The Reverend Mother (RM), Mall Diva (MD) and Tiger Lilly (TL) are live-blogging another out-for-coffee expedition.

In the car:
MD: You’re cute, Patience.
TL: Thanks, you’re cute, too.
RM gazes at her daughter in the rear view mirror (menacingly, according to TL)
TL: Oh, okay, mom, you’re cute, too.
RM: Thanks.

At Panera in Eagan:
MD: Is it yummy?
RM nods.
RM: What’s in that bag?
MD: That pineapple thing.
MD: I love lemon poppyseed bundt cake. I hope I don’t have a drug test this afternoon.
RM: The bump, I mean bundt, cake isn’t as good as the pumpkin muffie.
RM: That guy behind you is on his laptop while his wife knits.
MD: Yep, that’ll be me and my husband someday.
RM: He’ll be knitting?
MD: Totally! I can’t knit.
TL: Argh! I’m having thumb cramps again! I almost killed a man with this thumb!
RM: You have crumbs all over you. You’re crummy!
TL: Thanks, mom.
RM: I woke up in a bad mood this morning…
TL: You woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
RM: No, I woke up on the right side of the bed.
MD: Nuh-uh! You woke up on the left side of the bed!
TL: So what happened when you got up on the wrong side of the bed?
RM: That’s what I need you guys to help me remember. What do you think I had you for?
TL: I don’t know! I was under the impression that you didn’t want us! …So, are you out of your bad mood yet?
RM: He** no, leave me alone!
MD & TL: *Gaaaasp!!!!*
MD: I need another cup of coffee.
RM: I need another pair of blue jeans.
TL: I need a video camera.
RM: I don’t think a video camera is a need.
TL: Yeah it is!
RM: It’s a luxury.
MD: My need is the most easily fulfilled.
RM: Coffee?
MD nods
TL: Not after I break your cup.
MD: That would be stupid.
TL: I think a scar in the eyebrow is the most dashing kind of scar.
RM: Where did that word “dashing” come from? It must be ‘cuz they dash about town.

The conversation deteriorates to ladies’ men and hunter-gatherers and how they differ…

MD goes to get more coffee. When she comes back RM and TL are giggling uncontrollably.

MD: What are you laughing at? I don’t trust you.
RM reading what had been written.
RM: This is so dumb!
RM: You know, I don’t feel like Christmas shopping this year, you guys.
MD: So? It doesn’t matter how you feel!
TL: Coal for you, Faith!
RM: Yeah…that coal is starting to look better and better!
MD: Noooo!
TL: Well, you get enough of it and you can make diamonds! Take a 10,000 lb weight and crush the coal with it!
RM: No, I don’t think that’s how diamonds are made. I think they just made that up because of a lack of information. I believe that God made all the diamonds and put them where they are.
TL: In rings?
RM: No!! In the ground!
RM is looking at a hair that was stuck to TL.
RM: Where did this come from? Its not one of yours! It’s black!
TL: Don’t you remember when MD dyed my hair black?
RM: Well, when was that? It has to have been 2 years, it’s all grown out.
MD: Yup, it was when I was in beauty school. ’05. Two years.
TL: Wow. Faith is gettin’ old.
RM: Yeah! She’s going to be 20!
TL looks horrified.
TL: She’s going to have wrinkles!
TL: So how’s that bad mood coming along?
RM: What?
TL: That bad mood.
RM gazes into the middle distance.
MD: I wanted to tell you something. This won’t be interesting to people.
[…..
…..
…..]

RM laughs

[Crashing sound in the kitchen.]

TL: That wasn’t very much of a crash. That was more of a clang.
MD: A crash is more like something broke.
TL: Like if I dropped your cup. I have this vendetta aginst your coffee cup, I don’t know why.
MD: Maybe my cup has a vendetta against you. You better watch your butt, man.
TL: Dude! There is no way a guy can watch his own butt.
(What movie is that from?)

RM: So, what do you want for Christmas?
MD: Shoes! And purses! And diamonds are a girl’s best friend!!!
RM: Tell me things that are less than 30 dollars.
Silence ensues.

END

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