I sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at the gun in my right hand. It was black, with a dull gleam, a scent of oil and cordite. It wasn’t beautiful, it wasn’t ugly, it didn’t look like anything other than what it was…functional — and with a very specific function.
“My God,” I thought, “what have I done?”
As an adult I didn’t have a strong desire to own a handgun, but also didn’t think there was anything wrong with doing so. On more than few occasions I thought of getting one just because I’d always enjoyed target-shooting, but there were always more necessary things, like a new set of tires or kids’ tuitions, taking precedence. Just knowing I had a right to own a gun and the capability of buying one if I wanted to was enough for me. While I don’t live a particularly dangerous life or in a particularly risky neighborhood, there have been unexpected times where having a gun handy would have been a comfort, such as the time when my 8 1/2 months pregnant and home alone wife had to ponder the defensive potential of a very fat cat heaved at the head of what she thought might be someone breaking into the house, or when I took a baseball bat to investigate a possible intruder in my garage, and especially the time when we took in a woman and her children who were hiding out from an allegedly violent husband. Those are times when you realize the reality behind the somewhat humorous maxim, “When seconds count, the police are just minutes away.”
As the November election approached last year I started to think that something I’d long taken for granted wasn’t necessarily as accessible as I thought. Apparently a few million other people had the same thought as just the potential of more restrictive gun control in fact achieved a form of that control: the increased demand effectively drove costs up and availability down as gun shows and gun dealers were swamped with those eager to buy while they could. As much as I hate crowds and lemming-like reactions I ultimately decided that owning a gun even if I never needed it was better than needing a gun and never having one.
Before doing so, however, I did a lot of research. Not just on what type of gun made the most sense for our potential need, but also on the hurdles to buying a gun and the ramifications of actually using one in self-defense. The very sobering realization is that you have to be prepared to essentially ruin your life in order to save it. Even when using a gun to defend yourself or someone else from death or great bodily harm, the public reaction, legal hassles and likely civil, if not criminal, trial means a prolonged, expensive and likely life-changing ordeal. Rather than making you “tough” or someone who “doesn’t have to take crap from anyone”, owning and then discharging a gun defensively (let’s not even talk “offensively”) in anything but the gravest extreme is a “loaded” transaction. (I highly recommend Massad Ayoob’s very readable “In the Gravest Extreme: The Role of the Firearm in Personal Protection” if you want a quick and clear understanding of what is at stake, pro and con.)
Having long ago made the decision that I would give my life to preserve the ones near and dear to me, I now had to decide if I could take the life of someone who threatened them, and if I wanted my family to have the opportunity to make the same choice. Even having reached that decision, it was still a sobering moment when I returned from the range after practicing with the new gun and sat on the edge of that bed to clean the weapon. Holding something like in your hand is a big step away from theory and into reality.
The first priority was for home defense. For a variety of pretty obvious reasons, rifles are not ideal for the close confines of a home setting if the desperate need arises. Shotguns are effective and often advocated for home defense, but are also unwieldy indoors and can be as intimidating for the user as they are for the target. I wanted something that not only I could use effectively under duress, but something my wife or daughters could also control. I considered several options, researched these and talked to other people and ultimately settled on a specific handgun that an intruder would find both initially discouraging and ultimately devastating if it came to that. It’s a gun that gives you the option of firing either .410 shotgun shells or .45 caliber Colts, weighs less than 2 pounds. I’ve had a couple of sessions with my wife and the girls and also Ben (since Ben and Faith will be living with us for awhile after they get married) so that everyone in the household knows how to load and fire the gun and is familiar with the sound and the kick. And I truly hope they never have to use it.
For now, the decision has been made in terms of home defense only. I’ll probably take a Conceal & Carry class if only to have the training and certification, but I don’t know that I’ll often — if ever — carry. If I do go that route I’ll need an additional gun since, obviously, if we have one handgun and I’m carrying it, it means that both I and the gun are not in the house in case there’s trouble.
I’m fully aware that there are a lot of arguments for and against owning a gun. Anyone going down this path owes it to themselves, their families and their neighbors to consider this carefully and thoroughly. Of some use in this is an excellent essay that EckerNet linked to a little while back entitled “Is CCW the Right Choice for Me?” The author went through a lot of the same thought processes that I did, and had some great observations and arguments that do an excellent job of summing up my own feelings, including:
It is I think, because this decision is so uncomfortable for most that firearms receive a special stigma. No one thinks that by wearing a seatbelt drivers will go out and look for accidents to get into, nor do they think that by owning a fire extinguisher that people will brazenly allow their children to play with matches, and rarely does anyone accuse martial arts classes of creating groups of felons who will go out and beat up on everyone they see. Yet those thoughts are directly analogous to the concerns many people voice concerning civilians carrying guns, despite the fact that they are all simply precautionary measures we take simply for our own safety.
In addition to this link, Kevin at the EckerNet is running a series of posts this week looking at the various gun bills currently being considered in Congress. These deliberations will have a demonstrable effect on whether those people who have rushed to buy guns since November are foolish…or prescient.
As for myself, I think the author of the CCW piece I linked earlier again sums it up very well:
The evidence has shown me that firearms in the hands of good people do far more good than harm. Good people, able to defend themselves and others, are ultimately a benefit to all. While this is not a decision I feel everyone should make, I am glad it is one which is available to me, and I shall exercise it with care.
