I need a new sport



Carp, it’s that time of year again. Football is almost over and I need to find something else to do with my Sunday afternoons. Unfortunately, the local basketball squads (college and pro) are unwatchable and the hockey team is always playing late on the West Coast – and none of these are usually on on Sundays anyway.



Maybe I don’t have to watch anything; I can get outside and do stuff. Winter in Minnesota — there’s got to be something I can do.



Ice-fishing?







Yeah, that looks real exciting, and I told that guy not to put his tongue on the ice. (Photo by Jim Gehrz, StarTribune)




Oh — how about cross-country skiing?







Wee, doggies that looks like a lot of fun. Actually, it looks like a lot of work. Pass.




Maybe I could go back to Broomball. Slippery, hard surfaces and people flailing around with clubs in their hands. I don’t remember why I ever quit this game.







Oh, yeah. Now I remember.




Hey, maybe I can take up snowboarding. The Mall Diva has been wanting to try that. Why not?







Oh, that’s right, I’m old enough to know better.




You know, I really don’t like winter all that much anyway. Give me sunshine and warm breezes, or at least the chance to see these on TV. Oh yeah, I know what I want to watch:







Wake me up in May.

8 thoughts on “I need a new sport

  1. Heh, good one. But if you’re waiting for sun and warm breezes, don’t you mean that 4-day stretch in July we usually get?

  2. Heh, I’d like to point out that in the span of 5 years playing broomball I have only sustained one major concussion (I don’t count the minor ones), and I was back playing again after a month.

    And ice fishing…you’re mostly out there to drink beer, talk stupid and hide from the women-folk.

    Cross-country skiing….ok yeah, that’s stupid.

    Snowboarding…just two rules

    1) Don’t hit a tree

    2) Board-side down

  3. You know, the Wisconsin Badgers have a heck of a basketball team this season. Maybe time to finally look eastward for new sports teams that are not only watchable, but winners.

  4. Ummmm…Competitive Flatus anyone?

    Grab a beer, a pot of beans, and a head of cabbage and your ready to let ’em rip. Scoring categories include tone, depth, texture, duration, and the ability to call the color of the cloud and actually produce it. Anybody who can make the dog puke is an automatic winner.

    Kind of tough to play online though….

  5. As a dude and instructor (see my labor of love at http://www.graysontrays.com), I’d say that there are just a few things to keep in mind about the sport:

    1. Like Kevin said, don’t hit a tree. (This applies also to skiing, tobogganing, driving your car, etc.)

    2. Take a lesson or two; “I’ll just follow you down the hill” is a prescription for, well, a prescription for painkillers, or at least a bottle of Advil. Friends don’t let friends teach them snowboarding. (OK, there are rare exceptions; I just taught a relative.)

    3. As with skiing, anyone can go downhill; the question is: can you stop once you get there? (See point 1).

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