Rehearsing

My wife, the Reverend Mother, preached a sermon yesterday. In it she described how there is a book being written about our lives, every day, and that one day that book will be opened. But there is also, she said, a script for our lives that has already been written and that we can follow. I know both are true.

The first book is scary. Many things are in there that I wish I could rewrite, or delete entirely. Unfortunately, all my rough drafts are there, unalterable:

my missteps…

half-finished thoughts…

idle words…

careless plots and sketchy character development —

all of it, just waiting for a real Author and Finisher.

The script, however, is comforting. It means that I, like an actor at rehearsal struggling to learn a new part, have a guide to fall back on; someone who knows what the plot twists are for and how the story ends. It means that in any scene, if I lose my way or forget my part, I can stop and say,

“Line, please.”

Filings: What sayest thou?

A friend of mine offers this commentary to my recent post about Pastor Mac Hammond, Living Word Christian Center and CREW (Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington):

Are you saying the end justifies the means? That because Mac and the church have done good things we should look the other way? That it’s not anyone’s business if they’re lining their pockets by fleecing willing congregants who think every dollar gets them closer to the Kingdom of Heaven? In the Strib article, Hammond says, “It’s impossible to bless someone else or be a blessing if you have nothing to bless them with.” So better to have a jet than a schoolbus. Better to have a Lexus than a 1998 Taurus. Better to have a $500,000 retreat than some housekeeping cabins. It’s like Steve Martin in “The Jerk” . . . this is all I need. These condos in Florida, this Porsche, my kids on the payroll and so on. You seem to shrug and let him off the hook by saying if he is up to no good, he’ll be judged. If he is indeed running some kind of pseudo-religious Ponzi scheme, shouldn’t his actions be exposed to the light of day sooner than later, even if you disagree with the media outlet that’s holding the lantern?

Actually, what I was saying was that the timing and sudden interest the Strib took in Living Word and Mac Hammond’s message (which he has been preaching since 1980, and from the pulpit of his huge building since 1998) was more about the newspaper being offended by his politics than his doctrine, but that may just be a biased assumption on my part. Perhaps I should wait for more evidence than just a circumstantial connection between the stories the newspaper ran, the complaint filed by CREW, and Pastor Hammond’s public endorsement of a candidate much reviled by the Strib’s editorial board and left-leaning watchdog groups.

Perhaps, from my own experience I am too judgmental and suspicious of those watching out for us, of whom author Mark Helprin once wrote, “The dog who protects sheep quickly learns how to direct them, and it becomes a habit. The people have been trained by their watchmen to jump, and to trample what the watchmen want trampled.”* Hence, I can look at the situation and think, “Something smells fishy.”

Similarly, there may be those who will readily assume a pastor or a church is fleecing a “conned”-gregation into thinking it can buy its way into Heaven because the reported facts look suspicious, even if all that has been presented is a careful marshaling of facts and innuendo while the newspaper carefully avoids making any direct accusation of wrong-doing. Why wouldn’t someone reading the story think, regarding the church, that “Something smells fishy?”

So, obviously, there can be differences of opinion based on perspective. I will, however, address the underlying question in the comment above as well as the actual question asked at the end (while also indirectly responding to other comments on the original post).

I don’t claim to be a great Biblical scholar, but I do have more than a passing acquaintance with the so-called “Prosperity Gospel” attributed to Pastor Hammond (also known, less charitably, by critics as “name it and claim it”). I won’t issue a judgment on Hammond because, as I said before, I don’t know what he is actually preaching. I do know, however, from scripture and — most significantly to me — my own experience that material as well as spiritual blessings have overtaken my family and I because we give liberally (admittedly, about the only thing we do “liberally”). We have good incomes, a nice house, nice things, and we tithe off of everything we receive, and give a similar amount in alms and other offerings, and are still able to put aside money for the future. Other people may have bigger incomes, nicer houses, more things, etc. without being givers, but we have seen amazing (some might say miraculous) connections between what we’ve given and the things we’ve received. When we give thanks for our meals we often include 2 Corinthians 9:8, “God is able to give us everything we need to live life in abundance and to give into every good work.” Unlike the world, we’re not just receiving from those who we’ve given to or vice-versa.

Some might say we live too well. We could, I suppose, get by with a smaller home, even older cars and without that new HDTV and home theater system, and give the money to the poor (or pay even higher taxes). Yet in a smaller house we never would have been able to take in the people we’ve taken in over the years, or hold the home church meetings on Friday nights; our vehicles are used to get us and others to places we need to be in order to be a blessing; and I’m going to bring the boys from the Fundamentals in Film class into my basement to watch this week’s movie (ok, that last part may be because I want to see them jump when the artillery hits more than because I want to bless them).

Or we could have kept for ourselves all that we’ve given and, theoretically, have even more stuff. It may be counter-intuitive, but I don’t think so. Proverbs 11:24 says, “One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty.” Giving and receiving and giving again is how we live. It’s not the be-all and end-all of our “creed” but it is something we’ve tried to help others to apply in their lives. As Mac Hammond said, “It’s impossible to bless someone else or be a blessing if you have nothing to bless them with.” There are certainly times when warm thoughts, open arms and fervent prayers can be a tremendous blessing, but it’s also valuable to send someone off with a hot meal or a new coat on behalf of our Father who loves us and would not “give us a stone when we ask for bread.”

So, count me among those who think it is an important part of the Christian life to be a cheerful giver (see 2 Corinthians 9:7), and as someone who has seen it bear fruit in my life. Does Mac Hammond have more fruit in his life than me? Apparently. Does he deserve it? That’s between him and God and his congregation, and my opinion doesn’t enter into their relationship and, in fact, could hurt my own relationship with God. I have no idea what percentage of the money that comes in to Living Word goes to Mac Hammond and no interest or say in what he choses to spend it on because there is no accountability between the two of us. It would seem, however, that those who do have a mutual accountability with him are well satisfied with the arrangement.

It is certainly obvious what the church is doing with the bulk of the money. If you go to Living Word’s Outreach page there is an impressive list of ministries and programs to people of all social classes, and all around the world. Missions, schools, a thrift store, a rehab clinic, a Christian night club (where youth can be edified as well as entertained instead of being left to seductions of the culture), and much more, plus a large staff to minister and administer these things as well as to the the people who come into the church itself. There’s always the risk that Hammond and the church love money — or it could be that they love what the money can do.

Of course, newspapers, businesses and governments all love what money can do as well, and they ask for it all the time. Each of us, individually, also has a powerful appreciation for what money can do for us. Cultivating a proper attitude toward money and seeing it as our servant instead of our master is a challenge and stirs up strong emotions and reveals strongholds in our lives. I remember several years ago that a man left our church saying, “All they’re interested in is your money.” A little while later he was found to have been embezzling money from his business. Interesting what he thought he was hearing, isn’t it?

I know that it is common for certain ministries to ask for money by referring to the Parable of the Sower in Matthew 13:8, “some seeds fell on fertile (good) soil and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted.” These ministries will say that they are “good soil” and worth supporting. I typically don’t give to these because Matthew 13:23 says that the “good soil” is our hearts that receive the word, not the ministry that receives the money. Further, if my heart is good, then even if I give to the wrong place I can still reap a benefit well out of proportion to what I’ve sown.

No doubt, as with any church, there are legitimate reasons for people not to like Mac Hammond and Living Word. They may be put off by the large size and prefer something more personal. They may find the teaching too different from what they are accustomed to, or too challenging to their own comfort zone. They may consider it completely heretical. They might turn out to be right, but I can be nonchalant about it and let Mac “off the hook” simply because I’m not the one with the hook in the first place. As Matthew 13:24 goes on to say:

Here is another story Jesus told: “The Kingdom of Heaven is like a farmer who planted good seed in his field. But that night as everyone slept, his enemy came and planted weeds among the wheat. When the crop began to grow and produce grain, the weeds also grew. The farmer’s servants came and told him, `Sir, the field where you planted that good seed is full of weeds!’

“`An enemy has done it!’ the farmer exclaimed. `Shall we pull out the weeds?’ they asked.

“He replied, `No, you’ll hurt the wheat if you do. Let both grow together until the harvest. Then I will tell the harvesters to sort out the weeds and burn them and to put the wheat in the barn.'”

God’s word is the seed and brings the wheat into our lives, though there might be enemies and weeds in and around it. When the time comes, the light from the fire that burns those weeds will overwhelm whatever feeble lantern might be trying to illuminate those weeds — and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to be holding that lantern when it happens.
*From the chapter entitled “The Machine Age” in Winter’s Tale.

Where there’s smoke, find out who’s trying to blow it into your eyes

I’ve had some comments percolating inside me since Sunday regarding the Pastor Mac Hammond story in the StarTribune and the subsequent follow-up articles, but a crises at work (I’m losing a valued employee) and a crisis at home (the illness and departure of our cat) have distracted me from giving this the attention required. Meanwhile, others have also been weighing in (good posts here and here).

My thoughts are the religious angle is but a common and convenient smokescreen to the real issue.

First, let’s deal with the smoke.

You know you’re not supposed to pick a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrel, right? Run afoul of the media’s sensitivities or business interests (especially locally) — say, if you happen to own a piece of land that the city covets for a ball park development and you brazenly hold out for market price — and you can expect to be denounced in boldface type in stories and by communists columnists. If you’re a church that’s guilty of offending the media (I’ll get to that offense in a minute), and don’t fit into the mainstream, reliably liberal denominational mode they’ll try to make you look like Fred Phelps or Jim Bakker, depending on which fits the template or best serves the purpose.

In this case, since Pastor Hammond (interestingly enough, the Strib never refers to him as Pastor, Reverend or any other religious title in its story) of Living Word Christian Center is flamboyant and possesses many material goods that come with a high standard of living and preaches on prosperity then the angle of attack is that Mac Hammond = Jim Bakker, in much the same way that Iraq = Viet Nam, regardless of any fundamental differences there might be. Living Word is described as a “name it and claim it” church, though there’s nothing in the church’s statement of doctrine, or in the list of books written by Hammond’s wife, Lynne that suggests this is the main focus of the ministry.*

While it’s always interesting to see whether the Sunday School drop-outs in the media can out-do their clerical targets in taking scriptures out of context, it is a disingenous argument. First, there is nothing inherently noble about being either rich or poor, even though our society idolizes and gawks at the rich (while supposedly hating them) while merely giving lip service to the poor. In fact, all people are inherently sinful (yes, even the good people) and need to be saved and ministered to. Neither the rich or the poor are saved or condemned by their financial status, but by the state of their hearts, and all will be judged by their fruits.

Everyone is ruled by money, but in different ways, and money is a hard master. Far better to make it a servant, which is part of the so-called “name it and claim it” doctrine. Money is a powerful thing, however, and I’m reminded – not of scripture – but of the poem about the Lady and the Tiger. The snares are there and they are both subtle and profound for those who preach prosperity — just as they are for those who preach the holiness of poverty. Pastor Hammond may take his interpretation to the extreme; if so he’ll be judged – as will those who preach to the opposite extreme.

For what it’s worth, my wife and daughter have committed themselves to spending a year helping a young single mom develop the life-skills she needs to get out of poverty. This includes sharing the same spiritual principles that we’ve used ourselves. While the mother wants and enjoys the material things that have come to her so far as a result of this outreach, she is completely uninterested in the spiritual (at least for now). This doesn’t make her any worse than others we’ve helped or tried to help in the past, perhaps just more honest.

I’m not concerned with media criticism of Pastor Hammond or his ministry. For one, persecution is promised to believers and if he’s sincere in doing God’s work he’ll be fine even if he is not perfect. (For all the wealth he’s supposedly extracted for himself, the church does appear to have done and built some tremendous things.) Second, if he is in error, the consequences are certain and out of the hands of the media and others. It is interesting, though, how money becomes the focus of the media. Apparently the thought that 10,000 people voluntarily go to something they enjoy and give out large chunks of money to do so is suspicious, though I’d say members of Living Word show better judgment than Timberwolves season ticket holders.

As I said at the beginning, the religious criticism is just a smokescreen and a handy club to try and beat Hammond and Living Word into submission. The real issue is politics and power, and in short the media and the government doesn’t like competition in telling people how to think and act and especially what to do with your money. They are the modern day Pharisees and Sadducees, focused on making others conform to man-made interpretations and doctrines that keep them in power while missing the Spirit that inspired those.

The media has no problem with religious leaders getting involved with issues — as long as they’re on the “right” side: AME churches hosting one-sided candidate forums for Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, Buddhist temple fund-raisers for Al Gore, or Cardinal Flynn speaking out on global warming, etc. Use your pulpit otherwise, however, and watch out. My thinking is that this latest “expose” grows out of Living Word hosting Michelle Bachman during the last campaign and Pastor Hammond’s hearty endorsement of her candidacy. Since then they’ve allowed a little time to do some research and find some disgruntled former church members (have you ever known a church — whether of 10 people or 10,000 — that didn’t have disgruntled former members?) and let some legal eagles see if they can find some plausible-sounding charges; whether true or not the charges get attention and serve as supressing fire to get the church or similar communities to duck their heads.

Now, just a few months after the campaign, you’ve got a “watchdog group” in Washington, D.C. filing charges and demanding an investigation into the Living Word’s tax-exempt status. In this case the watchdog is Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW). That sounds very noble, but whenever I see a group being called a “watchdog” I always look to see who is holding the leash. With a little poking I think we can find out who the major contributors or founders of CREW are, but their own statements on their website are pretty unabashed as they indicate they were created to fill a niche opposite of conservative watchdog groups such as Judicial Watch, The Rutherford Institute and the National Legal and Policy Center.

Conservative groups such as these have no real parallel in the progressive arena. There are a number of non-partisan groups that address government honesty, including Common Cause, Public Citizen, the Center for Public Integrity, and Democracy 21. While we applaud their efforts, we have noted that these groups focus principally on research and legislation. They do not use litigation to target outrageous conduct, nor do they bring the message of injustice to the people the way their conservative counterparts do. Because these public interest organizations focus mostly on policy issues and not on obstacles faced by ordinary citizens, these groups have not mobilized a shift in public opinion on the issue of government honesty. CREW fills that niche.

This isn’t about religious doctrine, though doctrine can be ginned up to discredit your opponent. Instead it is about free speech, about who gets to speak and who gets shouted down (or sued).

[*Full disclosure: I am not now, and have never been, a member of Mac Hammond’s church, Living Word, nor have I ever met Mac or, to my knowledge, anyone on his pastoral staff. I think I have a good understanding of the doctrines that are said to be taught at Living Word, but I’ve never seen or heard a sermon myself. I have known several people over the years who are, or have been, members and found them to be very grounded and focused on helping others.]

Can you judge a Good Book by its cover?

According to an article in yesterday’s Wall Street Journal (subscription required), Bible sales have been booming the last few years, driven in no small part by an interest in aesthetics as much as ethics. The basic black Bible, austere as a Quaker, is emerging like a butterfly from its conservative cocoon.

Always a dependable seller, the Bible is in the midst of a boom. Christian bookstores had a 25% increase in sales of Scriptures from 2003 to 2005, according to statistics gathered by the Phoenix, Ariz.-based Evangelical Christian Publishers Association, a trade group. General-interest bookstores, while declining to give figures, have also seen increasingly strong sales. “Bibles are a growth area for us and we’re giving them more space in our stores,” said Jane Love, religion buyer for Barnes & Noble. “It’s partly because of the way they’ve evolved over the last three or four years.”

Indeed, publishers like Thomas Nelson; Grand Rapids, Mich.-based Zondervan; and Tyndale House in Carol Stream, Ill. — which together represent an estimated 80% of the Bible market — have gone far beyond offering the Scriptures between black, burgundy, navy or white covers.

“For a long time the Bible was just the Bible,” noted Kevin O’Brien, director of Bibles at Tyndale House. “You put it out there and people bought it. They didn’t ask about the options, because there weren’t any options. But now, especially in evangelical circles, people are seeing their lives not just in color but high-definition color, and they want the Bible to fit in with that. This is not your mother’s Bible.”

Actually, I use my grandmother’s Bible. It’s big, black and weighs about two pounds, but it has really large type that allows me to read a scripture reference in church without putting on my reading glasses. It also has reproductions of great, classic religious paintings. Oh, and it’s the King James version, which, of course, is the Bible officially used by Jesus. How I doth love it!

Thus, following the gospel of Seventh Avenue, publishers are displaying their wares in the season’s hot colors. “This year alone I’ve seen four shades of purple,” said Ms. Love, whose stores have also done well with two-tone Bibles. The pink and brown model has been particularly popular. Bibles are also available in the colors of your college, with a fur cover, a flower-patterned cover, and to appeal to young adherents, with a camouflage cover, a metal cover and a duct-tape cover. Next spring Tyndale House will be bringing out a paperback Bible in a plastic case that looks like a flattened Nalgene bottle.

But Bibles are becoming as much personal statements as fashion statements. “What people are saying is ‘I want to find a Bible that is really me,” noted Rodney Hatfield, a vice president of marketing at Thomas Nelson. “It’s no different than with anything else in our culture.”

It used to be just carrying a Bible said enough about you; now we need one that is “really me”? Oh well, whatever rubs your Buddha, I mean, whatever floats your boat, as long as people care as much about what is inside the covers as they do about the covers themselves. Besides Grandma’s Good Book, over the years I’ve owned and got a lot out of the New King James Version, the NIV and The Living Bible, and I do like to pick up my JB Phillips New Testament in Modern English from time to time. The most useful for me now, however, is the on-line Blue Letter Bible with its Search tools and multiple translations at the click of a mouse.

Using the Blue Letter Bible I can quickly search and compare 2 Timothy 3:16-17 in both the King James:

All scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.

And the New Living Translation:

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do what is right. It is God’s way of preparing us in every way, fully equipped for every good thing God wants us to do.

Good stuff, that. Wish I had written it.

Filings: Rich kids

You must each make up your own mind as to how much you should give. Don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. For God loves the person who gives cheerfully. And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. As the Scriptures say,

“Godly people give generously to the poor.
Their good deeds will never be forgotten.”

— 2 Corinthians 9: 7-9 (New Living Translation)

When Tiger Lilly was six years old she saw the advertisement in the newspaper for the Union Gospel Mission’s annual Thanksgiving banquet for the homeless. She studied the photo of the elderly man with the long beard and old clothes. She read the headline that said just $1.79 would provide a full Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings to a hungry person. She looked at me.

I have $1.79,” she said, with some amazement. “I can buy someone’s dinner!” I sent her upstairs to get her bank to be sure. There were a few bills in there and a lot of coins, and she methodically counted out the full amount. I kept my face non-commital as I asked her if she was sure she wanted to give that money, since it represented a lot of what she had in her bank. She was positive. I had her get an envelope to put the money into and that afternoon we drove over to the Mission. I could have simply written a check covering her contribution along with a larger one from my wife and I and mailed it in, but the Mission isn’t far from our house and I wanted her to see where the money was going and have the personal connection of seeing the real people she was helping. We went inside and the chaplain there was an acquaintance of mine. He wasn’t used to receiving direct contributions, but he took us into his small office, collected Tiger Lilly’s envelope, earnestly wrote her a receipt and thanked her for her for giving, saying how much it would mean to someone.

I remembered that episode last week when I read the article in the Wall Street Journal (subscription required) by Arthur C. Brooks analyzing the results of the Social Capital Community Benchmark Survey. According to these results, 85 million U.S. households give money each year to non-profit organizations, while 30 million households do not. The differences between these two groups is not based on income, but on political and religious outlook, with conservatives and people of faith being the ones most likely to give and to volunteer. Besides giving to non-profits, this charity extends to giving to friends and neighbors and even to propensity to donate blood.

The article observed that some might be surprised by the discrepancy in the giving habits between conservatives and liberals given the stereotype of the heartlessness of the right. And of course it is common knowledge that religious people are all hypocrites. I wasn’t surprised, however. Many of the people I know are always open and willing to help meet a need; they draw the line at institutionalizing one, however.

To some extent this may be due to believing there’s something beyond yourself that you need to be accountable to. It can be highly motivational if you truly believe that one day you’re going to stand before God and give an account for yourself. (And, as I’ve written here before, if God asks me if I gave to the poor I don’t think he’ll be impressed if I say, “Well, I paid my taxes.”) But as 2 Corinthians says up above, it us up to each of us to choose what to give and that if we give cheerfully He will provide everything we need. It is the evidence of the latter in my life that leads me to give cheerfully, not out of a desire to receive more but out of the confidence that God will give me the means to give (providing seed to the sower as it says in verse 10). In contrast, what is the state of your heart and the measure of your actions if you believe there’s never enough of anything to go around unless it’s taken from another?

Giving is important because it’s what God wants us to do, but taxes are the government deciding who can afford to give, and the repercussions of that affect more than just the wealthy; even to the point of hurting the working poor by stifling the economy. “Free will” (or “free market”) giving, where the individual is responsible to decide how much he or she will give (or not give) is different. It also doesn’t set up stultifying and self-perpetuating bureaucracies that don’t have the incentive to ferret out fraud.

One of the greatest satisfactions of my life has been seeing my daughters grasp this important principle naturally from an early age. They’ve been tithers from the time they first received money and givers for as long as they can remember, and not just from obedience but out of joy. I remember how much they loved to put the money in the Salvation Army’s red buckets everytime we saw one when they were little, and the five-year-old Tiger Lilly spontaneously giving a dollar of her own money toward the 10-year-old Mall Diva’s first missions trip. I’ve observed the thoughtfulness and joy they’ve put into filling shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child each year, and watched them get involved with organizations such as Samaritan’s Purse and Soldier’s Angels, and Operation Starfish where the Mall Diva is helping a young mother develop the life skills she needs to provide for her family. The neatest thing, however, is that they don’t have to have a program or some official ministry to get involved in in order to give; whether it’s time, money, encouragement or, occasionally, blunt advice, they give easily out of their abundance of spirit to their friends and others.

So why do I feel like the one who’s rich?

Filings is an ongoing section of this blog where the posts focus specifically on issues of Christian life. The name comes about because “filings” are the natural by-product of Proverbs 27:17: “as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

On ordaining women

This is a post I have written in response to one written by Dave Christison which you can read here, with a follow up here. Dave did a great job in pointing out many questions that arise when considering this issue of whether women can and should be elders in a church or ordained as pastors. He even phoned me after I left a comment on his post and we had a wonderful conversation, and I was greatly encouraged to respond to his post by writing this.

I am very sensitive of the fact that this can be a heated issue, and as a long-time elder and recently ordained pastor in my church I obviously have strong feelings of my own. More important than feelings, however, is what the Word of God says, and I believe scripture is fully consistent with this calling. In fact, the church I attend is very conservative in reading, interpreting and applying God’s word in our lives. Our practice of ordaining men and women who are called is based on this word and not on worldly notions of what is “fair” or politically correct. Yet if scripture is our guide, aren’t there verses (especially in 2 Timothy and I Corinthians 11 and 14) that clearly take a contrary position?

The short answer is no. Even better, the longer answer doesn’t require a lot of linguistic gymnastics or stretched rationalizations. In order to make this more interesting and enlightening I will rely heavily on a small tome that was given to me by sister at my ordination last December. The author puts it clearly and succinctly, in a way I could hardly hope to. The book is entitled Ordaining Women, by Rev. B.T. Roberts, A.M., written in 1891 (yes, that was 1891), well before what might be recognized as secular feminism. The book does an excellent job of presenting the biblical case for women in leadership.

Filings: The Awakening

A childhood memory: waking up in the pre-dawn winter hours to the muffled thrumming of my father’s car warming up in the driveway. In my mind I can picture the clouds of crystalline exhaust illuminated by the back porch light. I would lie snug in my bed and listen to the sounds of my father preparing to go to work: his step (the heaviest in the house) in the hallway, the jingle of the dozen or so keys on the big ring on his belt, the clink of a coffee cup being set down on the counter; finally the closing of the back door to mark his passing. It was familiar and unremarkable, and I would go back to sleep.

When I awoke again my mind was filled with my own thoughts and plans for the day. In this time my father owned his own business and was rarely home for supper. My brother and sister and I would eat with our mother, and go about our evening routine. I would often be in bed again when I heard him return. There would be the sounds of my mother frying him a steak, and of talking; their voices distinct, but not the words. Sometimes the tone was obviously my mother reciting the sins of the day, and if they were heinous enough, we would be summoned from our beds for the promised retribution of When Our Father Gets Home.

As a father now myself, I understand how this had to have been as unpleasant for him as it was for us.

During this time our father was a seldom seen force in our lives, operating outside our understanding, toward ends unknown. We would see him mostly on Sundays, and there was a feeling of awkwardness as if none of us were quite certain about how we should act. And yet there was always food on the table, a comfortable house, and clothes for every season, even though we gave little thought, or saw little connection, to how these things came to be.

It wasn’t until I was 11 or 12 and old enough to go to work with my father that I really started to get to know him, and learn what a just and wonderful man he was. I admit he never seemed to be at a loss for things for me to do: pick up rocks and litter, sweep the drive, clean the restrooms for the rest of the workers and the guests. As I learned more about how to please him, my responsibilities and privileges grew. I came to know the special feeling of joining him in the early morning while everyone else was asleep as we got ready to go to “our” work.

I realize that not everyone has had that kind of relationship with their father. There are men I’ve come to know well who I have ministered with who have horrific tales of growing up with their fathers – if the father was even around at all. But let me tell you something I have learned: the way I got to know my father is very similar to the way that I came to know God the Father.

In my early days, God, like my father, was an unseen presence operating just at the edge of my senses. I knew He was out there, but I didn’t know the connection between Him and the blessings in my life. My family would take me to church on Sunday, but just like with my own father, this was strange and uncomfortable, and I wasn’t really sure how I was supposed to act.

I’d hear the sermons and see God as some Great Hairy Thunderer, appearing suddenly to mete out some punishment and then disappearing until the next time, just like my father did when we had to get out of bed those times. Looking at it now, I see how much like a priest or minister my mother was. She was the contact between us kids and my dad, giving us a picture of him as she communicated his rules and assignments, waiting on him in the hours when we were asleep and oblivious. I knew of him, but I didn’t have a personal relationship with him until I began to align myself with the things that were important to him – in the same way my personal relationship with God developed.

And just like starting out with my father, I started out with God by doing the little things. Picking up, helping out, cleaning toilets. As I learned – and continue to learn – how to please Him, my responsibilties have also grown (though there are still opportunities to pick up, help out and clean toilets).

When I was a child, it never occurred to me that my father ever thought of me during the day or into those long night hours. Now I understand that what he did he did for me and my brother and sister, so that we could have security and an education and the things he thought we needed to be successful in our lives, whether we noticed or understood his sacrifice or not. I have peace knowing that the decisions he made were, if not always the best, were always his best.

Likewise it never occurred to me that God ever thought of me, or had a plan for me. How he must have waited in anticipation for me to recognize the sacrifice He made for me, the gifts he gave me, the security He gave me, the future He gave me. Ultimately, the job He gave me.

And while He has shown me how my relationship with Him and with my father have been similar, I know that His plan for me was unchanged, regardless of what my father did or didn’t do. Perhaps my childhood experiences were better than some people’s and worse than some others. I could ask, “Where would I be today if I had grown up with a father like one of the men I mentioned earlier had? Where would he be today if he had had my father? Somehow or another I think we’d be exactly where we both are today, side by side, doing what we’re doing, not in spite of our fathers but because of Our Father Who Art in Heaven.

Don’t let bitterness, anger or frustration at what you had or didn’t have growing up hold you back from what God has – even if (especially if) your natural father is long dead. Don’t say, “Well, he made me this way,” when He has made you to be the light of the world. God the Father has a plan for each of us, something to impart to us, and something for us to impart to those coming after us. Listen for His footsteps, watch for His blessings, get up early in the morning and meet Him. There is much work to be done.

Filings: The empty tomb?

Buffy Holt of Plain Simple English is in London and posted this exquisite photo from inside Westminster Cathedral at 3:00 p.m. on Good Friday. The image is peaceful and meditative but what I found most interesting is that the church is all but empty during the scheduled Celebration of the Lord’s Passion.

What made this so interesting to me was that I had been thinking a lot last week about our all-too-human instinct to take something transcendent and turn it into tradition, and the photo reminded me of something a friend of mine had said several years ago along the lines of how we start with a movement, turn it into a monument and before you know it it becomes a mausoleum. Such is the affect of the traditions of man on the things of God.

Though the picture was of Westminster Cathedral, I don’t single out any religion or doctrine for this fault because it is common to all men and women (though, biblically, you might be able to make a case that women are less susceptible). You could see it happening even before Jesus was crucified, such as the dinner in Bethany (Matthew 26:6-13) when the woman anointed him with expensive oil and was berated by some disciples who took Jesus’ teaching to care for the poor and fashioned it into an on-the-spot doctrine that missed what the Spirit was doing (though the woman didn’t). Later, at the last supper (John 13:1) Jesus went to wash the feet of his disciples and Peter at first refused because such behavior didn’t line up with his thinking of what was proper (though you’d think if the Lord wanted to do something a certain way these guys by now would have learned to let him). When Jesus tells Peter that he must allow it or have no part in Jesus’ plan Peter careened over to the other ditch, telling Jesus to not just wash his feet but his hands and head as well. Again Jesus had to pull Peter back from taking a simple idea and going off in his own direction with it.

Later, after Passover and the sabbath, Mary gathered embalming oils and spices and set off for the tomb to honor and preserve the body according to their tradition. Even though Jesus had told her and the disciples what was going to happen, she thought of him as dead. As much as she loved Jesus and grieved for him she forgot what he said and set out to do what she thought was right and necessary until the angel spoke to her and reminded her (Luke 24:5-8). To her credit, she quickly embraced the new reality and hurried to tell the disciples who, because they couldn’t wrap their minds around it, dismissed her words as idle tales (24:11).

The disciples at Bethany, Peter seated before the basin, and Mary with her spices were all trying to do what they thought was right and proper, and that is how most religious traditions begin. It is all too easy for us to become like the Pharisees, observing the law to the letter and missing the spirit of the law entirely. It does have a way of sneaking up on you, though. Even as individuals we quickly develop our own habits and customs in how we relate to God and try so hard to reason out the things we don’t understand that we, like the disciples on the road to Emmaus, don’t recognize Jesus when he is sitting right in front of us (Luke 24:30). I can say this with complete boldness because I know it applies to my life. I’ve found that if there’s anything more draining to my faith than the traditions of man it is probably the traditions of me.

Tradition can be good, of course. The Passover, for example, was of God because it reminded the Israelites of his mercy and provision, and the spilling of the blood of a perfect lamb on the door mantle to save the first-born foreshadowed the blood of the perfect lamb and the sacrifice of God’s first-born to save us. Nor is this to say that everything old is suspect and we need to go running willy-nilly after every new thing; one path may lead to stagnation but the other can lead to outright heresy. The fault in both is losing sight of Christ and his word and being too quick to add our own refinements based on our own reasoning or even our experience (“well, it’s always worked fine when I’ve done it like this before”). This eventually leads to our faith being in our habits and not in the source of our being, hence the movement becomes a monument and the monument eventually becomes a mausoleum. And there ain’t nothing but dead people in there.

Filings: If I may have a word

A friend is going through a challenging time and asked me to pray for him. It wasn’t a toss-off request like I hear sometimes where someone casually asks, “say a prayer” without much expectation that I or someone will pray or that it will have any affect, and not a blanket request such as those that sometimes go out as if in the hopes that if enough prayers go up God will be moved (as if He has a magic number in mind unknown to us and is sitting up there going “999,997, …998, …999, 1,000,000! Ok, guess it’s time to help out on that tax audit. No, wait a minute, that was a prayer for healing; they’re still 200,000 prayers short.”)

My friend’s request was sincere in the hope and expectation that change was not only possible but that help would indeed be on the way. I share that expectation and agreed to pray. In my life and that of my family I’ve seen prayers big and small answered regularly, sometimes dramatically and sometimes in surprising ways. It’s not because I’m especially righteous or, given my advertising background, really good at coming up with juicy phrases that really “sell” God on the idea. Instead my experience is that the best prayers are the ones the line up with scripture, aka the word of God.

In Isiah 55:11, God says His word does not return to Him void, but accomplishes what He desires. Another scripture says there is no word of God that is not able to be. Once I understood the power that was in His word I stopped praying in terms of my “wish” list and tried to line up with His “will” list; how did my needs or the needs I was praying for fit with what His word said? I realized that God does not look after our needs to fulfill them. If that was the case, who would still have needs? No, I believe God looks after His word to perform it. This could easily get into a long, minimally useful discussion of doctrine and works and that’s not what I’m trying to stir up. My point is that I’ve seen the most change in my life and in others when my prayers are pulled from scripture and not from my imagination.

In my friend’s case, while I know his request is aimed at a specific need right now, I believe the answer he’s looking for is included in a much larger package. It is a major challenge in his life, however, and too big to trust to my smooth words or big thoughts. Instead I’m praying for him using the words of a guy who knew a thing or two about getting God’s attention: the apostle Paul. My family and I have used the following prayers for ourselves and others often and seen great things happen as a result. Understand, however, that my faith isn’t in the writer of the words or the words themselves, but in the Author. I include these prayers here for your reference as well; pray them for yourself, your family, your friends, your church, and especially for your enemies! “Imagine” what these words would look like if they came to pass in their lives!

* Insert your name, or the name of the person you’re praying for.

Ephesians 1:15-19
For this reason, ever since I heard about *’s faith in the Lord Jesus and *’s love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for *, remembering * in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give * the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that * may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of *’s heart may be enlightened in order that * may know the hope to which He has called *, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for those who believe.

Phillipians 1:9-11
This is my prayer: that *’s love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that * may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God.

Colossians 1:9
For this reason, since the day we heard about *, we have not stopped praying for * and asking God to fill * with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that * may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that * may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified * to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Ephesians 3:14
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen * with power through His Spirit in *’s inner being, so that Christ may dwell in *’s heart through faith. And I pray that *, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that * may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Remember, “Amen” means “so be it!”

Filings: With love and respect

My wife and I attended our church’s Sweetheart Weekend this past weekend — in romantic, exotic Shoreview! The location, actually, was fine. Sure, a “warm and sunny” getaway is a plus but the expense and logistics for a group like ours makes “close and convenient” more of a draw. We were only two nights and 12 miles away from home, but the two of us enjoy getting away from the routine and devoting some time to one another beyond the usual daily newsflashes that pass for communication in a typical week.

(Speaking of getting out of the routine, Saturday night’s dinner was a formal affair and my wife wore a lethally stunning, coffee-colored gown confirming that, yes, it is good to be me. The dress and matching shoes were picked out by her personal shopper, the Mall Diva, who found and acquired the garment without her mother being present — and it fit perfectly even though sneezing might have been perilous. The Mall Diva may have been hoping that if I could accept my wife going out in public so attired that my restrictions on her own clothing might soften as well. Dream on, MD, but thanks for the dress.)

We’ve been to several of these couples events over the years and have always enjoyed them and gotten useful things from the teachings we’ve heard. In retrospect, however, from my perspective a lot of the teaching has been about how men can show our wives we love them. The assumption has been that women are naturally wired to be love transmitters and receivers. This presumes that women “know” love and understand how important it is to show love to their husbands, but that guys have to work to get on the right frequency. It also assumes that love is equally important to both husband and wife. It’s not a bad theory and you can do a lot of good in your marriage as a guy just by knowing that and trying to tune in. There is a missing part of the equation, however, and this last weekend our group was able to put a finger on it.

Every couple at the weekend received a copy of the book, Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. My wife and I were one of the couples our pastors asked to review the book in advance and we found it amazing: not necessarily because it’s well written (though it’s not bad), but because the key truth Dr. Eggerichs and his wife had found in scripture has pretty much been hiding in plain sight all along (well, in plain sight if you read your Bible much). Ephesians 5:33 (New Living Translation) says (Paul writing),

So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ok, that’s probably a familiar passage to anyone who’s been to a Christian marriage seminar, but again the focus has been on men learning to show unconditional love to their wives, while the women assume they’re doing their part by showing unconditional love to their husbands. That sounds like a good formula for success, but what the scripture says and what Dr. Eggerichs recognized is that wives are to show unconditional respect to their husbands. Now, this isn’t some “Woman, submit” power trip, but a realization that it there’s something different that floats the boat for each sex.

Respect is the currency for men; we grow up with it culturally in sports, in business, in military models. Guys usually are pretty efficient at sorting out which way the respect flows in any situation. True, guys can sound horrific in their good-natured trash talk to each other — in words that would crush a woman’s esteem if they were directed at her — but it typically occurs among guys who have sorted things out and know they’re all at the same level. Trash talk doesn’t go uphill and usually doesn’t flow downhill except to make a point. Respect can almost be ritualized as in the mafia expression and practice of “men of respect”, and it can be seen in extremis in the gangbanger culture of young men who haven’t learned the rules and applications of respect but will kill each other for being “disrespected” (but that’s for another post). If you asked a man, would you rather your wife showed you love or showed you respect (and the guy took a few minutes to think about it) most would say that respect is more important. Men are respect-oriented and its important to them to know that they measure up in the eyes of their wives.

That’s a challenging idea for women, who are love-oriented. Because love is more important to them they think love is what their husbands want (and we do, but it’s #2). A wife can grasp the unconditional love idea and take pride in unconditionally loving her husband, but still not respect him (“Of course I love the big lug, even if he’s an idiot, can’t hold a job, and can’t be trusted to dress himself without my help”). Asking her to unconditionally respect her husband, however, can be a big hurdle, especially if he’s been less than respectable (“I can love and forgive, but I can’t forget”).

Most men, meanwhile, have grown up knowing they’re supposed to respect women, especially their wives, and will confer that respect on them even if they’re not sure if they love them (“She’s great with the kids, I couldn’t function without her, I’d never deliberately hurt her, but I don’t know if I love her”). This can be especially true if she’s been less than loving and respectful in her actions toward him (“I can say ‘forget about it’, but I don’t forgive”).

Again, respecting your husband isn’t about being submissively obedient any more than a man loving his wife is about being mushy all the time. Differences in opinion and approach are fine when they can be discussed in ways that show he loves and cherishes his wife and wants the best for her and she shows she respects his ability and character. That can mean he is willing to give in on something in order to benefit her and that she doesn’t bring past failures or personal critiques into the discussion.

That’s just a sliver of what is in the book, and I encourage men and women to read it and evaluate themselves (not their spouses) according to what’s there. Some of what’s there gets a little too close to psycho-babble to my mind, but I think it’s fundamentally and scripturally sound and revelatory so that you sense the truth of it. A lot of what I’ve written here are things that my wife and I had already discovered in our marriage without realizing it was the love/respect principle in action. That’s probably why we’ve been happy … and another reason I can say, “It’s good to be me.”