Big winner

I joined the family (both immediate and MOB) at Keegan’s tonight for trivia night and the added attraction of the quarterly drawing for the trip for two to Boston. My team had won or finished in the money a few times in the last three months so I had a few entries in the beanpot. Since you have to be present to win I wanted to be sure to be on hand.

Tiger Lilly and the Reverend Mother were somewhat interested in the outcome, but the drawing time was past their bedtimes so they went home and left the Mall Diva and I to collect whatever winnings were to be had.

Finally the big moment came. After a bit of folderol from Marty as he drug out the suspense, the winning name was drawn: my friend, Dr. Jonz. Half-hearted cheers and groans filled the patio where most of the bloggers were gathered. In the hub-bub I suddenly heard my name called over the P.A. as well. “Hey, you won something!” someone said, so I went into the bar to see what second or third place might be worth. I saw Terry Keegan standing at the bar near where Dr. Jonz was collecting his loot so I went up to the proprietor and said, “I heard I won a trip to Duluth.”

“Not quite,” he said. “You won a trip to Fargo.”

“Oh.”

“Actually, you won two weeks in Fargo.”

“You have to be present to win, right?”

“Yes.”

“Tell them you didn’t see me.”

As it turned out, my prize was a handsome necktie advertising Sam Adams Light that will be perfect for wearing to church, which is about the only place I wear a tie anymore. I went back out to the table where the Mall Diva and the rest of the group were waiting to see my prize. MD took it from me so she could inspect it more closely. After a few minutes she handed it back to me.

“Happy Father’s Day, Poppi!”

Eat your hearts out.

When the Rooster’s Away…

The Nightwriter’s at a company function and the ‘Hens’ have hit the town to paint it light red.
Right now we’re at Cafe Latte having dinner. Salads, sandwiches, and of course, ridiculously caloric desserts.
TL: Can I have a bite of your foccacia?
MD: If I can have a bite of your cake.
TL: I am not a ‘Hen’.
MD: We’re still chicks. I’m having technical difficulties. (trying to cut her tomato)
Lots of munching.
TL: You’re not putting down all of our dialogue.
RM: That’s because it’s lame. I’m only writing the cute stuff.
MD: We can make eyes at cute boys, like that one right there. (points to a four year old)
I have a lemon shrimp pasta salad, balsamic vegetable salad and chicken ceaser pasta salad and the chicken ceaser is the best.
RM: MMMMM, that is good. What else can I have?
MD: You can have my balsamic tomatoes.
TL: (sarcastically) MMMMM, I wish I had some balsamic tomatoes.
RM: Eat your potato chips. I paid good money for those.
TL: No, I want to eat my cake.
RM: I want to eat your cake, too.
TL: Apparently my cake is in hostile territory, with predators on all sides.
TL: I was looking at Faith’s baby pictures today. You were so cuuuute.
MD: I’m still cute. Watchoo talkin’ bout?
TL: But I didn’t come across the picture of you in the bathtub with Lindsay.
RM: Let me clean your plate for you.
TL: Wanna lick it?
RM: Ummmm, no.
MD: That lady down there is carrying a lamp shade.
TL: I think she’s gonna take it to a party and when she comes home, she’s gonna put it on her head. Then her boyfriend is going to see her and say, “Hey! Why didn’t you invite me?”
RM: I’m going to have a cucumber-potato chip sandwich.
MD:That’s weird.
RM: We’ll see.
*Chews thoughtfully*
MD: That’s more than weird.
RM: You’re right. It wasn’t the taste sensation I was expecting.
MD: Haha! The taste sensation of the century!… Aargh! My wrist is itchy!
RM: Well, take one of those ice cubes and rub it on there.
TL: Or, do you have a stick of deodorant? If you rub it with that it’ll stop itching.
RM stares.
RM: You think she just carries a stick of deodorant in her purse?
TL: I don’t know what she carries in her purse! If somebody she knew walked up and said to her “You stink!”, she might want to have it!
MD: Mimes putting on deodorant in the restaurant.
TL: I’m serious, I read it in a book!
RM: Oh, then it must be true.
TL: I think it was a Southern remedy or something.
RM: Yeah, the air is different down there.
RM: I’m hot.
MD: Me, too.
TL: So am I.
RM: Alright, time to go.

That concludes this section of the Night Hens Chatroom. Do we know how to have fun or what?

Of blogging on and bogging down

“Justice to my readers compels me to admit that I write because I have nothing to do;
justice to myself induces me to add that I will cease to write the moment I have nothing to say.”

— Charles Caleb Colton

You see, that “nothing to do part” is kind of essential for regular blogging and a missing element in my schedule of late. That should not be construed, however, as an indication that I’ve run out of things to say.

Regardless of what the sporadic posting might indicate, and in case anyone was wondering, I’m not hanging up the blog or going on official hiatus; the past two weeks have just been monumentally busy, and last Friday was a week’s worth all by itself. I have three major events occurring in three different parts of the country that I’m trying to coordinate and all three have crucial deadlines this coming week (to tag-team with the crucial deadlines related to these events that had to be met last week). On top of that I have two newsletters to edit, a new direct-mail campaign that’s about to drop, and several other projects vying for attention that I would love to give a lick and a promise to if I could only summon the spit to do so. Oh, and I’ve also been interviewing candidates to fill the vacant position on my staff so I DON’T HAVE TO WORK SO FREAKIN’ HARD! Meanwhile, my personal schedule of activities and duties away from the office has barely abated as well.

So, how’s it going with you?

Ah well, one of the big events will be over and done with (for good or ill) on June 11. Another one goes off June 15-17, and if the flaming, rotating hoops I’ve had to jump through so far on that little number are any indication, the last few days leading up to that event are going to be beauties. After that things will get back more or less to normal, if I can remember what that looks like.

Memorial Day Weekend wasn’t much of a holiday for me, as I brought the laptop and all the tons of things that can be stored on it home. There are occupational hazards with doing things like that. That Saturday I was taking a break to do my chores and bent down to snatch a couple of handfuls of laundry to put them in the washing machine. When I straightened up it suddenly felt as if I’d been tasered in the back. Bilateral back spasms shot across my back about a third of the way down, to the point where I had to make a conscious effort to breathe. The initial burst subsided, but the twinges and aches (and occasional breathlessness) continued throughout the long weekend. I discovered I was particularly sore when I sat in my recliner with my laptop in its place and my head inclined toward the screen. Hey, it’s not loading 16 tons of number 9 coal or getting black lung disease, but work can be hard sometimes.

During this crunch time it’s not only been hard to find the time to write, it’s been hard to find the time to browse my favorite blogs and news sites. This has the effect of dampening the stimulation that usually leads to better blog-posts (or at least better researched ones). In the gap I’ve spun out more personal observations on things going on in and around my life since I don’t have to think much about these. It’s kind of fun, but I fear I’m drifting toward what a guest on Hugh Hewitt’s show a couple of weeks ago described as a “thumb suck” blog; all navel-gazing and domestic details.

Now, I enjoy a good thumb suck blog as much (or more) as the next guy. Some of my favorites could fall into that derogatory-sounding category, and blogs like Lileks and Cathy In the Wright helped me make up my mind about getting into blogging. That may well be my true calling. Still, I’d like to think I can sneak the hammer in from time to time, thumbs-be-damned.

Soon, I hope.

On his last (stubby) legs

No, this isn’t a post about Strommie the would-be polygamist who may or may not be being hunted by Kevin, but about another member of the family — our failing guinea pig, Piggy-Wiggy.

He’s not eating which, given his normal appetite, is either a sign of the apocalypse or of ill health. He’s not taken a morsel for two days, even when enticed with succulent dandelion stems, the crispiest greenbeans or even his favorite treat — a Tic-Tac (the sound of a shaken plastic dispenser half-full of mints usually brings him storming eagerly to the bars of his cage). I suppose if eating your own excrement was a regular part of your diet you might look forward to a Tic-Tac or two as well.

Don’t misunderstand — this has been a well-fed piggy-wiggy. He recently finished chewing his way through an entire bale of Timothy Hay, and the Reverend Mother has always prepared him a lovely breakfast salad of fresh greens and cucumber, meanwhile our yard has never wanted for dandelions, which I think he liked because the little fuzzy seeds tickled his nose.

He’s at least seven years old, which we’ve learned is a ripe old age for a guinea pig. We’ve had him for four years or so, and rescued him from a home with heavy smokers. The white parts of his fur were yellow when we got him and it took a couple of shampoos to restore his natural tones. He was especially lethargic this morning, which the Reverend Mother noticed and reported to the girls, along with the warning to prepare themselves. The Mall Diva and Tiger Lilly were distraught, and took turns sitting with him in their laps for over an hour this morning, working their way through a box of Kleenex in much the same way he used to work his way through a bag of baby carrots.

He’s always been a paranoid guinea pig, convinced that everything wanted to eat him, dashing into his plastic pigloo at the slightest disturbance and acting as if a warm bath was in reality some kind of sinister marinade. This may have been hard-wired into his genes. My sister-in-law, who is from Ecuador, was bemused to find we had a guinea pig for a pet. She said her grandmother, who raised guinea pigs, would have thought we were as strange as someone who kept, say, a rooster for a pet. That’s because her grandmother raised GPs for food, not companionship.

This morning, however, our pig seemed resigned and rested quietly with the girls, making an occasional grunt of contentment as they stroked his fur. They eventually had to put him back in his cage as they prepared for their expedition today, and I’ve been monitoring him since then; this is more of a hospice, not a hospital — I’ll be sure he’s as comfortable as can be, but there’ll be no heroic life-preserving interventions.

Then again, he might just pull out of it, declare that he’s feeling better and that he thinks he’ll go for a walk. If he should, however, expire today it will be an odd Memorial Day coincidence to go along with our last cat dying on Valentine’s Day earlier this year.

I’ll leave it to the Diva or Tiger Lilly to provide updates, if they’re able. No one likes to see his children cry, and I feel sadder for them than for Piggy-Wiggy, who – face it – has had a good run. Right now I’m reminded of a poem I came across and saved a couple of years ago right about the time our hamster took his last spin around the exercise wheel.

Forty-One, Alone, No Gerbil
In the strange quiet, I realize
there’s no one else in the house.
No bucktooth mouth pulls at a stainless-steel teat, no
hairy mammal runs on a treadmill—
Charlie is dead, the last of our children’s half-children.
When our daughter found him lying in the shavings,
trans-mogrified backwards from a living body into a bolt of rodent bread
she turned her back on early motherhood
and went on single, with nothing. Crackers, Fluffy, Pretzel, Biscuit, Charlie,
buried on the old farm we bought
where she could know nature. Well, now she knows it and it sucks.
Creatures she loved, mobile and needy, have gone down stiff and indifferent,
she will not adopt again
though she cannot have children yet,
her body like a blueprint
of the understructure for a woman’s body,
so now everything stops for a while,
now I must wait many years
to hear in this house again the faint
powerful call of a young animal.
by Sharon Olds, from The Wellspring © Alfred A. Knopf.

Update:

Our beloved Piggy-wiggy died last night after a few seizures. I miss him so much right now. I feel really bad that he had to die alone in the dark. He was my baby, and if love could have saved him, he would have lived forever. Same goes for the cat.
TL.

Yo-ho, me hearties!

YEAH!

The new Pirates of the Carribean is out!!! My father and I went to go see it today. Boy, was it worth the wait!

Characters:
Will Turner: Still interesting, with a side of smart-aleck to him.

Elizabeth Swann: She’s a bit secretive this time around, but still sassy.

Tia Dalma: Your basic voodoo chick, but is something going on between her and Davy Jones?

Davy Jones: Man, I was sad when he died. He was one of the best characters!

Captain Jack Sparrow: His first scene is quite funny. But whatever happened to his hat? It was missing in a few scenes…

Then, of course, there is the old enemy from the second movie, Lord Beckett. His exit is pretty good, but I don’t really understand it.

The suspense in the movie is really good, and in a few scenes you’ve gotta wonder what the hey is going on. I can’t wait for it to come out on DVD!

For those of you going to see it, stay until the end of the credits because there is another scene. A short one, yes, but still…
Man, I really want to tell you all that happens, but I’d better not. Must…control…mouthfingers!

See the movie. You won’t be disappointed.

Ciao for now!

Rackin’ the bats

File this under “Game Called On Account of Life”: Batgirl is taking her blog and going home. Having recently moved out of state and given birth to future Twins star Dash, the demands of a long-distance love affair with her Boyfriends of the Day™ and child-rearing meant the blog was out of options.

I suppose every winning streak has to end sometime but I’ll miss the often surrealistic game recaps and and passion for pluck. Count me among the fans standing and applauding, calling for Batgirl and her contributors to step back out of the dugout for a nod and a wave.

Going, going…gone!

Novella

“Finishing a book is just like you took a child out in the yard and shot it.”
— Truman Capote

I don’t have the experience, yet, of being an author finishing a book so I don’t know if Capote’s words are apt. It seems to me the writing-publishing experience is more like being a parent and having a child leave the nest. As the parent of a soon to be 19-year-old still in the nest but beginning to make her own way I marvel at how what I’ve “created” has taken on a life of her own; how the countless hours spent shaping and imagining and agonizing over just the right word has inspired dialogue with subtleties, nuances and complexities I never realized were possible, and how a true character has emerged fully-formed and bursting to go forth.

For years this book was mainly blank pages; pages that consumed my life and were never far from my thoughts no matter what else I happened to be doing. Day by day those pages were filled, and while there are things I’d like to go back and rewrite there’s no guarantee that the story would be even better than it is now; even so I wrestle with the temptation/obsession to continue to tweak and polish.

Will anyone else understand the humor of page 112, or appreciate how difficult it was to write Chapter 19? Certainly not at the level I do, but that knowledge is for my own book, the one written on my heart. Now, though, it is time to see this through; to be proud to see all the time, work and love realized in a tangible package; to admire not just the cover but the spine; to breathe deep the aroma of the fresh pages and the glue that holds them together.

It is good.

The Love Bug?

I knew there were such things as gay bars, but I didn’t know there were gay cars until I read an article that today’s Strib reprinted from the New York Times. Apparently certain cars are “known” to be vehicles of choice for gays: Subaru Outbacks for lesbians, for example, and Mazda Miatas and Volkswagon Bugs (among others) for the guys. Let me tell you, it certainly made me rethink the Disney movie classic “The Love Bug”! Do you think all along Herbie always had a thing for Dean Jones and not Michele Lee? Could the number “53” be some kind of code, maybe kind of like driving with just your left fog lamp on?

It just never occurred to me that a type of car could be “gay”, though there’s no doubt that we have long bought and marketed vehicles because of the kind of image they project, from “muscle” cars to minivans. Certainly there’s a kind of manly brawniness with some trucks and SUVs — perhaps someone is just overcompensating? Frankly, I would have been mystified that a certain look or certain features could be construed as gay — though I must admit that the new Dodge Nitro does look rather “butch.” I mean, what would you look for in a “gay” car: a liftback? Four-on-the-floor? A car that pulls to the left? A pick-up? And just what does the “PT” stand for in a PT Cruiser?

Let’s not even think about what a leather interior suggests! (Well, okay: Grand Marquis de Sade?)

Is this true for other lifestyles as well? Do certain vehicles have certain connotations? I suppose minivans are universally recognized and mocked for being the vehicles of choice for soccer moms, and there’s something about a Corvette that screams “mid-life crisis”, but if you see someone driving a Golf, would they necessarily have to be a golfer? Do all Prius’s come with a Wellstone! sticker as standard equipment? Do all bloggers have “Star Fleet Academy” lettering on the back window?

Is there such a thing as a “Christian” car? I know Dodge used to make a certain mid-sized car that I once thought might be kind of funny to own, if only so I could say, “Ok, kids — let’s get in the Spirit and drive to church!”

And please, somebody tell me: what were you thinking when you bought a Ford Probe?

13 Predictions for When I’m Old

Uncle Ben tagged me with the “13 Predictions of When I’m Old” meme.
1. I will still be fit enough to do effective Tae Kwon Do.
2. I will have gone to Italy at least two more times.
3. I will have grandchildren.
4. I will not have a billion cats.
5. I won’t sit on the front porch all day yelling, “Whippersnappers!” (what is that anyway?)
6. I will have some cute car, like a Bug or a Mini Cooper.
7. I will still be 25 when I’m old.
8. I will have written 3 successful books.
9. I won’t be crochety.
10. I won’t have more wrinkles than I can help.
11. I will have been on at least 5 different mission’s trips. (I’ve already been on one, soon to be two!)
12. I won’t be senile.
13. I won’t be senile.

You know, I’ve never really understood why ‘youth is wasted on the young’. Who else would it be wasted on? And I would like it if you would find out how many people enjoy being young before you start making assumptions that we don’t appreciate it.

Ciao for now, you young whippersnappers!