She who…

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by the Night Writer

I saw the following poem on The Writer’s Almanac the other day and thought it was pretty good.

Naming My Daughter
(In the Uruba tribe of Africa, children are
named not only at birth but throughout their
lives by their characteristics and the events
that befall them.)


The one who took hold in the cold night
The one who kicked loudly
The one who slid down quickly in the ice storm
She who came while the doctor was eating dessert
New one held up by heels in the glare
The river between two brothers
Second pot on the stove
Princess of a hundred dolls
Hair like water falling beneath moonlight
Strides into the day
She who runs away with motorcycle club president
Daughter kicked with a boot
Daughter blizzard in the sky
Daughter night-pocket
She who sells sports club memberships
One who loves over and over
She who wants child but lost one.
She who wants marriage but has none
She who never gives up
Diana (Goddess of the Chase)
Doris (for the carrot-top grandmother
she never knew)
Fargnoli (for the father
who drank and left and died)
Peter Pan, Iron Pumper
Tumbleweed who goes months without calling
Daughter who is a pillar of light
Daughter mirror, Daughter stands alone
Daughter boomerang who always comes back
Daughter who flies forward into the day
where I will be nameless.


“Naming My Daughter” by Patricia Fargnoli, from Necessary Light. © Utah State University Press.

Of course it got me to thinking about how my own daughters might have been named if I were Uruban. Actually, some of these have stuck…

Unexpected Blessing
Miracle-holder, Doctor-confounder
The One Who Shouldn’t Be Here,
Sweet-cheeked Eskimo
Jelly Baby
Bane of Yams
Little Potato
Waltzer with Bears
Namer of Things in the Road
Barefoot bleeder
Arm That Wouldn’t Stay Broken
Room Designer, Cloud By Day
Blue-haired Missionary
The Littlest Bassist
Imelda of the 40 shoes
Bunny Whisperer
Mall Diva
Singer of Songs, Maker of Beauty
Courtship Buddy
Aisle Walker
Mrs. Worley
Mommy.

Late Arriver, Early Walker
Flaming Promise, Morning Giggler
She Who Breaks Boards With Her Feet
Devourer of All Things Chocolate
Ninja Cow Nemesis, Doomsteak Provider
Slayer of Paper Targets
Writer Without Appendix, World Traveler,
Girl On a Mission, Opportoonist
Fire By Night
Peach Louise
Tiger Lilly
Story Teller
One With the Laptop
Smite Queen of the Dual-Daggers
NaNoWriMo Winner
Author, Author.

Try it with your own kids! In fact, I hereby proclaim a Meme! I tag Mr. D, Mitch, KingDavid, Gino, Bubba and anyone else who wants to play. Leave your poem in a comment here or on your blog with a link!

Samizdat: the Libertarian Alarm Clock

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HT: Mises Economics Blog

You might have read the story about the Socialist Alarm Clock. A friend who wishes to remain anonymous sent his libertarian version and asked me to post it (cross-posted at Division of Labour and The Beacon):

“This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock built by the ingenuity of millions of individuals all working for their own gain, but whose efforts were coordinated by the prices for labor and materials and finished goods provided by the free market. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the shower head, pipes, and sanitation facilities whose construction also involved the efforts of thousands of people acting in their independent interest. After that, I turned on the TV to The Weather Channel, whose owners include one of the largest multi-national corporations and private equity companies, to see the week’s forecast presented in a clear, informative (and even entertaining) manner. I watched this while eating breakfast of General Mills’ inspected food and taking drugs whose strong brand name gives me confidence in its safety.

At the time which millions of people coordinate their activities to take advantage of each other’s knowledge and skills, I leave for work. I get into my Japanese-designed, Mexican-supplied, Michigan-assembled automobile and set out to work on the roads built by construction contracting companies and named after corrupt politicians, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel that was shipped from the Middle East by an oil company at a per gallon cost many times lower than the price of having a letter delivered across the street by the government monopoly that loses millions of dollars each year. To make the purchase there is no need to leave the pump; I am able to slide a piece of plastic into a small slot and get credit extended to me by a bank who has never met me in person. On the way out the door, I put out the Fed-Ex envelope containing the documents I need to arrive across the country tomorrow morning and drop the kids off at the public school which is attended by only the best students, thanks to the high home prices in the area.

After work, I drive my Japanese-Latino-Midwestern car back home, to a house which has not burned down in my absence because of materials developed in the research and development departments of hundreds of corporations and which has not been plundered of all is valuables thanks to the lock on the door and a sign advertising the security company whose services I employ. My piece of mind was not interrupted by the thought of these events anyway, as I have both fire and homeowners insurance through privately held insurance company.

I then log on to the internet to watch and listen to artists who don’t appeal to a broad enough audience to make it onto one of the few channels that a government monopoly allows to be broadcast. I then log onto the democraticunderground.com to post about how DEREGULATING the medical industry is BAD because low-cost, quality health care can never be provided by greedy, self-interested people.”

Another slice of Night Life

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by the Night Writer

The whole family is in the kitchen…

Tiger Lilly: Hey, I’m taller than you.
Mall Diva: Yeah, well I’m barefoot. And I’m pregnant.
Night Writer: And you’re in the kitchen!
Reverend Mother: I don’t know that I like the sound of that.
TL: ?????
NW: Some used to say the best way to deal with women was to keep them barefoot and pregnant. And in the kitchen.
TL: !!!!!
….
MD: The knives are in the kitchen….

Hey, kids!

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by the Night Writer

Dudes…are you discouraged because those adult-sized condoms are too big? Well, you don’t have to let it affect your self-esteem any longer! Unfortunately, you have to live in Switzerland, though, where a company is now offering kiddie condoms:

At first glance, the Ceylor Hotshot condom might appear similar to others in the market.


But this smaller-sized condom, thus far marketed only in Switzerland, is designed to deal with the specific problem of teenage pregnancy and the spread of disease among boys as young as 14.


Nysse Norballe, a spokeswoman for Swiss condom manufacturer Lamprecht AG, said the company was approached by the AIDS awareness organization AIDS-Hilfe Switzerland with the idea to produce and market a condom for a younger age group.


The organization “had carried out many studies which found that a lot of young people — i.e. teenagers — had trouble finding a suitably sized condom,” she said. “They needed a smaller-sized condom and asked us if we could manufacture it.”


…


Norballe disagreed with the idea that the new condoms would increase rates of teen sex.

“We are not advocating that young people have sex,” Norballe said. “But you cannot prevent young people from having sex. Whether our condom is on the market or not, young people will have sex. At least our condom will create some awareness about protecting oneself.”

So, you can’t stop kids from having sex. Yet we’ve arbitrarily established that kids younger than 16 aren’t mature enough to drive a car. Given the death tolls among young drivers due to lack of experience and judgment, some states are even floating the idea of raising the driving age to 18. Somehow or another, though, we manage to keep the vast majority of under-16 kids from driving even though just about every family has at least one car sitting around. If, however, there’s an outbreak of 13 and 14-year-olds driving and dying are we going to give in and say, “how are you going to stop them?” and begin offering driver’s ed to middle-schoolers? Come to think of it, they’re already building Smart Cars just their size.

By the same token, we probably can’t keep them from drinking and driving, either, so maybe we should have classes on how to hold their liquor? For that matter, I’m tired of all the teenage gang-bangers shooting innocent by-standers while they try to kill each other. Why don’t we start teaching fire-arms safety and proper target acquisition and aiming techniques in schools to save lives? Do it for the children! I can definitely see making some of these young bravos stay after class to write 500 times on the chalkboard, “I will not hold my semi-automatic sideways when shooting. I will not hold my semi-automatic sideways when shooting. I will not…”

As a society we understand that young people don’t have the maturity and decision-making skills to drive, drink (and even vote) and have laws to restrict this; yet in the area of sex we act as if we’re helpless.

What, not even a kiss?

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by the Night Writer

Lipstick on a pig - smaller

Mitch made a reference to “this year’s model”, which reminded me of Elvis Costello’s “I Don’t Want to Go to Chelsea”, which reminded me of how little I expect of a British-style health system.

Capital punishment, she’s this year model –
They call her Natasha when she looks like Elsie
I don’t want to go to Chelsea

Oh no it does not move me
Even though I’ve seen the movie
I don’t want to check your pulse
I don’t want nobody else
I don’t want to go to Chelsea

Everybody’s got new orders
Be a nice girl and kiss the warders
Now the teacher is away
All the kids begin to play

Men come screaming, dressed in white coats
Shake you very gently by the throat
One’s named Gus, one’s named Alfie
I don’t want to go to Chelsea

Oh no it does not move me
Even though I’ve seen the movie
I don’t want to check your pulse
I don’t want nobody else
I don’t want to go to Chelsea

Anorex[st]ics #77 and Alice in Wonderland Review

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by Tiger Lilly

Why is a ninja cow like a stick figure?

Dad and I went to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D on Friday. It being a Tim Burton film with Anne Hathaway and Johnny Depp (among other good actors), I was expecting great things.

Great prices is what we got (great meaning big in this instance). A whopping $25 for two tickets. Of course, we were seeing it in 3D, and of course, it wasn’t a matinee.

I’m not saying it was a bad movie. It was a very good movie, but one, I think, better rented from Netflix/Blockbuster/your local movie rental. And here are my reasons:

3D effects did absolutely nothing for it. It was hard to focus with the glasses on, and it made the screen very dark, so you couldn’t see probably a third of what was going on. It would have been much better in 2D. The only place where I really noticed the 3D was at the very, very end where a certain butterfly flies out at your face and eats your brains.
You also couldn’t understand what they were saying half the time. It was muttered, jumbled, muffled, and just generally gibberish. Sound quality: very poor. This may have been the fault of the theater, but at least if you rent it, you’ll be able to use subtitles.
It cost $25 to get in.

There were a few flaws with the movie itself, too. While the acting was good, and wasn’t over-the-top, Burton didn’t go deep enough into the story. It had most of the things you would expect from Alice in Wonderland, but it just felt a little lacking. Burton also played up the Mad Hatter’s part while playing Alice’s down. Not that I’m complaining too much about that, however, because the Mad Hatter and the Cheshire Cat were my favourite characters. I thought that as long as Burton was emphasizing secondary characters the Cheshire Cat could have used more screen time. The movie was two hours long, would it have killed Burton to include maybe ten more minutes of kitty power? Sorry, getting off-topic.
Oh, and Alice seems to suffer from a case of Rebellious Princess Syndrome.

Now for the good stuff.
Helena Bonham Carter was excellent as the Red Queen. Nobody could shout, “Off with his head!” quite as authoritatively – but also as casually – as she could.
Johnny Depp (the Mad Hatter) was also good, but this probably wasn’t one of his best parts. I loved his tendency to start a very insistent ramble until somebody cried, “Hatter!”, at which he would kind of choke and end with a high-pitched, “-fiz! …I’m alright.”
The, “Um. From Umbridge/Umbrage/Umbrige/howeveryouwanttospellit,” part was great, as well.
The Cheshire Cat shares my affinity for hats.
The White Queen was wonderfully iffy. She seemed to be on the good side, but she had her devilry moments… I think she enjoyed listing off the disgusting ingredients to a certain potion just a little too much… especially when saying, “Buttered fingers…” while drawing in a deep breath.

All in all, I would rate this movie probably 2 1/2 out of four stars. If you are interested in this type of movie, I would recommend it, but only as a rental.

I created stick art of the cast for you peeps (I would have included Stain and Tweedledee/dum, but I didn’t have space without it looking odd):
Alice in Wonderland Stick cast

And, finally, the moment you’ve all been waiting for (hm, they seem to be pointing at Airhead over there…):

Anorex[st]ics Inaneymous 077

I hope you’ve enjoyed this shooper shpecial preshentation.
Ciao for now.

Spring Break! (part one)

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by Son@Night

Faith and I just got back from a week’s vacation. We spent the first part of it in Chicago. Writing posts in prose is tough these days, but here are some pictures that tell the story.

"Faith, keep your eyes on the road!"

Our road trip vacation started with a drive across Wisconsin. "Faith! Keep your eyes on the road!"

The river turns green in Chicago on St. Patrick's Day.

We saw the river turned green in Chicago on St. Patrick's Day. We also saw inebriated people driving around the city. Not cool.

We were in a long line for the show, but got a picture with Kurt Elling.

We were in a long line for a concert, but got a picture with Grammy winning Jazz singer Kurt Elling when I recognized him arriving in a taxi.

We waited for about 90 minutes in the rain to get into the show at the Green Mill. Incredible jazz and amazing fire hazard!

We waited for about 90 minutes in the rain to get into the show at the Green Mill. It was jam-packed inside, but the jazz was incredible!

We went to eat at Gino's in Chicago. Unfortunately Gino wasn't there. :(

We went to eat at Gino's in Chicago. Unfortunately Gino wasn't there. 🙁

I don't know what you call this sport that we saw on Lake Michigan, but it was pretty amazing.

I don't know what you call this sport that we saw on Lake Michigan, but it was pretty amazing.