Author Archives: The Night Writer

They’re animals!

Posted on by
1

I don’t follow the animal kingdom news quite the way KingDavid does but a couple of stories have caught my eye. I’ve really been pressed for time the last couple of days but here are some quick takes:

Mmmm, tastes like…chicken
A farmer in India has discovered that the mysterious predator eating his chickens was one of his very own cows. This may be a breakthrough in bovine cuisine. I’ve sometimes wondered who the first person was to eat an oyster, and how much trial and error went into that process (shell on or shell off, I can’t fathom what would make someone think of putting these in his mouth.) This carnivorous cow may be opening up new food frontiers for its kind; perhaps no cow has ever looked up from her clover and thistles before and thought, “I’d like a drumstick!” We’ll probably never know the reason for this sudden change in diet (maybe this cow is the reincarnation of Col. Sanders?), but what really puzzles me is how the cow caught its prey in the first place.

Chickens are quick and agile; does the cow run down its prey like a cheetah, or is it an “ambush” predator like a crocodile? Either one conjures some images my mind isn’t quite ready for.

Coyote union protesting unsafe conditions?
Coyotes have been causing problems at Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport, diverting flights by running out onto the runways. It’s not a recent phenomenon either, as the FAA says planes have hit coyotes at Illinois airports 26 times since 1990. I’ve never pictured Abraham Lincoln or Richard Daly bedding down for the night to the mournful sound of coyotes howling at the moon, but I’m not shocked to learn there are coyotes in Chicago. Anyone who has traveled knows it’s next to impossible to get across the midwest without getting sucked into O’Hare. Given that it’s Chicago, what would surprise me is if these coyotes weren’t already unionized. Perhaps these incidents aren’t about animals randomly running out on the tarmac, but a picket line? I also think it might warrant a closer look at the voter-registration rolls over the past ten years.

Update:

Ooops! I see that KingDavid is already on these stories. Oh well, warped great minds think alike.

Gaming the name

Posted on by
3

Hey, do you know that professional football game that they play at the end of each season? The one with all the expensive commercials and the all-day pre-game show? The one that sounds like something Clark Kent might use to eat two gallons of Rocky Road ice cream? Yeah, that one.

You may already know that the NFL is like Terry Tate, office linebacker, fresh out of law school, going after people and businesses who use its trademarked name for this game. I learned this more than a decade ago when I was writing an advertising and promotional campaign for a brand of microwave popcorn that was being launched in the U.K. Part of the promotional campaign was that by trying the new snack you’d get a chance to win an expense-paid trip to the U.S. for the … well, the Big Game. We had planned to use the real name of the event, but we were threatened with an “illegal procedure” call so we used the BG alternate wording.

Many other businesses have done the same as they annually promote their snacks, HDTVs, adult beverages and recliners leading up to the “Big Game”. Now the NFL is trying to call “Encroachment” on these sideline retailers by seeking to trademark the Big Game audible as well (HT: The Trademark Blog and Likelihood of Confusion).

It’s kind of reminiscent of those NFL commercials from a year or so ago where players such as Jerome Bettis and Daunte Culpepper would suddenly appear, uniformed, in business meetings or warehouses to penalize people who misused football cliches. If this registration goes through you’ll have uniformed NFL lawyers laying crackback blocks on any sports bar putting “Watch the Big Game here!” on their marquees.

I really can’t see how the NFL is harmed by these enthusiastic but unauthorized efforts; referring to the Big Game doesn’t give anyone the impression that the sale, happy hour or sofa are sanctioned or licensed by the NFL or detract from the allure of the game. If anything it probably just adds to the hoopla that has practically turned that Sunday into a national holiday. (It does kind of make me wonder if the real Santa Claus gets a taste from all those copy-cats in the malls and taped to walls). Certainly this move by the NFL could make things a lot worse.

After all, “The Big Game” has a positive connotation. If forced to be more creative retailers and bars might have to resort to saying “Watch the Great Commercials here!” or “Be sure to stock up on drugs before the Steroid Bowl!” or “Your Lame Game Headquarters!”

Who said you can’t go broke betting on the bad taste of the American public?

Posted on by
1

Howard Stern talks but the (shareholders’) money walks…

The announcement of a proposed merger between Sirius Satellite Radio (SIRI, news, msgs) and its archrival XM Satellite Radio (XMSR, news, msgs) was treated by most of the media this week as if were just another financial event to be studied through the prism of balance-sheet analysis and the federal regulatory approval process.

But the merger plan actually amounts to the death of a dream for investors who came to believe that shares of Sirius — propelled skyward for a short time by the hiring of snarky talk show host Howard Stern — would make them rich beyond compare.

For while the merger might ultimately save the company from total oblivion, it is unlikely to save investors from billions of dollars in losses incurred over the past several years or, perhaps more importantly, from a loss of faith in stock ownership.

Millions of people bought Sirius shares at $6 to $8 for their retirement accounts, and rode them down to $3.50, never losing faith in Stern. At this point, they need to face up to the fact that they’re screwed. Stern made half a billion. They will make nothing. They can file SIRI stock certificates away under “S” for stupid. They blew it.

Free as a bird

Posted on by
13



We had little idea how much personality a bird can have when we adopted a storm-tossed budgie a couple of years ago. Actually we knew very little about budgies at all, including how to figure out if the bird was male or female. We’ve since learned that “budgie” is an abbreviation of an Australian word, and we’ve become well educated in many different aspects of bird-rearing (and determined that our bird’s a sheila).



Now that our cat has moved on to happier hunting grounds The Bird (Tiger Lilly may have a name for it, but everyone pretty much calls her The Bird) has many more opportunities outside of her cage to have the run (or airspace) of the house. She always wants to be wherever her “flock” (us) is, whether she’s in her cage or not. Any companionship appears better to her than none, but she is especially bonded to Tiger Lilly. Anyone will do in a pinch, or peck, however, as I’ve discovered.



Saturday morning my wife and I were up before Tiger Lilly and my wife let the bird out of her cage while we read the paper. The bird loves to shred newspaper, so this was like an invitation to party. Take it from me, it is very distracting to have a bird trying to savage the section of newspaper that you’re reading. This particular morning, however, The Bird decided to share the paper with my wife, probably because the last time she and I “shared” the paper it got to be pretty frustrating for both of us. My wife was clever and thought to offer up a sacrificial section of the paper (probably the one with Nick Coleman’s column in it) to busy The Bird so she could read the comics in peace. Just like the cat, however, The Bird is only interested in the section that you have in front of you. After a couple of tears at the decoy section she hopped over to my wife’s leg and started working at the folded gutter of the paper. My wife is much more patient than I am and gamely continued to read. When she opened the section fully, however, to turn the page she discovered a better-than-bird-sized hole in the middle of the paper (including a missing punch-line from the last panel of a comic).



After the ensuing protest The Bird decided a change of scenery would be beneficial, so she flew across the room and landed on my shoulder. She wisely didn’t make for the paper right away, as I turned my head and we regarded each other like familiar opponents. It so happened that when I turned toward her she was able to see her reflection in my reading glasses.



You know, it is kind of a strange sensation to see a magnified and blurry beak coming at your eye.



Finding herself again airborne, The Bird went on the hunt for more docile prey, or at least another section of the newspaper. I don’t understand why chewing up the newspaper is so interesting to her, but I suppose it’s probably a good source of fiber.



That’s all I need — an unconstipated budgie flying Dawn Patrol in my living room! I never thought I’d miss that cat.

Charmed, I’m sure

Posted on by
2,914

Last month I posted a brief review of the move Everything is Illuminated because I like the unexpected, unconventional and beguiling nature of the story, the well-crafted scenes and performances, and the human insights that lingered in my mind for days afterward. I hadn’t expected to like the movie all that much yet I was totally won over. Since then I’ve thought about some of my other all-time favorite movies and realized that many of these shared distinctive characteristics with this film. The stories aren’t really related to each other, but they are all off-beat (non-formulaic) delights that surprised and charmed me and — as we head into a snowy weekend — I thought they might charm you as well.

My top three favorite movies may shift from time to time, but Local Hero will always be near the top of my list. Released in 1983, it stars Peter Reigert (post-Animal House) and Burt Lancaster and is directed by the estimable Scottish director Bill Forsyth (Gregory’s Girl, Comfort and Joy). Like all of the movies here it has a light, whimsical streak running through it. The story is that a large Houston oil company sends one of its acquisition specialists, McIntyre, to a small Scots town to purchase the town and, especially, its deep water port that they want to turn into a refinery. Part of the joke is that Mac isn’t even Scottish — his ancestors adopted the name when they got off the boat from Hungary because it “sounded American”.

Devoted to his job and his lifestyle, Mac sets out to complete his mission as quickly as possible but finds himself becoming enchanted by the place and ambivalent about his task. One of the special twists of the story, however, is that rather than being outraged and protective of their community, the locals can’t wait to sell it and become rich! There are several subplots as well and a great cast of characters (referring both to the actors and to the “townspeople” in the movie). The movie is quirky but not in a heavy-handed, off-putting way and it reveals itself little-by-little. The story is partly meant to be a commentary on American capitalism abroad, but this is done warmly and with wit; the scenes between Mac and an entreprenuerial Russian sailor are some of the best, though these are surpassed by Burt Lancaster’s small but vital role. Beautiful scenery, a beautiful story, and did I mention that there’s a mermaid as well?

I always link The Coca-Cola Kid with Local Hero in my mind because it also tells a comedic tale of what happens when American interests go abroad, but in a more allegorical manner. The screenplay is by an Australian and directed by a Yugoslavian, but culture clashes at the center of the movie, and the characterization of Becker (played by Eric Roberts in one of his less-twitchy roles) is more bemused than pointed. Becker is a hot-shot marketing guru from Coca-Cola, sent from Atlanta to Australia to boost sales in that country. (The movie was made without the fore-knowledge or blessing of Coca-Cola). When he discovers a populated valley in which absolutely no Coke has ever been sold he sets out to conquer, in the process meeting the patriarch of the valley, a cantankerous lord who bottles his own brand of soft drinks.

Greta Scacchi plays the love interest, again, somewhat as an allegory, as are several other characters who come and go with their own perceptions and assumptions about Americans set up in contrast with Becker’s assumptions of this new land. It’s a funny and generally gentle story with great music, including a terrific Coke jingle that the company should have adopted in real life. It’s a good companion movie to watch with Local Hero, but there are a couple of scenes with nudity so it’s probably not for kids (though the story wouldn’t be as interesting to them anyway).

A movie that is ideal to watch with the whole family is The Secret of Roan Inish. There are no big stars in the film, but it is directed by John Sayles, who’s work I’ve liked since “The Return of the Secaucus Seven” (another off-beat charmer that was later ripped off by “The Big Chill“). The story focuses on Fiona, a young girl sent to live with her grandparents on the Irish coast after her mother dies and her father and brothers go to work in an industrialized city. Her grandparents still live near the island that was the home of Fiona’s family going back several generations and the seat of the family’s mystical history and the setting for the mysterious disappearance of Fiona’s younger brother, Jamie, spirited away when he was an infant.

While that sounds rather dark, the story is anything but as Fiona and her cousin find themselves gradually unwrapping the nearly forgotten ancient secrets of the family and the mystery of what happened to Jamie. Rest assured, there isn’t a speck of evil in the story. In fact, one of the things that makes the film so unique in my mind is that it generates such a compelling drama without a single villain. The young actress who plays Fiona (Jeni Courtney) is amazing and easily carries the movie. I’m surprised that she hasn’t gone on to do other movies (“Roan Inish” was released in 1995). It’s a tremendous story of faith, love and character and an ideal experience for the whole family. Bake some bread, cook up a pot of soup, and eat while you watch the movie!

This is another movie that took me by surprise when we first watched it. The Emperor’s New Clothes is a “what if” story about what might have happened if Napoleon had managed, through the use of a body double, to escape from Elba and make it back to France. Rest assured, however you think this might have turned out, you’ll definitely be surprised by the story that unfolds. Ian Holm is fantastic as the two Napoleons and the story is a very funny and touching one with a bit of romance and adventure thrown in.

I’m not sure why we even rented it in the first place, but I’m glad we did. While the premise sounds predictable, the story is delightfully original and veers away from the cliched scenes and character reactions that you might expect. It’s not a “major” film but it is very entertaining with likeable characters and a seductive plot. If you rent it just sit back and relax and go with the story and you won’t be disappointed.

Registerfly-specked?

Posted on by
8

I need some help or information here because I’m afraid The Night Writer might get stolen away — well, in the night.

When I started blogging I registered my domain name with Registerfly for a nominal fee. I renewed the registration a year later with no problem. Again this year I received emails from Registerfly warning that my annual renewal was coming up. I renewed the domain name one day before the expiration and paid through PayPal which sent me a confirmation.

I then received an email from Registerfly that it wasn’t able to renew my domain. I figured it must have been a glitch in the ordering process, and went back to their site to try it again. This time I got an on-screen message saying that they couldn’t renew the domain name because their records show it belongs to someone other than my User ID! Naturally I’ve tried to contact Registerfly to try and figure out what’s going on and can’t get through. The several emails I’ve sent have so far gone unanswered and when I called in during business hours last week I was on hold for 35 minutes (with a helpful message repeating itself every minute telling me how many people were still ahead of me and how many minutes I’d already been waiting) and when I finally got to the head of the line I was suddenly put into voicemail – with a message that the Voice Mailbox was full!

Right now, I don’t know where things stand or even if Registerfly is still a going concern or not. Supposedly I have a month’s grace period to renew my domain after it expires, but right now I’m not feeling too confident about anything. I don’t want to see this blog overnight turn into a site selling foot creams or discount medications (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and I don’t want to move my domain registration business to GoDaddy because of their advertising.

Here are my questions; I’d appreciate comments from anyone who has any information or advice:

  1. How do I go about moving my domain registration from one vendor to another, and are there other companies out there other than Registerfly or GoDaddy that anyone can recommend?
  2. If my domain name should truly be lost, can I still preserve my URL and, especially, my on-line archives? (I’m in the process of manually transferring these to my hard-drive, which takes up time that I have precious little of right now).
  3. If I end up changing my domain name and URL, is there a simple way to leave a “forwarding address”?

Thanks, folks.

Update:

I’ve got a bad feeling about this. There’s actually a website devoted to problems with Registerfly. Looks like I can kiss my original domain name good-bye. Now I just need to figure out if I can get a new domain name and still keep this URL!

New to the Blogroll: Away With Words

Posted on by
6

Regular visitors here know that reading a well-turned phrase has an endorphin-like affect on me. I have recently come across a blog that threatens to send me into a blissful stupor of chocolate-factory proportions. That blog is Away With Words and I couldn’t wait to add it to my “Night Lights” blogroll.

The blogger is Nancy Friedman, and she describes herself as “…chief wordworker of Wordworking, a name developer, corporate copywriter, and recovering journalist. She swims in San Francisco Bay and bakes in her Oakland, California, kitchen.”

The blog focuses on “names, brands, writing, and the quirks of the English language” and is a witty and aesthetic take on our culture and the joys (and tears) of the English language (think “Eats, Shoots and Leaves” with an American sense of humor.) In addition to the breezy posts, Away With Words has the most distracting blogroll I’ve ever come across. Check it out!

Blogging before there were blogs

Posted on by
4



“And though nobody should read me, have I wasted time in entertaining myself so many idle hours in so pleasing and useful thoughts? In moulding this figure upon myself, I have been so often constrained to temper and compose myself in a right posture, that the copy is truly taken, and has in some sort formed itself; painting myself for others, I represent myself in a better colouring than my own natural complexion. I have no more made my book than my book has made me: ’tis a book consubstantial with the author, of a peculiar design, a parcel of my life, and whose business is not designed for others, as that of all other books is.”



— Michel de Montaigne



Today’s Writer’s Almanac reports the birthday of Michel de Montaigne, the literary creator of relatively short, written personal observations that he called “essays”:



It’s the birthday of the great essayist Michel de Montaigne, born in Périgueux, France (1533). His father was a wealthy landowner. Montaigne went off to college and became a lawyer, but his father died when Montaigne was 38 years old. And so he retired to the family estate and took over managing the property. And it was there that he began to write. He wrote short pieces on various topics, and he called them “essays,” because the French word “essai” means attempt.



He lived at a time when religious civil wars were breaking out all over the country — Protestants and Catholics killing each other. The Black Plague was ravaging the peasants in his neighborhood; he once saw men digging their own graves and then lying down to die in them. Still, while he occasionally wrote about big subjects like hatred and death, he also wrote about the most ordinary things, like his gardening or the way radishes affected his digestion. He wrote about sadness, idleness, liars, fear, smell, prayer, cannibals, and thumbs, among other things.



Michel de Montaigne wrote, “The most certain sign of wisdom is cheerfulness.”



Many modern bloggers follow the same model, offering personal observations on faith, politics (modern cannibalism) and people digging their own graves, mixed with gardening tips and cat-blogging, which de Montaigne also invented: “When I play with my cat, who knows whether she isn’t amusing herself with me more than I am with her?”