Sorry To Disillusion You….

by Tiger Lilly

From WikiAnswers:

Q: Which occurs more, cow attack or shark attacks?

A: Cow attacks. But this doesn’t mean that cows are more dangerous than sharks, there are just more of them.
Being attacked by a shark is much more dangerous than being attacked by a cow. However, the probability of the average man in the street actually being attacked by a shark is much lower than the probability of his being attacked by a shark. [sic]

First of all, why is there even a probability of being attacked by a shark ‘on the street’? Do you ever hear someone say, “Man, what a day I’ve had! I was walking home, minding my own business, when out of the blue this shark tackled me!” No. No, you don’t.

This has told me that the public still has yet to grasp the dangers posed by ninja cows. Cows are definitely more dangerous than sharks. The answerer had no idea that cows were more dangerous than sharks. That proves that they are. They’re ninjas!

Lock your doors. Board up your windows. Camp out on the roof with a Barret .50 M82A1 (and some A1 sauce, while you’re at it). Quarantine anyone who may have come in contact with a ninja cow (in case of mad cow disease).

Maybe get yourself one (or ten) of these:

Birthday Machetes 081

This is a national emergency!!!

difference 535

Are you ready? I know I am.

Ciao for now, my brother- and sisters- in-arms!

6 thoughts on “Sorry To Disillusion You….

  1. Pingback: Sorry To Disillusion You…. | thenightwriterblog.com | Health News

  2. Hmmm. Go to YouTube and search “Land Shark” or “Saturday Night Live Land Shark”. I’ll bet there’ll be a clip or two, although from well before your time, TL.

    That said, I’m sure the public’s awareness is affected by marketing and media. After all, the Discovery Channel doesn’t promote “Cow Week”, and we don’t talk about a TV show or celebrity who “jumps the cow” (check Wikipedia for the meaning of “jump the shark”). We haven’t had a blockbuster movie about an Iowa tourist attraction terrorized by a Great White Cow (“Farming accident? This was no farming accident!” or “We’re going to need a bigger tractor.”)

    This has led to a dangerous lack of alarm. Think of it, you go to a beach and yell, “Shark!” and everyone screams and runs. Go to a big field and yell “Cow!” and everyone is, like, “Cool. Angus or Jersey?”) Then, *CHOMP*, “Aaaiggh!” Ignorance is death.

    Smiling cow

    Sure, they might look innocent, but don’t trust them.

  3. For reference, the 1911 Colt pistol was approved in part for its ability to drop a young bovine with one shot, and it’s much easier to carry than the Browning. :^)

  4. Just as nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, neither does one expect a buffalo attach either. I happen to personally know someone who was charged by a buffalo, and lived to tell. I’m not sure it was a real attack, or if the buffalo just couldn’t resist the scent of garlic permeating from his body.

    Remember that day Gino?

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