Hallelujah Night”, and that’s where I went every year. It’s super fun!

There’s usually a theme for the costumes, and then whoever has the best one wins. One year the theme was “the farm”, and my cousin dressed up as a milking machine. She wrote “Acme Milking Machine” on a white shirt and wore a hard hat that had “milking” tubes coming out of the top. Her costume was so awesome! Everyone thought she should have won, except the judges who chose a little girl who was “Princess Kay of the Milky Way”. C’mon! She didn’t think of that herself! She was only like seven! Whatever- we’re over it.

What is everyone else going to be?

How to do those things you were too embarrassed to admit you didn’t know how to do

Posted on by
7

No post yesterday, and light posting today as I’m preparing a teaching for church tonight. Thanks to an article in the Wall Street Journal (subscription required), however, I am happy to direct you to a new video site chock-full of helpful videos of how to do those supposedly basic things that you may not have picked up on life’s journey. You know, things like folding a tee-shirt, boiling an egg, taking a shower. There are also more arcane topics as well, such as how to care for Emperor Scorpions, or how to eat sushi and, just in time for Halloween, how to carve distinctive jack-o-lanterns and how to make marshmallow and popcorn “brain balls”.

The site is called VideoJug, and at the time I visited the “10 Most Watched Videos” in the past hour were as follows:

  1. How To Fold a Tee-Shirt in 2 Seconds
  2. How to Tie a Half-Windsor Knot
  3. How to Use the Shower
  4. How to Kiss Someone Passionately
  5. How to Tie a Full Windsor Knot
  6. How to Become Breast Self Aware
  7. How to Iron a Shirt
  8. How to Perform the Perfect Golf Swing
  9. How to Get Out of a Car Without Showing Your Knickers
  10. How to Clean a Window

Personally, I didn’t even know you were supposed to fold tee-shirts. Even at just two seconds a pop, I estimate I’ve probably “freed up” nine and a half months out of my life so far. Time, no doubt, that I probably should have been utilizing by watching the other videos.

Anyway, other similar and helpful sites mentioned in the article include eHow, ViewDo, WikiHow.

If you want to know how to create a quick blog post when you’re otherwise very busy, go back to the beginning of this article.

Fiesta!

Posted on by
1

The birthdays have been rolling in hot and heavy here lately, and Saturday was the 17th for Bonita. I set up the fire pit on the back patio where the kids could hang out and The Reverend Mother baked the Cafe Latte chocolate and pecan layer cake. We had some of our family over while Bonita invited her friends from the youth group at the church where she has grown up. These youth were all Hispanic and spoke mostly in Spanish. I know a little Spanish, but this can be disconcerting. At one point I think they were mocking our curtains, but I can’t be sure.

The kids were a good group, each was gracious and respectful when they arrived and they all thanked us for having them over when they left. In between they were a pretty exuberant group without the sulky faces and attitude you sometimes get with teenagers when they have to be around adults (yeah, yeah, I know adults can put on some pretty strange faces and attitudes when they have to be around teen-agers, too). We pretty much left them alone and they hung out outside near the fire for awhile but the Mall Diva and Tiger Lilly eventually lured everyone into our basement for the infamous “Dance-Dance Revolution” game. Sometimes I think these two sit around trying to think of ways to get people to come over so they can stomp them into the game’s vinyl dance pads.

Well, it wasn’t long before the young men in the group had to call for reinforcements, and five more gentlemen soon arrived. These were introduced with names such as Israel and Rueben (Gad and Napthali apparently couldn’t make it) They were soon flung into battle, but Bonita and the girls had reinforcements of their own: the Reverend Mother was summoned to the basement and she continued the humiliation. Her domination of one of the young men greatly amused his comrades, one of whom called out, “She’s whipping you like your mother!” No wonder these guys have learned to be respectful!

The place was definitely rocking, whether from the loud music and loud voices, or all the youthful exuberance (or hormones) bouncing off the walls. The next generation certainly has some advantages over us older types, however; for instance, no matter how loud it got, you could always see at least two of the youngsters talking on their cellphones as well. I can barely operate my cell phone when I’ve got 50 feet of air space around me.

It was a really fun night and Bonita was thrilled. We were delighted to meet her friends and we’ll be happy to see more of them in the future. We don’t have too many photos from the party because the room was so full there wasn’t room to squeeze a digital camera in there, but I may post a few in the updates later.

My dear,

Posted on by
Reply

I saw the ad, but I don’t remember what they were selling. Well, of course, we know what they were selling, it’s just that I can’t remember what this particular product was, or how it was going to help me achieve whatever it was I didn’t know I was missing. The picture was a young couple in bed in their underwear. He was underneath her, boxer shorts and rippling abs, even lying on his back. She was poised above him, long, lithe legs and pastel scanties and an intense but sensitive look upon her face.

They are young and fit, of course, and they have to be as the unseen photographer says, “hold it, just like that…a little longer now…now turn your hip slightly” as the lights flash stark and artificial like the supposed intimacy they are illuminating. In reality he may be thinking of his boyfriend and she’s probably thinking how great it will be to get home and put on some comfy flannel pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt, or about the mole on the back of her thigh that they will airbrush out. But all that is necessary is that we buy the illusion, buy the sandwich, buy the toothpaste, buy whatever is pictured in the corner of the ad and not think about the artificiality of it all.

Except.

Except, my dear, that this is how you look to me, this is the way you look at me, this is the moment that never gets old. This is the way we were, this is the way we are, this is the way I will always see us. Illusions, allusions, I care not. Whatever you’re selling, my love, put me down for a whole case.

What, Friday already?

Posted on by
Reply

I was going to do a follow up on the conscience post from earlier in the week, but that’s going to be a rather serious and reflective effort. It just doesn’t have the right feel for a Friday post.

Friday’s are more for things like this:

This is one of the images from www.Despair.com, a site that looks at all those beautiful, inspirational posters with motivating sentiments liberally scattered throughout corporate America — and gives them a big raspberry. This is one of the funniest web-sites I’ve ever visited, especially if you work in an office. It’s like reading Dilbert but with production values. Check them out; you can even create your own customized 12 or 16-month demotivation calendar. (To view the dozens of images available go to the “Demotivators (by name)” tab.)

The 655,000 fraud

Posted on by
Reply

An op-ed in today’s Wall Street Journal (subscription required) somewhat incredulously questions the credulity of the reporters and editors disseminating without question last week’s Washington Post article about the John Hopkins study (published in the Lancet) that attributes 655,000 excess deaths in Iraq as a result of the war (emphasis mine):

“We have no reason to question the findings,” the Post quoted a Human Rights Watch official as saying. The article was fairly typical of reporting on the Lancet study, which has also been all over television and radio, as well as Internet sites such as Google and Yahoo! news.

All of which leaves us wondering if reporters and editors have enough sense anymore to ask basic questions about such enormous numbers, or whether they are simply too biased against the Bush Administration and its Iraq policy to do so. The 655,000 figure is more than 10 times higher than previous estimates of violent deaths in Iraq since the U.S. invasion, and it is larger than the number of Germans killed by allied bombing during all of World War II and larger than the number of Americans who died during our own Civil War.

While it’s obvious that Iraq has a terrible problem with sectarian violence at the moment, we find it hard to believe killing on the scale of Antietam or Gettysburg has been going on without anybody having noticed until the statistical wizards from Johns Hopkins showed up.

The 655,000 figure turns out to be an extrapolation based on a very inadequate sampling process. Pollster Steven E. Moore, who has worked extensively in Iraq, pointed out in an op-ed on this page yesterday that the Lancet study is based on information from a mere 47 “cluster points” around Iraq and 1,849 total interviews.

By contrast, a 2004 U.N. survey of Iraq used 2,200 cluster points for more than 21,000 interviews. The Johns Hopkins researchers also appear to have collected no demographic data on their subjects, so the group cannot be compared to census data to check if it is representative. “I wouldn’t survey a junior high school, no less an entire country, using only 47 cluster points,” Mr. Moore wrote.

Iraq Body Count — a nonpartisan outfit that keeps track of Iraqi mortality figures — has also issued a devastating critique of the Lancet/Johns Hopkins survey. It points out that the study implies that a thousand Iraqis died violently every day in the first half of 2006, with fewer than a tenth of them being noticed by “public surveillance mechanisms” and the press, as well as “incompetence and/or fraud on a truly massive scale by Iraqi officials in hospitals and ministries.”

Wow. Extrapolation like this makes even the people behind the Minnesota Poll look like pikers.

Jiminy Cricket!

Posted on by
2

When you get in trouble and you don’t know right from wrong
Give a little whistle! Give a little whistle!
When you meet temptation and the urge is very strong
Give a little whistle! Give a little whistle!

Not just a little squeak, pucker up and blow
And if your whistle’s weak, yell, “Jiminy Cricket!”
Right!

Take the straight and narrow path
And if you start to slide
Give a little whistle! Give a little whistle!
And always let your conscience be your guide

An MTC bus driver asks to be excused from driving buses that advertise a local gay magazine. Muslim cab drivers at the Minneapolis airport refuse to transport passengers carrying alcohol. Some pharmacists refuse to dispense “morning after” pills. Why does an individual bringing his or her conscience into the workplace make headlines?

Actually, someone’s conscience is at the root of just about everything that makes headlines, whether it’s the story of a liquour store being held up, domestic abuse, egregious stock options or lieing about an opponent in a political advertisement. In each case someone has made a decision about what is right or wrong for them and pushed his or her morality on others, usually with negative consequences. Most will agree that the examples I just cited reflect bad behavior but shrug it off as just the way things are; perhaps we’ll even feel a little personal smugness becuase “I wouldn’t do something like that.” But what about when someone acts out of his or her desire to do what they think is right, even if it stands in opposition to society’s norms? Why is it easier for us (or the pundits, anyway) to shake their heads at those who act badly out of their own self-interest, but shake their fists at those others for being self-righteous?

In a free society and a free market these actions should not be a big issue. True, it can lead to inconveniences and even some perceived injustices, but these can be managed by the market. If a taxi-driver at the airport doesn’t want to take a passenger carrying booze (or even, by their same reasoning, an unveiled or unescorted woman), so be it, but suffer the consequences of the market. If there’s a sudden surge in the numbers of women or alcohol-carrying passengers waiting at the airport, other cabs can move in. If the airport, in an effort to serve it’s passengers, passes a rule that says a cab either takes the next waiting fare or goes back to the end of the line, that’s fine, too. Everyone gets to make a choice. It’s not too different from telling the taxi captain that you want a cab that accepts credit cards, which is already common practice at the airport.

In the case of the pharmacies and birth-control or morning-after pills, women have a right to buy these things, just as I have a right to buy ammunition. Nevertheless, I can’t walk into any drugstore or sporting goods store and expect to find bullets. If a business-owner decides it is personally important not to offer something, it is his or her choice — and he or she can live with the business consequences if enough people choose to go elsewhere. Or the businessperson can hire some pharmacists who are willing to sell these items and some who won’t, or even decide to hire only pharmacists who will.

In the bus driver’s situation, allowing a reasonable accomodation to the person’s beliefs shouldn’t be that big of an issue, especially if the bus company decides that it is worth it in order to keep a skilled or experienced employee. For all I know, the same bus company may aleady allow Muslim drivers to take time out from their routes to pray at the prescribed times (though this seems difficult to work around). If the bus company doesn’t want to do these things, the drivers have a choice of what is more important as well.

I’ve had some experience with this type of situation myself. I once worked for a small advertising and promotion agency that landed a large account with a brewery. There was great rejoicing by the owners of the agency. It was also a great creative opportunity to do some high-profile work that would look good in a portfolio. I was asked to be the copywriter for the client’s main brands. This was an issue for me in that, while I’m not going to try and stop people from drinking, I believe it is wrong for me to encourage them to do so. At the same time, I had a young family to support. It wasn’t easy but I told the creative director that I couldn’t work on those brands. This was not well received because, after all, it was a “legal product.” I asked the CD how he’d feel about working on a cigarette account. It was then arranged that I would work instead on the non-alcoholic beer and bottled water brands for that account. Would I have quit my job of been fired if that hadn’t happened? Most likely. It wouldn’t have been a challenge I embraced, but I trust that God is my source and not the job I happen to hold. Others might have chosen differently, but that too is their choice.

While I may find situations where I am inconvenienced or offended by someone exercising their conscience, I am not going to try to ban it (this does not extend to someone who feels it is his religious duty to kill me, however). We all need to just deal with it; shop somewhere else, work somewhere else, we’ll find the place that makes us happy. There is nothing so intolerant as laws requiring “tolerance” as we’ve seen this week with certain groups advocating for an international law against criticizing global warming theories (this applies only to the global warming theories that agree that there is such a thing, that is).