Mitch mentioned today that Captain Ed has been learning to speak Gaelic. I’d like to try that sometime as well. It would be handy if I ever do move to Scotland. Besides that, it would give me new and interesting ways to curse Nick Coleman, perhaps even in a way he’d understand.

Of course, if all you’re interested in is cursing, the Internet was invented just for you. Go to The Curse Engine (An tInneal Mallachtaí) to find a handy tool that lets you create your own colorful curses in Gaelic, complete with a Gaelic/English translation and a handy pronunciation guide. You choose an option from three different columns, click on the “Mallacht” button, and then “Lay on, MacDuff.”

For example:

Gaelic: Go dtachta na péisteoga do thóin bheagmhaitheasach. (guh DAHKH-tuh nuh PAYSH-choh-guh duh HOH-ihn VYUG-wah-huh-suhkh.)
English: May the worms choke your worthless butt.

Gaelic: Go stróice cúnna ifrinn do chuid fo-éadaigh. (guh STROH-kyuh KOO-nuh IHF-rin duh khwihj FO-AY-dee).
English: May the hounds of Hell tear your underwear.

Gaelic: Go gcreime na gráinneoga cealgrúnacha do dhiosca crua.(guh GREH-muh nuh GRAWN-yoh-guh KYA-luhg-roo-nuh-khuh duh)
English: May the malevolent hedgehogs gnaw at your hard disk.

Gaelic: Go salaí an Cat Mara do chuid calóga arbhair. (guh SAH-lee uhn KAHT MAH-ruh duh khwihj KAH-lo-guh AH-ruh-wir).
English: May the Sea Cat soil your cornflakes.

Gaelic: Go n-aora scata Fomhórach ólta do chuid gruaige. (guh NEE-ruh SKAH-tuh FO-wohr-ukh OLE-tuh duh khwihj GROO-ihg-yuh.)
English: May a pack of drunken Fomorians satirize your hair.

I know you’re just dying to try it yourself, so I won’t delay you further. I did find it interesting, however, that the Gaelic word you click on to process the curse is “mallacht“. It reminds me of the Shakespearean word “mallecho”, which means “mischief”. It seems rather appropriate, that.

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