Mall Diva, slacker

The Mall Diva unexpectedly got the entire day off from work yesterday. I’m not sure how she spent all the extra time, but it probably involved using her new laptop to browse on-line shoe stores or check out the iTunes capabilities of our just upgraded high-speed broadband wi-fi connection.

What I know she didn’t do is blog. It’s been over a month since her last post and, frankly, the comments on this site have dropped to an alarmingly low level. Therefore, a single course of action suggests itself:

Please leave a comment for the Mall Diva, either urging her to return or — maybe better yet — offering your own speculation as to what she’s been doing the last few weeks that has made it impossible for her to contribute here.

Going Dutch



A friend of mine moved her whole family to Amsterdam at the end of December for a three-year assignment. Her husband started a blog about the experience a few weeks prior to the move and I’ve been enjoying the reports from the whole family.



I’m happy to add Half a World Away to my “Night Lights” blogroll. Check it out and enjoy the vicarious thrill of picturing yourself starting a new life in a new country.

Hoarse is hoarse, of course, of course

It’s been quiet around Chez Night the last few days. That’s mainly because last week my voice wandered off at a rest stop somewhere between Missouri and here and has had to hitchhike its way back home. (I know I should have been paying more attention, but the cold medicine made me groggy). About half of it has made it back as of today, and I’m leaving the light on for the rest of it.

For the past few days my voice has fluctuated somewhere between a whisper and a scrape, which has led to some interesting challenges. For example, I haven’t been able to replace my out-of-office voicemail message at work because if I had tried to record anything my callers would end up thinking they’d mistakenly called Dial-A-Perv.

On Wednesday our Executive of the Year came down from Olympus to inspect the troops (“Executive-of-the-Year” is not an award but an acknowledgement that my Division of the Company has reported up to four different super-senior executives in the last five years). I was among a group of managers invited to a get-to-know-you luncheon. You know what happened: “let’s go around the room and say something about what you do.” Naturally, the EOTY decided to sit at the opposite end of the long conference table from me. After five other people had done their thing all eyes rolled to me. I stood up (everyone else had remained seated), grabbed my lunch plate, and walked all the way around the table to an empty chair across from our guest. I then gave my name and croaked “I’m responsible for Communications, and the first rule of Communications is to put yourself in a position to be heard.” Actually, I think that worked out rather well as I quickly hit the “5 things you need to know in 15 seconds” then sat back and let the rotation go on; if the EOTY remembers anyone from that meeting I’m sure it will be me. The rest of the meeting I relied on thoughtful, profound eyebrow movements to make up for what I was missing in vocalization.

The worst part was Tuesday night. I had been saving some tasty morsel for myself, but when I went to the refrigerator it was gone! “Hey! Where’s my ….” I said, except that it came out sounding more like, “Heh! Wissss shhhh meh, meh!” I was like Mufasa without his roar. I had to go into the living room where the rest of the family was and pantomime a tantrum. I pounded my fist into my open, up-turned palm and twisted it. I slashed my finger across my throat. I swung my arms up and out to diagram a large mushroom cloud. The effect was less than satisfying as the response was more amused than repentent. Arrrgghhh! (Boy, my throat hurts just typing that!)

Oh well, it was probably for the best. Some things really are better left unsaid.

A Christmas re-run



It’s the season for the rebroadcasts of all the TV Christmas specials, so I guess I’ll re-run one of my own. Yes, it’s time for the second annual “The True Meaning of Christmas Specials,” brought to you by…well, I guess I haven’t found anyone to sponsor this, so in the true spirit of Christmas I’ll give it away.



The True Meaning of Christmas Specials



Perhaps I was like Scrooge seeing Marley’s face on his door knocker, but I’m almost certain that when I watched the Charlie Brown Christmas special I heard Linus stand on stage and say:



And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree to render unto Caesar, and that all the world should shop and pay sales tax, and all went to be taxed, everyone into his own mall. And Joseph also went up from Shakopee, into Bloomington, unto the Mall of America, (which is called MOA) because he was an American, to shop with his wife Mary, they being great with debt. And so it was, that, while they were there, the items were purchased that needed to be delivered, and they brought forth their credit card, wrapped in promises to pay and laid it on the counter because there was no money in their checking account.



And there was in the same country stewards, abiding in their homes, keeping watch over their televisions by night. And lo, the commercials from Mammon came upon them and the glory of the goods shown round about them and they were sore afraid they would miss a good deal. And the commercial said unto them, “Fear not, for behold I bring you great tidings of a good economy, which shall be to all who do their part. For unto you is laid out this day, in a store near you, all manner of precious items, and this shall be a sign unto you: 40% off.” And suddenly there was within the commercial a multitude of friends and family praising their gifts and saying “Glory to the Giver with the highest credit card balance, and on earth peace, good will toward all, just $29.95.”



And it came to pass that I kept all these things and pondered them in my heart.



Fear not, for this is not going to be a complaint on how commercial Christmas has become. Frankly, those complaints have become as traditional and meaningless to most people as holly and ivy (if you don’t know what these represent, look it up). Complaining about how the true meaning of Christmas is being ignored, without actually dwelling on this meaning, is merely spiritual lip service; kind of like singing “Gloria In Excelsis Deo,” without knowing what it means. For me the issue is not that commercialism obscures the meaning of Christmas, but the cultural camouflage that diverts attention. As a case in point, let’s look at the Christmas specials we watch with our families.



Despite my parody of the Linus speech earlier, the Charlie Brown Christmas special is a classic and a true Christmas special because it is one of the few that deals specifically with the birth of Christ. “The Little Drummer Boy” is another old one and favorite of mine that also does this, while the Veggie Tales “The Toy That Saved Christmas” is the highlight of the new generation. Many so-called Christmas specials, however, purport to be about finding the true meaning of Christmas, but where is the Christ in “Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer,” “How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “A Christmas Story”? Watch these and most other shows and you’ll get the message that you can be what you want to be and you should do kind things for others, and that Bumbles bounce. Nice shows and nice sentiments all, but while Jesus would exhort us to be “nice” it isn’t why he came. Don’t forget that “for unto you is born this day in the city of Bethlehem a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.”



Enjoy the shows with your family, but look for ways to highlight fundamental Christian concepts within the programs, even if these messages appear unintentional. Since everything will ultimately prove the word of God true, teachable moments are everywhere if we are alert to them. The classic movie “Miracle on 34th Street,” for example, really focuses on the importance of faith, at one point virtually reciting Hebrews 11:1 and 11:5-6. Don’t miss the opportunity to call this to your children’s’ attention. I once sat open-mouthed (but not slack-jawed) watching the SpongeBob Squarepants Christmas program for the first time. The story is that SpongeBob has never heard of Santa Claus until his friend Sandy fills him in. SpongeBob get so excited that he stands on a street corner proclaiming the good news to everyone (no one else has heard of Santa either) about how kind Santa is and about all the gifts he will bring. Soon, everyone is shouting, “We love Santa!” I turned to my daughter and said, “SpongeBob is an evangelist!”



Of course, SpongeBob is focusing on all the benefits that Santa brings, which is also a failing of modern evangelism. People are exhorted to “try” Jesus for all the blessings that will be added to their lives but if these don’t show up right away (or don’t show up in the way people expect) they get disillusioned, even bitter. This, too, happens in the SpongeBob Christmas show. We lose sight of the fact that the first benefit of the salvation we receive from believing in Christ is not in getting what we deserve, but in avoiding what we deserve.



A good story for illustrating this concept can be Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.” You may think you know the story of Ebenezer (there’s a Biblical name) Scrooge, but look at it as a parable. Scrooge is greedy and cruel and oblivious to his iniquity. He doesn’t heed warnings to change, but because of another’s desire for him to avoid his fate, he is visited by spirits that convince and convict him of his sins and show him what is in store for him. In horror he repents and asks for forgiveness, vowing to change. He’s not concerned about the benefits of a new way of life; he just wants to escape the fruit of the old way. Waking the next morning and realizing his opportunity he says “Thank you (Holy Spirit) Spirits!” and is ever after known as “a man who kept Christmas (Jesus) in his heart.” (By the way, I happen to think the George C. Scott “Christmas Carol” is the best, but I’ll always have a soft spot for Mr. Magoo as well).



I’m sure there are many more examples in Christmas programs that I’ve left out but that have occurred to you. I’d love to hear what message or blessing you and your family get out of different Christmas shows, so feel free to leave a comment. Just don’t shoot your eye out!



Merry Christmas, my friends, and to your families!



By the way, Fraters Libertas has conveniently compiled a listing of many of the upcoming holiday specials. Joy!

Happy Birthday, C.S. Lewis

Today’s the birthday of C.S. Lewis, author of The Chronicles of Narnia, Mere Christianity and numerous other books of allegorical fantasy, inspiration and Christian apologia, including my favorites, Surprised by Joy and The Screwtape Letters. In light of yesterday’s post, the following quote from Lewis seems appropriate:



Much of the modern resistance to chastity comes from men’s belief that they “own” their bodies – those vast and perilous estates, pulsating with the energy that made the worlds, in which they find themselves without their consent and from which they are ejected at the pleasure of Another!



Today’s Writer’s Almanac has this account:



C.S. (Clive Staples) Lewis (books by this author) was born in Belfast, Ireland (1898). He said of his childhood, “I am a product …[of] books. There were books in the study, books in the drawing-room, books in the cloak room, books in a bedroom, books piled as high as my shoulder in the attic, books of all kinds reflecting every transient stage of my parents’ interests, books readable and unreadable, books suitable for a child and books most emphatically not. Nothing was forbidden me. In the seemingly endless rainy afternoons I took volume after volume from the shelves.”



Lewis’s parents were Anglicans and took him to church as a boy, but he found religion cold and boring. He preferred pagan mythology: Irish, Norse, and Greek myths he read in storybooks. He created an imaginary country called “Boxen” and wrote stories about it. He said, “My early stories were an attempt to combine my two chief literary pleasures — ‘dressed animals’ and ‘knights in armour.’ As a result, I wrote about chivalrous mice and rabbits who rode out in complete mail to kill not giants but cats.”



He began teaching philosophy at Oxford, where he met J.R.R. Tolkien. Tolkien was a devout Christian and Lewis was an atheist, but they shared a love for mythology. They took a long walks around the Oxford grounds, debating the existence of God. Tolkien tried to persuade Lewis that the story of Jesus was a myth but that it had also actually happened.



The morning after one of those walks, Lewis went with his brother to the zoo. He said, “When we set out [for the zoo] I did not believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and when we reached the zoo I did. Yet I had not exactly spent the journey in thought. Nor in great emotion.” He became the most prominent Christian apologist in the world. He recorded a series of lectures for radio, which were broadcast in England during World War II, and many people gathered around their radios to take comfort from his ideas in the midst of bombing raids. The lectures were collected into his book Mere Christianity (1952).



But he is best remembered for the seven books in the Chronicles of Narnia, which he started publishing in 1950. Lewis decided to write for children, even though he never had any children himself and had never had any strong relationships with children. He wanted to give children what he had gotten himself from fairytales when he was a child.



C.S. Lewis said, “You can’t get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me.”


Riding with the homeys (home delivery, that is)

In the city we take overnight delivery for granted. We’re near airports and encoiled by dense networks of highways and paved roads and our purple, brown or yellow-liveried servants shuttle almost unnoticed amongst us, leaving our packages of must-have goods. The further you get from the big cities, however, the more those highway arteries turn into veins, moving the lifeblood of commerce through their communities. If you get far enough out, those veins even become capillaries – narrow county roads, some paved, others often covered (mostly) with gravel, some hemmed in by brush and branches. The one thing they all have in common is that there’s someone waiting at the end of each one for that missing auto part, box of seeds, or froo-froo underwear.

My brother Jeff is an independent contractor for one of the big delivery services, and he services several rural communities in Missouri. He started with one truck a few years ago, and has expanded by buying two other trucks and hiring sub-contractors to drive additional routes. The newer trucks are diesel-powered Mercedes Sprinters, comparatively easy to operate and much more economical to run. My brother still drives his original one-ton Chevy truck with the big box. His route averages about 260 miles per day, the truck has more than 260,000 miles on it, making it a truck of 1,000 days. The miles aren’t the only things on it; a not-so-fine layer of dust from the gravel roads coats every surface inside the cab, and long scratches groove the sides and top of the truck so densely it looks like a weaving pattern. The branches grow thick and close to the “roads” in most of the places he goes. The outside edge of the driver’s seat of the truck, brushed by Jeff’s cheeks 80 or 90 times a day as he slides out, is ripped and the foam padding is practically gone. As the boss, Jeff could certainly keep one of the Mercedes for himself, but this Chevy has to operate at peak efficiency if he’s going to make any money, and no one is going to watch over this old truck as attentively as he will.

I meet my brother Tuesday morning at his terminal to ride along for the day. He already has his day’s deliveries stacked behind the truck, organized by community and order of delivery; there’s no point making a long day even longer by not being organized. Before loading up, however, we first have to replace the passenger-side mirror, which was lost to a tree on the previous run. Experienced in this task, Jeff has the new mirror in place in less than five minutes. Then we start loading; I’m hoping my extra set of hands will make the process go faster, but I feel more like I’m in Jeff’s way as he hands boxes up and directs me to where they should be placed. I should have played more Tetris when I was younger. I look at the large lettering on the side of one box: “Fra – geel – ay,” I say outloud. “Must be from Italy!”

Roots, the road and ruminations

Tiger Lilly and I are setting off tomorrow morning for Missouri to get an early start on the holiday week with my folks. The Mall Diva and Reverend Mother have to work the early part of the week, but will catch up with us later. Bonita is staying with her best friend since she hasn’t seen much of her lately, and there are certain complications associated with transporting a minor across state lines without the express approval of her parents.

One of the things I’m going to do while down there is help clear out the old family cemetary nearly reclaimed by nature that I wrote about back in July. I’ve already thrown certain tools into the trunk so that I don’t drive off without them.

I’ve also thrown my work gloves in the car since my hands have gotten soft since the days I swung a brush-hook for, I think, $3.25 an hour. My current tools don’t raise near as much sweat as the old ones; nevertheless the laptop is also making the trip. The long hours of the drive are typically good thinking time for me and I expect some things will work their way into this blog, sort of like the sumac and other shoots and saplings that have pushed through the ground out at the old Ficke farm.

Other implements of destruction in the trunk include my golf clubs. Highs for the week are forecast in the upper 50s and lower 60s, so we’ll probably work in another family tradition as well. Blogging is likely to be persistent but sporadic. If I don’t see you, have a happy Thanksgiving!

O.J. has found the killer at last!

Gee, hiding in the mirror all this time.

Already a pariah and pop-culture punch line, O.J. Simpson plans a book and TV interview to discuss how, hypothetically, he could have killed his ex-wife and her friend

… Denise Brown, sister of Simpson’s slain ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, lashed out at publisher Judith Regan of ReganBooks for “promoting the wrongdoing of criminals” and commercializing abuse…

(Snip)

… Regan refused to say what Simpson is being paid for the book but said he came to her with the idea.

“This is an historic case, and I consider this his confession,” Regan told The Associated Press…

I’ve made note of the date of the interview and of the book’s release, but only so I can schedule a root-canal for that evening and so that I can have a reference point in my memoirs for the time when our culture finally fell into the abyss.

My own version of “The Writer’s Almanac”

I enjoy the daily “Writer’s Almanac” email I get from Garrison Keillor (or his staff). These always have interesting tidbits and historical notes about writers related to the current calendar date. A typical opening is “It’s the birthday of….”

Well, today is the birthday of John E. West (1914-1997), my maternal grandfather, who has been referenced in this blog from time to time. Pawpaw was a gifted writer and storyteller who wrote extensively without attempting to be published (boy, does that sound familiar). This gift, if you want to call it that (actually, I think I like to “have written” more than I like to write) was passed on to me, helped by the time we spent together, the stories he told and the encouragement he gave me. I’ve wondered many times if he would have embraced the blogosphere had he been born 30 years later, and if so, what his stories would have been like without his experiences from the early part of the last century.

The closest I can come to finding out is to run one of his stories from his youth here. The following account took place in the mid-1920s in and around the small community of Cuba, Missouri. It’s a humorous look back at the way life was then and an enlightening glimpse at the first “marketing guru” in the family. I hope you like these apples.

Apples
by John E. West