“Hey, Da-ad, you got tagged!” quoth the Mall Diva last night from her perch in front of the computer.
I didn’t remember being hit with a tranquilizer dart, and I wasn’t wearing a radio collar, so I deduced she meant I’d been memed. “Who got me?” I asked, as my mind pondered the list of usual suspects (was it Keyser Soze?) and what revealing information I’d have to cough up.
Oh! One of our faves. “Katie? Katie even knows I exist?”
“Apparently. What sitcom character do you wish you were?”
What in the name of Charles-Burrows-Charles? With the Mall Diva around, my life is more like a reality show. Hmmm, this was going to call for a trip in the Way-Back Machine, since I don’t know any of the current batch of sitcoms, and “recent” to me means Friends, which I never saw an entire episode of from start to finish, and Seinfeld which I only saw a handful of shows. Not much to go on there, so go back to the Golden Age of pre-cable television; back to Barney Miller, Cheers, Wings, M*A*S*H, Taxi and All in the Family.
Cliff or Normie? No, too close to real life.
Mork? Nanu, nanu, but no. With the red suit someone might think I was an out-of-season St. Paul Vulcan and arrest me. Also, way too much energy expenditure.
Basil Fawlty? Ah, good one — but nothing ever turned out well for him.
How about Rob Petrie: he’s a writer and has a really hot wife. Nah, that’s too close to real life as well. Same for Cliff Huxtable, and I’ve got that wise dad thing all covered, too.
Oh, I know: Thomas Magnum! He got to drive a Ferrari that someone else paid the insurance on, lived in Hawaii and had buns of steel (as opposed to my buns of double-ought lead buckshot) and was the only person in the world who didn’t look ridiculous in a Hawaiian shirt. Wait; not a sitcom.
I’ve got it! I want to be Bob Newhart!
It doesn’t matter which of his shows, since he was always Bob Newhart. I just love that guy’s sense of humor and deadpan, it’s-what-is-not-said-that’s-so-funny delivery. He was also always kind of like a cork that stayed on top of the waves no matter what, and he was at the center of my all-time, laugh-until-you-cry-and-fall-off-the-couch-out-of-breath funniest scene that I ever saw on television. That came at the end of the last episode of Newhart (the series where Bob owned a New England inn) where Bob goes to bed with his “wife” Mary Frann and wakes up in bed on the set of the old Bob Newhart Show with Suzanne Pleshette: the whole Newhart series was just a dream! Absolutely inspired!
Plus, Bob was always just an average-looking guy with a hot wife. I’m not giving that up!
The rules of the meme are that I get to tag three others, so I tag Surly Dave (and Iron Chef is not a sitcom), Cathy in the Wright, and Jeff at Peace Like a River (and no, you can’t be Jack Bauer because that show isn’t a sitcom, it’s science fiction).
Jeff offers his answer in the comments below.
Surly Dave wishes he were an illegal alien here.
Cathy in the Wright has completed her assignment. I almost said finally completed her assignment, but then her nose started to twitch so I backed off.