The NightHens are at home, but preparing to go to coffee with RM’s sister and her daughter, Miss Inver Grove Heights.
RM: We’ll call them Her Majesty The Queen and what’ll we call Sandi?
Sandi: I’m the Queen Mother.
RM: You can’t be. That sounds like you were once the queen.
Sandi: Well I’m the queen’s mother. I can be the queen mother.
RM: Hey we’re all about accuracy here.
NW: Yeah, that’s why we use aliases.
The NightHens are out for coffee at the Boiler Room in the Union Depot downtown St. Paul. Joining us are The Queen (TQ ) and the queen’s mother (QM).
QM: That’s not a cookie, that’s a plate.
MD: It’s as big as my face, I’m going to eat it. I had three cookies for dinner last night. Mom, is your necklace on backwards?
RM checks her necklace and switches it around.
MD: That is so gauche.
RM: Are you on a diet Lindsay?
TQ: No, I just don’t care for coffee cake.
TL: You’re weird.
TQ: I can’t believe I was born into this family.
MD: Yeah, how did that happen? Well, . . . . Sandi and Ken loved each other very much . . . .
RM: That’s enough.
A bunch of off the record conversation.
By the way Nicole is our barista today and is listening in to our conversation.
RM: You have way more coffee cake there than you need.
MD: Nuh-uh, I only have half.
RM: Who ate the other half?
MD:uhhm.. what shall we talk about?
TQ: Let’s talk about how I turned 20 years old!
TL: You’re old. Embrace old age!
TQ: I need a hip replacement.
QM: You’re 20 and you need a hip replacement?
TQ: Yeah, I’ll be racing the old ladies at the nursing home with my walker!
TQ: Did you write about how I need a hip replacement?
MD nods.
TQ: Well, let me read it!
MD: Oh, you’ll be able to read it, and so will everyone else!
TQ: Oh great! I am never coming here again!
RM: It’s not the place, its the company.
TL: It tastes shiny.
QM: It tastes shiny. What tastes shiny?
TL holds up the camera.
QM: You licked it.
MD: Well, no one’s taking pictures with it.
QM: You don’t know where that’s been.
MD: Nicole, will you take our picture?
Nicole: For sure.
TL: And then can we take yours as our barista?
QM: Yeah, do you want to be famous?
Nicole: It’s bound to happen sooner or later.
QM: Oooooh, good answer.
MD: You’re just working here till they discover you, anyways.
RM: The queen can sit here.
TQ: Yeah, if I can squeeze my big queen butt in there.
RM is typing and TL keeps giving her “advice”.
MD (to TL) : Maybe you should go take a turn about the room, you’re annoying your mother.
TL stares evil at MD. MD seems unphased.
RM: She (TL) just likes to make up new words.
TL: Oh yeah, like rebellity and literalistic.
MD: And perspicacity. What does perspicacity mean? It sounds like perspiration.
RM: It means keen insight.
MD: Oh yeah, Dan Stover is just the picture of perspicacity.
RM: Don’t be mean.
MD: I’m not!
QM: Faith is showing her rebellity.
TL: Look mom, a napkin in a bottle.
RM: You should have written a note on it.
TL: Okay!
QM: What does it say? ‘Help! A mad scientist is trying to turn me into a little person’? And then the writing gets smaller and smaller.
TL: Okay.
A man walks up and asks if anyone has change.
RM: (about MD) She has change.
MD gets out her wad and makes change for the guy.
MD: I am everyone’s personal bank today. Just call me ATM!
Nicole: But you’re better because your friendly and you don’t charge a two dollar fee.
MD: And I’m cuter too.
TL: Okay, can I have 20 bucks?
MD: No, you can’t withdraw, you can only exchange. And you can deposit if you want to.
RM: Our meter is out. Let’s get out of here.
Why would we want to start calling the Mall Diva “Auntie Em” just because she can exchange money? And next week will you blog with your little dog, too?
Things I learned from this episode:
– The NW family apparently is quite expansive, this does not bode well for humanity.
– MD is apparently not a follower of the rule “Never eat anything bigger than your head”.
– MD apparently only knows the first part of the story of how TQ got to be born.
– TQ is old at 20…which presumably makes QM…I don’t know.
– TL is a genetic freak…she has tastebuds that can taste “shiny” food….or cameras as the case may be.
– Nicole is remarkably tolerant.
– I’m unaware of what exactly a big queen butt is…not sure if that ranks above or below “ghetto booty”.
– MD is a not-so-benevolent dictator when it comes to the keyboard.
– I want to hit TL with a Thesaurus
– MD is cuter than an ATM, then again I think most of the human race falls in that category.
– MD would make a poor loan shark
Editors Note : Damn near this entire post was about MD. As the self-appointed ombudsman, I hereby request that RM type the liveblog in the future.
You’re the self-appointed what? And why would you want to read a post about anything other than me?? I am the cutest, after all.
ombudsman…
One of the great features of the internet is there are about a bagillion free dictionaries available where you can look up words in whatever language you choose.
You’re the cutest eh?? I don’t suppose RM or TL have an opinion on this matter?
Ha! The next big ability on Heroes: Enhanced taste buds!
Not to quibble (okay, to quibble), a self-appointed ombudsman is a bit of a contradiction. Unless of course you aspire to be some kind of Jesse Jackson. Actually, that sounds like a fun idea. Ombuds away!
Never mind. I know what you are, and I don’t need to look it up in a dictionary.
MD: No name calling, even by intimation.
Kevi: She is pretty cute, I have to admit.
Also, I actually was doing the typing.
Hey, just ‘cuz TQ thinks she’s old, doesn’t make me whatever it was you were hinting at……
TQ is also pretty cute. After all, it was her good looks, wit, charm and talent that got her to be TQ. She comes by it honestly.
Oh yeah, Dan Stover is just the picture of perspicacity.
On the one hand, I’m flattered to be mentioned by name in a live blog conducted by five lovely ladies.
On the other, MD, I could not help but feel the sarcasm dripping from that statement.
Maybe that’s paranoia, but I’m betting on keen insight. 😉
I googled bagillion….now I have to clear the browsing history and dump the cookies before my kids pick up my computer.
Glad to help HB.
Ok I’ll concede that MD is cute, but she was making the statement of “cutest”, so I was hoping to use that statement to incite a catfight. Obviously I failed.
UB : I’m not sure it’s a contradiction, but not strictly following the definition sure. However, I am representing the views of the reader.
RM : You WERE typing??? Hmmm, okay TL, you’re up next.
Kevin: Feel free to hit me with a Thesaurus, but only if you’re ready to be pwned by a 13-year-old girl. You better watch your butt, man!!
Oh, and apparently I’m a slow typer (I don’t know why they think that, I can type faster than either of them. Sometimes they don’t even type!)
This comment thread seems to have died down. I realize that people are busy and all that, but c’mon, put in a little effort.
I have a question. Why in the world would TQ use a walker? Why not use a souped up wheelchair? I’m sure ABob would whip something up.
Abob?? That’s awesome!! Yeah, he totally could.
Btw, he’s also known as “Prince Adam from the Grove of Inver”… or he was til he moved to SSP.
aBob??
No, seriously aBob??
No, Kevi!! ABob!
Capitalization makes all the difference!!! Just ask a banker.
As in “A-Bob-A-Ree-Bob”?
This comment thread is so dorky.
You’re dorky
Didn’t the RM say no name calling?
Kevi: I know you are, but what am I??
Sorry. I couldn’t help myself!!
BTW Kevin, don’t you have a meme to post??
Slacker.
Well you heard about that writer’s strike right??? Well my writing staff in on strike.
I had tasked them to do it, but obviously no. Only thing I care to write is snarky bwetching about immigration.